


I've Seen More Spine In Jellyfish

by edsheeran



Series: ISMSIJ series [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, and they make stupid decisions, but there's fluff all around, but you'll have to read to find out, everyone has secrets and issues, i mean why not right, so there comes the angst, there could possibly be a liam/zayn/niall threesome going on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-04-09
Packaged: 2018-01-15 18:03:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 111,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1314091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edsheeran/pseuds/edsheeran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry lives his life in fear and misses a lot of opportunities, Louis comes to America in hopes of getting his life together, Liam is trying to get through college, Zayn lives for the moment and anything goes, and Niall tends to self sacrifice. With a mix of friendship, secrets, fears, and heartbreak comes what is meant to be the best years, or otherwise known as the four years spent in college and then some.</p><p>(this story is set up like a TV show, so every chapter is an episode and there are 5 seasons)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1x01: Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> All of the boys are about 18-19 at the beginning of the story.The story takes place in America and it will cover the span of five years, so yes, I will jump around a lot. Think of each chapter as an episode of a TV show and you should be good (To limit confusion, I will always start off the chapter with a month and a year, so you know where exactly the chapter is taking place).  
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction meaning nothing in it actually happened in regards to the real people mentioned. I am in no way obligated to write this and I am not making any profits from it. I am not affiliated with anyone mentioned in this story. I do not own the people or their names. No libel intended.
> 
> p.s. No offense to the peeps from Idaho.

**AUGUST 2012**

There is something exciting about going to college.

Maybe that something is being in a new place surrounded by thirty-thousand new people. Maybe it’s having a reason to spend the majority of the week in the middle of the city. Maybe it’s being able to show some independence and have some standing in the real world. Maybe it’s because in four years, there will finally be an answer to the grand question: what the hell am I doing with my life?

Or maybe it’s just the fact that having to wake up at six in the morning to make it to homeroom on time is no longer a requirement and that not one class starts before ten.

The first two days go uneventful for Harry. He is proud to say that he has not gotten lost on campus once thus far and he pretty much has a good feel for main campus (which is a lot to say considering this college campus is not your typical college campus with it being in the middle of the city and all.) And now Harry is walking up many flights up stairs to get to his Pre-Calculus class which is located on the fourth floor of Coyle Hall.

Right when Harry gets the correct floor, the song on his iPod changes to “Just Watch The Fireworks” by Jimmy Eat World and he smiles to himself because it is one of his favorite songs. As he walks down the hallway, he notices about ten people either sitting or standing along the hallway and Harry automatically knows the professor isn’t here yet which means the door is locked. This is his earliest class of the week and thankfully it only takes place once throughout the five days. He stands next to someone who is sitting with their legs crossed and with computer on his lap. He looks up with clear blue eyes at Harry and smiles before going back to his laptop.

Harry debates momentarily if he should slide down to the ground and start up a conversation, but before he can come to a conclusion, the professor – an old man with white hair and a mustache – comes and unlocks the door. Everyone files in and Harry takes a seat in the front row because even with his contacts, he’s still blind. The guy who smiled at him sits directly behind him and Harry can’t settle in his seat the entire fifty minutes of the class.

The professor dismisses the class when the clock is at 10:50 and Harry figures this man is never going to let them out early ever, but he can deal with it. He shoves his notebook in his book bag and when he stands up, his pencil does a somersault off of his desk and lands on the floor, rolling away from him. Before he can register what just happened, smiling guy (what else is Harry supposed to call him?) leans down and picks it up.

“Dropped this,” he says, holding the pencil out to Harry (who is too busy swooning at his accent to register what he actually said). The guy raises his brow when Harry doesn’t take the pencil right away. “You alright there, mate?”

 _Mate_ , Harry repeats to himself, enjoying it much more than he should. “Uh yeah.” He takes the pencil, throwing it in his book bag. “Thanks.”

“No big deal.” The guy zips up his green book bag and swings it over his shoulder. “I’m Louis by the way.”

“Harry.”

“Is that short for Harold?”

He chuckles. “No, it’s just Harry.”

Louis nods. “Alright then.” He steps around the desks and Harry is right next to him. “When’s your next class?”

“2:30,” Harry answers proudly. It’s his English class that he has on Monday’s and Wednesday’s and he will be smug about not having to wake up early on Monday mornings ever again. “How about you?”

“Midday.”

Harry wants to ask Louis where he’s from. Obviously, he’s from England, but where in England? How long has he been in America? Why is he in America? Why out of all people, he decided to talk to Harry? He wants to ask all of these questions, but he doesn’t want to seem annoying or nosy, so Harry keeps his mouth shut.

“So Harold, tell me, what do you plan on doing these three and a half hours?” Louis asks as they walk down the stairs.

“Uh . . .” Harry bites his lip, not sure how to answer the question without sounding like a complete loser. Starting next week, he’ll be spending this break in the Math Lab (because it’s required for the class and he won’t be able to fit in the three hours anytime else in the week), but for this first week, he’s not doing anything. And there’s the fact that Louis just called him Harold.

The feathered hair boy smiles at him. “Don’t have to be nervous about it, mate. It’s just a question.”

 _He called me mate again._ Harry silences his thoughts and replies. “I don’t actually have any plans to be honest. I didn’t really think my day through.”

“Ah,” he nods. They walk out of the building and into the courtyard where everyone can easily find entrance to all of the main buildings of the university. Louis rounds the corner and sits on an edge of the fountain and motions for Harry to sit next to him. There are people everywhere, moving from one building to another and it’s not all that crowded, but it still feels like a lot of people.

Harry links his fingers together and places his hands on his lap. “So, you’re just going to sit with a complete stranger? I mean, it’s obvious that you’re not from around here, but this is downtown Atlanta. Lots of crazy shit happens here and for all you know, I could be a serial killer.” He closes his mouth shut after that spiel because he didn’t mean to say all of that happen, but he opened his mouth and it just came out before he could stop himself.

“I may not be from here, young Harold, but I assure that I’ve seen my fair share of crazy shit.” Louis grins. “And I highly doubt you are a mass murderer. Just look at you! You look like you’d spend your afternoons volunteering to make sick children smile.”

Harry smiles at that. “Well, okay, fine, I’m not a murderer, but I don’t spend my afternoons cheering up sick children either.”

“Then tell me, what is it that you do?”

“Absolutely nothing. I’m sorry to inform you that you are talking to one of the most boring people on this entire planet,” Harry admits.

Louis laughs and Harry is easily captivated from the sound. “That can’t be true.”

“It really is.”

“What do you do for fun?”

Harry shrugs. “I don’t have fun?” His answer comes out as a question and he really doesn’t know why. He really doesn’t do much of anything and that’s just how it is for him.

“I don’t believe that for a second,” the British native states.

“But it’s the truth,” Harry retorts. “You really have chosen the worst person to have fun with in the entire state of Georgia. How’d you end up here anyways?” Maybe changing the subject will make Harry feel a little less like a loser. He wishes he had a list of adventures he went on throughout high school with an awesome group of friends, but he doesn’t. All he has are moments he wishes would disappear forever.

Louis bites the inside of his cheek as he contemplates how much of his story he should tell. He decides that there’s no point in telling the long, drawn out story considering he just met Harry and doesn’t want to drop a load on him. “Well, I always wanted to come to the States and I saw a flyer on a bulletin board on campus, went to the office, filled out some paperwork, renewed my passport, got a student visa and viola, here I am.”

“But why Georgia of all places?” Harry asks. “There are far cooler states like New York or California or Florida.”

“Ah,” he nods, “I forgot to mention that I applied the day the applications were due and didn’t have many choices. It was either Georgia or Idaho and who the hell wants to go to Idaho?”

Harry chuckles. “That is a very good question. I have no desire to go to Idaho and I don’t think I ever will.”

“That makes two of us, mate.” Before Harry’s inner self can swoon, Louis glances at the time on his phone. “Oh shit, I better go if I don’t want to be late for class.” He slides his phone back into the front pocket of his jeans. “I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah,” Harry nods. “Around. Later. Um . . . yeah.”

Louis smiles before he stands up and makes his way to Huntley Hall which is right next to the building they came out of.

**

At the end of the day, Harry is standing outside the pedestrian entrance of the parking deck. His thoughts are consumed with Louis simply because he has never met anyone like him before. It’s weird to think of how Louis just started talking to Harry. Then again, Louis is obviously new here and is probably just trying to adjust to being in a different country and is just being nice. Maybe Louis just wants a friend.

Harry is more than willing to be that friend.

“You do know you are blocking the entrance, right?”

Harry snaps out of his thoughts and begins to apologize immediately as he steps away only to realize that now that he has moved, he is actually in the way of the door. He glares at his friend. “You are not funny.”

Liam shrugs. “Most people think I’m hilarious.”

“Well, most people are wrong.” He shoves Liam’s shoulder. “What took you so long anyways?”

“I had some things to take care of,” Liam answers simply.

“Sure you did.”

“Hey, watch that tone of voice unless you want me to drive away and leave you stranded on campus,” Liam threatens.

Harry gasps. “You wouldn’t!”

“I would. Now,” he says as he pulls Harry into the parking deck. “Let’s get out of here. I am starving.”

Almost an hour later, after driving through horrid Atlanta traffic and stopping at their local McDonald’s, Liam pulls up on Harry’s driveway. “Thanks for the ride,” Harry says as he unbuckles his seatbelt and turns to get out of the car.

“We’re carpool buddies, no need to thank me.”

Harry shakes his head. “More like you drive every day and I don’t. I don’t think that constitutes us as carpool buddies.” He hopes his voice isn’t as frustrated as he really is. He has a driver’s license and it’s not like he barely passed when he took the driving test, but there’s this fear inside of him that prevents him from driving and he hates it.

“Harry, you are going to have to claim me someday,” Liam says with a light tone. “And besides, we will have a new buddy joining us tomorrow.”

“Permanently or just for tomorrow?” Harry asks, glad for the change in subject.

“Just for tomorrow. He doesn’t actually go to State.”

“Then why is he coming with us?”

“Because he’s my best friend.”

Harry clutches his chest. “Ouch. Way to make it hurt, Payne. You don’t have to live up to your name, you know.”

Liam rolls his eyes. “Oh, shut up. He was my best friend from my old school before I moved.”

“And you said I didn’t want to claim you. Seems to be the opposite here,” Harry grins as he picks up his book bag from the space by his feet. “See you tomorrow?”

“Get out of my car, Styles.” He gives Harry a flat look before shaking his head.

“You’re just full of love today, aren’t you?” Harry chuckles as he opens the door and gets out. He waves Liam off and then heads inside his house.

“Harry?”

He peeks his head into the living room to find his mom sitting on the couch and watching the news. “Hey mom.”

“How was your day today?” she asks.

Harry nods. “Pretty good.”

“That’s good to hear.” She smiles.

“Well, I better get upstairs and order yet another super expensive book.”

His mom makes a face. “And when is that refund check coming?”

“Not soon enough,” Harry answers, then kicks off his shoes and goes upstairs to his room.

**

When Liam picks Harry up on Thursday morning, Harry goes straight towards the backseat, remembering how there is a third party intruder for the car ride.

“Harry,” Liam greets. “This is Zayn.”

A dark haired, tanned skinned, brown eyed guy turns from the passenger seat and gives Harry a smile. “Hey.”

“Hello.”

Zayn turns away from Harry and towards Liam. “He hates me.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Liam assures him.

Harry makes a face of confusion. Why does Zayn think he hates him after just one word? Nothing has happened for anyone to judge if anyone hates anyone. It doesn’t make sense. Harry doesn’t hate anyone (well, maybe one person), especially those he does not know. He is just really confused at the moment.

“But look at him, Li. He’s clearly uncomfortable.”

“No, he’s not.” Liam looks at Harry through the rearview mirror. “Are you uncomfortable, Harry?”

“No,” he answers. “Just confused, that’s all.” Liam and Zayn exchange a look for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. “Yeah, still confused back here.” The two friends keep laughing and Harry is getting a bit annoyed. He sits back in the seat, buckles his seat belt, and asks, “Can we get going before we’re late?”

It takes Liam about a minute to calm down. “Sorry. It’s just a stupid joke we had when we were younger.”

“Fine.”

“We’re all friends here, right?” Zayn asks.

“Possibly.”

“You don’t actually hate me, do you?”

“I might.”

“Harry,” Liam says his name like his mother does.

He covers his face with his hands. “I’m tired. Can we just go, please? And no, Zayn, I do not hate you. I’m sure we’ll all be friends in no time, but for now, I need a car ride nap.”

Nothing else is said to Harry, so he closes his eyes and rests his head back on the seat and crosses his arms over his chest. Liam shifts the car into reverse and backs out of the driveway while Zayn plugs his iPod into the stereo and plays some horrible rap song on the radio and Harry has to stop himself from groaning. Usually Liam lets Harry control the stereo whenever they are in the car together because Liam’s definition of music is turning on the radio and listening to the same ten songs that they play; Harry, on the other hand, has a wider and different music taste than the top forty.

Forty-five minutes later is when Liam finally finds a parking space in the student parking deck. Harry wakes up on his own accord when he feels the car still for longer than a minute. He is the first one out of the car and before grabbing his book bag, he stretches. Sitting in a cramped up car while trying to sleep is not easy on the joints or bones, but Harry needed some more sleep. He doesn’t know why, but he couldn’t stay asleep the night before.

“I don’t have class until eleven, so I can hang out with you until then,” Liam tells Zayn. “Harry, what time are you done today?”

“Around noon,” he answers.

Liam nods. “So, for about an hour and a half, we’re both going to have to ditch you to do to class.” He frowns. “Sorry about that.”

Zayn shrugs. “You haven’t changed a bit, Li. I know you guys have class and I’ll be fine on my own. It’s a big campus, I’m sure I’ll find something to do.”

Harry grabs his messenger bag and slings it over his shoulder. “Um, I guess I’ll see you at noon?”

“Yeah,” Zayn nods. “We’ll get properly acquainted then.”

“Sure.” Harry waves before heading towards the stairs to exit the parking deck. His class is in about twelve minutes, so he has just enough time to get there.

Thursdays are short days for Harry since he only has two classes this day, so he is not surprised that before he knows it, it is 12:10 and his professor is dismissing the class. As he is walking out of the building, someone grabs Harry’s arm and pulls him to the side and away from the crowd of people.

“What the . . . ?” Harry turns around and finds Zayn standing there with a smile on his face. Harry pulls his arm back. “What is wrong with you?”

“I was just trying to get your attention.”

“You could’ve just called my name,” Harry says, slightly annoyed.

“Like you would have heard me over your music,” Zayn retorts.

Harry pulls one ear bud out. He can already tell Zayn will be a handful and he is sure that he is not a bad person, but just a person who will take a lot of energy out of him. “So, what do you want to do for the next two hours until Liam gets out of class?”

“Let’s talk,” he answers simply.

They go to one of the two food courts and take a seat at one of the outdoor tables. Zayn asks a series of questions, first about Harry and then about Liam. Harry finds this odd because Zayn can very well ask these questions to Liam himself, but Harry guesses Zayn doesn’t want to seem too intruding.

From Zayn’s input after Harry answers some questions, Harry finds out that Zayn and Liam met in the second grade when they both went to school with the same superhero lunch box. They instantly clicked and for the next eight years, they were the best of friends; however, Liam had to move after his father got a job promotion and they drifted apart. They still kept in touch, but it wasn’t the same as seeing each other almost every day. While Zayn tells him this, Harry sincerely hopes that Zayn does not think that Liam replaced him with Harry because he didn’t.

“So,” Harry continues on with another story about Liam, “you know how in movies when a guy is trying to ask someone to a dance and every girl comes up with an excuse like they have an ill relative or have to wash their hair or already have a date or some bullshit?”

Zayn nods. “Yup.”

“Well, it’s not only in the movies,” Harry informs him. “Liam was just trying to find a date and got turned down by every girl he asked. He eventually gave up.”

“That sucks. Girls can be cruel. I mean, I’ve known Liam for a long time and he honestly is one of the best people I know,” Zayn responds fondly.

“Actually, these girls were the kind ones,” Harry says. “I rather not recall the ones who were rude.”

“Understandable. So did Liam end up going alone to prom?” Zayn asks.

Harry shakes his head. “Nope, even worse.”

“How could it be worse?”

“He ended up going with me, not that he would dance with me or anything. He didn’t even get me flowers or buy me di—”

Harry is in the middle of answering how much of a disaster Liam and his senior prom went when someone runs their hand through his hair and tugs at the curls. He immediately turns his head, thinking it is Liam and is ready to scold him, but it’s not Liam who he sees. Harry wants to say something, but before he can even think to say hello, Louis is walking away.

“Who was that?” Zayn asks.

“Uh, a classmate.”

“Classmate, huh?”

Harry nods. “Yeah.”

“Then why are you smiling so big?”

 _Good question, Zayn, good question_ , Harry thinks to himself.

 

 


	2. 1x02: Carried Away

**OCTOBER 2012**

There is just something wonderful about the Fall.

            Maybe it’s the air getting cooler and the leaves changing colors and that fact that the holiday season is just around the corner. Maybe it is because shorts and t-shirts are put away while coats and scarves and hats slowly make their way out. Maybe it’s how everything changes right before everyone’s eyes and it is amazing to wake up one day and just know that the season has changed.

            Or maybe it’s just the fact that it is football season which means for every Sunday starting in August all the way to the first weekend in February, you are tuned it to watch the game on TV (unless you are so lucky to score tickets and head to the field).

            The one thing Harry hates about being a commuter – other than dealing with stupid traffic – is not being able to attend any of the home games because it is impossible for him to get to The Dome on Saturday’s. His college’s football team is not the best, but they’re not the worst either. Harry usually resorts to turning on the crappy, low-quality radio station owned by the college and listens to the game. The team has had its moments and Harry wishes he were able to see it live at least once this season.

**

            Uncertain. That is what Harry is as he is crossing the road to the part of campus that he has yet to step foot in. He knows it’s been there, but he never had the need to walk this way. It’s a bit strange because Harry is not used to walking this way and he feels like everyone who is around him instantly knows he does not belong on this side of campus. Then again, Harry is probably just being silly and really, there is no way of knowing if a student is a commuter or not, so he needs to stop thinking so much.

            When he arrives at one of the four of the university’s residence halls, Harry sends a quick text.

**_From: Harry_ **

_I’m here._

**_From: Louis_ **

_Liar._

**_From: Harry_ **

_How am I a liar?:/_

**_From: Louis_ **

_You are not standing outside of my door._

**_From: Harry_ **

_That is because I am standing outside of your building, darling x_

**_From: Louis_ **

_Then come on up to room 717, love xx_

            Harry snorts after reading Louis’ text. They have only known each other for a couple of months now, but they fell into a friendship with ease. Harry doesn’t quite understand how he clicked so easily with Louis, but he rather not question it (just like he is not questioning the random terms of endearment they throw at each other occasionally). He can honestly admit he enjoys talking to him and hanging out for a bit after their math class every Wednesday. It’s nice to say he has made at least one new friend in college and there has to be bonus points since Louis is British and all.

            He enters the building and when the person at the front desk looks at him, Harry gives her a smile and walks past her to get to the elevators. He feels like he is doing something wrong, like he should show some sort of I.D. or something to prove that he goes to this college and is not some random guy about to set the place on fire. There has to be some guest policy, right?

            Harry ponders this question as the elevator goes up to the seventh floor, but it vanishes the moment he gets off and tries to find the correct room. He ends up turning left instead of right which leads him to the wrong place. With a sigh, Harry turns around and walks the other way until he is in front of room 717.

            He knocks and Louis immediately opens the door. “Harold!” he exclaims. “Glad you could make it.” Louis opens the door wide and lets him in.

            He smiles. “No problem?”

            Louis shakes his head. “Oh, whatever will I do with you?” He grabs Harry’s arm and pulls him farther into the room. “Come along now. I have someone I want you to meet.” Before Harry can get anything out, Louis plops him in front of a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who is sitting on his bed with an acoustic guitar on his lap. “Harry, this is Niall, my roommate and fellow international student, but not from England, but Ireland.”

            “Hello,” Harry greets him, feeling a bit awkward.

            Niall chuckles at the sight in front of him. He knew Louis was a weird one from the moment he met him and had lots of antics, but he didn’t expect them to involve anyone like Harry. “ ‘ello,” he smiles.

            Harry stands there in the space between the two twin-sized beds and bites the inside of his cheek. He hopes he doesn’t look as awkward as he feels. He has never been good at meeting new people (Louis is an exception, remember that) because he gets really nervous and gets really quiet.

            Louis rummages through his desk until he finds what he is looking for. “Here you go,” he hands the history textbook to Harry. “This here is in pristine condition and I expect it to come back to me looking exactly the same, alright?” he jokes.

            “I shall try my very best,” Harry responds.

            “Good,” he smiles at him, and Harry doesn’t feel so awkward anymore. “Now tell me, young Harold, what plans do you have on this wonderful Autumn afternoon?”

            Harry glances at his watch. “Well, in the next few minutes, I get to walk to the student parking deck to meet Liam and we get to hopefully avoid traffic on our way home. And then,” he pauses for dramatic effect, “I’m going to take a nap.”

            “That hardly sounds exciting.”

            “Yes, because that definitely was not what you were doing before Harry got here,” Niall interjects.

            Louis gasps. “I’m still getting over my jetlag!” he defends.

            “Right, because in the eight weeks you’ve been in the states, you still haven’t adjusted the what, five hour time difference, right?” Niall retorts.

            Harry chuckles. “He has a point.”

            Louis gasps again and crosses his arms over his chest. “I bring you here and you turn on me?” He asks, appalled. “You join forces with my roommate and do this? I think it’s best if you leave, Harold.”

            Niall puts down his guitar over his pillow. “Don’t freak out, Harry. Louis tries to get rid of me at least twice a day.”

            “Way to ruin the fun, Nialler.”

            He sticks his tongue out at Louis. “You’re not fun.”

            “I am, too. Just ask Harry.” Louis turns to Harry and smiles. “I’m fun, am I not?”

            “You are,” Harry nods. “But as fun as this is, I better get going, so I don’t keep Liam waiting.” He holds up the book. “Thanks for this. My stupid professor had us buy the wrong book and the bookstore is all out of this one.”

            Louis shrugs. “My pleasure.”

            Harry is about to leave, but he stops himself. This is totally ridiculous for him to ask, but it’s rare for it to take place on a Friday and he really wants to go, and it might just actually work out. He bites the inside of his cheek before he gets enough fortitude to ask, “Do you want to go the football game with me on Friday?”

            “Hmm . . .” Louis tilts his head to the side and thinks about it shortly. He has been wanting to see the field and it’s not like he has plans to do anything. “Yes.”

            “Oh, um, okay, cool,” Harry stumbles out. “I’ll uh, I’ll text you.”

            “Wonderful,” he smiles. “Now go on before your driver leaves you.”

            “Liam isn’t my driver,” Harry corrects.

            “But he drives you places.”

            “Only to campus.”

            “Which is driving you places.”

            “I help pay for gas.”

            Niall snorts. “That sounds like you got a driver, mate.”

            Harry gasps. “I thought you were on my side!”

            “Louis has definitely rubbed off on you.”

            Harry smiles because, yes, Louis has rubbed off on him a bit and he does not mind at all. If in the future, there is actually rubbing involved, Harry will be a-okay with that as well. “I better go,” Harry says before he puts his thoughts into actions. “I’ll see you guys later and it was nice meeting you, Niall.”

            Niall nods. “You, too.”

            Louis walks Harry to the door and Harry thanks him for the book again. “You’ve already thanked me.”

            “I know. I’m just overly polite or something.”

            He smiles big, making the area by his eyes crinkle. “Good, because I like polite Harry.”

            Before Harry leans over and kisses the hell out of Louis, he steps away from him, waves, and heads to the elevators. It is strange for Harry to make a friend so effortlessly and to have conversations about nothing like the one he just had, but again, he rather not question it.

            For the first few weeks of knowing Louis, Harry didn’t think too deeply about the thoughts that cross his mind because he just figured that yes, he is attracted to Louis, but that’s all there is to it. It takes Harry about three weeks and plenty of random conversations for him to realize that okay, maybe there is more than just attraction. He is trying his best to keep whatever the hell this is quiet and to himself because well, he doesn’t want to mess up his friendship with Louis. And besides, Louis is just probably being kind and that is all there is to it.

**

            Friday comes around and to kill the time between his last time and the game, Harry left his three mandatory hours in the math lab for this afternoon. It’s weird to be on campus this late and how the amount of students dramatically decreases on Friday’s is scary. Part of Harry feels like he should be extra cautious when walking from the math lab after his time there to the sports arena, so he doesn’t get mugged or anything. It’s not a long walk, but it does get darker earlier these days and Harry is a bit fearful of walking alone in the dark amongst other things.

            He feels relieved when he finally is in front of the sports arena where it is well lit and there are people around waiting for the next shuttle to take them to The Dome. He feels even more relieved when he sees Louis crossing the street and walking towards him.

            “Hey,” Harry waves him over.

            “Hi,” Louis greets. “I hope you don’t mind, but Niall decided to tag along since his plans fell through or something.”

            Part of Harry wants to say that yes, he does very well mind, but he is polite, so he looks past Louis at Niall and smiles. “Nope, don’t mind at all.”

            “Great.” Louis smiles and the three boys stand on the sidewalk and wait.

            Thankfully, the shuttle drives up about a minute later, but when they get on, Harry is behind Louis and Niall which makes him end up sitting in the seat across from them with a stranger. He is trying to remain calm because it shouldn’t be a big deal; this is just two friends (and an uninvited roommate) going to show some school spirit at a football game and nothing more. It’s not like this is a date or some grand gesture to win Louis’ heart. Nope, this is just Harry wanting to go to a football game and since he didn’t want to go alone, he asked a friend to come along with him.

            Once the shuttle starts moving, Harry rests his head against the window and closes his eyes. He wouldn’t be in this position if Liam’s idiotic boss didn’t make him work this night because Harry would have convinced Liam to go with him and never asked Louis. With a sigh, Harry hits his head against the window and tries to get it together. He’s just being silly like he always is.

            When they get to The Dome and go through security, and their student I.D.’s are scanned, the three boys enter and Harry feels alright. There’s still some time before kickoff, so they decide to walk around for a little bit, chatting about nothing in particular. After the fourth vendor they pass, Harry and Louis lose Niall.

            Louis turns around and sees Niall walking towards one of the counters. “Niall!” he calls.

            “I’m gonna get a drink!” Niall shouts back.

            He shakes his head at his roommate. “I guess we should find some seats.”

            “Shouldn’t we wait for Niall, so he knows where we’re at?” Harry asks.

            “Yeah, but—” Louis stops talking when he hears shouting from behind him. He is not surprised to see Niall arguing with one of the workers and he is almost positive that Niall is trying to get a pint, but he won’t be able to because he’s not old enough in the States. “Oh shit.”

            “What?” Harry furrows his brow.

            Louis motions to his right. “Looks like someone called security,” he says as a couple of uniformed men come over to Niall.

            Harry rubs the back of his neck. “Should we go do something?”

            Security tries to calm Niall down, but all he wants is a damn pint and these people are not helping and he really is causing a scene, so security does what they have to do – they escort him off the premises.

            “It’s too late now,” Louis states. He shrugs after a moment and says, “Let’s go find those seats, shall we?”

            “But what about Niall?”

            “He’ll be fine.”

            “Are you sure?”

            “Harold, stop worrying so much. Now, let’s go watch some football!” Louis grabs Harry’s arm and pulls him towards the stands. Since students get in home games for free, they are able to sit anywhere, so Louis picks a random aisle and drags Harry down the steps until they are in front of the third row. He sits down in the middle of the row and Harry sits next to him. “There aren’t many people here,” Louis comments after a while.

            It’s true. The majority of the seats are empty and they won’t be getting filled at all. “Well, that’s because our college shares the field with the Falcons,” Harry explains. “There isn’t enough room in the city to have so many football fields, so yeah. If a Falcons’ game was going on today instead of a college game, this place would be packed.”

            “Oh.” Louis nods and turns his attention to the field where the players from the other team is coming out. For a short moment, Louis is thoroughly confused as to why the players have helmets in their hands and why they have on the wrong kind of uniform until it hits him. He face palms and laughs at his own stupidity.

            Harry looks at the field in case he missed something funny, but there’s nothing hilarious going on. “Is everything okay?” he asks Louis.

            “Yeah,” he answers, a few laughs still in him. “It’s just, when you asked me to go to a football game, I thought you meant, uh, soccer.” Louis laughs again. “I guess I should have realized sooner.”

            “Understandable mistake,” Harry grins.

            “I mean, if I just paid attention to how the field is set up, I would have immediately recognized that this is not the football I was thinking of.” Louis shakes his head.

            Not too long later, the game begins and their college has possession of the ball at the thirty-yard line. “Okay, so each team has eleven players on the field,” Harry begins. “Right now, our team is the offense and the other team is the defense. They are all going to line up and then the quarterback, the guy right there,” he points at the player who is in the center of the group of guys and is ready to get the ball, “is either going to pass it or throw it to someone in hopes of gaining more yards.”

            Louis nods. He watches the quarterback get the football and back up a bit while his players keep the opposing team from getting to him. The quarterback throws it to another player and he runs a couple of yards before he gets tackled and then a whistle is blown and everyone stops. “Why’d they stop?”

            “Once the person with the ball goes down, they have to reposition where they start. Like, the goal here is for the offence to move ten-yards and they have four chances to do it. If they get those ten yards, they keep going and it’s a first down, but if they don’t, the other team gets the ball. Does that make sense?”

            “Not exactly,” Louis admits.

            “Um,” Harry pauses and tries to think of a simpler way of explaining the game. “The ultimate goal is to make a touchdown, right? To do this, the team needs to run the ball on the field, so they can get closer to the end zone and make the touchdown.” Louis nods. “The offence needs to be able to move the ball at least ten yards in the amount of four attempts, or else they lose possession of the ball.”

            “Okay,” Louis says. “But how long can they keep the ball?”

            “As long as they have possession of it,” he answers.” If they keep getting first downs, then the ball is theirs, but once they make a touchdown or a field goal, the other team gets it.”

            “And what’s a field goal?”

            “When a player kicks the football through that U-shaped thing in the end zone. They usually choose to kick when they’re at fourth down.”

            Louis nods again, still very confused of the concept of this game. It seems stupid of how often they stop playing. Like, there are four quarters, all about fifteen minutes each, yet the entire game can take almost three hours (sometimes more) to play and that is just silly. If they didn’t stop every ten or fifteen seconds, the game would be much shorter.

            However, as stupid as Louis finds the game, he tries his best to stay interested because Harry is so excited to sit there and explain what is happening to him. It is clear to Louis that Harry really enjoys the sport and he wouldn’t want to burst his bubble, so he follows along with what Harry is saying. By the end of the game (their school won, 27 to 20), Louis does have a better understanding of American football, but he wouldn’t be able to completely understand a game without having someone like Harry around to explain everything.

            When they are back on a shuttle heading towards campus, Harry sits on his hands and says, “ ‘m sorry if you didn’t have a good time.”

            “No, don’t do that,” Louis says honestly. “I did have a good time even if I don’t understand shit about American football.”

            “But if you didn’t understand the game, how did you have a good time?” Harry is a bit nervous. He was really excited about going to the game and going with Louis, but he never thought about how football might not be Louis’ thing. For all he knows, Louis just agreed because he was just being nice and didn’t want to make Harry feel bad.

            Louis smiles at him and it’s genuine. “I had a good time because I went with you. You are far more entertaining than a group of sweaty guys slamming into each other every minute.”

            Harry laughs. “Good to know.”

            When they are back on campus, Louis stuffs his hands in his pockets to protect them from the slight breeze. “I better get back to the room and make sure Niall made it back alright.” Louis pauses when he realizes something. “Wait, how are you getting home?”

            “My mom or my sister, maybe even both of them, should be here soon to get me. I texted them to head over here right before the game ended,” Harry answers.

            “I can wait with you if you want,” Louis offers.

            Harry opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out because he is smiling so big. He probably looks like an idiot, but can’t help it. Before he can do or say anything, someone honks a car horn and then they shout his name. He turns and sees his mother’s head out of the car window. “Oh, well, I guess there’s uh, no need for that. Thanks anyways. I’ll uh, see you later?”

            “Yeah.” Louis smiles. “Have a nice weekend, Harry.”

            “You, too.” And with that, the two friends part ways – Louis back to his room and Harry back to his house – both feeling rather happy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did such a horrible job at explaining American football dear lord


	3. 1x03: Punching In A Dream

**NOVEMBER 2012**

Thanksgiving break.

            The week-long break from classes two weeks before final exams that just about every student looks forward to. It gives them some time to catch up on everything and begin preparing for their finals. It gives them some time to rest a bit and relax. It gives them some time to reduce all of the stress that is floating around in their heads from the last thirteen weeks until their stress goes into overtime once finals week comes.

            And it also gives them some time to sit back and catch up with their families, especially over a meal on a Thursday with the main dish being a turkey.

            Harry wakes up Thursday morning to find his mother in the kitchen, already starting the day’s cooking. He takes a seat on the breakfast counter and she places a plate of waffles in front of him. “Thank you.”

            “No need. It only takes a short moment to place waffles in a toaster.” She winks at him before going back to her cookbook.

            He chuckles. “Do you need any help?”

            “With cooking,” she answers, “not yet. But with cleaning, grab the duster and go for it.”

            Harry nods. “You got it.” Whenever his family hosts Thanksgiving dinner, it is always extremely hectic all around with cooking and cleaning and getting ready and everything else. Relatives begin showing up and it is hard to do anything with them around, so that is why Harry’s family (that has been condensed to just him and his mom since his dad left when he was nine and his sister moved out when she got married two years ago) usually wake up rather early to get started and why Harry has no problem helping out.

            As soon as he finishes his breakfast, Harry washes his dishes and puts them away, knowing that the dishwasher will be coming into use very soon with more important dishes to wash. He goes to the hall closet and pulls out various cleaning supplies—vacuum, duster, spray of some sort, etc.—and begins his cleaning.

            A few hours later when the living room, the den, and the downstairs bathroom is all nice and clean, Harry is called into the kitchen by his mother. “Need me to taste anything?” he asks in a hopeful voice.

            “Touch any of this food and you will lose a finger,” she threatens.

            He holds his hands up in defense. “But I’m hungry!”

            “Here,” she throws him a banana.

            “Thanks,” Harry says as he catches it. He peels it and takes a bite. “If I’m not tasting stuff, how may I help you?”

            She raises her brow. “Talking formal, are we?” she asks and he shrugs. “Well, as I was checking on the turkey, I realized I forgot to get something, so I need you to go get it.”

            Harry throws the banana peel in the trashcan. “But everything is closed on Thanksgiving.”

            “Not everything,” she corrects. “Wal-Mart is open and ready for customers.”

            There are at least one hundred nervous thoughts floating through Harry’s head. The closest Wal-Mart to the house is not in walking distance which means he will have to drive and that is not something Harry does on a daily basis. He is terrified of driving because he fears something bad will happen and it will be all his fault. It is an understandable fear because of past events, so his mother can’t honestly want him to drive, right?

            “The lines are going to be long and horrible, so you should get going,” she advises.

            He gulps. “You really want me to drive?”

            “Yes,” she nods.

            “Can’t I just watch the food while you go?”

            “Harry,” she sighs, “You’re going to be okay, alright? Nothing is going to happen to you as long as you pay attention to your surroundings. What happened before—that wasn’t your fault. I know right now you have me or Gemma or Liam to drive you places, but we’re not always going to be around.”

            He wants to cave in on himself as his mother speaks to him. Harry knows it’s a bit odd to be this scared of driving, but he can’t help it. “I know that, Mom, but I just can’t.”

            She places her hands on his shoulders and smiles at him. “Look, when you were learning how to drive, you were great at it. You passed your driving test with flying colors and you even have your own car sitting in the garage.”

            “You really didn’t have to get me car for graduation.” Harry feels guilty because cars are not cheap and his present is wasting away.

            “I wanted to. Now,” she grabs the car keys off the hook and hands them to her son. “I really need cranberry sauce because what is Thanksgiving without it, right?”

            Wordlessly, Harry takes the keys and slowly makes his way out of the house. He gets into his car – feeling uncomfortable because it’s been so long since he has sat in the driver’s seat – and starts it. Harry adjusts the seat and the mirrors before buckling his seat belt. “You can do this,” he whispers to himself. “Just breathe.”

            With a prayer sent up to whichever deity is listening, Harry backs the car out of the driveway and sets off to the store. He doesn’t bother turning on the radio because he doesn’t want any distractions. The roads aren’t too busy considering it is a holiday and most people are spending time with their families, so that makes Harry feel a bit better. He realizes he is driving at the speed limit which he really could speed up a little without getting a ticket, but Harry rather not risk it. His history with fast cars is not pleasant.

            At a red light, Harry takes a deep breath. He is trying his best not to think of that horrible day, but it’s slowly creeping back and before he can completely freak out, the light turns green and Harry is stepping on the gas pedal. At the next light, Harry resorts to turning on the radio (and keeping the volume low) to help calm his nerves a bit. He tells himself that he is freaking out for no reason. He is not a horrible driver; he is a safe one.

            Just to be extra cautious, Harry parks in the back of the parking lot before going inside. Immediately, he sees that his mom was right – the lines are huge and Harry estimates having to wait about thirty to forty minutes before he is in front of a register. He curses the fact that his mother forgot the damn cranberry sauce as he makes his way through the store in search for the item.

            Harry cuts through an aisle to avoid people traffic and nearly runs someone over. “I’m so sorry,” he apologizes. When he sees who this someone is, he curses the fact that his mother forgot the damn cranberry sauce with a string of profane words.

            “Harry!” the person exclaims. “How have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever! How’s college going? You go to State, right?”

            He just stands there frozen. Out of all of the people in this town and out of all of the people that Harry knows personally, why must he be standing in front of the one person he doesn’t want to see? What did he do to deserve such bad karma? Is this supposed to be ironic because Harry just finds it to be mean.

            “Are you alright?”

            “Just caught off guard.” At least Harry doesn’t lie.

            “I’ll say, you almost knocked me over!” He smiles at Harry. “I can honestly say that I’ve missed you.” And then he hugs him and Harry is hit with memories he wishes he could forget.

**

**OCTOBER 2011**

“Can I tell you something?”

            Harry nods, oblivious as to what is actually going on. He has been sitting to the side of the room with Seth and it’s probably been hours and Harry is okay with that. Senior year hasn’t been as great as it should be for Harry, but then he met Seth and everything started to look up some.

            Seth turns his body, so he is angled towards Harry before moving his hand to cup Harry’s jaw and leaning in to kiss him. Harry is startled at first because he wasn’t expecting Seth to do that, but once his lips were on this, he realizes that this is something that he has wanted for a while now.

 

**FEBRUARY 2012**

It has been four months since Harry started dating Seth and for the most part, everything has been well. Harry never knew how completely smitten he could be with someone and he doesn’t understand how he can like someone so much. It scares him a bit, but he figures he is eighteen now and he will always be able to call Seth his high school sweetheart.

            For his birthday, Seth surprises Harry with a huge party. At first, Harry is overwhelmed and excited and happy, but then he sees that his birthday was just an excuse to throw a party with people he has never seen before. He is fine with it because a party is a party, but when Seth is nowhere to be found the entire night, Harry is sad. He leaves alone and wonders if this party just coincidentally fell in time with his eighteenth birthday considering he has never really been at any parties without Seth.

 

**APRIL 2012**

            Senior prom. Just about every single high schooler looks forward to the last party hosted by the school for the entire senior class. Everyone gets to dress up and go out to eat and dance horribly and take hundreds of pictures. It is supposed to be a huge deal and everyone and their parents are excited.

            When tickets go on sale, Harry wonders if he should ask Seth to prom in some fancy way. He wonders for a few days, but then he figures that since he is not a forward person, he’ll leave it up to Seth. For all Harry knows, Seth is already doing something huge and mind-blowing.

            Harry is wrong. He is so, so wrong. He doesn’t ask Seth to prom and Seth doesn’t ask him, either. Seth knew how much Harry has always looked forward to going to their senior prom, yet he didn’t do anything; in fact, Seth disappeared that week, leaving Harry to watch his classmates walk around with their plans for the event.

            He gets bitter and decides not to go to prom at all, because there’s no point in going alone and how sad would he look if he just stood there in a tux by himself? But then Liam asks him because after the fourteenth no Liam got, he can’t handle anymore rejection and being the best friend that he is, he rather cheer Harry up than throw himself a pity party.

            The two friends go to prom and they just sit there. Harry pissed that Seth is not here with him and that everything he hoped his senior prom to be is never going to happen. Liam frustrated that not one person wanted to go to prom with him and that this night should be great, but it’s not.

            Senior prom is a failure.

 

**MAY 2012**

            It is graduation day and Harry rather be anywhere than on his high school’s football field in a cap and gown. After his birthday, he has barely spent any time with Seth and it’s almost like they were never dating in the first place. Just a few months ago, Harry was so close to actually being in love and now, he’s practically lost faith in it.

            Being an honors graduate, Harry is part of the group of thirty who get their names called first. Harry is grateful to get the whole walking across the stage thing over with and return to his seat in the first row at the beginning of the part of the ceremony. However, he is less grateful when he realizes that every single graduate after him has to pass him on their way back from the stage because right in the middle of graduation, he is faced with Seth.

            Once the ceremony is over and everyone parts to take pictures and find their families and say their final goodbyes to their fellow graduates, Seth pulls Harry to the side.

            “I’m sorry,” he tells him.

            Harry nods. “Okay.”

            “I’ve missed you.”

            “Okay.”

            “Everything just got really busy with grades and everything.”

            “Okay.”

            “There’s a party tomorrow night. We should go together.”

            Harry looks at Seth for a good, long moment before he says, “Okay.”

            With the promise to call him, Seth walks away to find his family and Harry does the same. When he finds his mom and sister, Harry rushes over to them and he is immediately covered in hugs and handed flowers and told to smile for pictures. Instead of rushing off to some restaurant that is bound to be packed due to all of the graduating seniors, Harry’s mom has cooked Harry’s favorite meal that is ready for him when they get home.

            After they eat, his mom takes him out to the garage and Harry almost flips his shit. In front of his eyes is his very own car to match his very own license that he got a few weeks ago. He hugs her and thanks her and takes the car for a spin around the block.

            The following day, Harry gets a text from Seth that tells him what time to be ready. By the time Seth is in front of his house that night, Harry is still confused as to where they stand as a couple or even if they are a couple. He thinks he can talk to Seth in the car, but Seth is on the phone the entire time with someone who is already at the party.

            Just like his birthday, Seth disappears and Harry stands awkwardly in the corner with a cup of beer in his hand that he isn’t drinking. After a couple of hours of standing around, Harry debates if he should call Liam and see if he can pick him up and take him home. He decides against it because Liam is probably enjoying the fact that he just graduated high school. Hell, Harry should be enjoying it, but he’s not.

            He leaves his cup on a table and weaves his way through the house in search for Seth. When he finds him in the kitchen (clearly drunk), Harry gets his attention.

            “Seth!”

            “Harry!” Seth moves past a few people and sloppily kisses him. “Where have you been?”

            He almost scoffs at the question because the minute they stepped in this house, Seth wandered off, leaving Harry alone. “I think we should go.”

            “But why wou—” Seth stops talk as if he realizes something very important. “Ohhhhh,” he grins. Seth turns around and salutes the people he was with and then grabs Harry’s arm and pulls him out of the house. He can’t exactly remember where he parked, but when Seth finally locates his car, he tries to get into the driver’s seat.

            “Nope,” Harry says, snatching the keys from Seth. “There is no way I’m letting you drive.”

            “I wasn’t planning on driving, Harry. I was just unlocking the doors,” Seth tells him. He gives Harry this look that makes Harry feel uncomfortable before leaning forward and connecting their lips.

            Harry relaxes into the kiss and lets Seth pull him into the backseat of the car. Things get heated and soon Seth is laying on top of Harry and sucking a huge love bite onto his neck. When things start to escalate farther than that, Harry has to stop Seth. “We should get home,” he announces as he grabs Seth’s hand from going any lower.

            “You are a party pooper, Harry Styles,” Seth taunts before rolling off of Harry, realizing too late that they are in a car and that there is no room to actually have big movements, and ends up in a weird position on the floor.

            “And you’re drunk, Seth.” Harry is still a bit flustered and red in the cheeks, but he manages to crawl out of the car. He is faced with a few guys from the party who all give him knowing-looks and thumbs-ups, and Harry just shakes his head. He shuts the door and gets into the front seat, starting the car and driving out of the neighborhood.

            Once he hits the main road, Seth somehow climbs to the passenger seat and almost kicks Harry in the face. “Whoops, sorry.”

            Harry’s eyes don’t leave the road. He doesn’t have much experience driving at night and he really just wants to get home. He figures that Seth can just crash as his house until he sleeps it off and is sober to go home. This is not how Harry wanted to spend his night. “Just buckle your seatbelt, yeah?”

            Seth doesn’t listen to Harry; instead, he scoots as close to him as he can without sitting on his lap and begins playing with his curly hair. And then he is drawing random patters on his arm. And then he leans his head in and starts kissing his cheek. And then he kisses his neck as he trails his hand up on his thigh.

            “Stop,” Harry pleads. He is trying to drive and Seth is doing anything he possibly can to distract him. Don’t get Harry wrong, he isn’t exactly a prude, but he doesn’t want his first real sexual experience to be in the backseat of a car with someone who is drunk out of his mind.

            The drive is not going smoothly any longer because of Seth attempts of advancing on Harry while he is still driving. Harry tries to push Seth back to his own seat, but Seth is not having it and continues on trying to kiss Harry. With one arm extended to keep Seth at a distance, Harry tries his best to change lanes and move to the shoulder of the road.

            He tries and he fails.

            It all happens so fast that Harry cannot tell anyone what exactly happens. All he knows is that he in on the road at one moment and then he sees a car coming at him and in the next moment, the car is no longer moving and the airbags are out. His head hurts and the last thing he sees is Seth passed out in the passenger seat.

            Harry wakes up in the emergency room with a scratch on his head and a concussion. It turns out that no one was seriously hurt in the accident, just some cuts and bruises, and that the car that hit him was being driven by someone who was texting. The driver has a hefty fine under his name and both cars are going to need some major work done to repair them.

            Because of protocol, Harry has to spend the night in the ER and not once does he ask about Seth. He overheard a couple of nurses talking about him, so he knows Seth isn’t dead or anything, just passed out from being drunk and the accident. This is really not how Harry wanted to spend his night.

**

**NOVEMBER 2012**

It has been six months since Harry has seen Seth and he can’t breathe. Seth is the reason why Harry is how he is. He has always been off to the side and alone and okay with that, but then Seth came into his life and he started enjoying himself and then everything went to shit (as it always does). Seth made Harry realize just how stupid love is and he can’t believe he just about fell for him completely. Hell, they could have died that night in May and it is all just stupid.

            Seth backs off after a couple of seconds when Harry doesn’t hug him back. He tried calling Harry a few times after the accident, but Harry never picked up and Seth got the point. “I’m sorry for everything, you know that, right?”

            “Sure.”

            “Aw, c’mon Harry, don’t be like that. We were good together.”

            Harry raises his brow. “No, we weren’t. Our relationship or whatever the hell it was was complete bullshit.”

            “You can’t seriously think that?” Seth frowns.

            “I do,” Harry admits. He doesn’t say anything else before he walks around Seth and goes to the aisle to get the damn fucking cranberry sauce.

            When Harry was with Seth earlier that year, he let himself be open and vulnerable and he gave away his heart. He was so sure that everything would turn out okay and that Seth would be his first love, maybe even his first time, but it didn’t happen that way. He gave his heart away and it came back to him in pieces. Love is supposed to be pure and beautiful, but it is also very scary. Harry knows how hurt someone can get from falling in love – he has seen it happen to his mom and dad, to his fellow classmates, and to strangers – it’s inevitable and that’s what terrifies him the most.

 


	4. 1x04: Middle Of Nowhere

**DECEMBER 2012**

Final exams begin next week (well, in actually four days).

            Harry is officially freaking the fuck out. He finds it insane how just about all of his classes have three exams and the average of the three determine his grade. There is no cushion of homework or random assignments to help level out his grade and that makes him nervous. He has done pretty well this first semester, but just the thought of having five finals consecutively for a week worries him.

            What if he fails every exam? What if he does so horrible, he ends up losing his scholarship? What if he starts off his college career with such a low GPA that he either has to drop out or work his ass off for the next three and a half years to pull it up?

            Yeah, Harry is definitely freaking the fuck out and a certain Brit takes notice.

            The two friends are sitting across from each other on Louis’ dorm room floor with their pre-calculus textbooks and notes in front of them. Harry is on his third try of a problem and he just about to ready to throw his books out of the window and then follow after them.

            He lets out an estranged, frustrated growl. “I am never going to get this.” Harry shoves his notebook off of his lap and wishes he could go back in time and stop whoever the hell came up with trig identities.

            Louis picks up the notebook and scans what Harry has done so far. “Don’t lose hope. It looks like you are on the right track.”

            Harry rolls his eyes. “Yeah, right.”

            “Stop that. What happened to the Harry I met who cheered up sick children in the hospital?” Louis asks with a grin.

            “That Harry never existed because I am almost positive that I told you that I didn’t spend my free time doing that.” Harry grins back at Louis as he recalls the memory from fourteen weeks ago. However, the grin drops and Harry throws his pencil across the room. “I am seriously going to fail this math final.”

            “No, you are not,” Louis says sternly. He can see that Harry is stressing himself out for no reason and he really wishes he knew a way to help him calm down. It feels a little weird to be helping Harry with math because Harry has done better than him on every test. Louis needs to find him a distraction.

            As if the math gods are answering his wishes, someone knocks on his door and shouts “program in five!”

             _Perfect_ , he thinks to himself. Louis hops up and extends his hand out to Harry. “Come on.”

            Harry looks confused. “Why are we standing?”

            “Technically, I’m standing and you’re sitting, so get up.” He urges his hand towards Harry and when the younger boy takes it, Louis pulls him up. “Let’s go.”

            “Where?”

            “You ask too many questions, Harold,” is all Louis says before pulling Harry out of the room and down the hall to the common room.

            There about fifteen others standing around, all making small talk with the people around them. Harrys shoots Louis a confused glance, but Louis makes no move to settle his confusion. They find an empty place against one of the walls and lean back on them and wait for everyone to get settled. Someone by the name of Shawn stands to the side and asks everyone to stand in the circle.

            “Everything that is said and done in this circle, stays in the circle, alright?” Shawn announces. “There is no judgment in this circle. No one will laugh or say anything derogatory, got it?”

            Everyone nods and Harry is still confused.

            “Now,” Shawn claps once. “Rearrange the circle, so you are no longer standing next to someone you know and from there, we’ll begin.” People start moving and Harry blinks once before Louis moves across the circle to the other side, so they are now facing each other. Once everyone stops moving, Shawn explains the game. “The objective here is to step into the circle every time you relate or are or have been through or consider yourself as to a statement I say. You don’t have to step into the circle if you don’t want to, but remember, there’s no judgment here.”

            The game begins and statements are read out and Harry learns things about people he has never met before.

            “I have lost someone close to me.”

            Louis steps forward for that one and Harry can’t help but wonder who Louis lost and in what way. Personally, Harry hasn’t lost anyone in his life because there haven’t been many people around to begin with. He was mostly on his own until he met Liam, and then he always had his mom and sister. There’s no reason to count Seth because he’s an ass.

            “There is a disability or illness or condition or something that sets me back.”

            Harry thinks for a second before stepping up. He knows that he’d be in such a different place if he’d get past his fears, but he can’t. He’s terrified of driving. He’s horrified of being on his own. He’s frightened of water. He’s scared of falling in love.

            “I am not a virgin.”

            This can go one of two ways: Harry can lie and step forward and not feel like a complete loser or he can stay put and not meet Louis’ eyes. He is contemplating his options when he notices Louis step forward and really, he is not surprised and then he decides the latter. Louis grins at him before stepping back into his place and Harry has to look down to hide the slight blush on his cheeks.

            A string of statements come out, everyone stepping up when it regards them, and then things start getting intense. Shawn starts listing off everything from I have self-harmed to I have been abused to I have been bullied. He lets everyone calm down a bit by stating things like I am a vegetarian to I took AP classes to I have never left this country.

            Everything is okay and calm and no one looks to be freaking out, but then Shawn opens his mouth and reads off one of the last statements of the night.

            “I identify myself as gay or lesbian.”

            Harry has come to the conclusion of his sexual preferences years ago and he’s fine with it. You can’t help who you love and all that good shit, right? So, because Harry is fine with it, he is about to step forward, but Louis moves before he can and Harry freezes. It’s not that Harry hasn’t had his suspicions, but it always seemed too good to be true.

            There are a few more statements before Shawn reads the last one. “I am stressing over my finals.”

            Everyone moves forward except for Harry. Yes, he is stressing over his final exams, but he is still frozen. After a couple of minutes of Shawn announcing that he’s here to talk and has number of people they can contact for help in any way, shape, or form, he ends the program and lets the residents go back to doing whatever.

            Louis crosses the circle and waves his hand in front of Harry’s face. “You alright there, mate?”

            Harry blinks and clears his throat. “Uh yeah, we should um… I should get back to studying.” If Harry wasn’t freaking out a half hour ago, he is definitely freaking out for completely different reasons. Without anything else said, Harry quickly walks back to Louis’ room, gathers his books, and leaves the building. He needs time to process and he can’t do that while in the same room as Louis.

            And he still needs to study for his finals.

**

            A few days pass and Harry distracts himself with study guides, review problems, and endless studying. So far, Harry has turned in his final English 101 paper and taken his History final. Tomorrow is his Pre-cal final, followed by his Biology and Communication final on Thursday. He is so ready for this week to be over, but it is only Tuesday.

            Knowing that he can’t concentrate much in his bedroom, Harry claims a desk on the top floor of the library and begins going through the practice problems for his math final. He likes the library, especially this floor because it is the quiet floor and there is no other place that Harry is more productive. The library is always packed during finals and this semester is no different. There are people crouched over their notes and textbooks with cups of coffee or energy drinks by their sides and tired, stressed-out facial expressions on all five floors.

            It is nearing midnight and Harry is still trying to figure out these practice problems. He knows he should take a step back and sleep, so he is fresh in the morning, but he can’t seem to let himself relax. Out of all of his final exams, Harry is most worried about the pre-cal one because math has never been one of his strong subjects. He’s scared he’s going to fail miserably and have to repeat the course. He’s scared his entire future is going to be ruined because of this class in his first semester of college. He’s scared his failure is going to foreshadow his future.

            “If you think any harder, all of your hair is going to fall out and I will ironically call you Curly.”

            Harry blinks once and turns his head. He finds Louis standing to his side with two travel cups on a carrying tray in one hand and a paper bag in the other. “What are you doing here?” he whispers, completely aware of the glares they are getting from talking.

            Louis smiles. “I’m here to save you from your misery, of course. Now,” he nods, “come on. I’ve set up shop on the fourth floor.”

            He has not spoken to Louis since he practically ran out of his dorm room on Thursday. It’s not that he hasn’t wanted to, but he’s had to study and he has to focus on these finals and nothing else and wow, he is totally making up excuses. However, he does hope Louis doesn’t think he’s a homophobe or anything of the sort because of how he left. “I’m okay up here,” Harry says.

            “No, you’re not.” Louis doesn’t even bother to keep his voice down. “Now get up before I forcefully drag you.”

            Harry feels the eyes of the people around them and he figures it is best to go with Louis before he makes a huge scene. He gets up and grabs his things, not because Louis is sort of beautiful and just freaking wonderful, but because he doesn’t want to disturb the studies of all of the students on this floor.

            “Good boy,” Louis says as they walk to the stairwell and walk down a flight of stairs. He leads Harry to the back and stops at the table where Niall is knocked out over his Government textbook. He places down everything in his hand and nudges him awake. “Nialler, wake up.”

            With a grunt, Niall opens his eyes and sits up. “ ‘s about fuckin’ time.” He stands up and stretches. “I’m going back to the room and sleeping. Fuck government. Fuck finals. Fuck university.”

            Louis taps his shoulder and gives him a look of pity. “You’re going to do fine and you know it. You love America and you got this.”

            “Yeah, yeah.” He yawns. “I’m outta here. Good fucking night.” And with that, Niall picks up his book bag and leaves, not looking back once for his forgotten textbook.

            “I swear to God, both of you are freaking out for no reason.” Louis takes a seat where Niall was just a minute before.

            “You don’t know that.” Harry sits across from him.

            Louis hands him one of the cups. “You are insulting my intelligence, Harold.”

            “I was just stating a fact.” He takes the cup. “And thanks for the coffee.”

            “You are sadly mistaken,” Louis informs him. “One, that is not fact and two, that is tea in your hand, not coffee.”

            Harry stares at the cup in his hand, then at Louis, and then back at the cup. “Oh. Thanks for the tea.”

            The older boy rolls his eyes. “Stop looking at it like it’s something weird. Just take a sip of the delicious tea that is as caffeinated as it should be and let’s get to studying.”

            Silently, Harry takes a sip and is pleasantly surprised that the tea is in fact, delicious. He has a stupid smile on his face and he spreads his notes out in front of him. “I still can’t get these problems.”

            “But you’ve tried solving them?”

            “Yes.”

            “Hand them over,” Louis says and Harry does so. Louis looks over Harry’s work for a short moment before giving the paper back to him. “The reason you can’t get this problem is because you wrote a 9 in the sixth step instead of a 4.”

            “What?” Harry’s eyes widen. Surely he wouldn’t have made such a silly mistake. “No way.” He looks it over and bangs his head on the table. “I am going to fail tomorrow.”

            He smiles at Harry fondly. “Impossible.”

            “How do you now?” Harry asks without moving his head up from the table.

            “Because this exam is today, so it is impossible to fail it tomorrow when you probably have some other exam that you’re going to do well on.”

            He looks up. “I don’t like you.”

            Louis scoffs. “Sure, you don’t. Now, secant for pi over two is what?”

            “That’s ninety degrees, so infinity,” Harry answers without thinking about it.

**

            Two hours before their pre-cal final, Harry and Louis decide to call it quits. If they don’t know it by now, they surely won’t know it when they are sitting with an exam in front of them.

            “I feel like I should take a nap.”

            “Not a good idea, mate,” Louis says. “If you go to sleep now, you’re not going to want to wake up to take the exam.”

            Harry sighs. “You enjoy being right, don’t you?”

            “I enjoy being what I am, Harold and if right is what I am, then I have no choice, but to enjoy it.”

**

            Harry sits down at the computer he is directed to. He is lying if he says he is not nervous at the moment. His throat feels dry and his stomach feels nauseous and a thin line of sweat is starting to cover his skin. He takes a deep breath and fiddles with his calculator.  _You’re going to be okay_ , Harry tells himself.

            Louis is placed on the other side of the room, but when he passes Harry, he gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. While they were going over everything, Harry got just about everything right. His studying has obviously been paying off yet he is still freaking out about it, and Louis doesn’t understand it. He really hopes Harry doesn’t psych himself out for this exam. And really, if anyone should be freaking out about this exam, it should be Louis. If he fucks up, he will be sent back to England with more shame than he left with.

            Once everyone is seated, the proctors tell everyone to begin. Harry takes his time with every problem and if he spends the entire two hours and a half on these forty questions, then so be it. He gets a boost of confidence after the first set of questions because he actually feels like he knows what he’s doing.

            On the other side of the room, Louis is zipping through the questions. He is glad he studied with Harry because with trying to help him, he helped himself as well. School has never been something Louis is extremely well in, but he’s good enough to get by (well, not always); however, he sincerely hopes he does well enough on this exam to do better than just get by because he came to America for a reason and he doesn’t need another thing in his life to go wrong.

            Louis finishes before Harry at the end of the first hour. He checks back on all on his answers and reworks a couple of problems that he wasn’t too sure on before hitting the submit button. He closes his eyes and just prays that he did not fail. He doesn’t want to go back home, not yet. He doesn’t want to be a fuck up anymore. He doesn’t want to let anyone down.

            Slowly, Louis opens his eyes and takes in his score. Right in the center of the screen, it tells him that he has scored an 80 on the final exam. He breathes out a sigh of relief and exits out of the browser. Louis returns the calculator and exits the math lab with an indescribable feeling in his stomach.

            Harry meets Louis outside a little less than an hour later and he is biting his nails. “Hey.”

            “How’d you do?” Louis asks.

            “Better than I thought I would,” he answers. “And I have you to thank for that.”

            Louis huffs. “That’s bullshit. You would have done great with or without me. And not to rub it in, but I told you that you had nothing to worry about.”

            “Yes, I did,” Harry retorts. “If we didn’t study like we did, I wouldn’t have known how to do over half of those questions.”

            “Again, bullshit.” Louis grins. “Now come along, we have both made it through the torture of this maths class. It’s time to celebrate.”

            He smiles. “Sounds like a plan.” Harry checks the time on his phone and quickly sends a text to Liam to tell him he’s going to be a little late.

 

**_From Harry_ **

_I just finished my math final and Lou and I are going to celebrate._

**_From Liam_ **

_Whyis englsh so hard??_

**_From Harry_ **

_Keep working on that paper. I’ll meet you later._

**_From Liam_ **

_Ok. Me n zany are on the 3rdfloor of the student cenr_

 

            Harry shakes his head at Liam’s horrible typos, but lets it go as he slips his phone back into his pocket. “So does celebrating mean taking a nice, long nap until I am forced to study for my next final?”

            “Nope!” Louis grabs Harry’s arm and pulls him away from the building. He doesn’t let go for the entire six minute walk to the residence hall. He doesn’t let go when they are in the elevator. And he doesn’t let go when they are walking into his room.

            Niall looks up from his desk when he sees them walk in. “Did you know that the Constitution is both a conservative and liberal document?”

            “I did not,” Louis answers. “Did you know that Harold here aced his maths class all thanks to me?”

            “What happened to the modest Louis that I was talking to like ten minutes ago?” Harry asks.

            Niall scoffs. “I don’t believe Louis has a modest bone in his body.”

            Louis gasps. “Every time the two of you are together, you join forces against me. How rude.”

            “My sincerest apologizes,” Harry says, failing at stopping himself from yawning. He drops his book bag down to the ground and walks to Louis’ bed, collapsing on it.

            “Oh, no!” Louis slaps his leg. “Don’t you dare go to sleep. Niall, keep him awake,” he orders. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” And with that, he grabs something from his closest and exits the room. Niall makes no move to keep Harry awake and when Louis comes back less than ten minutes later, he tuts. “You disappoint me, Nialler.”

            “Shut it and let the curly boy sleep. He looks exhausted and so do you,” Niall points out.

            Louis rolls his eyes. “Sleeping is for the weak!” He places a small container filled with a cold substance on the younger boy’s back, making him jump up. “Oh good, you’re awake.”

            “What was that?” Harry can still feel a cold blob on his back and it’s freaking him out just a little bit.

            “Nothing bad,” Louis answers. He picks up the container from where it tipped over on the bed and hands it to Harry. “See.”

            “Is that . . .” Harry takes the container and removes the lid. “ . . . ice cream?” He examines the container. “In Tupperware?”

            Niall barks out a laugh. “Were there no cones in the dining hall?”

            “Will both of you ungrateful twats shut up?”

            Harry raises his brow. “I feel like I should be offended, but I’m too tired to be.”

            Louis sighs, half in defeat, half in realization. “Okay fine. Take the ice cream. Eat it before it melts or freezes over or a homeless man steals it. I’d offer you a spoon, but I forgot to grab one and good luck on the rest of your finals, mate.”

            “Are you trying to get rid of me?” Harry asks, pretending to be offended and trying his best to hide the cringe that came after Louis called him mate.

            “I just need to catch up on my beauty sleep,” Louis answers normally and that makes Harry cringe again. “We’ll celebrate another time.” He pauses. “Properly.”

            “Uh, yeah. I’ll um, I’ll see you guys later.” Harry picks up his book bag and leaves, holding the Tupperware container tightly in his hand. He is trying not to think of how he has a weird feeling in his stomach or how he doesn’t know what the hell is going on. By the time he is climbing the stairs in the student center, Harry decides that he is just sleep deprived and full of stress.

            Zayn spots a head of curly hair and calls out. “Harry! Over here!”

            Harry walks over to where Liam is hunched over his laptop and Zayn is next to him. “How’s the paper going?”

            “Liam, what did I tell you about using contractions?” Zayn asks, his voice tired.

            “I—” Liam sighs. He hits the backspace button and begins typing again for a minute before stopping again. “Haz, we’ll head home in a bit. I just need to finish this essay and submit it.”

            “Take your time.” Harry yawns.

            Liam studies him for a few seconds and takes note of Harry’s droopy eyes and wrinkled clothes that look oddly similar to what he was wearing the day before. “Go to the car and get a head start on a nap. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

            Zayn looks up from shaking his head at Liam’s paper. “Yeah, you need sleep.”

            Harry nods, he doesn’t need to be told twice. “I’ll meet you guys there.” He yawns again as he waves and heads back towards the stairs.

            It’s weird to think of how Harry is just one day away from completing his first semester of college. Just two more finals and then he is free to lounge around for four weeks until he has to go back to stressing again. In just four months, so much has happened and Harry can’t quite wrap his head around it.

            He has started fresh in a new place.

            He has gained a better sense of responsibility.

            He has learned a bit about himself.

            He has made a new friend.

            Harry just really hopes that he didn’t mess anything up with what happened last week. He was just being stupid and all the stress of finals is really messing him up. Louis knows that, right? He didn’t run away from Louis; he ran away from the what-if’s that were bound to pop into his head. As wonderful and brilliant Louis is, Harry can’t afford to have anything more than a silly crush because he just knows his heart can’t handle any more disappointment.

            Relief flashes through the eighteen year old as he finally makes it to Liam’s car. He unlocks the doors and climbs into the backseat, placing his hood over his head and wrapping the blanket that Liam keeps in his car around him before closing his eyes. Harry just needs to get through one more day and everything will be okay.

            Just one more day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two more updates coming your way today


	5. 1x05: Wake Up

**JANUARY 2013**

Happy New Year.

Those three words are what everyone gets wished at the start of the year. It’s a bit magical when the ball drops and fireworks explode and even though there are twenty-four time zones, all seven billion people are hoping for a good year. So much can happen in a year and instead of looking back on what happened in the past, look forward to all of the possibilities that could happen in the future.

Harry shoves his hands in the pocket of his navy blue hoodie the moment he steps out of the parking deck. There’s a breeze with the cold air and his green eyes are already starting to water, but Harry doesn’t let it slow him down. When he is two street lights away from the parking deck, he realizes that as soon as Liam parked the car, he basically grabbed his messenger bag and ran out without saying bye. Harry feels bad, so as he waits the crosswalk to be safe to walk, he pulls out his phone and sends a text to Liam.

**_From: Harry_ **

_Sorry I didn’t say bye._

**_From: Liam_ **

_I ddnt evn notice. Tell Lois I say hi._

**_From: Harry_ **

_Will do. And sorry again._

He places his phone back in his jeans pocket and replaces his hands in his hoodie just in time for the crosswalk to be clear of cars. Harry crosses the road and jogs up the steps to the student center, walking past the random sitting area and heading towards the food court. He scans the area, but doesn’t see the one person he is looking for. Harry bites his bottom lip and he leans on the tips of his toes to get a better look of the area. He knows he probably looks a bit silly, but he hasn’t seen Louis in a month and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss him (and he’s definitely lying if he says that he wouldn’t be tempted to grab Louis’ face when he sees him and kiss him).

While Harry is trying (and failing) to clear his thoughts of how amazing kissing Louis will be, someone grabs his arm and spins him around. Harry almost loses his footing, but he is steadied by the person holding his arm.

“Hi, love,” Louis greets him with a smile.

Harry stops breathing and he forgets how to speak for a moment. He blinks a few times and clears his throat and when he opens his mouth, he snaps it shut after three words come out. “Liam says hi.”

Louis chuckles. “That’s great, but what does Harold say?”

I love you, he says to himself. Harry clears his throat again and mentally slaps himself. What is wrong with him? “Um, hi?”

“Alright, lets get you some food because you’re not functioning properly,” Louis says as he pulls Harry towards the food. “Like, you didn’t even have your ear buds in. I had this whole plan worked out in my head of how I was gonna yank the damn things out of your ears and scream or something, but nope, you didn’t have them in.” Louis realizes that he is pulling deadweight, so he turns around and faces Harry who has a slight blush on his cheeks. “Are you having a system malfunction of some sort?”

 _Yes_ , Harry wants to answer. _My system has been corrupted by one Louis Tomlinson._ “Yeah, sorry,” he manages to respond once he snaps out of it. “I guess I’m just off or something.” He touches his ear and sees that Louis was right, he isn’t listening to music which is a rare occurrence especially because he was walking from one point on campus to another.

The two students each order a burger with a side of fries and Louis gets water while Harry gets orange juice. It takes a minute or two to find a place to sit, but once they are no longer on their feet and have food in front of them, all is well.

“So, how was your holiday?” Louis asks before dipping a fry in ketchup.

Harry nods a bit. “It was alright. Nothing too special. My sister and her husband came down for Christmas and we did what we always do.” He shrugs. “How about you? Did you fly home?”

The older boy shakes his head. “Nah, don’t have enough money to have multiple flights in one year, but one of my mates called me and it was nice to talk for a while.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, but then he emailed me the day after about how I owed him money because making a phone call to America on his mobile is _fucking expensive._ ” Louis chuckles. “That’s a direct quote, by the way.”

Harry takes a sip of his juice. “I bet.” He is about to pick up his burger, but he asks another question instead. “So if you didn’t go home, what’d you do all break? I can only imagine how deserted campus was.”

“It was creepy as shit anytime I went out,” Louis concedes. “But like, I wasn’t alone. Niall was here, too and we just hung out. We spent all our money on pizza and takeout because the dining hall was closed, but it was alright.”

“That doesn’t sound alright.” Harry is not a happy camper to hear that Louis spent all four weeks cooped up in his dorm room with nothing to do and no place to go.

“Stop looking at me like my birthday was over break and I only got one happy birthday.”

Harry’s face drops. “Oh my god, your birthday was over break, too? Why didn’t you tell me?” he huffs.

Louis shrugs like it’s no big deal. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?” he echoes. “Nope, next year, you are coming home with me for break and I will show you how Americans celebrate the holidays and I’m not taking no for an answer,” Harry announces. Louis looks at him fondly for a minute and Harry can’t help but feel self-conscious of how he looks and what he just said. “What?”

“Nothing,” Louis shakes his head. “Just . . . Happy New Year, Haz.”

Harry lets out a small breath because that was not what he was expecting Louis to say. “Happy New Year to you, too.”

**

A few times throughout the night, Harry wakes up to the loud thumbs of rain pounding against his windows. He knew it was going to rain because of how cloudy it was the day before, but he didn’t expect it to be raining so hard.

By the time his alarm rings, Harry feels like he almost got a full night’s of sleep and he would have had a solid eight hours if it weren’t for the rain. He turns his laptop on right before he heads to his bathroom to go through his morning routine. When he gets back to his room, he checks the weather and sees that the area is under flood watch as well as tornado watch and there is a wind advisory. In hopes of classes being cancelled, Harry clicks on to his college’s website only to find that nothing is cancelled.

With a grunt, he gets up and gets dressed for the day. Despite it being the very last day of January, the weather has decided to be sixty-eight degrees Fahrenheit and extremely humid with rain, so Harry ends up wearing a mixture of spring slash winter slash rain clothes before leaving to go meet Liam or otherwise known as his carpool buddy.

Thankfully, on his way to campus, the rain is not around. However, two hours later when Harry is leaving his first class, it is raining like the apocalypse is minutes away. He shoves his beanie on his head and struggles to open his umbrella to protect him from the spray. It takes a good minute considering his umbrella hates him, but Harry is finally on his way to his next and last class of the day.

Students and professors, and everyone else are trying to get to where they need to be as quickly as possible. People are everywhere and those with umbrellas are trying their best not poke anyone without an umbrella in the eye. It’s chaotic and wet and windy and just plain horrible. As Harry is rushing to class, he ends up stepping in puddle after puddle, and that slows him down. He gets to class just before the professor begins speaking and is thankful just to be able to sit down and not be in the rain anymore.

However, Harry is less thankful when the air conditioning kicks in and he almost freezes while sitting in the lecture hall. He wishes the heat was on, but then again having three hundred people all in the same room while everyone is wet makes him take the wish back.

The professor turns off the projector. “Because I am the best professor you will ever have, I am dismissing class ten minutes early, so all of you can get a head start to the shuttle or the parking deck or to your dorm room or to go eat a late lunch. See you next week!”

The class doesn’t have to be twice. The shuffle of packing up notebooks and standing up and rushing down the steps overtakes the room. Harry takes his time to get all of his things situated because he isn’t trying to hurry back into the rain. When the room is almost empty, Harry finally gets up and makes his way out only to realize that Louis has been waiting for him.

“Hey.”

“That last slide was really long.”

Harry nods. “It was. I could barely pay attention. It was really cold in there and I could care less about American Government at the moment,” he says as they walk out the double doors and into the little lobby area.

“Yeah, my jumper is soaked,” Louis agrees. He glances outside and sighs. “And it’s just going to keep getting more wet.”

“You’re telling me. From my knees down, I am drenched. My feet are freezing, or at least, I think they are since I can’t feel them anymore,” he explains.

Louis chuckles. “It’s not nearly cold enough for you to get frostbite, right?”

“No, but I’m sure it’s cold and wet enough for any of us to catch pneumonia,” Harry answers right before he sneezes. “Shit.”

The two of them head outside and Harry immediately shakes open his umbrella. He grabs Louis’ arm and pulls him close, so that the umbrella can cover them (well, mostly anyways). It’s a bit awkward at first, but then Louis wraps an arm around Harry’s waist and Harry wraps his arm around Louis’ shoulders and they fall into step with each other.

“This rain is horrible,” Harry complains.

“It is. I can’t wait to get back to my room and change into some warm clothes,” Louis tells him.

“And warm socks,” he adds in. “The ones I’m wearing now are wet and cold and just not fun.”

They round a corner and Louis shrugs. “That’s part of the reason why I don’t wear socks.”

Harry glances down at Louis’ feet and when he takes a step, Harry sees a small slip of Louis’ ankle that should be covered with a sock. “Don’t your feet get cold?”

“I mean, yeah, but it’s no big deal,” he states.

“No big deal?” Harry reiterates. “Louis, you could get sick.”

“Calm down, love. I used to live in England, remember? What is considered cold here is nothing compared to what I grew up with,” Louis assures him. “I’ll be fine.”

Harry completely misses what Louis says after the term of endearment. He knows he shouldn’t think too much about it and Louis is just being friendly like always because Louis is just a nice person and that is all. He knows that this isn’t the first and probably won’t be the last time Louis uses _love_ , but it still gets to him. He knows this yet he cannot stop the blush from reddening his cheeks and he is glad that it is raining and cold and windy because if Louis notices, he’ll probably think Harry is just flushed from the weather.

The sidewalk narrows after they turn another corner and the amount of people coming at them is a bit terrifying since the majority of them have umbrellas of all colors and sizes. Harry holds on to Louis a bit tighter because he really doesn’t want to get separated from him and he doesn’t feel Louis tighten his grip until they are in front of a couple who is huddled under an umbrella and is kissing. It’s cute, but it is also taking up much needed space on the sidewalk.

The couple finally moves out of the way and Harry and Louis are able to step around them. “I’ve never done that,” Louis admits. “Kiss in the rain.”

“Me either.”

“I get that it’s supposed to be romantic and all, but it just seems,” Louis pauses. He twists his mouth to the side and thinks of a word. “Wet.”

Harry laughs. “I couldn’t agree more.”

They are in front of the student parking deck and Harry wishes it wasn’t raining because he really just wants to stand right there and talk to Louis for many more hours. He is trying to figure out how he can possibly spend a little more time with Louis, but then the wind blows harshly, turning the umbrella upside down.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not helping with anything.”

Unfortunately, Harry has to let go of Louis to makes his umbrella go back to the appropriate position. “This isn’t the first time it’s happened. If the wind keeps up, I’m going to have to invest in a new umbrella,” he says as he places the umbrella over them again.

“It’s just water.” Louis steps out from under the umbrella. “See, it’s not going to kill me.”

Harry steps forward to shield Louis from the rain. “Point made, but there’s no need to get anymore wet. I can walk you to your building.” There is a beat of silence. “If you want.”

Louis shakes his head. “There is no need for that.”

“It’s really no problem.”

“And it’s really okay.” Louis sees that Harry is being a persistent little bugger at the moment, so he adds in, “It’s only about a half block more. A few more minutes in the rain won’t do anything.”

Harry frowns. “You are just trying to get away from me.”

“That is not the case at all, Harold.” Louis gives him a smile. “It’s just best for us to move from this spot before someone drives by all too quickly and we get splashed.”

“Fine, but if you get sick, you can’t complain to me.”

He laughs and that makes Harry smile. “That sounds like a compromise to me.”

Harry shrugs. “I guess you have strong persuasion powers.”

“Do I now?” Louis raises his brow. “Hmm… now I’m going to have to use these powers for nothing but evil.”

He gasps. “But what about the world? It needs saving.”

“Nah, I have bigger things to worry about.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Like?”

“Getting out of these wet clothes,” Louis grins. He pulls the beanie off of Harry’s head and messes with his curls. “I’ll see you later.”

Harry barely processes what happened and then Louis is walking away, and he just kind of stands there. It takes someone saying ‘excuse me’ before Harry snaps out of it and walks into the parking deck. He is glad he has a spare key to the car because as soon as he locates it on the third floor, he unlocks the door, throws his umbrella by his feet, and starts the car to turn on the heat. He sits back in the passenger seat and tries to get warmed up, and when Liam shows up ten minutes later does Harry realize that Louis totally stole his beanie.

**

**FEBRUARY 2013**

Doubt.

Everyone has doubt and everyone is uncertain about something—it’s inevitable. Should I go out with the guy from third period even though he’s my friend’s ex? Should I have a second slice of cake? Should I attend that party? Should I wear this shirt with these pants? Should I say something or keep my mouth shut?

**_From: Louis_ **

_Hey, can you meet me in the courtyard?_

**_From: Harry_ **

_I’m actually on my way there now._

**_From: Louis_ **

_Great. See you soon!_

**_From: Harry_ **

_Very soon. In fact, right now :P_

Louis looks up from his phone and sees Harry a few yards away from him. He waves the younger boy over. “Hey!”

“Hey,” Harry smiles. “I’ve been summoned?”

“Uh, yeah,” Louis nods. He reaches around to his backpack and pulls something out. “I just wanted to give you something.” He quickly hands a small, brown object to Harry before he can change his mind.

When Harry takes the object from Louis, the sound of a kiss comes out of it followed by an _I love you_. Harry sees that the small object is a teddy bear and has no idea what to say. “Um . . .”

 _Shit._ Louis blushes. “I did not know that it said that.”

“Right.” Harry feels his throat drying, making it hard to speak.

“Well, I um, I better get going. Class and all.” Louis zips up his backpack and puts it back on. “I’ll see you later,” he says as he moves forward and gives Harry a quick hug. “Bye Harry.”

Harry nods and then Louis is gone.

He walks to the parking deck in a bit of a trance because did Louis just give him a fucking teddy bear that fucking says “I love you” when you squeeze it? Did that really fucking happen? What the fuck?

“Everything alright, Harry?”

The curly-haired boy looks up when he hears his name. “Liam.”

“Yes?”

He shrugs. “Nothing.”

Liam narrows his eyes at whatever Harry has cupped in his hands. “What’s that?”

“Nothing,” Harry says again.

“Really? Then show it to me.”

“Stop being an ass and lets just go home,” Harry says, hoping for Liam to drop the subject and get in the car, so he can spend a half hour thinking about everything that is Louis.

Liam crosses his arms. “I’m not being an ass.” He reaches out to take whatever it is that is in Harry’s hand, but Harry quickly stashes it in his messenger bag and hugs it close to his chest. “Fine.” He unlocks the doors to his car and they slide in. Harry drops his bag to the ground, so he can shut his door and put on his seatbelt, but freezes when he hears the kissing noise and an _I love you_. “Did your bag just say it loves you?”

Harry blushes. “Yes?”

With a quick movement, Liam grabs his bag and pulls out the bear. He squeezes it and after he’s been told that the bear loves him, he throws it in Harry’s lap. “Who gave you that?”

“No one.” Harry shrugs.

Something clicks inside Liam’s head. “Was it Louis?” Harry doesn’t answer. “Harry, he gave you a bear on Valentine’s Day that says I love you.”

“He didn’t know it said anything,” Harry responds defensively.

“You do know what this means, right?”

“No.”

“He likes you,” Liam states.

“I doubt it,” he replies because there is no way in Hell that Louis likes Harry like that. He was just being friendly by giving Harry the bear. He probably gave one to Niall and to Shawn and the lady who makes his sandwiches in the dining hall. “It’s just a bear, Liam. It’s not like it means anything.”

“Sure.” Liam starts the car. “If that’s what you want to believe.”

“He doesn’t like me like that.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You don’t know that he does,” Harry retorts.

Liam reverses out of the parking spot and begins driving out of the deck. “And you don’t know that he doesn’t.”

Harry doesn’t say anything else because Liam is wrong and Louis is just a nice person and this bear is so god damn cute. Maybe Harry will name it Lenny.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: the bear thing actually happened to me and the guy turned out to be an asshole, so the bear is long gone. my love life is such a failure.
> 
>  
> 
> one more update todayyyy


	6. 1x06: You're On My Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi - MARTA is Atlanta's public transportation system.

**MARCH 2013**

Class registration is all about timing.

When classes are released a week before the seniors can register, it is best to pick and choose your perfect schedule for the next semester; however, it is also best to have at least two back-up schedules in mind just in case some upperclassman takes the last seat in the class you really wanted. After you have your classes picked out, you keep a post-it note or a note card or a draft on your phone of the class registration numbers (CRNs) handy, so you are able to register quickly and easily when it is time.

Seniors go first, then honor students followed by juniors, then sophomores and ending with freshmen. Class registration can be seen as hierarchy especially to the underclassmen who don’t get the classes they want, but it makes sense if you think about it. No one would want to keep a senior from graduating because he or she couldn’t register for the one class they need – that would just be cruel, wouldn’t it?

**

“Harry?”

The curly-haired boy looks up from his phone when he hears his name. He stands up, grabbing his messenger bag and walking over to the lady that called his name. “Hello.”

“Hi,” she smiles. “My name is Leslie.” She extends her hand and Harry shakes it.

“Nice to meet you.”

Leslie leads Harry to her office and they both take their respective seats. “So Harry, what brings you to your advisors office today?”

Harry shifts slightly. “I was hoping to talk about which classes I have to take in the Fall.”

She nods. “We can do that. Let me just pull up your academic program.” Leslie clicks on a few things before she asks Harry for his student number. She hits enter and waits for the page to load. “Okay, I see that you’ve taken both of your English and you got your math and science out of the way as well as US History and Government with some electives.”

“Yeah, but like, I just wanted to make sure I’m on track.” Harry messes with a loose thread on his shirt. He doesn’t really need to be sitting in his advisor’s office because he knows what classes he has to take, but he just is scared that he’s going to take the wrong class and mess up his entire college career.

Leslie smiles slightly. “You’re only in your first year of college, so it’s a bit rare to get too far off track. From the looks of it, you’re nice and steady on track to move on to Accounting I and II, and Macro and Microeconomics.”

Harry makes a face. “Those classes don’t sound like fun at all. There’s no way I can get around them, can I?”

“I’m afraid not. All business majors have to take these classes as well as a business law class and a CIS course, which you can choose which order you want to take them in,” she explains and Harry nods. “I’d recommend you take Accounting I, one of the econs, either business law or CIS, and then your choice of electives, depending on how many credit hours you plan on taking.”

“Fifteen,” Harry says. “I’m hoping to graduate in a four-year span.”

“Looking at your grades from last semester, if you keep that up and keep taking fifteen hours each semester, you should get there. Unless you begin taking a couple classes in the summer semester to take a load off in the year?” she suggests.

Harry considers it for a moment, but he decides against it considering he knows for a fact that Liam is not taking summer classes because he can’t afford it and there is no way Harry will be driving himself to campus every day. “Nah, no summer classes for me.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” Leslie pulls out a piece of paper and writes down the classes she already stated. “Now, have you thought of electives? You have six hours still in the air.”

“I have, actually,” he replies. “I was thinking about Speech 250 and Psych 101.”

“Good choices, but what about a more upper level class than Intro to Psych?”

Harry shakes his head. “I’m good,” he says, but what he really means is that _I’m scared of failing miserably, so I’m just going to stick with an easier class._

**

It is two Monday’s since classes have been released; seniors registered last Monday and today, it is finally time for the freshmen to pick their classes. Registration opens at 9:00AM, so those who are smart will be up and about minutes before to register the second it is time.

Harry’s alarm rings at 8:45AM and he groans and almost hits snooze, but he remembers that he has to register for classes this morning. He purposely slept next to his laptop, so he wouldn’t have to go far and it makes it easier for him to turn on the computer and sign on to the registration page.

Liam has been awake since seven and he nervously taps his fingers on his desk as he waits. He is already dressed for day and there’s an empty bowl of cereal next to him. He has a small dry-erase board on the wall behind his desk that he wrote the CRNs on in big, red numbers.

Louis wakes up five minutes ‘til nine and he wastes no time in getting up and moving his finger on his track pad to wake his laptop up. He has to sort through the random papers he has on his desk to find the one piece of paper he needs. He mentally curses himself for being disorganized.

Niall is awoken by a pillow to the face. He is about to kill Louis, but then Louis reminds him of class registration, so he puts his murderous thoughts away. With a grunt, he gets out of bed and slumps down in his desk chair, lifting the screen of his laptop and waiting.

As soon as the clock hits nine, all four boys and a good amount of the freshmen class begin their registration adventure. Harry carefully types in the CRNs and within a minute, he is registered for the five classes he wanted. Liam has a typo in one of his CRNs which makes him signed up for a ceramics class instead of Geography. Louis forgot to deal with the stupid holds on his account which makes him late to register by a few minutes only to find out he could have registered three days prior on Friday. Niall tries to register for Intro to Spanish I, but it says that with his placement exam scores, he is able to register for a 300 level Spanish class, so he just goes with the flow.

Harry is smug to have registered in a minute. He predicts that Fall semester should go good even though he is absolutely terrified of accounting. He is a Marketing major, so he just doesn’t understand why he has to take accounting and econ instead of a collection of Marketing courses.

Because of the typo, Liam’s first choices are gone and he has to rework his schedule. He ends up with a hectic schedule with stupid breaks in between classes. He takes this as a sign of what he has to do for the new year that he’s been trying to decide for the past month.

Louis cringes at the mixture of business and journalism classes he is signed up for. He knows that it’s probably not going to be as bad as it looks, but he can’t help but worry that’s he’s going to fuck up like before. He wants to do better, he wants to be better and he wants to prove that he can do it.

Niall is registered for one 100 level class, two 200 level classes, and one 300 level class and he has no idea what that’s about. Instead of taking a screen shot of his schedule and posting it online for everyone to see, he goes back to bed since his class isn’t for another couple of hours.

**

Liam and Zayn are in a middle of a conversation when Harry gets in the car. “Hey guys, what’s up?” Harry doesn’t even blink twice anymore when he sees Zayn sitting shotgun. It’s not rare for Zayn to pop up and spend the day with them, but Harry does wonder when Zayn goes to his classes at the Art Institute or if he even goes anymore.

Zayn shoots Liam a glare and Harry knows there’s something up. It’s quiet for a couple minutes before Zayn turns in his seat to look at Harry. “Hey.” His voice is short.

“What’s going on?” Harry asks. In the past seven months of knowing Zayn, he has never seen him or Liam in an argument of any sort. It’s honestly weird.

“Oh, I don’t know, why don’t you ask Liam?”

“Zayn.” Liam sounds annoyed.

There’s a small voice inside Harry’s head that is telling him that whatever Liam and Zayn were talking about had to deal with him and it doesn’t make him feel good. “Liam?”

He sighs. “It’s nothing, Harry.”

No one says anything for the remainder of the car ride and Harry can’t seem to concentrate on listening to the music playing in his ears. What is it that they were talking about? Why does Zayn seem peeved? Why does Liam seem like he’s hiding something?

After Liam parks the car, Harry grabs his bag and gets out. He wants to ask again what’s going on, but the looks on Liam’s and Zayn’s faces tell him not to. As he is walking away from them, he hears Liam ask Zayn, “Why’d you do that for?” Harry doesn’t hear Zayn’s answer.

**

By the time Harry is done with his classes for the day, he has thought up of what it is that Liam is not telling him, and the more he thinks about it, the worse he comes up with. Maybe Liam finally has a girlfriend. Maybe Liam is in the process of changing his major. Maybe Liam is losing car privileges. Maybe Liam is transferring schools.

Harry vows that the next time he sees Liam, he is going to demand that he tell him what’s going on.

“What’s going on?”

Liam freezes in his tracks. Slowly, he turns around and sighs. “Harry, it’s nothing.”

“Really?” Harry raises his brow. “Then why aren’t you telling me? I thought we were best friends, or was I just temporary until you reconnected with Zayn?”

“Oh god, no.” Liam shakes his head. “It’s not that you aren’t my best friend because you are, it’s just . . . that’s why I—” He sighs again.

Harry finds is a bit ridiculous of how they are standing in the middle of the parking deck and having this conversation. “Just spit it out, Liam. What, are you like dying or something? If you are, you know I’m here for you always. If it’s your parents or sisters or anything.”

“I know,” Liam nods. “It really isn’t even a big deal or anything. I’m just being stupid.”

“Then tell me,” Harry urges.

He takes a breath. “We,” Liam starts, but pauses. “I’m moving out of my parents’ house.”

“Okay.”

“So I can concentrate more next semester.”

“Okay.”

“And my schedule is super shitty.”

“Okay.”

“You’re not upset?” Liam asks.

Harry gives him a confused look. “Why would I be upset?” He knows Liam is not the best to talk about his feelings or whatever, but this has nothing to do with his feelings, so Harry doesn’t understand why Liam is just not saying what he has to say. If Liam doesn’t just say it, Harry might just break out into John Mayer.

A car honks at them and the two friends move out of the way. Liam watches the car drive out of the deck before he turns his attention back to Harry. “I just . . . My grades are not what I need them to be and I never wanted to be one of those people who have to spend their entire college career making up their GPA from their freshmen year, but I am. I could never concentrate at home because of my parents constant arguing and how my sisters would never leave me alone,” Liam explains. “And I have no place of my own in that house and sleeping in the living room sucks ass and I just . . . I need to get out of there.”

“Okay,” Harry says. “But is that it? I get why you need to get out of your house, but I don’t get why it took you all day to tell me.” Because if that is all Liam had to say, he is about to get a smack on the back of his head.

“There’s more.”

“Okay.”

“We can’t carpool anymore.”

“Why?”

“Because the apartment I will hopefully be living in will be MARTA accessible.”

“Oh.” Now Harry understands why Liam has been hesitant about telling him about this because Liam knows why Harry just doesn’t drive to campus on his own. He wants to panic because there’s no way he will be able to make the thirty-five minute commute every day to and from the city and just thinking about it makes Harry nauseous.

Liam instantly places a comforting hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Hey, don’t freak out on me, Haz. There’s still something else.”

“More?” Shit, Liam probably is transferring to another university and is totally leaving Harry here by himself to deal with college alone. Well, maybe not completely alone because there’s Louis, but he can quit the international program at any point and go back to England and _shit_. Shit, Harry needs to sit down because he can’t quite breathe properly.

“Harry,” Liam says as he pulls Harry towards one of the pillars and lets him lean against it. “Breathe, alright? It’s good news.” When Harry calms down a bit, Liam finally says the last little bit. “I know how you avoid driving like the plague, so I propose that you move into this apartment with me.”

He looks at Liam with his big, green eyes. “What?”

“It just makes sense, y’know?” Liam responds. “You don’t have to, of course,” he adds as an afterthought. “I just thought it’d be last since we probably won’t get to hang out much with not having car rides between us anymore.”

Harry doesn’t say anything, he just leans against the pillar and focuses on his breathing.

“Are you alright?”

“I think I need a drink.”

Liam laughs, but it’s more of a nervous laugh than anything. “Let’s just get home, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Harry nods. As they walk to the car, he asks, “Where’s Zayn?”

“In the car,” he answers. “Most likely sleeping.” And Liam is right – Zayn is knocked out in the backseat, so Harry slides into the passenger’s seat. When Liam drops Harry off in front of his house, he asks Harry to think about his proposal. “You don’t have to decide anytime soon.”

Harry nods. “I know. I’ll let you know as soon as I figure it out.”

**

“Alright, who stole your cat?”

Harry turns his head and sees his mom sitting next to him at the kitchen table. “What kind of question is that?”

She cracks a smile. “One to make you talk. What’s on your mind?”

“What isn’t on my mind?” Harry leans back and stretches his legs out in front of him. “I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.”

“Okay. Just walk me though what you’re thinking about right now. Maybe I can help,” she offers.

“Liam is moving into an apartment for next year,” Harry starts. “And he’ll be closer to campus, so he won’t be driving there anymore which means he can’t drive me.”

“Ah,” she nods. “You know, if you want, you can drive yourself. It’s not too bad of a drive once you get the hang of it and know where you’re going.”

“I don’t want, though.”

“Then what are you going to do? Online courses?”

Harry shakes his head. “Liam proposed that we move in to the apartment together.”

His mom taps her fingers against the table and she lets his words sink in. “Would you want to do that? Move in to your own place?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “I can’t exactly drive every day without freaking out and I don’t have anyone to drive me next year because you have work and Gemma is busy and I could dorm, but then it’d just be better to live with Liam instead of a stranger. I really don’t know, Mom.” Harry crosses his arms on the table and rests his head down on his hands. “What do I do?”

She reaches over and rubs his arm. “I can’t make that decision for you, H. If you want to move out, then I’m not going to stand in your way. You’re an adult now and moving out of your mother’s house is all part of growing up.”

Harry sighs and lets the thought turn over in his head. It’s not that he thinks living with Liam will be the worst thing ever. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be some more independent. It’s not that he’s not ready to grow up. It’s not that he won’t be able to afford it. It’s that he’s afraid of having to drive. It’s that he’s afraid he’ll lose Liam’s friendship. It’s that he’s afraid of the real world – he gets some money from the government to use for housing, but he’d still have to get a job to pay for groceries and bills and oh, my god, he’s actually considering it.

“Do what you feel is best, Harry,” his mom tells him.

**

It is two weeks and three days later when Harry looks at Liam, takes a deep breath and simply asks, “So, when do we go apartment hunting?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the fun begins next chapter, trust me on this. 
> 
>  
> 
> have a nice day, folks :) x


	7. 1x07: Brave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said in the description, this story is set up like a TV show with every chapter as an episode. There will be 5 seasons/series, and this episode is the season 1 finale. 
> 
> Also, every episode title is a song title, and if you're every curious about who the artist to these songs are, let me know and i'll direct you to a youtube video :)

**APRIL 2013**

Move-out season.

It comes right at the end of April and rolls into the first week of May. Residents never look forward to this time because on top of having to deal with final exams, they have to figure out how they’re going to pack up nine months’ worth of their lives by the final date to move out. It’s stressful and time-consuming and having to move back and forth from home to college twice a year sucks ass.

However, once residents are all packed and ready to go home, they are finally free from the stress of classes. They have about three and a half months to relax and catch up with their families and their friends from high school. That is, if they don’t end up taking a couple of classes for the summer semester.

**

Harry is dropped off in front of the Student Center on the day of his last final of the semester by his mother because Liam’s last final exam was on Thursday. _That lucky bastard_ , Harry thinks to himself as he crosses the street. His original plan is to chill in the library until it is time for his final at 2:00PM, but since that is a good three hours away and since he doesn’t have to study because it is an open-note test, he changes his plan.

Or more like he gets a text message and changes his plan after he reads it.

**_From: Louis_ **

_Please tell me you have not left campus yet._

**_From: Harry_ **

_I have not. Why?_

**_From: Louis_ **

_I may need some ass_

Harry stares at his phone with wide eyes. Did Louis really send that? Maybe Niall stole his phone and is trying to be funny. Maybe he just read it wrong. (Nope, he read it correctly after rereading it for the fifth time.) Maybe this is just a big joke and Harry is the big idiot falling for it.

**_From: Louis_ **

_Shit, I meant I need some assistance. This stupid phone._

**_From: Harry_ **

_I have a couple of hours before my final._

**_From: Louis_ **

_Brilliant. Meet me in my room._

**_From: Harry_ **

_Are you sure you don’t need some ass ;)_

**_From: Louis_ **

_Cheeky. now get over here._

Harry laughs at his momentary freak out and pockets his phone. He does a one-eighty and heads towards the residence halls, walking straight into Louis’ building and to the elevators. He knocks and he hears a yelp before Louis opens the door.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, looking Louis over.

“Just tripped over a box,” Louis answers nonchalantly. “Now come on in, we have a lot of work to do.” He steps aside and lets Harry through. “I was gonna get Niall to help, but that little fucker went home Saturday morning.”

Harry looks around the room and it looks like all of Louis’ belongings exploded. There are clothes all over his bed and his desk and floor are cluttered with who-knows-what. “Holy shit, Lou. How do you have so much stuff?”

He shrugs. “I have bad spending habits?”

“I’ll say.” Harry side steps a pile of shoes and leans against (what used to be) Niall’s bed. “So you need my help packing?”

“Obviously.” Louis starts going through the papers on his desk and throws a stack of them away. “Unless you have to study for your final,” he says after a minute of thought.

Harry shakes his head. “Nah, I’m good. What do you need me to do?”

He looks around the room before asking, “How are you with folding?” Harry answers by shaking his head, but going towards the piles of clothes on the bed. “And babe, all of my pants better still be there when you’re done.”

The younger boy barks out a laugh. “Like I’d want anything to do with your briefs, Tomlinson.”

“And suddenly I’m impressed that you know what I meant by pants,” Louis says fondly.

He blushes because Harry may or may not have looked up British English translations for Americans and studied it for a few days to not be as confused as to what Louis says. “I blame spending the past nine months with you.”

“Oi! You know you love me!”

 _Of course I do_ , Harry says to himself. Out loud, he replies, “You would like that, wouldn’t you?”

Louis throws a towel at Harry’s head. “Would you just fold the clothes, please?”

“Aye, aye captain!” Harry salutes him and picks up the towel that was just thrown at him.

The two friends pack for the next hour with light conversation between them. Harry can tell that Louis isn’t really looking forward to go home and he doesn’t understand why. He bets that England is so much cooler than America is, well especially Georgia. There has been something with Louis that bugs Harry and that something is whatever Louis is keeping secret. It has been months since they first had that conversation of how Louis ended up here, but he never answered the question fully and Harry has never gotten past it.

When the clock is nearing 1:00PM, Harry takes a break. “Hey, Lou?”

“Hmm?”

“What are your plans for lunch?”

Louis shrugs. “I was thinking about going down to the dining hall. That is, if I ever get remotely close to finishing here.”

“How about you take a break?” Harry suggests.

He looks around the room and it’s not as cluttered as before, but there’s still a lot to me done. “I don’t know, Haz.”

“Aw, come on.”

“Fine,” Louis says after a moment. “Only because I am hungry.” They are about to leave when Louis freezes. “Wait, I have no money on me for food. I’m going to have to spend whatever I have to fly these boxes home.”

“That’s fine, I got you,” Harry offers.

Louis shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. You don’t have to pay for me.”

Harry smiles. “Don’t I owe you for something?”

“I don’t think so.”  
“Yes, I do. Now, come on.” Harry is not taking no for an answer and Louis knows that, so he complies. They end up at the Mexican restaurant close to campus and order a helping of nachos big enough for two. “What do you want to drink?” he asks Louis as he holds an empty cup in each hand.  Louis tries to take one, but Harry shakes his head.

“Um . . . surprise me,” Louis requests. Harry goes off to the drink machine as Louis takes a seat at a table with a basket of nachos in front of him. “Thank you,” he tells Harry as he places the drinks on the table before sitting down. “You really didn’t have to pay.”

“It’s no big deal.”

They spend the next half hour stuffing their faces with nachos and making each other try different flavors of salsa. The pineapple salsa is a favorite for both, but Harry is not a fan of the habanero salsa and Louis despises the black bean salsa. Overall, it’s a good lunch and Louis can’t say that he is upset that Harry dragged him away from packing.

As they are walking back towards the dorms, Harry checks the time. “Well, my final is about to start, so I better get going.”

“Oh, right. I forget that people still have exams going on,” Louis admits.

“Yeah, I hate it, but it should be an easy test,” Harry says with confidence. They are both waiting at a crosswalk and he scratches the back of his neck. “Are you gonna be alright with packing? Do you still want me to help after I’m done?”

Louis shakes his head. “Nah, what kind of friend would I be if I forced you to spend your first moments of summer helping me pack my shit?”

“I really wouldn’t mind.”

“But don’t you want to go home and relax?”

Harry shrugs. “I can go home later.”

“Okay then. See you in a bit.”

“See you,” he agrees.

Harry is about to cross the street, but Louis calls his name. “Good luck on your exam, love,” Louis wishes him.

“Thank you,” he grins.

It takes Harry a little over an hour to finish his Religions final exam. He is pretty sure he aced the exam and aced the class as well. It was a fairly simple class and the tests were always straight from the professor’s lecture slides.

Although, the exam was easy and Harry had the answers right in front of him, he lost focus every few questions because his thoughts would move away from Four Noble Truths to Louis. It really blows his mind that he’s known him for almost a year now and how close they are. Usually, Harry sucks at making friends, but with Louis, it just worked. He tried to think about the two different sectors of Islam and how there are Sunnis and Shiites, but then his mind drifts off to a plethora of memories shared with Louis.

He has to yell at himself the entire hour, but Harry makes it through and turns his exam in with a smile. He gathers his notes and tosses them in the trash can on the way out of the classroom because it’s not like he’s going to need them again.

By the time he makes it back to Louis’ room, Louis is just about done with packing and it looks like he’s showered and everything. “I guess you didn’t need my help that much anymore.”

“Nah, I was just motivated to get it done, so I can sit around for a while and do nothing,” Louis replies. “How was your exam?”

“Easy peasy lemon squeezy.”

Louis laughs. “You are a dork.”

“Shut up.” Harry’s tone is light. “What time is your flight tomorrow?”

“Noon,” he answers. “I still need to figure out how I’m going to get all this crap to the airport. I was going to take MARTA like I did when I arrived in August, but I didn’t have as much stuff then.”

Harry considers this for a moment before coming up with a suggestion. “How about you leave some of your stuff with me? I can put your boxes in the back of my closet all summer and that way you won’t have to worry about them being world travelers.”

“1,” Louis begins, “You are a dork. And 2, would you really do that for me?”

“Of course.”

“Harold, days like today, I feel as if you were sent from above specifically for me.”

“Now, who’s the dork?”

“I learn from the best.”

“Hey!”

Louis laughs and Harry is totally enamored by the sound as he has been since August. “I’m definitely going to miss you over the summer.”

Harry nods in agreement. “Same to you.”

They stand there for a moment or two and just look at each other. Harry really doesn’t want Louis to go because of a lot of reasons and they mostly deal with the stupid crush he’s had all year. Louis really doesn’t want to go because he highly doubts anyone actually missed him and he did leave quite a mess back home.

“Do you want to watch something?” Louis asks, pointing as his laptop that has yet to be packed. “Unless you have like Liam waiting for you or something.”

“Yeah, no, I can stay,” Harry says. “My mom dropped me off this morning and she should be picking me up in about an hour.”

Harry and Louis sit on Louis’ bed and move the laptop as close as they can to them with what the Ethernet cord allows (because there’s no Wi-Fi in the building, how rude). Louis scrolls through Netflix until he and Harry agree on a movie.

“I can’t believe we just watched a movie about butt’ah,” Louis states as the end credits roll up.

Harry smiles as Louis’ accent. “Well, yeah, but it wasn’t horrible. Who knew people took butter sculpting seriously?”

“Definitely not me.” Louis stretches his arms above his head. “Hey, wasn’t your mum supposed to pick you up a while ago?”

“Hmm . . .” Harry fishes his phone out of his pocket and texts his mom.

**_From: Harry_ **

_Hey mom, did you forget about me?_

**_From: Mom_ **

_Of course not, H. I’m held up at the office. Are you okay to stay on campus for a while? I’m really sorry._

**_From: Harry_ **

_Don’t worry about it, mom. I’m hanging out with a friend._

**_From: Mom_ **

_I’ll let you know as soon as I’m on my way._

**_From: Harry_ **

_Okay. Love you._

**_From: Mom_ **

_Love you, too. See you soon._

“So?” Louis asks, looking from Harry’s phone to his face then back to his phone.

“She’s running late,” he replies. “I hope you don’t mind me sticking around for a little while longer.”

“I don’t mind at all.”

For what Harry thought would only be a couple of more hours, turns into the remainder of the night. His mom feels horrible for making him wait, but he eventually tells her _it’s okay_ and that he can just _stay in his friend’s dorm room and he’ll see you tomorrow._

Harry places his phone down. “Are you sure it’s okay if I stay here? I feel like I’m intruding on your last night in Atlanta for a while.”

“Don’t be silly. It’s absolutely fine,” Louis insists. “Just be glad Niall’s already left or you’d be sleeping on the flood.”

He gasps. “You wouldn’t share your bed for a guest? How rude.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Oh, shut up and go to sleep. I have to wake up early tomorrow. Is Liam still coming?”

“Yup and he’s always on time, so you should be good,” he assures him.

“Okay.” Louis turns out the lights and lies down in his bed while Harry does the same. They’re quiet for a while, the only noises are the ones from the city and the music playing from Louis’ iPod. He waits a while before he opens his mouth. “Hey, Harry? You awake?”

“Yeah,” Harry replies. “What’s up?”

“Just wanted to talk.”

“About what?”

“Anything, really,” Louis answers honestly. It’s almost 2AM, so he understands if Harry doesn’t exactly want to talk at the moment.

“Oh.”

“Unless you want to sleep.”

Harry shakes his head even though Louis can’t see in him in the dark. “No, it’s alright. Um . . . why don’t we ask questions to each other until we find something we want to talk about?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Louis agrees. “How would you describe your first year in university?”

“Much better than my last year in high school,” he answers.

“Why is that?”

“Because people suck, you know?” Harry shifts in his bed, so he is lying on his side and facing towards Louis. “It’s like everything went to shit that year.”

“Okay.” Louis turns his head. “Have any questions you want to ask me?”

Harry considers asking the one question that has been on his mind, but he decides against it. “Are you excited to get back to familiar grounds?”

“Yes and no.”

“Why is that?”

Louis sighs. “It’s weird to go back after I’ve been gone for so long. Like, part of me misses being home, but the other part is glad that I got away for a while.”

“I don’t know how I’d handle being in another country for a year,” Harry admits.

“It’s not all that bad,” Louis comments. “So, Harry,” he says after a minute.

“Yes?”

“How’s your love life?”

Harry laughs bitterly. “It’s nonexistent these days.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Louis says, genuinely.

“Don’t be.”

“Can I ask what happened?”

“I really liked this guy last year, but just like everything else, it went to shit,” Harry states.

Louis frowns. “I’m sorry.”

“Again, don’t be. The guy was an asshole.” Harry lies on back and stares up at the ceiling. He doesn’t like thinking about Seth because Seth fucked a lot of things up for Harry.

They’re silent for a few minutes before Louis asks, “But what about now? I mean, the asshole was last year.”

“Yeah, there was someone who caught my eye,” Harry says before he can stop himself. “But I’ve been basically friend-zoned, so there’s no point.”

“Do I know him?”

“Maybe.”

“Tell me.”

Harry stays silent.

“Harry?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me.”

“Tell you what?” Harry asks.

“Who you like.”

“I—” Harry sighs. “I don’t know.” The longer this conversation goes on, the more nervous the younger boy gets. His palms are starting to sweat and even though the room is cool from the air conditioning, his body feels hot. His throat is getting dry and he no longer feels comfortable in his skin.

“Okay then.”

Harry bites his cheek as he thinks about why he is a nervous wreck at the moment. He’s scared that if he tells Louis how he really feels, their friendship will forever be ruined and he doesn’t want that. Harry has never had many friends to begin with, so he really values the friends he does have and he doesn’t want to lose a friend because of stupid feelings. He doesn’t even understand these feelings and he’s just scared because he doesn’t want to get hurt again. He doesn’t want to give his heart away only for it to be torn apart.

It takes about twenty minutes before Harry opens his mouth to speak again and it is only because the song playing is tormenting him. _If you don’t try, you’ll never fly, but you gotta be brave_ , is what the song tells him and Harry wants to pull out his hair because it’s right. What if he tells Louis it’s him and nothing changes? What if he tells Louis it’s him and everything changes? What if he tells Louis it’s him and whatever happens is supposed to happen?

He gulps. “You.”

Louis blinks his eyes open. “Pardon?”

“It’s you . . .” Harry says slowly, “Um . . . I like.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey Harry?”

“Hmm?”

“I like you, too.” Louis sits up, “Just, hold on.” He slides out of bed and takes a few steps toward Harry. “Mind if I hop on?” Harry tries to scoot over, but Louis stops him. The older boy walks to the end of the bed and climbs on. He settles himself between the wall and Harry.

They’ve been this close before, but it doesn’t stop Harry’s heart rate from speeding up. He turns around, so he’s facing Louis. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Louis smiles. He moves some hair out of Harry’s face. “You have horrible timing, Harold.”

“I know.”

Louis kisses his forehead and rubs his arm. “Go to sleep, love. We have to be up in like six hours.”

Harry doesn’t say anything else; he closes his eyes and hopes his heart will calm the fuck down, so he can to sleep. It takes him a while, but when sleep finally comes, Harry falls asleep with a smile on his face.

When he wakes up, Louis is not next to him. Harry turns around – nearly falling out of the small bed – and sees Louis packing up the last bits of the room. Louis’ bed has been stripped of the sheets and his laptop is no longer on his desk. Harry watches him for a couple of minutes before Louis feels eyes on him.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

Harry yawns and rubs the sleep out of his eye. “What time is it?”

“Around ten, I believe,” Louis answers. “Liam should be here soon.”

“Yeah.” Harry gets out of bed and stretches his arms and his back, feeling content after everything _cracks_. “Do you need help with anything?”

Louis shakes his head. “No, I got it. I just have to tape this box shut and I’m done. This year is officially over.”

“I’m sad for it to end,” Harry admits. “It’s been a good year.”

“It has,” Louis agrees. “We should uh, talk about last night.”

“Right.” Harry stuffs his hands into his back pockets. “Do you, like . . .”

“Want to be together?” Louis finishes and Harry nods. “The ball is in your court, so it’s your call.”

Harry bites his lip. “That’s not fair. Why do I have to decide?”

“Because I know you’ll make the right decision,” he grins. “So, what do you say?”

“I say,” Harry pauses. “I say that if you’re for it, then I’m for it.” He knows it’s silly because Louis is soon to leave the country for the entire summer and he feels a bit like an idiot, but he doesn’t care at the moment.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

Before Harry can say anything else, his phone beeps and it’s a text from Liam, saying that he’s here. “Liam’s downstairs.”

Louis hands him a box. “Then let’s start moving me out, shall we?”

It takes them two trips each to bring down all of Louis’ stuff to Liam’s car. They place the boxes that Harry is taking home in the car first, so there’s not a struggle at the airport. Once the car is loaded up and Louis returns his room key and access card, the three of them are on their way to Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport.

When they reach the airport, Louis gets out of the car and goes to get his suitcases out. Harry helps him and soon, they’re standing at the entrance of the airport just staring at each other.

“I should get going,” Louis says.

“Yeah,” Harry agrees.

“Thanks for helping me.”

“Always.”

Louis steps forward and kisses Harry on the cheek. “I’ll see you.”

Harry can’t hide the blush on his cheeks even if he tried. “August isn’t that far away.”

“I should really go,” he says, but he doesn’t move.

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too.” Louis hugs Harry and holds him for a few seconds. “Don’t forget about me.”

Harry scoffs, tightening his arms around him. “I would never.” Louis lets go and Harry wishes him a safe flight.

Louis nods. “I really need to go.”

“You keep saying that.” He smiles.

It takes another five minutes, but finally, Louis is rolling his suitcases inside and Harry gets back in the car. Both boys have smiles on their faces and a happy feeling in their stomachs.

“Well, that was cute,” Liam comments.

“Shut up.” Harry is still smiling.

Liam starts driving away from the airport. “I mean, you guys did spend the entire night together and I can only imagine what you two did.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Payne. Nothing like that happened,” he tells him. “We just watched movies and hung out and talked.”

“That’s it?” Liam asks and Harry nods. “Then why are you smiling so big if you didn’t do the deed?”

“Oh god.” Harry blushes. “We’re together now.”

“ _Together_ together?”

“Yes.”

“It’s about damn time,” Liam smiles. And really, it is.

**

**MAY 2013**

It has been almost ten months since the last time he was here and it’s scary of how easily he can remember his way here. He has been here multiple times in the past, but he thought that being away for nearly a year would change things. He sees that he was wrong.

“Um . . . hi,” Louis says lamely. “I know I haven’t been around often, but that’s ‘cause I’ve been in the States. I hope you’re not too upset with me.”

Louis realizes that that was a stupid thing to say, so he takes his usual seat.

“Right well I,” he stops talking. Is he just going to straight up say it? There’s no point in beating around the bush and he knows that. “I met someone,” Louis blurts out. “He reminded me of you a lot at the beginning and I guess that’s why I instantly was drawn towards him, but thinking back now, I see that you two are different and I hope that’s okay.”

Louis leans back on the palms of his hands and looks up, breathing in a gush of air. This is harder than he thought it would be, but he won’t be able to keep going without telling him. He has to even if he still feels horrible after all of these years because it’s the right thing to do.

“I’m sorry for everything,” he apologizes. “I really am.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling in my bones that you have questions, assumptions, and theories. Please tell me all of them!


	8. 2x01: Fall

**AUGUST 2013**

“It’s going to be a good year.”

We tend to make this prediction twice a year: the first time is when the clock strikes midnight on January 1st and the second time is right before the new school year begins. We let our minds wander off to what could possibly happen in the upcoming months and we’re all excited because anything can happen, anything is possible. Of course, we only hope for good things because they are something to look forward to. The bad things, well they’re always unexpected, aren’t they?

The New Year usually marks a new step on the ladders of our life. It means we’ve made it through another three hundred and sixty-five days (three hundred and sixty-six for leap years). It means we are a year older, but not always wiser. It means that we are willing to face whatever life throws at us.

Okay, maybe not all of us.

**

Harry gathers the empty boxes in his room and takes them into the kitchen – his very own kitchen – and sets them down next to Liam’s empty boxes. It’s insane to think that this apartment is his (and Liam’s) and his permanent address is no longer the house he has spent the last fifteen years in. This is a huge step in his life and he kind of wants to give himself a pat on the back for actually going through with it.

It is weird to think that he is actually growing up because it feels like he was in high school not all that long ago. Time is going by rather quickly and Harry is unsure if he’s okay with that. College is supposed to be the best years of your life and Harry really hopes that is true because the four years spent in high school were horrible. His first year went by so quickly that he can’t even remember everything that happened except for a handful of wonderful moments.

“Please tell me you are figuring out how we’re going to set up the living room in that head of yours.”

“I haven’t,” Harry replies. “But let’s set up the TV wherever the cable is at and go from there.”

Liam opens his mouth to reply, but he doesn’t get a chance to say anything before someone knocks on the door. “I guess I’ll get that.” He backtracks a few steps until he is standing in front of the door. He opens it. “Oh, you’re early.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Zayn walks in the apartment and looks around some. “I like it.”

Liam shoves his shoulder after he shuts the door. “You saw it before.”

“Ow.” Zayn rubs his shoulder. “But now that it has all of your stuff in it, it has more of a feeling to it.”

Harry chuckles. “Really now?”

“Yes.”

“Sure,” Liam says.

Zayn crosses his arms. “Stop making fun of me. That’s not nice.”

“We’re not.”

“Nope.” Harry checks the time on his watch. “Shit, I gotta go if I don’t want to be late.” He kicks the boxes to the side, so they are not in the middle of the kitchen.

“Late for what?” Zayn asks as Harry walks past him to get to his room.

Once Harry comes out with a pair of shoes on his feet and a different t-shirt on his torso, he answers, “Training. I got a job at the daycare on campus for professors’ and students’ kids at the front desk.” Liam hands him his keys. “Thank you.”

“You need training for just sitting a desk all day?”

Harry shakes his head. “It’s not just that. I have to make sure no one enters the floor that isn’t supposed to. And there’s an entire protocol for picking up the kids that I have to know by heart because if one of those little people go missing, I’m going to be in some deep shit.”

Zayn makes a face. “Sounds horrible.”

Liam rolls his eyes. “Don’t listen to him, Haz.”

“Doesn’t really matter,” Harry shrugs. “I need to the money.” He pats his pockets to make sure he has his phone and his wallet and his keys. “Alright, we’ll I’m off. See you guys in a few hours.”

As Harry leaves his apartment complex, he is glad he and Liam found an apartment that is literally down the street from a MARTA station. With Liam’s class schedule being all over the place, Harry feared that he was going to have to drive himself to campus from wherever their apartment is, but he let go of that fear when he signed the lease for the apartment he lives in now.

It still hasn’t hit him: the fact that he no longer lives with his mother, the fact that he is now on his own, the fact that he truly is a big kid now. Harry believes that if it did hit him, then he would be so much more scared than he is now. Part of him wants to worry about not being able to pay bills and having to eat Ramen for two weeks straight, but the other part tells him to not worry and just embrace the fact that he, Harry Styles, is living in an apartment with his best friend and is about to embark on his second year of college, so shut up and smile.

And Harry does smile because in another week or so, a certain boy from Britain should be returning to the States.

**

The first day of the year feels different than it did last year. For one, Harry knows exactly where he is going now. Not only does he know where each building is located, he also has a good feel for how the classrooms are numbered inside of the buildings. Harry is chipper as he walks from the MARTA station to his first class because right next to him is a freshman with a campus map glued to his hands.

“Excuse me?”

Harry stops walking and looks at the map-clad freshman, pulling out one of his earphones. “Yes?”

“Do you know how to get to Coyle Hall?” he asks. “This map is no help.”

“I do.” Harry has to try his best not to laugh because he understands the frustration of your first day on a college campus and not knowing where the hell you are going. “Coyle is right across the street.”

The boy turns his head towards the building across the intersection, then back at his map, and then up at Harry. “Are you serious? I’ve been walking around the block for the past ten minutes!”

Harry pats him on the shoulder. “The map is horrible, but if you walk around on your own, you’ll get the hang of campus. The courtyard is great because all the main buildings have entrances from there.”

“Thank you,” the boy nods.

“No problem,” Harry smiles before continuing on his way to class.

His Accounting I class is in the same room as his Government class from last semester, so Harry finds it easily. He is not looking forward to learning one of the hardest courses a sophomore can take with three hundred others because there’s no way the professor can help them all. With a sigh and a hope to stay positive, Harry finds a seat in the second row towards the middle and sits down.

Just as the professor begins talking as her TAs pass out the syllabus, Harry sees the one person he has been dying to see enter the lecture hall. He takes in his hair (which is styled a bit different), his skin (which is tanned and pretty), his outfit (which is a white t-shirt with some sort of graphic on it and tight dark blue jeans), and his smile (which is directed at Harry).

In the hour and fifteen minutes that Harry is sitting in the room as the professor goes over the syllabus and begins teaching the first chapter, Harry is impatiently tapping his foot. Louis is sitting somewhere on the other side of the room and he can’t see him and God, why can’t the professor shut up and dismiss the class already?

Finally, one minute early, the professor ends the class. Harry throws his notes and pen into his messenger bag and hops up from his seat. He walks down to the front and watches his classmates gather their things and leave, all while searching for the one person he wants to see the most. Because it is such a large class, it is almost impossible to find Louis in the crowd while everyone is moving around. Harry checks the time on his phone and he really needs to get going soon if he doesn’t want to be late for his next class which is on the other side of campus; however, he doesn’t want to miss the opportunity to be in Louis’ presence once again.

It’s a great debate and after a minute and twenty-eight seconds pass, Harry sighs and leaves the room. He’ll have to catch Louis next time and he really wishes he could catch him now.

While Harry is ignoring his psych professor go on and on about how _this is an intro class_ and that there’s _more to this class than learning about psychological disorders_ and if _we’re really interested in that topic, that there’s an entire class about it that all us psych majors can take in a couple of semesters_ , he gets a text message. He rolls his eyes at the professor’s comment of all one hundred students being psych majors and pulls his phone out of his jeans pocket.

**_From: Louis_ **

_I couldn’t find you after class :(_

**_From: Harry_ **

_I couldn’t find you, either. I would’ve waited longer, but my class was all the way in Worthington :(_

**_From: Louis_ **

_Will you be heading towards the main part of campus?_

**_From: Harry_ **

_Yes, my next class is in Coyle._

**_From: Louis_ **

_God, H, how many classes are you taking?_

Harry looks up from his phone and he knows already he is going to hate this class. Not because he hates psychology, but because his teacher is an idiot and the class is filled with little shits (or better known as freshmen). You can’t even retort that Harry was a freshman just last year because he was not an idiot like the people around him. He predicts that a lot of them will withdraw from the class after the grades from the first exam are posted because of how they’re already being obnoxious idiots, they’re not going to do well in college.

**_From: Harry_ **

_5 in total, 3 today and wed and 2 on tues and thurs, and I already want to quit._

**_From: Louis_ **

_Ha, hang in there, love. Meet me outside of Coyle towards the courtyard when you’re done._

**_From: Harry_ **

_I’ll try and will do. See you soon :)_

**_From: Louis_ **

_You bet you will :) x_

Harry feels a little better after texting Louis for a few minutes because in a couple of hours, he will be able to properly talk to Louis. And they’ll hug because, yeah, why wouldn’t they hug? They haven’t seen each other in over three months, so the hug is inevitable. And if more happens, then more happens.

(Suddenly, Harry’s throat feels dry as his mind wanders off to what more can happen.)

Somehow – probably the excitement – the next two hours pass by and Harry adds the syllabus for his Speech class in the folder with the Accounting and Psychology ones. He packs his messenger bag for the last time of the day and leaves the class, opting to take the stairs down to save time to get outside. When Harry finally feels the heat of an August afternoon on his skin, he immediately begins to search for Louis. It’s just like how it was in Accounting, but so much worse because there are so many more people around.

The nineteen year old jumps when someone pokes his side. Harry turns his head and his face breaks into a smile. Over the break, he and Louis exchanged thousands of emails and would Skype whenever they could, but seeing each other face-to-face is different. It’s better and wonderful and there are really no words to describe how Harry is feeling at the moment.

“Are you just going to stare at me all day?”

Without breaking his smile, Harry grabs Louis’ arms and pulls him forward to catch him in a bone crushing hug. “I missed you.”

Louis smiles into his chest, breathing in the cinnamon scent that is Harry. “I missed you, too.” They stand like that for a couple of minutes, neither wanting to let go just yet. When they do separate, Louis is quick to grab Harry’s hand and intertwine their fingers. “Come on.” Louis walks them to the spot next to the fountain where they sat a year ago and had their first conversation.

“I haven’t been here in forever,” Harry comments. “It’s a good spot.”

“It is,” Louis agrees.

They sit down and there is no space between them, which is perfectly okay, but Harry senses something. “Is everything okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Answering a question with a questions, good job, Louis.

“Because you’re thinking.”

“How would you know that?”

“Because your eyes are here, but your mind is somewhere else.”

Louis twists his mouth to keep a frown off his face and looks up at Harry. “You shouldn’t know that.” He kind of hates that Harry is right, but Louis can’t help but think of how grateful he is to be back in America. His summer was horrible and there were three months’ worth of reminders of why he applied for this international program in the first place.

Harry shrugs. “I spent a lot of time watching you last year,” he blurts out without thinking. “ _Shit_ ,” he covers his mouth. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No,” Louis says. “I’m glad you did.” He rests his head on Harry’s shoulder. “I missed talking to you.” Then he adds as an afterthought, “Even if half the words out of your mind are nonsense.”

“Hey.” Harry’s voice is fond instead of offended. “You know you love my nonsense.”

“Of course I do. Why else would I be holding your enormous hand and sitting with you here?”

“I don’t know,” Harry replies. “Maybe you’re using me for my handsome looks.”

“Nope. You’re the one using me for my devilishly good looks,” Louis grins. The two boys – well, lovers – laugh. “But no, seriously,” he says once they calm down. “I do like you, for you.”

Harry smiles and tries to scoot closer to Louis. “Good because I like you, for you, too.”

“But you waited until the night before I left to tell me?” he asks, raising a brow.

“It’s not like you said anything before I did,” Harry retorts.

Louis gives him a playful shove. “For the record, I was eternally confused of your preferences, Harold. Some days, I was like yeah, he likes blokes, but then other days, I just didn’t know. And then that night when we were studying for that maths exam, and we went to the program and Shawn asked that question, I almost cheered because hey, I can have my answer, but—”

Harry cuts him off. “But I didn’t move.”

“Yup.”

“That was only because I was eternally confused about your preferences, Lou,” Harry explains. “I just kinda froze that night.”

Louis chuckles. “I remember and again, for the record, I did give you that bear of Valentine’s Day. You can’t forget that.”

“Ah,” he smiles. “The infamous ‘I love you’ bear.”

“I really didn’t know it said that,” defends Louis.

“Uh-huh.”

“I didn’t!”

“Sure.”

Louis huffs and sits up straight, taking his hand back and crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t like you.”

“Yes, you do,” Harry smirks. “You love me.”

He rolls his eyes. “Seriously Harold, I don’t know why I put up with you.”

“We both know why.” Harry places an arm around Louis’ shoulders and Louis leans in. They watch people scurry off in all directions for a while. “I’m glad you’re back,” Harry whispers.

“I’m glad to be back.” Louis really means those five words and Harry knows that; what he doesn’t know is what it is that brought Louis to America last year. Is he running away from something? Did he go through something traumatic that he had to get away from? Did he have nowhere else to go? “Home just . . . Home doesn’t feel like home anymore.”

“Why is that?”

“Things change,” Louis answers. Harry wants to ask him to explain, to expand on what he just said, so Harry can understand, but he changes the subject before Harry can. “Do you still have my boxes?”

Harry has to stop himself from letting out a sigh. “Yes, they’re in my closet, just a different one.”

“Oh yeah! Your flat with Liam, how is it?”

Harry almost says _a place that doesn’t quite feel like home_ , but stops himself. He doesn’t want to force Louis to tell him anything because Harry is sure Louis will tell him when he is ready. “It’s weird, if I’m honest. I never went anywhere without at least someone from my family, so it’s weird to be on my own.”

Louis nods. “I felt that way, too for a while, like I was leaving my family behind.”

“Do you still feel that way?”

“No,” he shakes his head. “I realized that just because I’m trying to move forward with my life, that I’m actually trying to get somewhere, that I’m not leaving anyone behind.”

Harry considers his words for a while. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“So tell me, Harold,” Louis says as he stands up. “Are you holding my belongings hostage?”

“Aw,” he pouts. “How’d you figure out my master plan? This took months of planning. Everything was going perfect up until now.”

Louis moves Harry’s hair out of his face and kisses his forehead. “So you admit it?”

“Maybe.”

“You _do_ admit it.”

Harry stands up and uses his height over Louis. “Do you want your stuff back or not?”

“Are you propositioning me, Harold?” he asks, looking up.

“So what if I am?”

“You are trying to take away my innocence, aren’t you?”

The younger boy laughs. “Now, that’s going to be a challenge, isn’t it?”

Louis turns around and wiggles his butt. “You bet.”

Harry coughs because well, this conversation has turned towards super flirting, and Harry doesn’t mind, but they are in the middle of the courtyard and as much as he wants to attack Louis’ face with his lips, he can’t do that. He places his hands on Louis’ hips. “Want me to walk you to your dorm?”

“No,” Louis answers as he turns around to face Harry.

“Oh,” Harry frowns.

“No because I’m going to walk you to the MARTA station,” he smiles. “Maybe this way I’ll get my stuff back.”

Harry grabs Louis’ hand as they start walking. “Thanks and as for your stuff, I’ll ask Liam to drive it over later tonight because it’s too much to be carting around on a train.”

“Brilliant. I’ve been sleeping on Niall’s spare sheets and the rough material is doing horrors to my flawless complexion,” Louis jokes.

“Nah, you’re beautiful.”

“Ha!” he exclaims. “I knew you were using me for my looks!”

Harry just laughs because he is an idiot for being afraid of this. Sure, love is scary, but right now, in this moment, Harry doesn’t care. He feels happy and good and screw Seth and all of the people like Seth. There are good people out there who aren’t complete assholes and who can make a person feel this way. _This is going to be good_ , Harry says to himself, _this relationship, this year – everything_.

It has to be.

 

 


	9. 2x02: Pompeii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're not familiar with the dick in a box skit from snl, I suggest you go youtube it before reading

**AUGUST 2013**

Firsts.

It seems as if we all make a big deal whenever we do something for the first time. There’s our first word to our first day of school to our first school dance to our first performance to our first day away from home. And then there’s our first time on a rollercoaster to our first time karaoke-ing to our first time driving to our first time drinking.

There are hundreds of thousands of firsts everyone goes through, but it is not always the first time we do something in general, but instead the first time we do something with a particular person. There’s our first date to our first kiss to our first anniversary to our first time having sex.

We make such a big deal about our firsts that no wonder we all feel like they are something to accomplish and that it is more than okay to be nervous about these things.

**

Niall is quiet for only a few seconds before he erupts into laughter once again. Louis throws his pillow at him. “Are you quite finished?”

“No,” Niall says breathlessly and he continues to laugh. His face is turning red and his mouth is open wide.

Louis groans falls back onto his bed. “It really wasn’t all that funny.”

“Bullshit.”

“It wasn’t!” Louis covers his face with his hands, but not because he is embarrassed for himself, but for his boyfriend. It was really his own fault for forgetting to tell Harry that his room is across the hall from last year’s. But how was he supposed to know that Harry was going to show up with a box of his things that he so nicely decorated with phallic shaped drawings and hearts?

Niall throws the pillow back in the midst of laughing. “His face was priceless!” He can’t even stand up straight from laughing so much. “And was it that he said? Somethin’ ‘bout a special delivery and then started singing random lines from _Dick In A Box_?” He falls into another fit of laughter. “Priceless!”

“I am begging you, please stop.” Louis sits up. “I genuinely feel horrible right now. Like, Harry couldn’t even stay after he dropped off my boxes because he was so embarrassed, he kept stumbling over his words. And oh, my God, I probably scarred him for life.” He falls back down.

“No, you didn’t,” Niall manages to say with only a few giggles.

“You think so?”

“I mean, with you not telling him about the room change and him being him, both of you are in his ridicule together,” Niall explains. “He must really like you to make that big of a fool of himself in front of our entire hall.”

Louis groans again. “He’s probably never going to step foot in this building ever again.”

“Aww,” Niall fake sympathizes. “Looks like you are going to have shag at his place, how horrible.”

The pillow gets thrown at the Irish lad once again. “I hate you.”

**

While Liam waits for the light to turn green, he looks over at Harry who is leaning his head against the window with his eyes closed. He is sitting on his hands and is hunched in on himself. “Harry?” He doesn’t respond. “Haz?”

Harry makes a noise and the only way to describe it is as a whimper.

Liam sighs. “Hey, you’re going to have to talk to me at some point.”

He shakes his head once.

“C’mon, it wasn’t that bad.”

He hits his head against the window.

“Please don’t beat yourself up over this.”

Harry really wants to disappear right now. Well actually, he has been wanting to disappear since he sang _Dick In A Box_ to a six foot five basketball player who was not amused. He cannot believe what an idiot he is because all Harry wanted was to make a joke and get Louis to laugh, but that is not what happened. Not at all.

“It could have been worse,” Liam says after driving down a block.

Harry gets angry at that. “How exactly, Liam? Tell me how that could have been worse? I just embarrassed myself in front of a floor full of people that I’ll probably run into on my way to class. Exactly what could be worse?”

Liam stops the car in front of a red light. “That guy could have either punched you or kissed you.”

He glares at his best friend for a minute, trying his best to stay angry, but he can’t because Liam would say something like that and he can’t stop the smile to form on his lips. Despite the smile, Harry is still humiliated for what he did and he knows he’s going to end up ducking his head and hiding his hair in beanies anytime he goes anywhere near Louis’ building. He just keeps seeing an angry basketball player, a laughing Niall, and a frowning Louis and that doesn’t make Harry feel better.

“Feel better?”

“No,” he answers.

“Aw, c’mon,” Liam says. “It’s not like you were planning on spending lots of time in Louis’ dorm room when you are have your very own room in an apartment where you guys can do whatever it is that you do that is only a MARTA ride away.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

“I hate you.”

**

**SEPTEMBER 2013**

About two weeks have passed since the dick-in-a-box-disaster and Harry is pacing his room. It took Louis a few days to assure Harry that what he did was okay and that he doesn’t hate him and that he will be seen with him even if did it in front of the Queen. Once Harry felt less embarrassed, he did the one thing he has been thinking about doing the entire three months of summer break.

He asked Louis out on a date.

Of course, when he asked at the beginning of the week, Harry had no plans of what they would do. He first thought a dinner and a movie, but that idea seemed so overplayed that he changed his mind. He really didn’t know where to take Louis or what they could do and he really wanted it to be special because, hey, just because they have been technically dating for four months, they haven’t actually gone on a date.

To think about it, Harry has never actually gone on a date.

The pacing continues and he knows he can just go out to the living room to where Liam and Zayn are and talk to them to calm himself down, but he doesn’t want to do that. He doesn’t want them to see how nervous he is. Harry has a plan for the night, but what if Louis hates it? What if it’s the worst idea he could have possibly come up with? What if Louis is not impressed in the slightest?

“Shit.”

Zayn raises his brow when he hears the one single word from Harry’s room. “Is he alright in there?”

Liam nods. “Yeah, it sounds like he’s pacing, so he’s probably thinking?”

“About what?” he asks. “How to make a hole on the ground by wearing it out?”

“Ha-ha,” Liam laughs. “Funny, but my money is on Louis.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “He’s acting like they haven’t already confessed their undying love for each other. Like, I’d get it if he was just minutes away from marching up to Louis and blurting out he loves him or something, but he’s not.” He shuts his mouth because okay, where did that come from? He clears his throat. “Um, yeah.”

“Honestly,” Liam admits, “I don’t even know anymore.”

Harry comes out of his room, looks at Zayn and Liam, shakes his head, and goes back to his room without saying a word.

“I think he’s trying to tell us something.”

Liam sighs. “It’s Harry, so who knows?”

Harry comes out again and sits on the armchair. He opens his mouth, but no words come out. He wants to say something, but he just doesn’t know how.

“C’mon, spit it out,” Liam encourages.

Two minutes pass without a word exchanged between the three of them. Harry opens his mouth, but instead of saying anything, he retreats back to his room. When he comes back to the living room, Harry is wearing a navy blue t-shirt and dark skinny jeans. He takes a seat again and dries his sweaty palms on his thighs. “I’m going on a date,” he finally says.

“Oh,” Zayn says the same time Liam smiles, “That’s great, Harry.”

Before anyone can say anything else, Harry is standing up and walking out of the room. Zayn leans back on the couch. “Is he going to do this all night?”

Liam shrugs. “Probably.”

When Harry returns, he has a pair of shoes on his feet. “I . . . what if he hates it?”

“Where are you taking him?” Liam asks.

“300.”

“He’s not going to hate it,” Liam tells him and Harry shakes his head and leaves back to his room.

“Harry!” Zayn calls. The green-eyed boy peeks his head around the corner and into the living room. “Will you just come in here and sit down?”

Slowly, Harry walks back in and once again, sits down. “Yes?”

Zayn lets out a breath. “Look, it’s normal to be nervous, but Louis likes you, alright? And from what I witnessed a year ago, you sure as hell like him, too. Stop freaking out because everything is going to be fine. Just be yourself and calm down.”

Liam gives Zayn a short, but fond look before turning towards Harry. “Honestly Haz, there’s nothing to freak out over. You and Louis are already in a relationship. Nothing can go wrong.”

“I just . . . I don’t . . .” Harry sighs because he can’t seem to get out what he is trying to say.

“Stop that.” Zayn rests his arms on his knees. “Stay positive.” Harry takes a deep breath before disappearing again. Zayn turns towards Liam and asks, “Want to have a little fun?”

Liam raises his brow. “How so?”

“Just follow my lead.”

The next time Harry enters the living room, he has his phone and wallet in his pockets. His keys are in his hand and he just stares at them when he sits down.

“Harry,” Zayn starts and he looks up. “I’m proud of you, son.” Harry looks confused, but Zayn keeps going. “You’ve finally manned up and took a stand.”

“Zayn,” Liam warns in a motherly tone, “You’re scaring the poor boy.” He stands up and walks over to Harry. Liam messes with Harry’s hair for a short moment. “But we are proud of you. I just,” he fake-chokes. “I can’t believe my little boy is growing up so fast.”

“Time does fly,” Zayn agrees as he stands up and wraps an arm over Liam’s shoulders. “Now listen here, we raised you to be respectful and kind and if the boy says no, the boy means no, alright?”

Liam swats Harry’s arm. “You could have at least changed into a collared shirt. Not that you don’t look nice.” When Liam licks his thumb and brings it towards Harry, the younger boy moves his head back.

Zayn reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. He takes something out and holds it in his hand. “But if the boy says yes, you best be ready and protected.” Zayn holds the condom up in front of Harry. “No glove, no love.”

With horrified eyes, Harry stands up and gets the hell out of there. He thought that talking to Zayn and Liam would calm him down, but nope, he’s just even more nervous now. It’s just the first date, there’s no reason for Louis to want sex, right?

Liam elbows Zayn in the ribs. “I believe we went too far,” he says as he plops down on the couch.

“Whoops.” Zayn shrugs. “Think of it as a special project,” he says and Liam snorts.

It takes nearly fifteen minutes before Harry comes back. He is holding a small object that he wrapped in newspaper in his hand and it is evident that he is trying not to shake. Liam takes one look at him before hopping up and placing a comforting hand on Harry’s shoulder. “What’s wrong? We’re sorry about before. We were just joking.”

Harry shakes his head. “I-I-I’m going t-to have to d-d-dr-drive,” he stutters.

Liam nods understandingly. “It’s okay, Harry. You’ve driven that distance before, it’s not too far away. Just concentrate on the roads and you’ll be fine. You’re a good driver, believe that.”

“I—” Harry is basically strangling the newspaper wrapped gift.

“You’re going to be okay,” he assures him.

“You got this, Harry,” Zayn adds.

It takes a very long string of encouraging words and phrases before Harry has enough confidence to make it out of the door. He has to repeat what Liam and Zayn told him over and over in his head as he goes to the parking lot and gets into his car. He checks about a dozen times that everything is okay with the car before reversing out of the space and making his way to campus.

It should only take about ten minutes to get from his apartment complex to Louis’ dorm by car, but since Harry is Harry and very much afraid that this car is going to cave in on itself and kill everyone on the road, it takes him almost twenty. And then an extra five minutes to get himself to get out of the car and go into Louis’ building to get him.

When a knock comes from the door, Niall smirks. “Oh, look, loverboy is here. How much you wanna bet he has a box of dicks with him again?”

“Shut up! At least I’m going out on a Friday night,” Louis retorts.

Niall places his hand over his heart. “I’m hurt.”

Louis rolls his eyes as he walks to the door. “Harry,” he smiles after he opens it. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

Before Niall can blurt out any kind of comment, Louis grabs Harry’s hand and leads him away from the door. “So, off to the train station?”

Harry shakes his head. “No, um . . . we should hurry because I parked in a place I shouldn’t have. The car could get booted or towed.”

“Did you park illegally just for me, Harold?” Louis asks fondly. “How romantic.”

He nods. Harry shoves his hands in his pockets, so Louis doesn’t see his hands shaking. When they get outside to the car, Harry opens the door for Louis before walking around to his own door. “Seatbelt please.”

Louis reaches under him and pulls out what he sat on. “What’s this?” he asks as he holds a clump of newspaper in his hands.

Harry blushes. “Um, it’s for you.”

“Really? I didn’t get you anything.” Louis frowns. “Are you trying to be a better boyfriend than me?”

“What? No,” Harry shakes his head.

Louis pats Harry’s leg. “I’m just joking, love.” He unwraps the newspaper and pulls out a pair of orange socks with blue and green stripes. He decides that they are very Harry, but he doesn’t understand. “Thanks.”

The younger boy frowns. “You don’t like them.”

“No, it’s not that,” Louis answers honestly. “I’m just not a fan of socks, but these might just change my mind.”

“Good because you’re gonna need them.”

Louis’ eyes brighten. “What is it that we’re doing on this date?”

“You’re just going to have to wait and see,” Harry grins, feeling a hell of a lot less nervous. “Now please, put on your seatbelt and I know this is going to sound weird, but can you please not talk much while I drive? I don’t want to get distracted.”  
“It’s not weird, I understand,” Louis says as he buckles his seatbelt.

The drive is quiet for the most part. There were a few times where Louis wanted to ask why Harry is a super cautious driver, but he knew it wouldn’t be fair to poke at something in Harry’s life when Louis doesn’t let Harry. It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell Harry; it’s just something he doesn’t know how to explain and he really doesn’t want to freak him out because Louis knows that if someone told him that he’d definitely freak the fuck out.

“We’re here,” Harry announces as he parks the car.

Louis turns his head to look at the building. “300,” he reads. “Never heard of it.”

Harry chuckles. “Come on and bring your socks.”

The socks should have been a huge clue as to what kind of place they were about to walk in to, but Louis is a bit dense tonight. “Bowling?” he asks once they’re inside.

“Yeah, unless you hate bowling. We can go somewhere else.”

“No,” Louis shakes his head. “I very much enjoy bowling and I’m going to beat you.”

“Oh?” Harry smirks. He walks up to the counter and the lady assigns them to lane 35. They move over to the next counter and get a pair of bowling shoes and balls. As they walk to their lane, Harry looks back at Louis, “We’ll see who beats whom.”

Once the appropriate footwear is on their feet (Louis sporting his brand new socks) and their names are in, the lovers begin to play. It doesn’t take more than three rounds before Louis is kicking Harry’s ass. Harry is pretty alright at bowling, but the highest he ever gets are the rare spares and he could really use more strikes if he wants to win.

“Not so cocky now, are you Harold?” Louis asks with a wink.

“Maybe not.”

Half-way through their game, they order burgers and milkshakes and steal each other’s fries when the other goes up to bowl. There’s plenty of teasing and jokes and just fun. Harry doesn’t know why he was so nervous before because it is clearer than ever that Louis is enjoying himself. He really needs to kick himself sometimes because honestly, Harry knows he is ridiculous.

On the tenth round, when it is Harry’s turn for the last time, he goes up the line with determination. He concentrates and takes a few deep breaths before releasing the ball. Harry bites his lip as he watches the ball go down the lane, and when it gets to the pins, the impossible happens – he gets his very first strike. He knows he can go again, but Harry is shocked.

Louis claps a hand on his shoulder. “Good job!” he cheers. Harry doesn’t respond, so he looks up at his face. “Are you alright?”

“I got a strike.”

“You did.”

“That’s never happened before.”

“We should celebrate then.”

Harry’s eyes meet Louis’. “Yeah, we should.”

Louis pulls Harry down and stands on the tips of his toes until his lips meet Harry’s. The kiss is nice and sweet, and it has that feeling that Louis was searching for a few years ago. He always knew the feeling existed, but it isn’t until now that he actually feels it. Louis should be happy – he is happy – but he still has guilt in his heart.

When they part for air, Harry smiles. “Finally.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was a fun chapter, right? maybe? no? oh, alright.
> 
>  
> 
> I want to thank each and every one of you who are currently reading this story (and extra thanks if you've left kudos or commented). It really means a lot to me and I really hope you are enjoying the story :) x


	10. 2x03: Don't Fear

**NOVEMBER 2013**

Think about decisions you had to make.

Some came easy because you were either all for it or not for it at all. Some came easy because it was the right thing to do and you couldn’t see yourself doing anything different. Some came easy because it was a no brainer and you’d have to be really dense to not know what to do.

Others came hard because you had no idea where you stood about it. Others came hard because if you went through with it, it wouldn’t feel right on your stomach, but your peers are cheering you on to do it. Others came hard because this one decision would ultimately change your life.

So how is it that we decide to do certain things?

**

It’s a beautiful day out – there are only a few clouds in the sky and weather is not too hot. Harry smiles when he steps out of his car and onto the blacktop of the parking lot because he has a sense of accomplishment on his shoulders.

Making sure he has everything, Harry locks his car and follows a group of people inside. He’s been in this building so many times before, but today, he feels different. It is insane to think about the past few years and how so much has changed, and how so much has yet to come. Harry is just a young adult who has his whole life ahead of him and as scary as it is, he’s excited.

Once he gets to where he needs to be, Harry is ushered towards the rest of the business majors. He’s a bit grateful that they’re not trying to put all of these people into alphabetical order because that could take all afternoon and ain’t nobody got time for that. He begins searching through the sections in hopes of finding his friends – he searches through those with Arts and Sciences majors for Liam and Louis, and he searches through those with Music majors for Niall, but there’s hundreds (maybe even a thousand and some change) around that Harry can’t find their faces anywhere.

Soon, everyone is lining up in two single file lines and then they are walking out to the field. Having to go down stairs in front of everyone and their families is a bit terrifying because what if he trips over his own feet and falls, causing the entire line to go down? Harry shakes the thought out of his head and breathes because everything is going to be okay.

When Harry is finally standing in front of his seat, he breathes a little easier because he did not fall and he won’t have to walk anymore until he has to leave. Once everyone makes it to the field, they are told to sit and so they do.

For the good part of the next hour and a half, speaker after speaker after speaker make their speeches. Most of them are motivational, some of them are cheerful, and others are inspirational. Harry sits with a smile on his face because he made it and that’s a good feeling. He looks out into the crowd in hopes of finding his family, but he has no luck. He’s a bit upset that he can’t find anyone, but he knows he’ll see them afterward.

Finally, each of the colleges of the university are called one-by-one. Harry cheers loud and proud when the college of business is called, clapping and jumping. As cool as it would be for his name to be called, Harry knows that’s not a good idea because the ceremony would last all day if they were to go through every single person.

Two more people speak and then bam, it’s over. Music blares, confetti falls from above, and everyone is just happy. Harry looks up and watches the confetti fall down; he is transfixed by the scene around him of the blacks of the gowns, the blue for the decorations, the red for the seats, and all the colors for the confetti. Glimpses of graduates celebrating cover the jumbo-trons and it’s just an overall good feeling.

With a sudden squeeze to his waist, Harry turns around to find a smiling Louis next to him. Harry returns the smile automatically. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

Louis chuckles. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

“Well, you found me,” Harry grins.

“That I did and I have a big question to ask you,” he informs the younger boy.

Harry raises his brow. “Do you now?”

“I do.” Louis drops down to one knee and tilts his head down so Harry can read the words written on top of Louis’ graduation cap. When Harry doesn’t say anything, Louis looks up at him and frowns. “Did I spell something wrong?”

“I –” Harry’s eyes are wide in shock and from the corner of his eye, he can see that he and Louis are being shown on the jumbo-tron and everyone is looking at them. He looks back at Louis’ cap and rereads the words: _will you marry me?_  Harry blinks and Louis is still kneeling on the ground and with a smile, Harry nods his head with his decision. “Yes!” He pulls Louis up to his feet and catches his lips with his own.

If it is possible, it feels like even more confetti is falling and everyone is cheering and Harry is just happy. He’s standing on the field at The Dome as a new college graduate while kissing his new fiancée. Harry closes his eyes and lets himself just feel the moment because this is easily one of the best moments of his life.

He hears people calling his name, but Harry can’t bring himself to respond because he is just so overwhelmed with emotions. It sounds like a string of _harryharryharryharryharry_ and he doesn’t understand who is so persistently calling him.

With a random _whack_ to the head, Harry falls down and tries to figure out what hit him. He looks around and sees that the confetti has stopped, but Louis is no longer next to him. What the fuck? He asks himself. Harry is about to stand up, but when he does, a pain goes through his head and keeps him down. He clutches his head and closes his eyes, and when he opens them, he is confused.

“You alright there?”

Harry slowly sits up and rubs his eyes. When his vision is clear, he sees that he is not in The Dome, but in his apartment. “What happened?” he asks Liam.

“What happened is that you kept screaming ‘yes’ for some reason in your sleep and at first, I didn’t want to come in here and see what was happening,” he starts.

“Okay, _no_ ,” Harry interrupts. “Whatever you were thinking, clearly you were wrong. I was just having a vivid dream, I guess.” He pauses for a moment. “And no, it was not one of _those_ dreams.”

Liam raises his hands up in surrender. “I don’t know your life.”

Harry pushes Liam off of his bed. “Shut up.” He gets up and stretches, trying to wrap his head around the fact that that was just a dream. He still has two and a half years before he will be graduating college and who knows what will happen.

“Ow,” Liam rubs his arm. “You’re mean.”

“I thought you didn’t know my life,” Harry smirks.

“I don’t know why we’re friends,” Liam says as he walks out of Harry’s room.

Harry laughs. “Because you love me!” he shouts after him.

**

Liam is busy trying to figure out what to get his sister for her birthday, so he is tapping away at his phone as he walks down the sidewalk to get to his next class. He’s thinking about sending her flowers since she lives in a different state, but he doesn’t know what kind of flower. Liam supposes he should send her favorite, but he has no idea which is her favorite.

As Liam is nearly on the breaking point on trying to decide, he completely collides with another body, making him stumble back and almost drop his phone. “I’m so sorry,” he apologizes; however, the person he collided with is already walking away without another look.

He feels bad, but it’s not like he can call, “Hey! Guy with the baseball cap! I’m sorry!” With a sigh, Liam shoves his phone into his front pocket, so he doesn’t run into anyone else and continues his way to class.

**

You know the feeling of wanting something so badly? Like, you’ll sit around and want it for months, maybe even years. You think about what it will be like once you finally get it. You think about how happy you will be. You think about how this is what you wanted.

And then one day, that something is handed to you.

You’re shocked at first because _wow, is this really happening?_ With a smile on your face, you take it and you’re excited. Finally, after all this time, you have what you want and there’s no way in hell you’re going to let anyone take that away from you.

But what if that something you wanted so badly, doesn’t turn out the way you thought it would?

 

Harry thinks about this as he sits at the front desk at the daycare. He has his macroeconomics book open in front of him, but he can’t seem to concentrate on the words. He taps his pen against the book and stares at the clock on the wall opposite of him.

So much time has passed, but it doesn’t feel like it. Harry is nearly done with another semester of college, but with how busy he has been, he hasn’t had time to enjoy it. That’s what is really bothering him – how busy he is – and he’s been thinking about it for a while now. He hates how all of his time is being spent with classes and work and studying that he has no time to have any fun. Harry sits back in his seat and tries to think about the last time he spent a good amount of time with Louis, but he can’t remember because it has been _that_ long.

Next, his mind jumps to how in addition to not hanging out with Louis, he has barely spoken to him in the past couple of months. Other than seeing each other in their shared Accounting class (where they don’t sit next to each other because there’s never two free seats together), there hasn’t been any contact between them. These thoughts don’t make Harry’s stomach feel so great.

When he gets to his apartment after his shift, Harry finds Liam and Zayn sitting on the living room floor with textbooks in front of them on the coffee table. Liam greets his roommate, but Harry just shakes his head and goes straight to his room.

“Uh-oh,” Liam says, dropping his pen and looking at Zayn. “That’s not good.”

Zayn leans back against the couch. “What do you think happened?”

Liam shrugs. “It could be anything from getting a failing grade to his coworker pissing him or,” he pauses. “Shit, it could be Louis.”

“Do you really think there’s trouble in paradise?”

Zayn doesn’t get an answer to his question because Harry stalks out of his room and sits down on the arm chair. He looks at the two friends in front of him and tries to figure out how to form a question that makes sense. He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, and when he finally does, he asks, “How do you have time for each other?”

“What do you mean?” Liam questions.

“Like,” Harry leans forward and rests his forearms on his knees, “you two go to different colleges and both of you work, yet you still have time to meet up and do whatever. How is that?”

“Well, yeah,” Zayn nods. “We don’t get to see each other as constantly as we used to when we were in like, middle school, but when we do have time, we go for it. It’s not a matter of not having time, it’s a matter of being friends and wanting to hang out. There isn’t much more to it.” But really, why would Zayn pass up an opportunity to spend some time with Liam if all he has to do is rearrange a few things on his schedule? He wouldn’t.

Harry doesn’t respond. He just gets up and leaves to consider what Zayn just said.

Liam runs a hand over his face. “This is going to be a repeat of the night of the first date, but not as happy.”

“It is about Louis,” Zayn whispers so Harry does not hear. “Shit,” he sighs. From the beginning, Zayn rooted for Harry and Louis and this doesn’t not seem like a good time for them.

When Harry comes back, he doesn’t bother sitting this time. “So, what you’re saying is that you two make time for each other regardless of how little time you can actually hang out?”

“Essentially, yes,” Liam replies. “Even if we’re doing homework, it’s still something.” He stands up, so he’s at eye level with Harry. “What’s going on?”

“I just . . .” Harry shrugs. “I really don’t know. I’m just thinking too much.”

“That’s never good,” Zayn comments as he stands up as well. “Whatever it is, whoever it involves, figure it out together. There’s no point in overthinking and making your head explode when one conversation can put an end to your worries.” He hopes the two of them talk and fix whatever it is that went wrong.

Liam has to look down at the ground until he can force the smile off of his face. When he composes himself, he nods. “Haz, really, we’re always here to help with anything, but don’t worry yourself out, okay?”

Harry sighs. “Thanks,” is all he says before turning around and leaving. The feeling in his stomach gets worse when he realizes something.

_They’re too busy for each other._

**

On the following Monday, Harry’s psychology professor surprisingly cancels class for the day. He is about to take this as good news because now he has an hour and a half to relax between his first and third class, but then it dawns on him – Louis has a break at the same time.

After he is dismissed from his accounting class, Harry waits to the side for Louis. When he sees him, Harry waves him over.

“Harold,” Louis greets. “How are you?”

Instead of answering, he asks, “Can we talk?”

Louis nods. “Of course.” They walk to the more popular of the two food courts and find seats in the back. It’s not crowded which is a bit odd since it is one in the afternoon. “So, what’s on your mind?”

Harry bites the inside of his cheek. Is he really going to do this? He’s been thinking about it for a while now. It just doesn’t feel right anymore and it wouldn’t be fair to either of them if he doesn’t do it. Harry made this decision just a few days ago and it breaks his heart to know what he’s about to do and how Louis is oblivious to it.

He feels like the dream he had that he calls The Graduating Proposal was a huge slap in the face because they were so happy and in love and everything was great; however in reality, Harry isn’t happy and he doesn’t think he’s in love and everything is far from great. In that dream, it showed him a future with lots of commitment and a promise of marriage and it is all too much for Harry. In all honesty, Harry is scared and he is unsure if he really wants that life, so he takes the dream as a sign.

“Oh dear, this isn’t good, is it?” Louis senses Harry’s hesitancy.

“We don’t talk,” Harry begins after a minute. “We barely see each other because we’re both busy and I just . . .” He really doesn’t want to say it.

Louis feels like he is holding his breath. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying we,” he pauses. “We don’t have time for each other, Lou. I’m running from class to class, then off to the day care and you have your classes and your job and how you’re on the soccer team and I just . . . It’s not working.”

“Yeah, but what about next term? We should have more time together and  I . . .” Louis trails off because he really doesn’t know what to say to this.

Harry shakes his head. “I don’t know, Lou.” It seemed like such a good decision back in April because he really liked Louis and he only imagined what it would be like when they were together. Harry never considered that it would come to this, that they’re so busy that it doesn’t even feel like they’re in a relationship, that they’ve only been on one date, and that they’d break up.

Louis tries to come up with alternatives. “How about we just take like a break? Or like maybe someday we can try again? I . . . Are you sure? I mean, yeah, you have to be, but a break, yeah?” He knows that they haven’t seen each other much and he understands where Harry is coming from, but it’s sad that it’s ending because of being too busy.

“I don’t know,” Harry repeats. Those are options, but he really doesn’t know. He’s never had to have this conversation with someone and he’s unsure if it’s more painful or stressful if he’s honest. With Seth, it was obvious that the whatever-they-were was over the moment they got into the accident. But with Louis, everything’s so complicated.

Honestly, neither of the boys can tell you what else is said in this conversation because neither of them actually wanted it to end, but they wouldn’t be honest if they stayed together. Harry was scared of getting into a relationship because he didn’t want someone to break his heart again, but the only person to blame is himself and there’s nothing else he can. Louis feels like this is all of his fault and that he should have just been honest a few years ago and maybe he wouldn’t be cursed with failed relationships.

“Either way,” Louis says once he’s accepted his fate. “We’re still mates. Nothing can change that.”

Harry nods in agreement. “Of course we are.”

They leave the food court soon after that and part ways to their different classes, but not without a hug. While in class, neither Harry nor Louis really pays attention to what their professors are lecturing about because the conversation they just had are fresh on their minds. Technically they were together for six months, but there was a lot of lost time within that time and now, there’s nothing that can be done.

This is really not what either of them predicted their relationship to come to and it just sucks.

It really sucks.

**

Niall returns to his dorm room with an ice cream cone in his hand to find Louis lying on his stomach on his bed and staring out the window.

“Hey.”

Louis doesn’t even turn to face his roommate. “Hi.”

“What’s up with you?” Niall asks, taking a seat at his desk.

“Oh nothing. Just a regular day,” Louis answers with a flat voice.. “Woke up, went to class, broke up with Harry, and then came back here after my last class.”

Niall lowers the ice cream from his mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry,” he says and Louis shrugs.

“Yeah.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me  
> it's all part of the plan  
> i promise


	11. 2x04: One Heart/Million Voices

**NOVEMBER 2013**

The holidays.

There really is no more of a time to feel more blatantly alone than the holidays. You see families spending time together or significant others running around from store to store in search of the perfect present, and you stand to the side by yourself and just watch. Part of you wishes you had someone to share the holidays with and to make tons of fun memories with, but you don’t.

You don’t have anyone to invite over for Thanksgiving dinner.

You don’t have anyone to wearing horrible matching sweaters with you.

You don’t have anyone to kiss under the mistletoe.

You don’t have anyone to surprise Christmas morning.

This makes you hate the holiday season because why can’t you just be happy like everyone else? Why couldn’t that relationship just last a little bit longer? Why does seeing a couple make your stomach twist and make you want to stick your tongue out at them?

The answer is simple yet so complicated for some.

**

With a sigh of relief, Liam turns in his anthropology exam and leaves the classroom. He smiles to himself because finally, Thanksgiving Break is here and he can sit back and chill out for a while without having to stress about the possibility of pop quizzes or term papers or exams. Well, he still has to worry about exams that begins two weeks after the break, but he doesn’t have to spend his entire week worrying about them.

Liam is excited to head home and see his parents and his sisters. He feels as if he hasn’t seen them in forever when in reality he spent a weekend at home about a month ago. He still calls each of his family members at least once a week to assure them that he’s still alive and no, they didn’t get robbed and yes, Harry is a good roommate.

Even in the cold November air, Liam feels like he should celebrate the fact that he is finally on the break he has been looking forward to for the majority of the semester. He takes a detour to the train station by going towards the food court to buy himself a slice of cake.

After going through the turnstile, Liam goes straight to the dessert display. His eyes land on a piece of cheesecake – the last piece – and the strawberry sauce on top makes his mouth water. Just as Liam is reaching for the cheesecake, he hears what sounds like a squeal of delight and a pale hand snatches it before Liam can even blink.

“Hey!” Liam exclaims, but it goes unnoticed. He no longer feels like celebrating because someone just took his celebration cake. Sure, they are other kinds of cake there, but he really wanted that one. Liam turns around to get a look at the culprit, but all he can think about is how familiar that baseball cap is.

**

_“Attention residents, come down to the first floor lounge and get yourself a plate of a delicious Thanksgiving dinner with your fellow residents right now. Hurry down and get yourself some turkey!”_

Niall immediately gets up from his bed when he hears the announcement over the loudspeaker. He goes to his closet in search of a clean shirt and after he changes, he sees that Louis hasn’t moved from his spot.

“Louis,” he calls. “Hey, c’mon. Let’s go get some food.”

The older boy sighs. “You go ahead.”

He is not having his roommate miss out on free food. “No, Louis, you’re coming with me. You need to stop moping around.”

That makes Louis turn around. “I’m not moping.”

“That’s bullshit.” Niall crosses the room. “Louis, you’ve been sitting around this entire week, just staring out the window. I know it sucks that you and Harry broke up, but you know what, Lou? That’s life, shit happens, people die, couples break up, and the world keeps spinning.”

Louis cringes. “No, don’t do that! You can’t just say that.”

“I can and you wanna know why?” Niall asks. “Do you know why I joined this program, Louis? Did you ever stop and think about why I’m here? No, you don’t know and you never asked. Y’know, I thought that if I didn’t ask you about your reasons for being here, then you wouldn’t ask me and this has been true, but god.” He pauses and runs his hands through his hair.

“What, Niall? Why are you here? What does it matter?” Louis questions. “You’re here, down my throat and I don’t know why, so tell me.”

“Louis,” he starts after he calms down a bit. “Don’t beat yourself up over a break up, okay? You and Harry will figure it out eventually, I know you will. Just because you’re not where you want to be right now doesn’t mean you won’t get there eventually.

“I’m here,” he gestures around the room, “because in the same year that brother died because of a stupid car accident, my parents got divorced. Everything that could have gone to shit, _did_ and being the youngest, I couldn’t do anything, but watch everything crumble in front of me,” Niall explains. “And being the coward that I am, I left. I didn’t even bother trying to go to university over there because I couldn’t stand to stay there any longer.”

It’s quiet for a moment before Louis opens his mouth. “You’re not a coward,” Louis tells him. “It was too much and you did what you had to do.” He bites his tongue because that’s it, isn’t it? Everyone is just doing what they have to do.

Niall sighs and grabs his shoes from under his bed. “Maybe, but either way, I’m not letting you stare out that window anymore.”

Louis nods. “Okay.” He lets out a breath before sliding off of his bed. He changes out of his pajamas and follows Niall to the lounge. When they are in line to get food, Louis places a hand on Niall’s arm and says, “Thank you.”

The roommates find two empty seats and place their food in front of them. The Hall Director asks everyone to wait to get food before anyone starts eating, so those who want to say what they’re thankful for, can. It’s not required, but it’s just a kind gesture for anyone who carries the tradition at home and couldn’t make it there over the break.

Louis thinks about passing when it is his turn to say what he is grateful for, but he changes his mind at the last moment. “I’m grateful for the opportunity to have come to the States and for having an amazing roommate.”

Niall snorts. “And I’m grateful for this amazing food, you sap!”

After everyone’s plate starts clearing, the program director in charge of all of the international students (who unsurprisingly are all still here) gathers them to one side on the lounge. “Hey guys,” she smiles warmly at the group. “I just wanted to let you all know that we’re changing it up this year for those of you staying here over winter break. Instead of letting you go bored over the month, we’re going to put the program’s fund to good use.” She pauses, most likely for dramatic effect. “We’re taking you to California!”

The group erupts into murmurs as they let the news settle into their brains. Going to California is a big deal because it’s one of the more popular states and there’s so many places to go and so many things to do. Louis hopes that going to California will clear his head some because with what he just learned about Niall, he realizes that there’s no way anyone can know anything about another person without them telling you.

Like, he knows about Niall, but neither Niall nor anyone else here knows about Louis and honestly, he doesn’t want anyone to know. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t want to have to deal with it anymore. But he does. He still thinks about all of the reasons of why he is who he is and why everything is how it turned out to be. Louis has a lot of weight on his shoulders and he has no idea when he’ll finally be able to brush it off and get the forgiveness he knows it is nearly impossible for him to get.

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” Louis nods. “Just stoked to go to California.”

Niall smiles. “Yeah buddy!”

It isn’t until later that night when the food they ate is in the process of digesting that both Louis and Niall as well as everyone else feels sick to their stomachs. They all end up running to the bathroom within minutes of each other to throw up, and they don’t feel good at all. The Hall Director calls the manager of the restaurant he ordered the food from scolding the guy for giving his residents and staff food poisoning.

In the end, it wasn’t a good Thanksgiving for anyone stuck on campus.

**

Coming back after a break of any sort is most horrible on Monday. Harry curses himself for messing up his sleep schedule the past week as he tries to rub the sleep out of his eyes Monday morning. He knows Liam already left for his classes and if he doesn’t hurry and get up, he’s going to be late for his own class.

Harry pulls a hoodie over the t-shirt he slept in and decides on sweatpants instead of jeans. One thing he loves about college is that no one judges students for how they dress and where they choose to take naps because everyone knows how draining college can be. After he locates everything he needs for his classes and stuffs them into his messenger bag, Harry places a beanie on his head, grabs his iPod and heads out to the train station.

Thankfully, he catches the train just as it stops at the platform. Harry tries not to think about how finals start next week or the fact that even if he didn’t break up with Louis, they still wouldn’t have time for each other or the fact that he really hates public transportation.

He sits down at the first empty seat he finds in his accounting class. Harry doesn’t care who sat in this seat before because he’s tired and accounting can suck it and why is he a business major, _ugh_. The moment he places his notebook on the sorry excuse for a desk, his pen rolls off the side. With a grunt, Harry moves the desk out of the way and reaches down to find his pen. When he has it in his hand and sits up straight, he sees that the seat next to him is now filled. By Louis.

“Hi.”

Harry is a bit dumbfounded, but he snaps out of his because he and Louis are still friends. They have a class together and they just so happen to sit next to each other this day. No big deal. It’s a coincidence. Whatever. “Hey, how was your break?”

“Relaxing up until I got food poisoning,” Louis answers.

The younger boy frowns because he feels bad. “I’m sorry.”

Louis shrugs. “It’s not your fault. It’s just my shitty luck.”

They don’t talk anymore than that for the rest of the class because they’re busy taking down notes that they’ll surely need for the final next week. And after this class, they are busy like they have been all semester, even more so with end of the term stress, so they don’t get to talk again.

Harry feels like he is constantly busy and it reminds him part of the reason why he and Louis didn’t work out; however, this doesn’t stop him from liking Louis any less. He wishes he wasn’t so scared and that they could be together, but it’s only been about a month and he’s just being stupid, so Harry decides to put his feelings behind him - there's no time for feelings. He has finals to worry about and everything else can be dealt with later. At least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.

**

**DECEMBER 2013**

“Zayn, are you shitting me right now?”

“I’m not,” he replies.

Liam throws a shirt into his suitcase without folding it. His can’t grasp the fact that Zayn is making such a huge decision. “But . . . college.”

Zayn snorts. “It’s not like I didn’t try it.”

He sighs. “You’re impossible.”

“Liam, look, I went to college for a year and a half and it really hasn’t been all that fun,” Zayn explains.

 _That’s a stupid reason_ , Liam says to himself. “So, you’re quitting college because it’s not fun?”

“Ugh,” Zayn groans, falling back on the bed. “And the Art Institute is expensive as hell. I can’t afford that shit for much longer. I already owe the damn place almost ten grand and I don’t want to be drowning in loans when I graduate, okay?”

“Okay, but,” Liam sits down at the edge of his bed. “Why don’t you just transfer to another school like this one or somewhere else? Instead of quitting college all together, why not just quit a certain college? People transfer all the time.”

Zayn shrugs. “I don’t know. Right now, my head isn’t really set on school and I rather not stay in it and fuck up, y’know? Maybe I’ll come back when I’m ready.”

Liam turns his head to look at him. “You better.”

“Aw, look at you, being concerned for me. How cute,” Zayn muses.

“Shut up,” Liam rolls his eyes.

The two friends hear the front door open and close, and just a few seconds later, Harry is standing in the doorway of Liam’s room. “Hey guys, what’s up?”

Liam shrugs. “Oh, y’know, I’m just packing for the annual Payne family skiing trip while Zayn here just quit college. How’d your last final go?”

“What?” Harry is aghast because he knows Zayn does rather well in school, so it doesn’t make sense for him to drop out.

“Oh, he’s just putting himself behind, that’s all,” Liam answers before Zayn can even open his mouth. “So, your last final?”

Harry blinks and tries to think back to his speech final, but all he can think about it what happened between leaving the exam room to getting on the train.

_From down the block, Harry sees a familiar figure walking down the sidewalk. He wants to believe that the guy just looks like someone he knows and is not actually someone he knows. If it’s him, Harry doesn’t know if he’ll be able to keep his cool or even stop his heart from dropping out of his chest._

_The guy turns a corner and Harry finds himself speeding up his pace because he wants – no needs – to see if this person is who he thinks he is. The chances are unlikely because really, what on earth would he be doing here? It’s not like he attends this college. Harry bites his lip and keeps walking, telling himself that whoever it is, it doesn’t matter._

_It takes a few giant strides before Harry catches up to the guy at a crosswalk. Slowly, Harry stands next to the guy and when he finally gets enough nerve to turn his head, his breath hitches. A plethora of thoughts flood his brain: the first time Seth kissed him, how Seth tricked him into thinking he actually cared and loved Harry, the events leading up to the car accident, the actual car accident. These thoughts make Harry’s head spin and the cold December air is not helping._

_“Are you alright?”_

_Harry nods once and he doesn’t understand why he feels like he just lied or why it matters if he lied. This guy next to him is a stranger. He doesn’t know who Harry is. He doesn’t know what Harry has been through. He doesn’t know that the moment Harry realized that his relationship with Louis wasn’t perfect, he found an out and left. He doesn’t know that Harry wastes his life in fear and misses out on opportunities._

_The walking man appears and people begin crossing the street, but Harry stays where he is. He didn’t imagine his life turning out this way. He didn’t imagine that he’d fall for someone – especially someone as wonderful as Louis. He didn’t imagine that he’d run, but he did and now everything is messed up. At least, it feels that way._

Liam walks over to Harry and pulls him toward his desk chair, making him sit down. “Haz, what’s wrong? You look paler than usual.”

“I’ll go get him some water,” Zayn notifies as he heads to the kitchen.

“Harry?” Liam’s voice is cautious. “Did something happen?”

The curly haired boy shakes his head. “No, I just . . . When I walking to the train station, I thought I saw, um . . . I thought I saw Seth.”

Liam takes a step back because he knows what Seth did and how Harry feels about it. He knows how Seth messed up Harry and how he almost made the boy turn away from love forever.

Zayn comes back in the room and hands a glass of water to Harry. “Here, drink this. It might make you feel better.”

“Thanks.” Harry takes the glass and takes a sip. “It just started making me think and I really think too much, I know that. I just wish I could get passed all of this, y’know?”

“I do,” Liam answers. “But I don’t. Harry, whatever happened with Seth is in the past and you shouldn’t let that define you.” He pauses. “You shouldn’t let it stop you from,” he stops.

“From what, Liam?” Harry asks. “From running scared? From letting the possibility of actually having a life with someone? From . . . fuck it.” He stands up, placing the glass on Liam’s desk. “I’m fine, okay? The test was simple and I’m sure I did well enough to make an A in the class. Seth doesn’t matter anymore and I can’t change who I am, you know that.”

“Harry,” Liam calls as his roommate storms out of his room. “You know I didn’t mean anything like that.”

Harry shrugs. “But you did.” And then he leaves.

“Shit.” Zayn collapses on Liam’s bed. “That boy is carrying around a lot of baggage.”

“I know,” Liam frowns. “I know.”

Before Liam leaves to spend the break with his family, he stops by Harry’s room to find his roommate lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry for what I said and I’m sorry if I upset you and I’m sorry,” he takes a breath. “I’m sorry that things didn’t work out with Louis.”

Harry sits up and wraps his arms around his knees. “Don’t do that. I was just reminded of everything that happened because I thought I saw Seth. You don’t have to apologize. I was in a mood. I’m sorry.”

Liam shakes his head. “Don’t do that either.”

He chuckles. “What have we become, Liam?”

“I’m not sure,” Liam responds. “I guess this is part of growing up, facing bigger problems and figuring out who your true friends are.”

“Zayn, huh?”

Liam furrows his brow in confusion. “What about him?”

Harry is about to answer, but he stops himself. He knows he doesn’t like being pushed, so he’s not going to push anyone else. “Nothing,” he shakes his head. “You should get going before you make your family miss their flight.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a few weeks?”

“In a few weeks,” Harry smiles.

**

About a half hour before midnight three days before Christmas, Harry’s phone beeps. He is sitting with his mom in the living room, watching Home Alone 2 and he is confused as to who would be texting him because really, there aren’t a lot of people in his life.

He thinks it’s his sister with some excuse as to why she can’t come to the house for Christmas or something of the sort. But when he pulls his phone out of the pocket of his sweats, it’s not who he thinks it is.

**_From: Louis_ **

_what do you want for christmas?_

**_From: Harry_ **

_You don’t have to get me anything._

**_From: Louis_ **

_okay fine it’ll be a souvenir from cali then :)_

Harry frowns at his phone because he just remembered that he and Louis were supposed to spend the break together. They made these plans back in January because Harry didn’t want Louis sitting around the entire four weeks, but no, he’s not sitting around, he’s in fucking California.

If he felt horrible before, Harry certainly feels even more horrible now.

 

 


	12. 2x05: We'll Be Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is one of my favorite chapters from the entire story

**JANUARY 2014**

Sometimes we all need a little push.

The people around us see the situation we are in with a different view and this means that they usually see something we don’t. Of course, we’ll shake our heads and be stubborn because how can they possibly understand whatever it is that we are going through. We will refuse their help and try to move on, but we all know that there’s something still bothering us.

So here comes our third-party, outsiders who just happen to push us in the right direction.

Bless them.

**

**_From: Unknown Number_ **

_On the 17th you & your roommate need come to the apartment around 9_

**_From: Unknown Number_ **

_Oh and there should be food and hopefully cake_

**_From: Unknown Number_ **

_Seriously be there. Friday the 17th at 9 and bring a overnight bag pillow, too_

**

The very first thing Liam notices when he walks in his apartment after work is that stupid baseball cap in his kitchen and eating his food. He drops his keys on the counter as he marches right up to the guy and turns him around.

“You stole my cheesecake.”

“Mate,” the guy responds, “you might need to get your eyes checked or somethin’ ‘cause this is pizza, not cheesecake.”

A few yards away in the living room, Harry and Zayn exchange a look of amusement. They can see that Liam is upset, but they have no idea what the story is behind the cheesecake.

Liam glares at the guy. “Not today.”

“What makes you think I know or care about your cheesecake problems?”

“Because you stole mine.”

“Okay.” Zayn hops up from his seat of the couch and walks over to the kitchen. He throws an arm over Liam’s shoulders and smiles. “Be nice, Liam.”

Liam turns his glare towards Zayn. “What is he doing here anyway? Since when do you and Harry hang out without me?” He never knew that Zayn and Harry spoke much outside of the time when Zayn and Liam are hanging out and Harry’s around. “I’m too tired for this,” he concludes after a moment.

“No being tired,” Zayn orders. “We have a long night a head of us.”

“What? Why?”

Zayn sighs. “You ask too many questions. Now, grab some pizza and don’t kill Louis here.” He lowers his voice and whispers into Liam’s ear, “Because Harry will surely kill you if you do that.”

Liam begins connecting dots. Louis. Louis as in the guy Harry dated. Louis as in the British guy Harry totally swooned over. Louis as in the guy who he never properly met and has only seen once in passing as Liam rushed off to work. “Shit,” he mumbles.

Louis picks up his plate and walks to the living room, sitting on the couch. “I swear, I never stole his cheesecake,” he tells Harry and Harry doesn’t know what to do with that information.

At that moment, Niall emerges from the bathroom. “I just wanted to take a piss and your tap is the stupidest shit ever and what the fuck were you guys talking ‘bout out here? I heard something about cheesecake.”

Zayn laughs because it is going to be an interesting twenty-four hours. “There’s no cheesecake, but Harry did bake me a cake for my birthday.”

“Your birthday was four days ago,” Liam deadpans.

Niall shrugs. “Cake is cake!” He makes his way over to the couch and plops down next to Louis.

After Liam has a plate of pizza in his hands, Zayn leads him over to everyone else. Harry is hunched over himself in the arm chair while Niall and Louis are bickering over something. Zayn takes the last seat on the couch and Liam sits on the floor in front of Harry.

When Niall accidentally tips an empty glass over, Louis exclaims, “Oh, for God’s sake, Niall!”

“Shut up.” Niall uprights the glass and snatches the hat off of Louis’ head. “And gimme back my hat, you thief.” He places it on his own head and resumes eating.

Liam’s eyes go wide and his shoulders drop in embarrassment because he yelled at Louis for stealing his cheesecake when it was Niall and whoops. Zayn catches this and laughs which causes Liam to hunch in on himself just like Harry.

“Oi, I’m not the thief here,” Louis retorts.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You stole Liam’s cheesecake.”

“No, I didn’t,” Niall responds. “Wait,” he thinks a moment. “Maybe I did.” He winks towards Liam.

Liam drops his head back against Harry’s knee. “Save me.”

“If you disappear, take me with you,” Harry whispers.

Zayn gets up and stands in front of the other four boys. “Okay, I’m sure you are all wondering why I gathered you all here.”

“I live here,” says Liam.

“I thought I was just baking a cake,” Harry adds.

“As I was saying,” Zayn continues. “We are here to celebrate my birthday.”

Liam interrupts him again. “Like I said earlier, your birthday was on Monday.”

“And it’s my birthday weekend, so shut up,” Zayn shoots back. “And the five of us are going on a birthday adventure while we’re still young.”

“Zayn,” Liam sighs as he stands up, dropping his plate on the coffee table. “It’s almost eleven and I worked all day and I’m tired. I know you want to do something for your birthday, but you could have told me earlier.”

“Nope,” he shakes his head. “If I told you, it wouldn’t be fun. Now,” Zayn turns back to the group. “Finish up and grab your wallets. Phase two is soon to begin.”

Harry looks terrified. “There are phases?”

Zayn chuckles. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing too harmful,” he says and Harry smiles, but it’s not genuine because he’s nervous.

Niall gulps down the rest of Louis’ soda before standing up. “I’m down. Let’s get this party started!”

“I knew I’d like you,” Zayn smiles.

“Ugh,” Louis makes a face. “Don’t encourage him.”

“Aw, is Lou-Lou upset?” Niall asks in a mocking tone.

Louis slaps him upside the head and takes back the hat. “Nope.”

It takes a threat to Harry, a pout to Liam, and an inappropriate gesture to Louis to get them on board for Zayn’s birthday adventure. They all pile into Zayn’s car with Liam sitting shotgun and Niall in the back between Harry and Louis. Everyone can feel the awkwardness between the ex-couple and Zayn takes note of it.

Fifteen minutes later, Zayn parks and forces everyone to get out of the car.

“Where the hell did you bring us?” Liam asks.

Zayn scoffs. “Where’s your sense of adventure, Li?”

“Probably sleeping.”

“Come on,” Zayn says. “I swear, the four of you have no spirit.”

“Hey, what about me?” Niall asks, offended.

Zayn smiles. “Except Niall.”

The five of them walk around the building to get to the front with Zayn leading the group. He opens the door for them and gestures for them to come inside. The others are immediately transfixed on the wall of classic movie posters to pay attention to what they just stood in line for. Zayn keeps quiet while they talk about which movies they have seen and what movies they would like to see, and when they reach the front of the line, he snaps them out of their conversation.

The cashier looks bored and irritated, but accepts ten dollars from each of the five boys and stamps a pair of red lips on each of their hands. Zayn leads them over to a second line and leans back against the wall, waiting.

Louis stares at his hand. “Zayn, seriously mate, what is this?”

“It’s a movie,” he answers simply.

Liam checks the time. “And we had to go to the midnight showing?”

“That’s the only time they show it,” Zayn explains. “Every Friday night at midnight.”

Harry raises his brow. “Show what? What movie is this?”

Zayn doesn’t have time to answer because a very tall drag queen appears before them with a blond wig and freshly applied red lipstick. “Any virgins in this group?” the drag queen asks.

“Yes,” Zayn smiles.

Harry blushes.

Liam is horrified.

Louis is confused.

Niall shakes his head. “Like fuck I am.”

The drag queen is amused. “I can tell he’s been here before,” she says with an extended finger pointed towards Zayn. “But the rest of you boys, it’s your first time, isn’t it?”

Since Zayn knows no one else is going to speak up because they have no idea what is going on, he talks. “Yes, the four of them are virgins.”

“Wonderful,” the drag queen smiles. “Who’s first?”

Zayn pushes Niall forward and he is the first to get a red “V” drawn on his forehead with lipstick and a kiss to his cheek. Next is Liam, then Harry, and ending with Louis. After the drag queen moves on, the four boys are confused and they feel a bit violated. They all ask similar questions of _what kind of movie is this_ and _why was that man dressed as a woman_ and _did they really have to be kissed_ and _can they leave_. Zayn keeps quiet and just smiles, and makes sure they are all handed newspapers.

Right before the clock hits midnight, the velvet ropes are dropped and the line starts moving into the theatre, everyone being required to show the stamp on their hands before entering. Zayn keeps walking until they are in the front row and sits down, and the rest of the boys follow him, all a bit peeved at what was going on.

People down to their underwear are walking around the theatre selling candy and raffle tickets. Then, a lady by the name of Christina and a man by the name of Lava start the preshow which consists of rules of the show, jokes that the cast and people who’ve been there before understand, people dry-humping each other with balloons between them, and tickets picked out in the raffle. They even have to stand at a certain point, place a hand over their man parts and recite the ‘Virgin Oath.’

When the movie begins, it is nothing that Liam, Louis, Harry, or Niall expects it to be. There is a shadow cast in front of the screen, acting out the movie on a stage, but with added quirks and jokes and stupidity. During the scene in the rain, the boys are not quick enough to cover their heads with the newspaper provided to them and they end up getting squirted with water. Soon after, they are forced out of their seats to stand in the front of dance along to the Time Warp. Throughout the entire movie, there are people spread out amongst the audience who shout lines at the screen that are inappropriately funny. And by the end of the movie, the question _what the fuck did I just watch_ is floating through all of their minds.

As they are walking to the car, Zayn stops abruptly. “Okay, how awesome was that? And think, these people do this every week and they’re all volunteers and you can tell they love it. I know it’s a bit weird, but you get the hang of it after a while. This is not the only place that has a live shadow cast of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but it is one of the longest running.”

Liam yawns. “Are we sleeping now?”

Louis shakes his head. “I’ve done some weird shit before, but this, I don’t even know.”

Harry stays silent.

Niall laughs. “God bless America.”

Zayn drives them all back to Liam and Harry’s apartment and they all walk with heavy footsteps that are filled with sleep considering it is nearly three in the morning.

After Liam unlocks the door, he goes straight to his room. “I’m going to bed.”

“I’m coming, too,” Zayn states.

“No, you’re not.”

“But don’t you want to cuddle?”

“No,” he says sternly.

“Aw, c’mon, Leeyum,” Zayn whines as he follows Liam. The door is closed after that, so the other three boys don’t hear the rest of the conversation.

Niall begins converting the couch into a bed, and Harry and Louis stand awkwardly to the side. They should talk because they are friends and friends talk, but it feels awkward and weird and neither of them want to say anything to make it more awkward or more weird.

“I better get to bed,” Louis says quietly.

Harry runs his hands through his hair. “You cou – I mean – where – I – you . . .” he trails off because he doesn’t even know what he is asking.

Louis nods like he understands what Harry is saying. “I’ll be making friends with your floor.”

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor.”

“No?” Louis asks. “Have another couch I don’t know about?”

Harry shakes his head. “No, but I – you could – share?”

The older boy sighs. “Harry, it’s okay. I’ll be okay.”

“Would you two shut up and turn out the light?” Niall complains. “ ‘m tryin’ to sleep.”

Harry takes a step forward and flips the switch, taking away all light except for the night lights slipping in through the window. “If you need anything, you know where to find me,” he says into the darkness.

“Goodnight, Harry.”

“Night, Louis.”

**

The next morning – well afternoon – Zayn wakes everyone up. They are not happy and they are very cranky, but he makes them all French toast which lightens up their mood a bit.

“I hope you all slept well,” Zayn smiles, “because we have a long day ahead of us, boys.” There is a collective groan and Zayn scoffs. “You are all awful. It’s my birthday weekend, remember?”

Louis rolls his eyes and leaves to the bathroom. Liam mumbles _your birthday was on Monday_ as he walks to his room. Harry shakes his head and shuffles his feet towards the other bedroom. And Niall, he drowns his orange juice and smiles.

When they are all dressed and ready to go, Zayn insists that they take MARTA since they won’t be leaving the greater Atlanta area. The first stop is a station close to campus where they walk for almost a half hour before they reach Centennial Olympic Park. Liam’s eyes brighten because when this park was being built for the 1996 Olympics, his grandmother got his name on a brick for his third birthday. He wants to find it, so Zayn finds a booth and searches for the location of Liam’s brick.

The five of them search the area where the brick should be and it takes them nearly ten minutes before Louis yells out a “I found it!” Liam rushes over and places his hand over the brick because he misses his grandmother who unfortunately passed away a few years ago. Harry picks up the camera that’s hanging around his neck and snaps a picture while standing next to Louis.

After wandering around a bit, they find themselves heading to a different MARTA station to get to their next stop. It has to be one of the longest escalator rides any of them have ever been on, but once they get to the platform and arrive at Piedmont Park forty minutes later, none of them mind. They pause at the playground and then at the dock, Harry taking pictures along the way. When they come across a group of guys playing soccer, Niall’s and Louis’ eyes brighten as they leave their phones and keys with the other three boys and ask to join the game. Harry snaps more pictures, but they mostly end up just being of Louis.

They exit the park after a couple of hours and grab a bite to eat at a Subway on their way to the third stop. Zayn takes them around all the different shops in Little Five Points and when they enter a thrift store, he gives them a challenge to find an outfit that is ridiculous and wear it. Liam finds a pair of cowboy boots, a plaid shirt, and a huge tea party hat. Niall finds a huge, furry brown and white stripped coat that completely swallows him. Zayn finds a hideous Christmas sweater that would light up if it still had working batteries. Louis finds a powder blue tux and a matching white dress shirt that has ruffles on it. Harry finds a prom dress that has enough taffeta to belong in the eighties and goes searching for a tiara.

On the count of three, the five of them walk out of the fitting rooms and burst into laughter at each other’s outfits. Harry does not hesitate in taking dozens of pictures and the rest of them pose in the most hilarious ways. Zayn takes the camera from Harry at one point, so there can be proof that Harry wore a very pink, fluffy dress (and he may or may not have captured Louis staring fondly at Harry, ahem).

It is not hidden that the five of them are causing a ruckus in the store, so they are not surprised when the manager kindly asks them to leave. They change back into their original clothes and try their best to place back the items of clothing where they found them before heading out. They catch the correct MARTA bus just in time with the sunset and take it all the way to the train station. They get off at the Arts Center station and wait for the free shuttle to take them to Atlantic Station.

There are a lot of shops, stores, and restaurants at Atlantic Station, but they are not there to shop – they are there to visit the Ikea. As soon as they are on the bottom floor, Niall notices that there are hot dogs and skips off to get one. Liam and Louis go after him, so he doesn’t get lost and when they take too long, Zayn and Harry take the escalator up to where all the furniture is.

It starts off as a joke – the two of them running around and picking out kitchen appliances for their future shared home together. But then, they weren’t running or joking anymore.

“I really hope I’ll be able to afford all of this stuff and make my own place nice, y’know?” Harry asks as he runs his hands over a wooden countertop.

Zayn nods. “Yeah, the two of us together should be able to make it.”

Harry raises his brow. “You do know that I plan on ending up in New York, right?”

“Yes,” Zayn answers. “I do remember you saying that before. Why is it that you want to move there?”

The younger boy shrugs. “I just want to start over somewhere new and there’s probably more job positions for what I want to do up there than there is down here.” Harry shrugs again. “I love being in the city and I just feel like New York is the place for me. Things haven’t exactly worked out for me here, so yeah.”

“Then we’ll go,” Zayn states simply. “The others – as you can see – don’t share our same view, so it’ll be me and you, on our way to the big apple in a matter of years.”

Harry smiles because yeah, he can see that. The times it has just been Harry and Zayn, they get each other and even if Harry met Zayn as a friend of a friend and claims to be Liam’s only best friend, he still is glad he knows Zayn. “It sounds like a plan.” He picks up a random glass on display and raises it in the air. “To New York.”

Zayn copies his movement. “To New York.”

They pair don’t get to move on to the next kitchen display because Liam calls Zayn and demands to know where they are because Ikea can be like a fucking maze. Zayn rolls his eyes and tells Liam to follow the path and he’ll find them.

When the group is reunited, Harry and Zayn pick up their joke of planning their place together (even if it is more serious now that they made possible plans). Zayn notices Liam and Niall fall back a step as they whisper to each other and that makes Zayn be louder as he continues picking out a dishwasher with Harry. Louis notices how friendly Harry and Zayn are to each other and something about their “plans” to move in together in the future makes him want to regurgitate the hot dog he ate not that long ago.

There’s an announcement over the loudspeaker that Ikea will be closing soon, so the group quickly goes through the rest of the maze before taking the elevator down (and if they have an elevator dance party, then they do). When they are finally back at the train station after waiting forever for the free shuttle to make an appearance, Zayn purposely stands behind Harry and Louis. The moment the train arrives and passengers are getting on or getting off, Zayn stops Liam and Niall from getting on after Harry and Louis.

The ex-lovers don’t notice until the doors close and the train is moving because the car is crowded and they thought their friends were right behind them. They are both standing and holding on the rails and wondering what the hell just happened.

“We got on the right train, right?” Louis asks, still not comfortable with Atlanta’s public transit.

Harry nods. “I believe so. But I dunno why Zayn and Liam and Niall didn’t get on. Maybe they weren’t paying attention.”

The trains gets bumpy and Harry loses his balance and sort of falls onto Louis, but Louis has one hand on Harry’s waist to keep either of them from toppling over. “I got you.”

Harry blushes. “Thanks.” He grabs the rail with both hands this time.

“No problem,” Louis smiles slightly. “Friends have each other’s backs.”

“Yeah,” Harry agrees. “Espeically when they end up with two classes together coincidentally.”

“I know!” Louis exclaims. “What’re the odds of that happening? It’s almost like fate or something is forcing us to be study buddies.”

 _Fate_ , Harry thinks, _that’s what is behind all of this, isn’t it?_ _That damn son of a bitch._ “Maybe.” The train stops and Harry gestures for the two of them to get off and call one of the other three. “Let’s hope that we have service down here.” The call is short and frantic and Harry is more than a little bit annoyed because he doesn’t even know where the next stop is for Zayn’s birthday adventure.

“It’s alright,” Louis tells him in an effort to make Harry feel better.

“Is it?” he asks and they both know he’s not talking about getting on the train without Zayn and Liam and Niall.

“It is.”

“How?”

“Because,” Louis answers, “we were friends before and we can be friends again. I’m not saying let’s pretend we were never together because that’s not right, but we’re friends and nothing will change that.”

Harry stares at Louis for a moment and just ignores the busy platform around them. “No more awkwardness?”

Louis smirks. “You’re always awkward, Haz.”

“And you’re never serious for too long, Lou,” Harry replies, a smile threatening to appear on his lips.

“But you like me anyways.”

“I do.”

“We’ll be alright,” Louis states.

“We’ll be alright,” Harry agrees.

**

When they all make it back to Liam and Harry’s apartment with Burger King crowns on their heads from their dinner, Harry, Louis, and Niall go inside while Liam keeps Zayn outside.

“You did a good thing today, Zayn.”

Zayn keeps a straight face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Liam scoffs. “Sure, you don’t. But you are a really great friend.”

The older boy tries not to cringe. “Just friend?”

“I said great.”

“That’s it?” Zayn pouts.

Liam rolls his eyes. “The best.”

Zayn smiles. “I better be.”

“You are,” he assures him. “In the time it took us to catch the next train and meet Harry and Louis at the next station, you got them to talk and be comfortable around each other again. That was a good thing you did.”

“You don’t know me.”

Liam raises his brow. “I’ve known you for over a decade, so yes, I do know you and I know how you always want the best for people and will try everything to help.”

“You don’t know me,” Zayn repeats, but he’s smiling this time.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotta love niall, right?  
> and ziam's a bit suspicious, aren't they?  
> but at least larry is alright  
> (see what I did there? okay i'll stop)


	13. 2x06: When The Night Comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a storm coming, so you know what that means ;)

**MARCH 2014**

Stop. Ponder into your imagination and where do you find yourself?

Harry finds himself on stage with four of his best friends in front of a huge audience. The five of them are running around and having a good time, and everyone is just cheering them on. They have a set of songs that are their own and that they know by heart and each of the five steps up to sing his own part. The crowd loves them and throws all sorts of items onto the stage and Harry laughs when a bra gets thrown his way because he likes boys.

Well, a certain boy that is standing on the other side of the stage.

The song ends and while they are all catching their breath and letting their hearts calm down, they make small talk with the audience of how great they are and how they love them and how they wouldn’t be here without them and how they are absolutely amazing. The five friends smile at each other because it still amazes them of how far they have come and it really is unbelievable.

Just before the next song begins, the lights go out unexpectedly. The crowd gets quiet because they think this is part of the show and something big is about to happen. The boys get confused because that’s not supposed to happen and they try to find each other in the dark to figure out what to do.

But in the midst of the darkness, there is a single sound that stuns everyone into silence.

No one quite knows what the sound was, but when the lights finally turn back on, a heartbreaking shriek erupts. The audience members in the front are screaming and crying and freaking out. Harry is frozen in his spot while three of his band mates surround the fifth and final member. It takes everything for Harry to cross the stage and the moment he reaches the other boys, he can’t close his eyes fast enough, but it’s too late – the image is already carved into his brain.

The image of the boy who has his heart covered in his own blood from the single gunshot to his chest.

Stop again and come back to reality. Although the worlds we come up with in our imaginations seem wonderful and great, they’re not. Regardless of what world you are in, there will always be bad people, events, circumstances, memories, etc. that are around. You can’t stop them from happening and there is no guarantee that the grass is greener on the other side.

But keep in mind that maybe wherever your mind wanders off to, your thoughts are trying to tell you something.

**

When living with another person for an extended period of time, it is not uncommon to know the other’s schedule of when he or she is or is not at home. So, when Harry gets back to the apartment, he is expecting to find Liam somewhere there, but he finds that he is alone. He wonders if Liam picked up an extra shift at work or is part of a study group or went grocery shopping, but then he stops wondering and just retires to his room.

It isn’t until a couple of hours later that Liam comes home. He stops by Harry’s doorway to say hello, but Harry doesn’t let him go that easily.

“Where were you?” Harry questions.

“Nowhere,” Liam replies a little too quickly.

Harry takes in Liam’s outfit and raises his brow. “Is that a new shirt?”

Liam looks down at his shirt and when he looks back up, he doesn’t meet Harry’s eyes. “What? No.”

The curly-haired boy stands up and walks over to Liam. “Yes it is,” he smirks. “Where were you?”

“I already told you, nowhere.” Liam is flustered from the questions. “Why do you care anyways?”

“Because I had something to ask you, but don’t ask me what it was because I don’t remember now,” Harry answers. “But seriously, where did you go? And why won’t you tell me? _Oh_ ,” he realizes something. “That’s a new shirt, so were you trying to impress someone, weren’t you? Had a hot date?” Harry wiggles his eyebrows.

Liam groans. “For the love of god, Harry. You are awful.”

“You’re not denying it.”

“I’m going to my room,” Liam says as he pushes himself off of Harry’s doorframe and takes the four steps to his room, closing the door behind him.

“Still not denying it!” Harry shouts, ending with a laugh.

He doesn’t understand why Liam is being so secretive, but he decides not to push it too much because Harry knows that Liam will talk to him eventually. Or if not him, then Zayn. Unless it was Zayn that he was just with and trying to impress.

Harry shakes his head. He is thinking too much.

**

At exactly 1:02 A.M. on Friday night (or early Saturday morning), Liam gets a phone call. Without looking at the screen of his phone, he answers the call. “ ‘lo?” he mumbles.

“Sorry to interrupt your sex life, but I hate you.”

Those last three words make Liam snap his eyes open. “Harry? What the hell? It’s midnight and I’m at my sister’s house.”

“It’s one here and I hate you,” Harry responds.

Liam sighs. “Why do you hate me?”

“Because,” he emphasizes, “you left for the weekend and it’s storming and our power went out meaning we have no heat which means I’m freezing right now because even though it’s March, it’s still fucking cold outside hence I hate you.”

“One,” Liam says as he sits up. “What does me going to visit my sister in Tennessee have to do with the power going out and you hating me? And two, even if I were there, what would be different?”

“If you were here, we could have cuddl—” Harry cuts himself off, going back to his thoughts from a couple days ago. “No, scratch that. You only cuddle Zayn, don’t cha?”

Liam can hear the smirk in his roommate’s voice. “No,” he retorts, “I do not.”

“Liar.”

“Harry, I do not appreciate you accusing me of being a liar at midnight because I am tired and I drove all day and you should just try to go to sleep,” Liam insists. “You’ll feel better in the morning.”

Harry groans. “This is why I hate you. It’s freezing in here and I can’t fall asleep in the cold,” he complains.

“Then, go steal Louis’ heat,” he suggests.

“No,” Harry says sternly.

“Why not?” Liam sighs. “What’s so wrong with that? I thought you two were okay now after Zayn’s birthday disaster.”

“Don’t you mean birthday adventure?”

“Not the point and don’t try to change the subject.”

“Liam, I’m not calling him,” Harry states. “It’s just after one and what if he’s sleeping? I don’t want to bother him or be a burden or anything.”

“Are you shitting me?” Liam is annoyed now, but mostly tired. “Harry, grow a pair and call Louis. I’m sure he won’t mind because you two are friends, remember that? You’d let him over if his power was out and really? You don’t want to wake him up, but you had no problem waking me up?”

Harry scoffs. “Well, you’re the one buying new clothes and going on secret dates and saying you’re taking the weekend to drive up to your sister’s house and yeah.”

“I’m going back to sleep now and I am hanging up the phone,” Liam decides. “I get that you’re cranky ‘cause you can’t sleep or whatever, but just call Louis or you know what, don’t call Louis. I don’t care because you are mean. Goodnight.”

“How am I m—” Harry bites his tongue because Liam just totally hung up on him. Before placing his phone down, he sends a pleasant _I hate you_ text to Liam.

Harry wraps his blankets tighter around himself and closes his eyes because _no_ , he’s not going to call Louis. Liam is being an asshole and probably is with whoever the hell he is secretly dating. Harry is not going to call Louis just because Liam told him to do so. Who does he think he is – his mother? He scoffs. He’s not going to call. Nope. He’s not. He is not go– _who the fuck is calling right now?_

He pokes his arm out from under his blankets and starts looking for his phone. Part of him thinks it’s Liam calling back and apologizing for being an asshole, but no, it’s not.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I didn’t wake you, did I?” the familiar British accent asks sheepishly.

Harry shakes his head even though he knows Louis can’t see him. “Not at all. What’s keeping you up?”

“It’s the rain,” Louis chuckles. “And it’s ridiculous because it’s always raining in England. What about you?”

“The storm knocked out the power,” Harry answers. “So there’s no heat and I’m freezing.”

“What?” The older boy is shocked. “You get your arse on a train and get over here. Now.”

“No, it’s okay,” Harry objects. “I wouldn’t want to impose or be a nuisance or bother you. I’ll be fine. I’m sure the power will kick back on any second.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Like hell it will. Do you hear that thunder?”

“Louis—”

“Nope,” he interrupts. “Grab an umbrella and start walking.” When Louis doesn’t hear anything, he says, “You better be getting up and putting on your shoes, Harold before I come over there myself and drag you here.”

Harry grins. “Are you threatening me?”

“You bet I am.”

“Okay fine. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Good,” Louis smiles. “See you soon and Harry?”

“Yes?”

“Be safe.”

“Always. I lo—” Harry shuts up. “I’ll see you in a bit.” He ends the call before he says anything stupid and starts gathering a warm outfit together.

It is nearly forty minutes later when Harry is standing in front of Louis’ dorm room, completely soaked from the rain. Louis doesn’t know if he should laugh at Harry for looking like a wet kitten or wrap him in a warm blanket and hug him. So he does both.

“Stop laughing at me, ‘m cold,” Harry complains.

“Sorry.” Louis tries to stifle his laughter, but he fails, so he turns to his closet to find something warm and dry for Harry to wear. He finds the obnoxiously huge, blue t-shirt that every resident received last month that he never wore and a pair of blue, flannel pajama bottom. He hands them over to Harry. “You should change before you catch a cold or something.”

“Thanks.” Harry takes the clothes.

“Um, do you need . . . pants as well?”

The younger boy shakes his head, a little embarrassed. “Nah, that part of me is all dry. But a pair of socks would be nice.”

Louis nods. “Don’t tell Niall,” he pleads before walking over to Niall’s dresser and taking a pair of socks out of the first drawer.

“Where is Niall anyway?” Harry asks, holding the clothes in his hand.

He shrugs. “I have no idea. I went to eat lunch at the dining hall and when I got back he was gone and hasn’t been back.”

“You’re not worried?”

“Nope. He left a note saying he might possibly be missing all weekend.”

Harry raises his brow. “Liam left for the weekend, too, but he claims he went to visit his sister in Tennessee.”

“You don’t think . . .?” Louis gasps. “No!”

He shrugs. “Maybe.” Louis’ mouth drops, so Harry takes the clothes and goes to the small bathroom, leaving the blanket behind. He would have just changed there, but with their history, he doesn’t want it to be weird because they’re past that and doesn’t want to go back. Once he’s in dry clothes, he comes out and Louis drapes the same blanket from before over him.

“You’re shivering.”

Harry opens his mouth to speak, but his teeth end up chattering. “It’s cold. It was cold in my apartment. It was cold outside. The rain made it more cold. I’m just … cold.”

“Aw.” Louis has to bite his cheek, so he doesn’t smile because Harry is freaking adorable sometimes. “Well, come on.” He pulls Harry towards his bed and makes him lay down and then throws his comforter over him. “Feel warm yet?”

“Somewhat,” Harry replies.

Louis’ eyes widen when he remembers something. He walks over to his desk and pulls something out from the bottom drawer and takes it back to Harry. “Here. I meant to give this to you when we got back from the holiday, but yeah.”

Harry smiles when his eyes find the newspaper wrapped gift. He takes it into his hands and unwraps it to find a bright blue beanie. He touches the soft material and smiles wider. “I told you didn’t have to get me anything.”

He shrugs. “I wanted to. And lemme tell you, it was a hard choice between that one and an orange one. I was really thinking orange, but then I was like, what the hell goes with orange?” He chuckles nervously.

“I love it,” Harry says honestly. “And I would have loved it even if it were orange.”

“I had a feeling you were going to say that.”

“What does that mean?”

Louis goes back to his desk and pulls out another newspaper wrapped gift. This time, he throws it at Harry. “That’s what it means.”

Harry pulls off the newspaper and finds a similar orange beanie. He laughs. “Thank you. I just . . . Thank you.”

“You are welcome. Now pick one, put it on your head and get back under that blanket.”

“Are you threatening me again?”

“So what if I am?”

“What are you going to do if I don’t listen?”

Louis smirks. “Force you.” Harry doesn’t have time to respond before Louis is jumping onto the bed and pulling the blanket over both of them. He tries to wrap his arms around Harry, but “Christ, Harry, can you be any larger?”

Harry frowns. “Is that a bad thing?”

“No, just . . .” He pushes Harry over and shifts slightly and throws an arm over Harry’s middle. “There.”

“Is this you forcing me?”

“Yes. Now shut up and go to sleep.”

“But what if I want to talk?”

“About what?” Louis’ voice is quiet because the last time they were together in the late hours of the night and they talked, well, they ended up making confessions. He isn’t sure if he can handle that again because Louis has had enough of love-gone-wrong in his life.

Harry manages to turn around without elbowing Louis in the face. “About how our roommates could possibly be off somewhere together for the weekend.”

Louis chuckles. “How did we not see this coming?”

“I mean, think about it,” Harry says. “Just about every time we’ve all been together in the past two months, they’re always whispering to each other. It began the day of Zayn’s birthday thing.”

“It did, didn’t it?” Louis thinks back to that day and how Harry and Zayn were planning what they wanted in their future home. He remembers how much he hated their plans. “That was a weird day.”

“Yeah,” Harry agrees. “But I’m glad it happened.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Like, the five of us are all friends now and it just feels like we’re supposed to like be together, y’know? Like, we were meant to be friends and have each other’s backs while going through college.” Harry shrugs. “ ‘s probably stupid.”

Louis shakes his head. “No, it’s not. It makes sense and I’m glad to. I mean, what are the odds that the five of us would be friends?”

“Highly unlikely,” Harry replies. “But earlier this week, I had this dream that we were in some sort of band together and the audience loved us and it felt like we all just clicked together. It was so much fun being up on stage together. At least, it was for a while.”

“What made the fun stop?” Louis asks, curious.

“It’s like, we were singing or whatever and in between songs, apparently someone had, like a gun, I guess, and shot it,” Harry explains.

Louis frowns. “Did anyone get hurt?” Harry nods. “Who?”

“You,” Harry mumbles into the pillow.

“Hey, don’t do that.” He runs his hand through Harry’s curls. “I’m okay, see? I’m not shot and if somehow we do form a band and become famous, we’ll have a strict no gun policy, okay?”

Harry snorts. “Like that’ll ever happen. But,” he nods. “Yeah.”

“Are you still cold?” he asks after a minute.

“Not really.”

“Good.”

“Hey, Lou?”

“Yeah?”

“ ‘m glad you didn’t get shot.”

Louis smiles. “Me, too.”

The two of them stay like that for the rest of the night, the only sounds are of the rain pounding against the windows and thunder roaring in the sky. Sleep comes eventually for both of them, but before it does, neither of them can’t help but realize how much they enjoy each other’s company and how they feel safe around each other.

Louis wishes that things worked out between them and that they weren’t so busy last semester, so they would have had time for each other. Even after four months, he still feels like their break-up was some karmic payback for what happened before which was definitely his fault (or at least, it feels that way). He wants to say that he should have said something earlier and then everyone would have been okay, but then he would have never signed up for the international program and ended up here. Sure, he messed up quite a lot before he got here, but part of him thinks it was worth it.

Harry wishes that they were still together at that moment because he really just wants to move his head a couple of inches and join their lips together. He really liked Louis and he has no regrets that they (kinda sorta) dated because it’s not Louis broke his heart. Harry’s heart is alright (no thanks to Seth) and he believes that right now is not the time for them. Right now, they should just be friends and see where they end up in a couple years after graduation.

When they wake up in the morning, they both have smiles on their faces. Niall still hasn’t returned and Louis sneaks Harry into the dining hall for breakfast. Everything is okay between them and as far as either of them is concerned, it should stay that way because they are Harry and Louis.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next episode is the season 2 finale woop woop  
> and also when i dive in the future


	14. 2x07: Hand On My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another semester comes to a close in the season two finale, but there are mysteries still left open. Did Liam really visit his sister in Tennessee? Where did Niall go? Has anyone heard from Zayn? Are Harry and Louis ever going to get back together? And seriously, what the hell happened in Louis' past?

**MAY 2014**

Leaving is a strange concept.

We think of two things as we prepare to leave: what we are moving on to and what we are leaving behind. It’s usually people, places, and memories that are on our minds and they are what will either keep us where we are or make us leave even farther. But when we leave, we miss the opportunity for new memories in the places that we have come to be familiar with the people around us.

What makes leaving strange is when we come back. Most of the time, it’s not expected and the people we leave behind accept that we left. We don’t always plan to return, but sometimes we come back because we are not done here. Not yet.

**

Niall angrily throws his notebook into a cardboard box. He has been mumbling under his breath the entire day and anytime Louis asks him what’s wrong, Niall doesn’t give him a straight answer. It is getting ridiculous and Niall is obviously angry over something, so Louis stops packing his own belongings.

“What’s got you so angry?”

“Nothin’ at all,” Niall lies.

Louis rolls his eyes. “You’re going to have to do better than that to convince me nothing is bothering you.”

They stare at each other for a good minute before Niall kicks the box away from him. “It’s just . . . we’re leaving for the summer, right?”

“Right,” Louis repeats.

“And we’re not going to see everyone for close to four months and I’m leaving in a couple of days and—” He stops talking.

“And what?” Louis asks. “Do you not want to go home? Do you not want to come back here? Do you not want to leave your amazing roommate?”

Niall stands up. “And I’m going to get pissed.” He kicks the box once again before grabbing his wallet and phone. “I’ll pack this shit tomorrow.”

Louis is taken aback because for the two years that he has known Niall, he has never seen him like this before. Whatever it is that is bothering him must be huge and Louis is slightly offended that Niall won’t tell him what it is. “Niall, are you sure you don’t just want to talk about it? It’s not good to walk around upset.”

The blond-haired boy stares at his roommate for a moment. “I’m leaving in two days for the whole summer,” is all Niall says before picking up his keys and leaving.

**

After packing for a couple of hours, Louis decides to get away from the chaos of the room and to go take a walk around campus. He loves how this university is in the middle of the city, so it’s not the typical college campus. There are no huge patches of grass and he’s okay with that. Sure, there are cracks in the sidewalk and homeless people around and the super loud sirens from emergency vehicles at least once an hour, but Louis really loves it here.

He loves how everyone is open and how there is a club or organization for almost anything. He loves how everyone here loves being in the city as much as he does and how he’s actually does well in his classes. He loves how even though this may not be the most well-known college in Georgia, everyone still has major school spirit. He loves it here.

While he is waiting to cross the road, Louis feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns his head to find Harry standing next to him. “Hi,” Louis greets. “Fancy meeting you here.”

Harry chuckles. “It’s very much a coincidence when this is the way to the MARTA station that’s down the block.”

“Did you have an exam today?” he asks.

“Nah, I just had to hand in some extra credit for my history class,” Harry answers. “Are you done with finals?”

“Thank Jesus Christ, yes,” Louis grins. “My last exam was for Accounting.”

Harry physically shudders. “Let’s not speak of that.”

Louis laughs. “Deal.” The streetlight changes and they start crossing the road. “So, going back home?”

“Yeah. You, too?”

“I have to pack first,” Louis muses.

Harry nods. “Well, if you need any help, don’t hesitate to call me. I’m pretty much free for the rest of the week.”

Louis smiles at Harry’s kindness. “But what about work?”

“My boss told me to focus on finals and go home to visit my mom, so I have a bit of time off,” Harry explains.

“Okay.” He walks Harry to the end of the block. “I’ll um . . . bye?”

Harry laughs. “See you later, Lou. You know there is no way I’d let you leave without saying a proper ‘until next time’ and all that, right?”

“Right,” Louis nods. “See you later.”

With one last smile, Harry walks towards the train station and Louis turns around towards the residence halls. When he is back in his room, he takes note that Niall is not back yet and Louis wonders how Niall planned to get drunk while he is underage in the States in broad daylight.

About an hour later when Louis has a total of two boxes taped together with nothing in them, there is a knock at the door. He is ready to make fun of Niall for losing his keys or forgetting how to use them in a drunken state, but it’s not Niall who is at the door.

“Uh, hey,” Louis says, confused.

He rubs the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable in the doorway. “Is um. Is Niall here?”

Louis’ eyebrows nearly raise up to his hairline. “Sorry mate, he’s out.”

“Oh.” He almost looks defeated.

“Do you want me to tell him you came by when he gets back?” Louis asks.

He shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. Thanks.” And with that he takes a step back before turning and walking down the hallway towards the elevators.

Louis closes the door and pulls his cell phone out of his pocket. Out of all the people that could have possibly shown up at the door, he didn’t expect it to be Liam.

**_From: Louis_ **

_Do you have any idea why your roommate just came to see mine?_

**_From: Harry_ **

_I don’t. Zayn just came here looking for Liam._

**_From: Louis_ **

_What is even going on with them?_

**_From: Harry_ **

_Hell if I know._

Harry leans back on the couch and tries to focus on the episode of Law & Order: SVU that’s on, but he can’t. For the past few months, there has definitely been something going on with Liam and Niall – maybe even Zayn – but he has no idea what. He got Louis to ask Niall where he was that weekend Liam disappeared to Tennessee and all Niall said was that he was checking out the fraternities. He even had information packets about each frat and how rushing works and all of that. It’s a believable story and Harry knows what, but there has to be something up.

When Liam returns to the apartment at the end of the hour, he rolls his eyes at Harry watching SVU. “Have you not watched this episode about a hundred times?”

“There’s a marathon on,” Harry responds.

“When is there not?” Liam asks sarcastically.

Harry lowers the volume and stands up, so he is facing his roommate. “So, I hear you went to go see Niall today.”

Liam’s face instantly drops. “You hear that from Louis?”

“You’re already trying to change the subject,” he states. “Why’d you want to see Niall?”

“Harry.”

“Liam.”

“Stop.”

“Stop what?” Harry asks. “I’m just asking a simple question: why’d you go over there?”

“Will you just let it go?” Liam is clearly not going to answer Harry’s question, but that doesn’t stop him from asking again.

“No, I will not,” Harry says sternly. “Tell me.”

Liam sighs. “Haz, please? It’s not like I’m standing here pestering you about Louis.” And with that, Liam leaves Harry with exactly what he wanted to know.

Later that night when Niall comes back to the room, he is obviously drunk and has a yellow slip of paper in his hand. Louis helps him to bed and before the places the paper on Niall’s desk, he reads it to find out that it is a ticket given to Niall for being underage and drunk. The older boy frowns because even though it is the end of the year, Niall could very well get kicked out of the international program and not be able to return in August.

**

It is three days later and Harry is helping Louis pack the last of his belongings before his flight that is later on in the evening.

“So, Niall didn’t say anything about the ticket?” Harry asks as he tapes shut a box.

Louis shakes his head. “Nope. He just woke up the next morning, puked, packed his things, said his goodbyes and left.”

Harry adds the box to the pile accumulating near the door. “Wow. Do you think he’s coming back?”

“I hope so,” he says honestly. “Niall was a pretty good roommate and I don’t just get along with everyone. I don’t want to end up with some weird bloke from France who doesn’t understand the concept of deodorant.”

The younger boy laughs. “So, you want Niall around clearly for selfish reasons?”

“Clearly.”

“Well, whatever the hell is going on with him and Liam or whatever, hopefully it doesn’t alter his decision to stay in the program,” Harry says. “The five of us are like a pact and it’ll be weird if one just leaves.”

“But two are leaving for the summer,” Louis interjects.

“Must you remind me?” Harry frowns.

Louis can’t help the mirrored frown that his mouth forms. “Aw, c’mon, don’t be so sad about it. You’re going to make me sad.”

“But can’t you take a couple classes in the summer like me and stay here?”

“The program doesn’t include summer term.” Louis knows this because he emailed the lady in charge of the international program and asked if there was some way for him to stay in America over the summer. She replied saying that it would have to be on his own money and that the program never has enough students for the summer, so it isn’t part of it.

In all honesty, Louis very much rather stay right where he is over the break than go back to England. Sure, he will love to see everyone, but he knows not everyone will love to see him. Louis knows he messed up and even though it’s been years, he still isn’t forgiven for all the shit he did. Hell, he hasn’t even forgiven himself. He really just wants to stay here because he doesn’t know if he can spend another summer floating from one person’s couch to another.

Harry sees that Louis has his thinking face on, so he asks, “Is everything alright?”

“It just sucks that I have to leave.”

“Then don’t leave.”

Louis raises his brow in confusion. “I have to, Haz. They close down most of the dorms over the summer and I wouldn’t be able to afford it anyways. I don’t have any place to stay.”

“Yes, you do,” Harry retorts. “You can stay in the apartment with me and Liam.”

“But I don’t have enough money for classes,” Louis points out.

“Then don’t take classes.”

“Harry,” Louis sighs, “it’s not that simple. My student visa expires next week and the process of how long it will take to renew it will take the entire summer. You don’t want me here illegally, do you?”

“No,” Harry replies quietly. He thought he had a good idea for a few seconds, but it looks like he doesn’t. He’s sure that Liam wouldn’t have minded Louis being around all summer and it would have worked, Harry knows it would have.

Louis can’t stand to look at the hurt look on Harry’s face, so he knows he has to do – to say – something to make Harry feel a little bit better. “I’ll be back in August and as much as I wish I could stay, my family is expecting me back home.”

“You – you don’t talk about your family much,” Harry mentions.

“Yeah, I just . . . I miss them, y’know?” he asks. “And like, talking about them just makes me miss them even more.”

Harry nods in understanding because yeah, he only moved thirty miles away from home and he misses his mother a lot, so he can only imagine how much Louis misses his family when he is an entire ocean away. But even in his understanding, Harry can’t help but feel like there’s a story behind Louis’ family and that there’s something else Louis isn’t saying. “You can tell me anything,” he assures Louis. “I’ll always be here for you because at the end of the day, we’re friends, okay?”

“Okay.” Louis feels the guilt creeping up his back to his neck and he doesn’t know how there are days that he doesn’t feel guilty. (But there is not a day that he isn’t sorry.)

**

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Liam furrows his brow. “What’re you talking about? You were just over here last week.”

Zayn shakes his head. “That’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point?” Liam genuinely does not know where Zayn is going with this. Yes, it has been a bit difficult to hang out recently because this past semester totally kicked Liam’s ass and he really needed to concentrate on studying for his finals.

“Never mind,” Zayn says after a minute.

Liam wants to poke Zayn until he tells him whatever it is that he was trying to say, but he knows better. The two of them have known each other for a very long time now and Liam knows that it is never a good idea to force anything out of Zayn because the conversation will turn real ugly, real fast. Zayn will turn the conversation around and throw everything in your face and storm off all while managing to avoid the one thing you tried to get out of him.

A beep comes from Liam’s phone and he sees it’s from Harry, asking to head towards Louis’ dorm, so they can get going towards the airport.

“I have to go pick up Harry and Louis to take Louis to the airport. Do you want to come?” Liam asks.

Zayn is silent. There is something flickering in his eyes that Liam can’t place, but once he blinks, it’s gone. “Yeah. I didn’t get a chance to say bye to Niall, so better not miss it with Louis, too.”

Liam doesn’t say anything. He just grabs his keys from the counter and leads Zayn out of the apartment and to the parking lot. When they get to the dorm, Harry and Louis load up the car with Louis’ belongings. They take two trips, but in the second trip, Louis disappears to go return his key and access card and Harry stuffs the last suitcase in the trunk.

As soon as Harry is sitting in the car, Liam asks, “Didn’t Louis have more stuff last year?”

Harry nods. “Yeah, but he and Niall decided to rent out a storage unit to keep their stuff there over the summer because Niall hated carting his things from one country to another and Louis didn’t want to bother me again,” he explains. By the time he is done talking, he is frowning and Liam notices.

His roommate reaches his hand back and pats Harry’s knee. “Hang in there.”

“Yeah,” Harry breathes.

They don’t say anything else about that because Louis comes to the car with a frustrated look on his face. “I swear, some of the RA’s here are such arseholes. I hope they get fired.”

Liam reaches his hand back once again, but this time to pat Louis’ knee. “Hang in there,” he repeats his advice.

Louis scoffs. “There was really no reason to be rude.”

“There wasn’t,” Harry agrees. “They’re probably eager for the year to end and for their breaks to start.”

“I—” Louis cuts himself off when he realizes Zayn in the passenger seat. “Zayn, what’re you doing here?”

Zayn turns his head and looks offended. “Well, I just wanted to say bye, but if I’m not wanted here, I can get out of the car.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Oh, don’t be dramatic. That’s my role.”

“And besides,” Liam continues as he shifts the car into drive, “you wouldn’t jump out of a moving vehicle, would you?”

“In the car with the three of you, I just might,” he jokes.

Harry laughs loudly, his hand instantly moving to his mouth to muffle the sound. Louis moves his hand away and gives him a smile. “You don’t need to do that, love.”

The laugh drops from Harry’s system and is replaced with an emotion he doesn’t quite understand. He nods and tries not to pay attention how Louis hand is loosely wrapped around his in the space between them in the backseat of the car.

Throughout the drive to the airport, the four friends reminisce over memories from the past few months when they were all together. They begin with Zayn’s random birthday adventure (where both Liam and Zayn know it wasn’t as random as it looked like) and go on to the nights where the five of them gathered in the apartment to watch movies or play video games. They had a good semester and they are all looking forward for August to come, so they can all hang out again.

At the airport, Liam parks the car at the pick-up/drop off area. Harry helps Louis with getting his suitcases out of the car and they end up standing there, talking like the year before. Zayn tries to get out of the car, but Liam stops him, so Harry and Louis can have their moment.

“You’re coming back, right?” Harry asks quietly.

Louis feels like he’s about to cry because right in front of him is this giant boy with curly hair and green eyes who just looks like a kid who didn’t get a birthday cake. “Of course I am, love. You know that I don’t want to leave.”

“It just – I – I’m really going to miss you.”

“We’ll do what we did last summer, yeah?” Louis suggests. “We’ll send emails and skype and talk all the time.”

Harry pouts. “It’s not the same.” And it’s not because a year ago, they were together and now, as friends, it feels different. Not that it’s a bad different because Harry is sure he will miss Louis all the same.

Louis lets go of the handle of his suitcase and wraps his arms around Harry’s middle. “Stop it, would you? You’re breaking my heart.”

“Sorry.” Harry’s voice breaks, so Louis stretches his neck back to look at his face.

“No, don’t cry. You’re going to make me cry.” He wipes the tears away with the back of his thumbs. “I’ll be back.”

Harry sighs. “You better be.”

Louis takes a step back and drops his head down. “I need to go,” he says to the ground. He takes a moment to pick his head up and look at Harry. Harry, whose eyes are shiny with tears. Harry, who is the person he is going to miss most. Harry, who he really doesn’t want to leave. In a spur of a moment decision, Louis moves forward and gently pecks Harry’s lips. “See you later, Harold.”

“Until next time, Lou,” Harry sniffles.

With one last hug, Harry and Louis part ways, hoping that the summer passes super-fast.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh god the airport scene


	15. 3x01: Up All Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is just the beginning of an eventful season

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the five italicized paragraphs at the beginning are snippits of whats to come in the next 5 episodes of season 3

_ Niall’s eyes are locked at what is in front of him. He feels like he has waited for this for so long that his mouth is watering just from the sight of it. He is ready to dive in, but he is disrupted once again. “Jesus Christ,” he mutters under his breath, annoyed. _

-ISMSIJ-

_He walks out before it gets to be too much and something happens. He is scared. He is always scared, but does he want to let his heart fall even farther? Harry stops in his tracks and lets out a groan because he is weak, before turning around and walking back to room 816._

-ISMSIJ-

_Liam takes in what he was just told. It is a huge load to be thrown in with everything that has been happened and he has half a mind to say no. But the other half knows that if he says no, their friendship will end over a silly disagreement._

-ISMSIJ-

_He paces the hall a few times before he gets the nerve to actually knock on the door. Louis doesn’t know why he is so nervous because he really has no reason to be. It’s not like he’s done something wrong. At least he hopes he hasn’t. The door opens and Louis is faced with air._

-ISMSIJ-

_“I know this is a lot to ask.” She looks scared and small. It feels like if he doesn’t say anything soon, she will drop down to her knees and beg him. But he honestly doesn’t know what to say because she is right, it is a lot to ask._

 

 

**SEPTEMBER 2014**

Harry shakes his professor’s hand. “Thank you so much once again.”

“It’s really no problem, Harry,” Professor Robbins responds. “You are really ambitious.”

He smiles. “I just hope to graduate on time and make it to New York.”

The Professor raises his brow. “New York, huh?”

“Yeah,” Harry nods. “There are more Advertising firms up there than here and I’ve always wanted to live in New York.” Harry is a city person and he can’t see himself anywhere else. He hopes that he will get to New York because it is in his five-year plan to move up the coast by 2019.

“Well, if you keep up the work from what you’ve shown me in these past few weeks,” Professor Robbins says, “I’m sure you’ll make it.” He pauses, then smiles. “And if you continue taking my classes, that should help, too.”

Harry chuckles. “I couldn’t imagine taking anyone else’s classes.” He stands up. “I better get going before I’m late for my next class.”

“Alright Harry, see you in class on Monday.”

“Bye Professor.”

As Harry walks out of his professor’s office and down the block to his next class, he smiles to himself for taking Professor Robbins for his Intro to Marketing course. This professor is easily Harry’s favorite and he definitely will work his schedule for the next three semesters to take any class Professor Robbins teaches.

**

While Louis is tying his shoes, Niall is yelling at his laptop and somehow his accent is thicker. “You alright?” Louis asks.

“No,” Niall answers. “This stupid piece of shit works for like two minutes and then just stops.”

Louis stands up and picks up his book bag. “Just use my laptop,” he offers. “It has Word and PowerPoint and Excel and all that.”

“Thank you.” Niall moves over to Louis desk and when he taps the mouse pad, he notices the time. “I thought you didn’t have class until one?”

“I don’t. I have a meeting with my advisor in a little bit,” Louis tells him. “She kept emailing me, so I thought the only way to get her off my back it so make an appointment and see what she wants.”

Niall wiggles his eyebrows. “What she wants, huh?”

Louis scrunches up his face. “You do remember that I’m gay, right?”

He shrugs. “Whatever floats your boat, mate.”

“I’m just gonna go now. Try not to break my computer, please.” Louis shoves his phone in his pocket and leaves the room.

When he gets to the advisement center, Louis finds out that they changed locations sometime last semester and he never knew about it. With an annoyed grunt, Louis walks to the other side of the campus and goes up to the thirteenth floor. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to wait long before he is able to speak to his advisor who he is told is Ms. Walker.

“Louis, right?”

“Yes,” he nods. “Your emails made it seem like this meeting was urgent, so here I am.” Louis smiles. “Um, so is there something you needed to talk to me about?”

Ms. Walker clicks the mouse a couple of times and reads something before she answers. “You were sent those emails because I wanted to make sure you don’t forget to apply for graduation.”

“But isn’t it rather early for that?” he asks. “I’m not graduating until May 2016, right?”

She prints something and hands it to Louis. “Well, you can if you want to, but with the credits you already had prior to coming to this university, you will be able to complete your program by December 2015.”

Louis doesn’t understand because that can’t be right. “Are you sure? I mean, like I thought I was an entire year behind.”

“I’m sure,” Ms. Walker says. “You can always spread out your classes some more if you really want to graduate in May, but I wouldn’t advise it because you’re so close.”

“But even if I can graduate in a year and a half, why do I have to apply for graduation now?” Louis is very confused at the moment. He was thinking this meeting would consist of the mandatory crap of an advisor planning out a future schedule for him and to answer questions he may have. He didn’t expect this.

“It’s a state policy to apply two semesters in advance,” she answers.

Louis leans back in his chair because wow, he’s going to graduate next December. “That’s a little scary, if I’m honest.”

Ms. Walker smiles at him. “No need to be afraid, Louis. It’s exciting to think that you are closer than you think to walking out of here with your hard-earned degree. That all the time and money that you spent will finally pay off. It’s a good thing.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “But it just means that I am a semester closer to being out in the real world.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

“I hope so.”

For the remainder of their meeting, Ms. Walker shows Louis where to go to apply for graduation and makes sure he knows about when the deadline is. She also gives him a list of the classes he has to take in order to complete his program and a suggested order he take them in. Louis is really overwhelmed by the meeting because in his two years here in America, he hasn’t royally fucked up once. He’s on track with his classes and he might just actually make it.

It may not seem like a big deal, but for Louis, it is. It really is.

After his classes, Louis returns to his room to find Niall in the same place where he left him over three hours ago. He drops his book bag by his bed and places his keys on his desk. “Did you not go to class today, Niall?”

“Better question,” Niall turns the laptop, so Louis can see the screen, “is why you have pictures of Harry saved?”

Louis eyes go wide as he looks at the photo. He swallows air and asks, “Where was that saved?”

“Somewhere in your ‘pictures’ folder,” Niall replies. “I was looking for a picture I saved for my presentation and I found this instead.”

“Oh.” Louis forgot those pictures were on his laptop because he hasn’t looked at them for a very long time. Memories of when the pictures were taken flood his thoughts and it starts off nice and sweet, but then it’s too much and Louis has to close his eyes and shake them away.

Niall stands up and looks at his roommate, concerned. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I just – I forgot those were there.”

He pats Louis’ shoulder before sitting down. “Y’know, if you still feel like that towards him, you should tell him.”

“Niall—”

“No, just hear me out,” he says. “I know you two broke up last year because of some dumbass reason, but that was last year. You told me how torn up both of you were when you left in May, so don’t even try to tell me some bullshit that he doesn’t feel the same.”

Louis falls back on his bed because this is just too much for him today. First, his advisor lets him know that he is way closer to graduating than he thought. And now, Niall’s encouraging him to seek out Harry. Louis doesn’t know what to do with everything right now and the one person he knows that could help him though this, he can’t talk to them.

“I know you still care for him,” Niall continues. “And I’m sure Harry cares for you, too. So please, I’m begging you, do something about it. I don’t like sad Louis.”

“ ‘m not sad,” Louis retorts.

“Yes, you are.”

Louis sighs because yes, he is. For many reasons.

**

“… please leave your message after the beep.”

Harry ends the call before he even hears the beep because he knows there’s no point in leaving a voicemail (who – other than parents – even uses voicemail anymore?). He places his phone down and returns to his textbook and goes back to taking notes.

He doesn’t read two pages of the book before Liam and Zayn barge into his room, shouting, “Harry!”

“Y’know, there’s this thing called knocking. You should try it sometime.”

Zayn lays down on Harry’s bed. “Oh, don’t be mean. You know you love us.”

Harry turns around and looks at him. “Love is a very strong word.”

Liam leans against Harry’s desk, so he can’t focus on his textbook and notes anymore. “What’re you doing?”

“I’m trying to study, no thanks to you two,” Harry responds. “Will you move?”

His roommate shakes his head. “No can do.”

“Why not?”

“Damn Harry, are we playing, like, twenty questions or something?” Zayn asks.

“I dunno, Zayn, are we?” Harry snaps.

Liam takes a step back and frowns. “Is everything alright? We didn’t mean to upset.”

“No, it not. . .” Harry sighs. “You two didn’t do anything. I’m just – It’s been a long day, ‘s all.” And it really feels like it for Harry. He can’t help but feel something big is going to happen soon. He doesn’t know if it’s going to be good or bad, or who it involves; he just knows that it’s coming.

Zayn sits up. “I know that feeling.” He and Liam exchange a glance, and Harry doesn’t like it.

“Oh, no.” Harry shakes his head. “Whatever you two have planned, forget about it.” He pulls his textbook closer to him and turns the page, but Liam places his hand over the words. “Is that necessary?”

Liam moves the textbook away from Harry. “Yes, it is.” Harry opens his mouth, but Liam raises his hand up to stop him. “I know you’re going to ask why and it’s because you’ve been cooped up in this room for the past few months and it’s not healthy.”

Harry drops his pen. “What are you going on about? I am not cooped up in here. I leave this apartment like every day.”

“Yes,” Liam concedes, “but it’s for work and class.”

“That’s not good,” Zayn adds.

He rubs his face with his hands. “Are you – Why – Is this an intervention type thing for me not having a social life?”

“No, where’d you get that idea?”

“You two just came in my room and now are going on about how I don’t go anywhere except for class and work,” Harry replies. “I got the idea of how the two of you are teaming up against me and I don’t know why.”

“We’re not teaming up on you, Haz,” Liam assures him. “We’re just trying to help.”

“Help?”

Zayn nods. “Yes, help. You obviously forgot how to have fun.”

Harry takes offense to that. “I take offense to that. And who cares if I’m not out clubbing or whatever? You guys know that’s not me.”

“That’s not what we’re trying to do, babes,” Zayn says.

“It’s not,” Liam interjects. “We just think it’s best if we point out that it’s okay to have fun once in a while. You don’t necessarily have to go out to the club. Just go do something you consider fun.”

“I find studying fun,” Harry deadpans. But no, he really doesn’t. Studying is not fun.

Zayn stands up. “Plan B?”

“Plan B,” Liam nods.

“What’s plan B?” Harry asks, panicked. This is not good. This is so not good.

The two friends smile at each other and collectively do not answer Harry’s question. Liam pulls Harry to his feet and Zayn hands him a pair of shoes. Liam gathers his wallet and phone and Zayn tracks down his keys. Harry doesn’t know what it is going on and he doesn’t like it.

When Harry’s arms are full with all of these things, he asks, “Okay, what is this?”

“I am kicking you out of the apartment for the night,” Liam states.

“What?” Harry shrieks. “You can’t be serious.”

“But we are, babes.”

Harry scoffs. “You don’t even live here, Zayn.”

“But I do,” Liam says. “And it’s time for you to get out.”

Harry’s protests are ignored as Liam and Zayn pull and push him until he is out of the apartment and the door is closed in his face. He stares at the door speechless because there’s no way he just got kicked out of his apartment for the night. Like, who does that?

The door opens and Liam throws a jacket to Harry. “Just in case it gets cold,” he says before shutting the door once again.

“You two will make horrible parents!” Harry shouts, not caring about his neighbors.

He drops everything in his arms to the ground, so he can situate himself. He places his phone and wallet in his pockets, and when he goes to put his keys away, he realizes that he has his keys and can just walk right back into the apartment. Harry is ready to gloat, but then he sees that they took the apartment key off of his key ring. _Those bastards_ , he says to himself.

With one last glare at the door, Harry turns to walk out of the building, muttering anything but nice things about Liam and Zayn under his breath.

**

Niall has been gone an hour and Louis is still staring at the application on his laptop. He is in shock that he is even eligible to fill out this application. He wanted to come to America to get his life together and to be successful, and being at the time where he can apply to graduate is evidence that he is doing what he came for. Louis is pretty proud of himself for being where he is and his motivation to do well has been to prove to himself and everyone else that he’s not a fuck up. It’s been two years and Louis Tomlinson is not a fuck up, ladies and gentlemen.

His thoughts are interrupted by a knock at his door. Louis gets up to open the door to find an annoyed looking Harry.

“Is it alright that I’m here?” Harry asks.

“Of course it is,” Louis replies, stepping aside and letting Harry in. “Is everything alright with you?

“No.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Harry hangs his jacket over Louis’ desk chair and sits down. “Not particularly. Like, I dunno what is up with Liam and Zayn and I don’t see where they have the right to kick me out of the apartment. Like, what the fuck?”

Louis sits down in Niall’s chair. “Hold up, they kicked you out? Why?”

“Hell if I know.” Harry is peeved. “They said some shit about how it’s not healthy of how much time I spend in the apartment. Like, sorry that I live there.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis sympathizes.

“Whatever.” Harry closes his eyes and takes a breath, realizing there’s no point in being mad forever because he’s probably bringing Louis down with his mood. “Forget them. How are you?”

“Pretty good,” he answers. Louis wonders if he should tell Harry about his change of graduation date, but then he stops because this isn’t the right time to say it. “I would ask how you’re doing, but I can clearly see that you’re not happy.”

Harry snorts. “I’ll get over it. Whatever reason Liam and Zayn had, it better be good.”

“Maybe it is,” Louis shrugs. “Maybe it’s not.” He stands up and leans over Harry to get to his laptop, closing out of the application (and hoping Harry didn’t notice it), and pulls up Netflix. “How about a movie, yeah?”

The younger boy leans his head against Louis’ arm and nods. “Yeah.”

They sit next to each other on Louis’ bed with the laptop between them. Harry chose a cheesy rom-com and Louis didn’t argue with him of it because after getting kicked out of his own home, it’s the least Louis could do.

As the movie plays, Harry realizes that he has moved closer to Louis and he is unsure if it was actually he who moved or if it was Louis and wow, they’re so close that he can feel Louis’ body heat and it’s actually kind of nice and he really enjoys sitting next to Louis and shit, he’s turning to look at Harry and he doesn’t know what to do because it is obvious that Harry was staring at him.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Harry nods. “Perfect.”

Louis turns his attention back to the movie but all he can think about is how Harry keeps looking at him and neither of them have talked about the kiss (if you can even call it that) from the airport and Louis doesn’t know what to say or to do because what if Niall is wrong and Harry just wants to be friends and god, why does this have to be so complicated and shit, what is even going on.

As soon as the end credits start scrolling, Louis hops up and shuts his laptop down, so it doesn’t over heat and die. He places the computer on his desk and places his hands in his pockets because he doesn’t know what to do with them. “Good movie, yeah?”

Harry slides off the bed and stands in front of Louis. “Yeah, I liked it.”

The two boys stand there in the middle of the room without saying anything. Louis looks up at Harry and he notices his eyes searching around his face until they land on his lips and Louis should feel uncomfortable under a gaze like that, but he doesn’t because in all honestly, he kind of likes it and god, why is he even thinking these thoughts.

Harry doesn’t even realize he is staring at Louis’ lips until he licks them and oh, my god what is he doing and is it just him or is Louis moving forward and oh, my god, why is he freaking out and what is going on, and god, the heat coming from Louis feels so nice that Harry never wants to move and shit, just shit because Louis is leaning up and Harry is leaning down and their eyes are closed and oh, my god.

When their lips are so close that they can feel each other’s breath on their mouth, Harry’s eyes spring open and he backs away. “I should – um – go.”

Louis lets out a quiet sigh. “If that’s what you want.”

Harry bites his lip, but doesn’t say anything. He just grabs his jacket and leaves the room. He cannot believe that almost happened because he and Louis are broken up and they are friends. Friends aren’t supposed to kiss, but he really, really wanted to kiss Louis. He walks out before it gets to be too much and something happens. He is scared. He is always scared, but does he want to let his heart fall even farther? Harry stops in his tracks and lets out a groan because he is weak, before turning around and walking back to room 816.

When Louis opens the door, Harry wastes no time in throwing his jacket to the ground and pulling Louis in for a kiss. Louis is shocked at first, but the surprise only lasts for a moment before he is fully kissing Harry back. Harry has his arms around Louis’ middle and Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s neck.

They part for air and Louis sees how Harry’s eyes are filled with lust which makes him grab the front of Harry’s shirt and walk backward towards his bed. Harry follows with no problem and within seconds, Harry is lying on the bed with Louis on top of him and they are kissing like they are making up for lost time.

Louis pulls his shirt off and Harry’s eyes and hands roam all over the exposed skin. The older boy slips his hands under Harry’s shirt and Harry lets out a sound of encouragement as he captures Louis’ lips with his own. Their lips part for a quick moment to get Harry’s shirt off of him and then they’re back together.

The heat from Louis’ skin drives Harry up a wall and when their chests touch, he feels like he hit the ceiling. Without even meaning to, he lifts his hips up, grinding against Louis’.

“Fuck,” Louis moans.

“Please Lou, just do _something_ ,” he begs, feeling way to uncomfortable in jeans at the moment.

Louis stops everything that he is doing. “Something like what?”

Harry closes his eyes and rests his head back because he’s going to have to say it, isn’t he? He knows that this is a huge decision, but it’s Louis. “What do you think?”

“I – you – we – are you sure?”

He leans forward and gives Louis a quick, but sure kiss. “I trust you.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and i'm going to leave it there and let your minds wander 
> 
> oh and the title of the episode refers too Alex Clare's song, not One Direction's because Katy Perry isn't really on reply, but then again, there was an implied broken table and I'm going to stop now


	16. 3x02: Tonight You're Perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you do realize that the peeps who do the deed in movies die, right?

**SEPTEMBER 2014**

Conspiracy theories.

We can’t help but make them sometimes because things don’t make sense and we want some sort of reasoning for it. Sometimes we are completely far off when we make these theories and sometimes we are actually rather close. There is no telling what exactly is going on until we find out one way or another.

However, we are impatient most days, so we’ll come together and explain our theories to one another, hoping there is someone else out there that agrees with us, so we don’t look as crazy. We find that one person who has similar ideas and together, we are smug because we have to be right because there is no way anything else is happening.

Well, as nice as it is to think that, we’re wrong most of the time. We like to think one thing and we hope with all we’ve got that we’re right, but it’s usually something completely different.

**

There are two things that wake Louis up the next morning: one, the door being slammed shut and two, the voice of a certain Irishman. Louis quickly scans his bed to make sure that he and Harry are both covered from last night’s activities.

“What are you going on about?”

Niall leans against his bed and is sporting a smug look on his face. “Care to explain why our room smells like sex?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “I’m pretty sure by the looks of things, it is rather obvious,” he whispers, trying his best not to wake Harry up.

“Congratulations, mate,” Niall smirks.

“If I could get up right now, I’d murder you,” Louis threatens. “And will you lower your voice? You already woke me up.”

With a laugh mixed in with a snort, Niall pushes off of his bed. “Whenever you two princesses are ready to join us in the real world, tell Harry he’s allowed back in the apartment.”

Louis scrunches his forehead with confusion. “And how would you know this?”

“Just tell him, alright?” Niall quickly changes his shirt before leaving the room.

When Harry wakes up about twenty minutes later, he tries not to think about how he is no longer a virgin anymore, but he is a bit sore in the behind, so it’s not an easy task. To distract the thought, he opens his eyes and kisses Louis’ cheek to let him know he’s awake.

Louis turns his head slightly. “Morning.”

“Morning,” Harry smiles.

“Are you alright?” Louis asks, a bit sheepish. He knew that last night was Harry’s first time and he wanted to make sure he didn’t scar the poor boy from ever having sex ever again.

Harry frowns. “Why wouldn’t I be? Are you alright?” _Oh, god, he probably regrets last night_ , Harry says to himself. He knows he should have just left and not came back. God, he probably ruined their friendship now. Why did he have to be weak?

“Of course, I am. I just want to make sure you’re okay,” Louis responds.

“I am for the most part, but . . .” he trails off.

“But what?”

“I’m starving,” Harry grins.

Louis sighs. “Harry, really?”

“Whaaaaaaaaaaat?”

“If you’re so hungry, we should go over to your flat, so you can make me a delicious breakfast.”

Harry leans up half-way. “Why would we go all the way over there when there’s a perfectly good dining hall on the first floor of this building?”

Now that Harry is not completely lying on Louis anymore, he gets out of bed and stretches his arms above his head. He is about to answer without really answering, but he notices the hunger in Harry’s eyes and he has a feeling it’s not about food. “Staring is rude, you know.”

“Teasing is rude, too.”

“How am I teasi—oof.” Louis is pulled forward until he falls on top of Harry where the younger boy captures his lips with his own. “So,” he says after the kiss, “I am guilty for teasing just by being naked?”

“Yes.”

Louis shakes his head. “You’re a dork, I hope you know.”

“Maybe, but this dork is still not cooking you breakfast.” Harry shoves Louis off of him, so he can get up.

“How rude.” When they are both up, Louis realizes that maybe they should have cleaned up before they called it a night. He pulls his sheets off of the bed and balls them up to throw in his hamper. Louis turns and sees Harry rubbing his stomach. “Are you really that hungry?”

“No, there’s just –” Harry blushes and Louis knows what’s on his stomach.

“Why don’t you go to the bathroom and clean up?”

“Like, shower?”

Louis shrugs. “If you want to.”

Harry starts walking towards the little bathroom attached to the room, but then he stops. “Wanna join me?”

“You do know that the shower is barely big enough for one person, right?”

“We’ll make it work,” Harry winks.

Louis drops the sheets on the floor. “Alright then.” He guesses he didn’t scar Harry after all.

**

Without bothering to knock, Niall walks in and demands attention. “Where the fuck is everyone?”

Liam pokes his head out of his room. “Niall? How’d you get in?”

“The door was unlocked,” he shrugs. “Is Zayn here?”

The actual resident of the apartment walks into the kitchen and crosses his arms over his chest. “You do know it is not right of you to walk in without knocking, right?”

Niall hops up on the counter. “Well, you shouldn’t have left the door unlocked. It’s not safe, mate.”

“I didn’t. I always lock the door unless,” Liam pauses when the door opens and Zayn walks in. “Zayn forgot to lock it on his way out.”

“Wow, walk in a room and immediately get hit with all the blame,” Zayn says, offended. “I am wounded.”

Liam rolls his eyes. “Sure, you are.”

“Wounded and heartbroken.” Zayn places a hand over his heart.

“Someone’s being overdramatic.”

“Someone’s being mean.”

“Someone’s hungry,” Niall adds. “You got any food here?” he asks, but doesn’t wait for an answer before hopping off the counter and looking in the fridge.

Zayn sits at one of stools at the counter. “Was Harry with Louis this morning?”

“Yes,” Niall smiles. “They definitely had an eventful night together.”

Liam’s eyes widen. “No!”

“ _Yes_.”

“I wasn’t expecting that, but it is safe to say mission accomplished, boys,” Zayn says. “And I dunno about you two, but I’m happy.”

Liam sits next to Zayn. “I’m happy, too. But I know Harry and he’s not going to be happy if he finds out what we’ve been doing.”

Niall sets a carton of eggs next to the stove. “Then he won’t find out.” He pulls a frying pan out from the drawer under the oven. “And it’s not like we did a bad thing.”

“We didn’t,” Zayn agrees.

“I know we didn’t,” Liam sighs. “But I feel bad for going behind their backs. We’ve been plotting and planning for months now and there was no guarantee that it would have worked. Like, last night, Harry could have gone home instead of to the dorm. Or, he could have gotten into some sort of argument with Louis that ended their friendship. I feel like we were messing with some big and it could have turned out really bad.”

“Liam, stop that.” Zayn places a hand on his shoulder. “Yes, it could have gone bad, but it didn’t.” He turns toward Niall. “How did they look this morning?”

“Properly fucked,” Niall answers simply.

“See? Nothing to worry about.”

“But still.” Liam drops his head down to the countertop.

Zayn takes a breath. “You know what? If somehow Harry and Louis find out that we joined forces and conspired behind their backs to bring them together and if they’re pissed, I’ll take the blame, alright? It was my idea to begin with.”

Niall cracks an egg and drops it in the pan. “That is love right there, Li.”

Liam groans as he brings his head up. “I can’t let Zayn take all of the blame. That wouldn’t be right.” He knows that yes, the original idea belongs to Zayn because he is the one who began this plan with his birthday adventure. He recruited Liam that same night after Harry and Louis dropped the awkwardness between them and then Niall later on when they realized they needed an inside man on Louis’ side. The three of them came together with the common goal of making Harry and Louis to HarryandLouis once again.

“They’re not gonna find out, mate.” Niall slides his fry up on a piece of toast. “Stop freaking out and feeling bad. There’s no point in that.”

“I know.” Liam rubs his face. “I just hope they’re okay now and that all of this wasn’t for nothing.”

“Trust me, if you saw them all cooped up together, you’d know that this thing that we did was worth it,” Niall assures him.

Liam nods. This thing they did was everything from acting strange to get Harry and Louis to question what is going on and then Niall pretending to be mad before he left last year and him showing up at the dorm asking for him. All of this was done to give Harry and Louis something to talk about and God, when did his life revolve around HarryandLouis? Liam drops his head back down to the counter.

Niall sets his freshly-made breakfast in front of Liam. “Eat. You’ll feel better.” He doesn’t stand around to argue because he turns back to the stove and works on frying another egg.

“I haven’t had breakfast either,” Zayn says, hinting for Niall to make him one, too.

“You should do something about that, then,” Niall replies without turning around.

“Do you think you can—”

“No,” Niall cuts him off.

Liam chuckles, and Zayn hits him upside the head. “Hey, ow!”

Zayn shrugs. “Whoops.”

**

“What’s with the face?” Louis asks, putting down his fork. “Are you still pissed at them for kicking you out?”

Harry nods. “Well, yeah, but no. I mean, if they never kicked me out, I would have never ended up here and we would have never _you know_.”

“Dear lord, Harry. You are an adult, so you’re allowed to say you had sex out loud without feeling ashamed. It’s not like you’re ten.”

“Geez,” Harry blushes and he avoids anyone’s eyes in the dining hall, “Do you have to be so loud?” he whispers.

He picks his fork back up. “You weren’t complaining last night or even this morning,” he smirks.

Harry cheeks turn even redder. “You’re just . . . _ugh_.”

Louis smiles smugly. “I know.” He eats a forkful of his omelet. After he swallows, he asks, “Are you going to go back to the apartment?”

“Yeah,” Harry answers. “It is where I live.”

“I’ll come with.”

“You don’t have to.”

“True, but,” Louis says, “I feel like I haven’t been there forever.” He pauses. “And you have a bigger bed.”

Harry drops his head down to the table. “You’re killing me.”

Louis just smiles and keeps on eating.

When they finish their breakfast, Harry and Louis go back up to Louis’ room, so Harry can grab his things. He feels like he’s going to do the walk of shame when he leaves the building considering he is wearing the same clothes from last night. He thinks about putting his jacket over his shirt, but it’s not cold enough to wear it.

“What’s with the face?” Louis asks for the second time that morning.

Harry looks up at Louis who has been watching him. “Is it – is it alright if I borrow a shirt?”

Louis chuckles. “Of course, darling.” He walks over to his closet and pulls out a t-shirt that has the British flag on it. He throws it to Harry. “There you go.”

“I feel oddly patriotic,” Harry says after he switches shirts.

“Don’t hate.”

“I’m not.”

“Uh-huh, sure.”

Harry walks over to Louis and kisses his cheek. “I’m not.”

Louis rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. “Let’s just go, yeah?”

After a very uneventful ride on MARTA, Harry and Louis walk into the apartment to find Liam, Zayn, and Niall sitting in the living room and watching what looks like a marathon of _Keeping Up With The Kardashians_.

“What are you guys watching?” Harry asks as he shuts the door.

“Told you,” Niall whispers (and fails) to Liam and Zayn.

Louis shoves Niall. “Told them _what_?”

“Have a good night, H?” Zayn wiggles his eyebrows.

“Welcome home,” Liam adds.

Harry stands in the area between the kitchen and the living room and gives them a confused stare. “What the hell is going on?”

Liam stands up and pulls Zayn up from the couch. “I think it’s best if the two of you sit down.”

“Why?” Harry questions suspiciously. “The look the two of you are giving me is making me feel like you’re about to tell me I’m adopted.”

Zayn sighs. “Did you tell the boy? I told you the wait.”

“Hey,” Liam says defensively, “you can’t blame this on me. And besides, he had to find out anyways.”

“But we talked about this. I thought we decided to tell him when the time was right.”

“The boy’s almost twenty, Zayn. We can’t keep it from him forever.”

Zayn nods. “You’re right.”

Niall bursts into a fit of laughter and Louis is not amused. “Your friends are fucking weird, Haz.”

“Trust me, I know,” Harry says. “But seriously, what brings the three of you together without us?”

“Yeah,” Louis agrees. “I feel completely out of the loop.”

Zayn clears his throat. “I believe we have upset the children.”

“But darling, they’ll get over it, right?” Liam asks. “We didn’t do a bad thing by letting them have alone time together, did we?”

“Not at all,” Zayn shakes his head. “We just wanted the best for them and for them to be happy and feel loved.”

Liam smiles. “They are most happy when they are together, don’t ya think?”

“Yeah,” Zayn nods. “They are.”

Harry groans. “It’s really creepy how you two do that, I hope you know.”

“We know,” they say in unison.

“That even freaked me out,” Niall comments.

**

**NOVEMBER 2014**

To avoid last year’s food poisoning mishap, Harry invites Louis and Niall over to his mother’s house for Thanksgiving. They have a proper dinner and there are crazy relatives with their football antics and embarrassing stories aimed at Harry, and Louis loves every moment of it. If he knew this is how it always happens here, Louis would have asked to come to Thanksgiving dinner for the past two years.

Harry is more than relieved when his relatives leave right after dinner, saying something about how the TV in their house is shit and they want to watch the football game with a huge, high-def television. He’s okay with his extended family leaving because he hasn’t spent a lot of time with his mom this past year and he wouldn’t mind some quality time with her (and Louis and Niall).

The three of them are sitting around the table while Harry’s mom goes into the kitchen to cut each of them a slice of pumpkin pie for dessert. Louis is looking across the table at Harry like he sees his whole world with him and Harry can’t deal with that. He and Louis have yet to talk about where they stand and anytime they get remotely close to talking about it, Harry will avoid the conversation. It has been months of staying away from that conversation and he will continue avoiding it. Harry is scared and he probably always will be.

“H, can you come in here and help me please?” His mother calls from the kitchen.

“I’ll be back,” Harry tells Louis and Niall as he scoots back his chair and walks through the swinging door. “How can I help?”

She turns around and smiles at her son. “So, that’s Louis, huh?”

Harry instantly blushes. “Mom.”

“What?” she asks, nonchalantly. “I’m just asking. He’s cute, by the way.”

“Don’t you think you’ve embarrassed me enough tonight?”

“Never,” she grins.

They cut the pie and place the slices onto plates in silence. Harry has always loved helping his mom out in any way that he can because for a long time, it was just him and her (and his sister). It’s nice to be in a familiar place with someone he loves and a sense of how everything will be okay.

Before they head back into the dining room, Harry asks, “Have you heard from Gemma?”

She shakes her head. “Not for a few days.”

He frowns. “I was hoping she’d make it to dinner this year.”

“Me, too, baby, me, too.”

They each hold two plates as they come back to the dining room. Harry places one in front of Louis before taking his seat. His mother hands Niall his plate before going back to the kitchen to grab the whip cream. Harry and Louis begin an intimate game of footsie and when one of them accidently hit Niall’s foot right when he’s about to take a bite, he glares at them.

Harry’s mother returns and places the whip cream on the table. “The two of you are welcome to come here during Christmas break,” she offers. “Harry has mentioned how you’re stuck in your dorm room and that’s not a proper break.”

“That is very kind of you, Ms. Cox,” Louis begins.

“Oh, call me Anne. Ms. Cox makes me feel old.”

Louis smiles. “That’s kind of you, Anne, but the program director has us booked to go off to California again this year.” From his voice, any of them can tell he is disappointed that he can’t spend the holidays with them.

“Maybe next year, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he nods.

The landline rings from the kitchen and Anne hops up to go answer it. It’s a hushed conversation at first, but once her voice is raised, Harry goes to join her.

“Mom?”

She just shakes her head. “This isn’t like you, Gemma.” Pause. “Will you at least come by another day?” Pause. “How about Christmas, then?” Pause. “Okay, fine. Happy Thanksgiving.” Anne places the phone on the counter and sighs.

“Is everything alright?” Harry asks.

“I wish I knew,” she sighs. “Go back and eat your dessert, Harry. Don’t keep your friends waiting.” And with that, she turns and heads up the stairs.

When Harry returns, Louis notices he’s down, so he nudges Harry’s foot. He gets Harry to smile a little, so he counts it as a win. They continue their game as they eat their pie and Harry nearly forgets why he was down in the first place.

Niall’s eyes are locked at the pie in front of him. He feels like he has waited for this for so long that his mouth is watering just from the sight of it. He is ready to dive in, but he is disrupted once again. “Jesus Christ,” he mutters under his breath, annoyed. “I regret everything I have ever done for you,” he states as he picks up his plate and goes to the living room.

That night, Niall and Louis are set to sleep on the couches in the living room because a couple of Harry’s relatives might show up in the middle of the night after the game and crash in Gemma’s old room. Niall falls asleep rather quickly, but Louis, he can’t seem to get his mind to shut up. After about an hour, he gives up and goes up the stairs to Harry’s room. He sneaks into Harry’s bed and when he is pulling the comforter over himself, Harry opens his eyes.

“What are you doing here?”

“Trying to get comfortable, _duh_ ,” Louis answers as he raises Harry’s arm and places his head on his chest.

Harry frowns. “What’s on your mind?”

Louis looks up at him slightly. “How do you know that there’s something on my mind?”

“I dunno. You just look like you’re thinking.”

He sighs. “That’s a bit creepy. But since the first day, we um, engaged in special activities.”

“Ha, look who can’t say ‘sex’ now.”

“Shut up,” Louis pouts. “Can I talk, please?”

Harry leans down and kisses Louis. He moves over a bit, so he is partially hovering over Louis as he continues kissing him. Harry doesn’t want to have the conversation Louis has been trying to have, so what better way to distract him, right?

When Harry moves to trail a line of kisses along Louis’ jaw, Louis says, “Never mind. This is better than talking.”

“It better be,” Harry smirks before moving back up to kiss his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm totally joking with the note at the beginning or am i?  
> at least you know that zayn, liam, and niall have been up to now


	17. 3x03: Remember This

**JANUARY 2015**

Familial obligation.

As we get older, we don’t really mind helping our family members as much as we did when we were kids. I believe it is because we have a better understanding that no matter how old we get and how independent we like to think we are, there will come a time when we are going to have to ask for help. Pride will get in the way at first – it always does – but we get over ourselves when we realize that our family won’t judge us (at least, they shouldn’t), we reach out.

Friends come and go – everyone can vouch for that statement because it is true. But family? Family is forever and there’s not much that can change it. Yes, not everyone is on good terms with their families and that is okay, too. Sometimes those friends that actually stick around step in the places where family should be.

Both ways, there are people who have our backs and there are people whose backs we have.

**

Harry clocks out at the daycare center and he is exhausted. His boss had him in the playroom with the little people for almost the entirety of his shift. It’s not that Harry doesn’t like kids, it’s just that being around a big group of them for an extended period time is draining. Right now, all Harry wants to do is go back to the apartment and take a nap (a very short nap because he has an analysis to type up).

With a wave to his boss, Harry leaves with his messenger bag hanging off of his shoulder. The walk to the MARTA station takes longer than usual because Harry is nearly dragging his feet as he walks because he is so tired. He is glad to actually snag a seat on the train, but he has to play his playlist of screamo to keep him awake during the commute.

When he finally gets home, Harry finds Louis sitting on his bed with a textbook in front of him. He drops his bag to the ground and kicks off his shoes before collapsing next to Louis and closing his eyes.

Louis looks over at him. “You okay?”

Harry grunts in response.

“I’m going to take that as a no.”

The younger boy sighs. “I’m just exhausted. You can keep studying. I’m just going to take a nap,” Harry yawns.

“Alright.” Louis pats his arm, then pulls his textbook closer to him. “See you in a bit.”

“Mhm.” Harry turns to his side and within minutes, he is fast asleep.

It is nearly two hours later when Harry stretches over, nearly taking Louis out in the process before he wakes up. Louis laughs and kisses his forearm that is pinning him down. “Have a good sleep?”

He retracts his arm. “Yeah. Sorry about my arm.”

Louis shrugs. “It’s alright. Oh, and your phone rang about a half hour ago and I think you have a voicemail.”

“It was probably my mom,” Harry says as he sits up and rubs his eyes. He realizes that his phone is still in his coat pocket, so he gets up (even though he really doesn’t want to). “It was my mom,” he confirms when he has his phone in his hand. Harry dials his voicemail.

_“Hey H, you’re probably in class or at work, but I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be leaving soon and I wanted to have dinner with you later on this week. Call me when you can. Love you, baby.”_

Harry smiles at his mother’s voice, but it drops when what she said sinks in. Leaving soon? Leaving where? What? He calls back, but she doesn’t pick up. “That’s weird.”

“What is?” Louis shuts his textbook and places it on the nightstand.

“Mom said something about leaving and she didn’t pick up.” Harry shrugs. “ ‘s probably nothing.” He yawns and blinks rapidly for a few seconds. “How long was I out?”

“A couple of hours.”

“Shit.” Harry jumps out of bed and picks up his bag, pulling his laptop out. While the computer is turning on, he leaves for a bathroom break. When he returns to his room, there are patches of damp hair on his head like he splashed water on his face. “Today feels like forever,” he says as he sits on the bed. “Sorry for being lousy company.”

“Nah,” Louis shakes his head. “You’re cute when you sleep.”

“And you’re creepy for watching me sleep.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Nu-uh.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “How’d you even get in here? Were you waiting long?”

“You have this thing called a-Liam,” Louis grins. “He let me in on his way out. Said something about how funny it was that I was here while he was on his way to the dorm.” He shrugs. “I honestly didn’t see what was funny. Oh and no, I didn’t wait long.”

“I just,” Harry sighs. “There is definitely something up between the three of them.” This isn’t the first time the thought has crossed Harry’s mind. It’s been a year of weird behavior and he can’t help, but think that there is something going on. “Like, I wouldn’t be surprised if we found out that they are in some weird three-way relationship or something.”

Louis snorts. “You don’t really think that do you?”

He nods. “I do. It would explain everything.”

“Maybe.” Louis leans back against the pillows. “Or maybe Niall and Liam are in a relationship and Zayn’s the jealous lover.”

Harry laughs. “That sounds like a love triangle that belongs on a soap opera.”

“Starring no other than Harry Styles.”

“Yeah right,” he says sarcastically. “I’m pretty sure I told you the first day we met that I lead a boring life.”

“Are you calling me boring, Harold?”

“Are you saying you’re my life, Lewis?”

Louis snorts once again. “You are a dork.”

Harry leans over and gives Louis a quick kiss. “I never said I wasn’t, but I still think there’s something fishy about Niall, Liam, and Zayn.”

“Well, if they break out into a fight, I’m taking Niall’s side.”

“Why not Liam’s?”

“Because he accused me of stealing his cheesecake,” Louis answers. “Did you forget already? Honestly, Harry, it was only a year ago.”

Harry shoves him. “Shut it.”

“Make me.”

“Oh?” Harry raises his brow. “Alrighty then.”

**

On Friday afternoon, Harry shoves a weekend’s worth of clothes in a bag and drives home. Apparently his mother is set to leave on Tuesday, so he thought to spend a weekend with her before she leaves instead of just having a dinner.

“Mom?” he calls as soon as he walks in the door.

She meets him at the door with a smile on her face. “Hey, how was the drive?”

He nods. “Pretty okay for a Friday afternoon.” Harry places his bag by the door and goes to give his mother a hug. “Now, do you care to explain how and why you are leaving? You haven’t told me much.”

“Come on,” she gestures towards the living room.

Once they are sitting, Harry wastes no time. “Seriously Mom, why’d you wait until the week before you left to tell me you were going anywhere?”

She smiles sheepishly. “It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you,” she begins. “But I entered a sweepstake, y’know? There was no guarantee that I’d be the winner and I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but then I got the call and well, your mother won an eight-month cruise.”

“Eight months?”

“Okay, I know it seems like a long time, but with you away at college, it won’t feel that long,” she tells him. “Instead of calling, we’ll have to email back and forth, but that’s an okay adjustment, right?”

“I guess.” Harry sits back on the couch. “But eight months? What am I supposed to do without you for eight months?”

She scoffs. “You act like you still live in this house.”

“Heyyyyyyy.”

“I’m just pulling your leg,” she smiles. “But really, I’ll be back before you know it. You’ll be at the very beginning of your senior year in college.”

He sighs. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too.” Anne sees that her son is sad about her leaving for eight months, so she begins to reconsider her decision to go. “I mean, if don’t really want me to go, I don’t have to. I’m sure they can pick another winner.”

“No, don’t do that. I know you really want to go.”

“I do,” she admits. “With you and Gemma both gone, I thought it’d be nice to get out the house and do something for myself. Neither of you are kids anymore and as scary as that is, we all have to move forward now.”

“You’re right,” he agrees. “It’s just going to be weird for you to not be here for that long of a time.” Harry is baffled that he will be without his mother for eight months. He’s happy that she won the cruise because God knows she deserves time to relax and travel, but he’s also sad that she won’t be here. What if he needs her for something? What if he gets hurt and needs blood and his mother is the only match? Harry stops himself there because he knows he’s being overdramatic.

Anne knocks her knee with her son’s. “Don’t think that I’m leaving you alone, H. You have Liam with you at all times. And what’s his name? Zayn? You’ve told me about your plans to move to New York together, so he must be a good friend. There’s Niall and we can’t forget about Louis.”

Harry blushes just at the mention of Louis’ name.

“So, how are the two of you doing?”

“We’re good.”

She rolls her eyes. “Really? That’s all you’re gonna give me?” she asks. “ _We’re good_ ,” Anne mocks. “C’mon now, H. Tell me more about your boyfriend.”

“He’s not – we – we’re not together, Mom.”

“Oh.” Anne brushes her fringe out of her face. “I thought you were, sorry.”

Harry sighs. “It’s um, it’s complicated.”

“Isn’t is always?” She stands up. “Let’s go have a late lunch, shall we?” Anne can see that Harry doesn’t want to talk about it and she rather not push him on this subject. She figures that when he is ready, he’ll come to her. She just hopes it’s not when she’s on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean.

**

On Saturday, Harry wakes up to find his sister sitting at the bottom of the stairs. Surprised doesn’t even explain what Harry feels when he sees her.

“Gemma?”

She turns around and smiles. “Hey, long time no see.”

“I’ll say.” He walks down the stairs and sits next to her. “I was wondering if I’d had to purchase VIP tickets or something to see you. Where have you been?”

“Nowhere really.”

Harry looks her over and notices that her hair has lost its shine and there are bags under her eyes. Her lips are chapped and he could be crazy, but he believes her hand twitches every twenty seconds. “Is everything alright?” he asks.

“Harry, please,” she begs. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re pitying me.”

He is confused. “Why would I pity you?”

Gemma sighs and rests her chin on her knees. “You really haven’t heard, have you?”

“Heard what? You’re not going on a cruise, too, are you?” he jokes, hoping to lighten up the conversation some. Harry doesn’t like how serious it feels right now and he doesn’t know why, but he is worried for his sister.

“Ha, very funny,” she deadpans. “No, that’s not it.”

“Then, what’s going on with you, Gem? You weren’t around for Thanksgiving or Christmas and I can honestly say I miss seeing my big sister from time to time,” he tells her.

She turns and places her hands on top of her brother’s. “Harry,” she sighs. “My life has been falling apart for a while now. And I always knew it was a possibility that something like this could happen, but I never thought it would be so bad.”

Harry frowns. “What happened?”

“Michael was killed last year in combat,” Gemma says after a couple of minutes. “They say that he didn’t see it coming and that he was brave and that he truly was one of the good ones.” Her eyes are watery and any second, tears will start falling down her cheeks.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I couldn’t,” she replies. “So much was going on then and I just _couldn’t_.”

Harry wraps his arms around Gemma and pulls her in for a hug. “I am so sorry.” He can feel tears in his own eyes with the news that his brother-in-law is dead. He cannot imagine what his sister has been going through.

“I just – I tried to stay strong, but it was so hard, Harry. I tried, I tried so, so hard, but I just couldn’t do it anymore,” she explains.

“It’s okay. Your husband died, no one expects you to be a-okay and ready to take on the world.”

“I know, but my life is a mess,” she admits. “I just wanted something to make me feel better, to make the pain and the sadness go away, and when I found it, I swore to myself that I wouldn’t do it often and that I’d be okay.”

Harry tilts his head slightly and glances at her. “Wouldn’t do what often?”

She covers her face with her hands. “I was supposed to be okay. This wasn’t supposed to happen to me. This is not what I wanted my life to be.”

“Gemma,” he says sternly. “What did you do?”

“God, I was stupid. So, so stupid.” She sniffles. “I knew it was bad, but I didn’t think it’d be this bad. I mean, it’s not like it was meth or anything like that.”

Harry’s eyes go wide. His sister did drugs. Like, hardcore, super bad for you, drugs. “What did you take, Gemma?”

She tries to get up, but Harry stops her. He’s not going to let her go until she tells him. “Geez, you don’t have to hold me down.” Gemma yanks her arm out of his grip. “I did coke, okay? Cocaine.”

“Gemma.” His voice is quiet.

“No,” she shakes her head. “Don’t do that. Don’t pity me. I am so sick and tired of people pitying me. I know I have a problem and I’m – I’m getting help.”

Harry’s face brightens a bit. “You are? That’s great.”

“Is it, Harry? Think about it.” Gemma stands up, but doesn’t walk away. “My husband died overseas and my life falls apart. I don’t just smoke a joint and call it a day. No, I didn’t do that. By messing up my life, I nearly messed up Rachel’s.”

He gulps, feeling guilty for forgetting about Rachel. “Is she alright?”

“Yeah, but I can’t really take her with me to rehab now, can I?”

Harry stands up and leans against the railing. “What are you going to do?”

“I was originally going to ask mom, but she’s going on that damn cruise,” Gemma answers. “And when I spoke to her this morning, she said you were here for the weekend and I thought it’d be better to ask you in person than over the phone and I just – I don’t know, Harry. What can I do?”

He sits back down because he knows what his sister is asking of him. “I—” Harry runs his hands through his hair.

“I know this is a lot to ask.” She looks scared and small. It feels like if he doesn’t say anything soon, she will drop down to her knees and beg him. But he honestly doesn’t know what to say because she is right, it is a lot to ask.

“I’m going to have to talk to a couple of people first because if I say yes because it doesn’t just affect me,” he finally says.

She smiles. “But you’re saying yes?”

“I don’t have a definite answer right now.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Just . . . thank you, for even considering it.”

He nods. “Of course, you’re my family. We have each other’s backs no matter what. I can see that you’re scared and I know it took a lot for you to come to me and tell me all of this. And I definitely know it took a lot of you to admit you have a problem and you need help. You’re scared, but you’re trying to make things right and that’s admirable.”

Gemma sits next to Harry. “We’re getting over our fears, aren’t we?”

“You, yes,” Harry responds. “Me? Not so much.”

“Yes, you are. You moved out of the house. You’re starting to drive more. You’re taking on life like a responsible adult.

Harry scoffs. “Not really. I’m still scared of everything.” His relationship or whatever with Louis is at the top of the list these days. “I’m almost positive that I’ve seen more spine in jellyfish.”

“First, only you would say something like that,” she teases. “And yeah, maybe, but you’re making a move to not be so scared.”

“You are, too, Gem. Going to rehab and all.”

“Yeah,” she agrees. “Well, I saw how you were slowly, but surely conquering your fears, it was only right for me to conquer mine. You’re admirable, too, Harry.”

**

On Sunday night, Liam looks up from watching a rerun of _Revenge_ right as Harry walks through the front door. He greets his roommate and almost immediately, Liam can tell there’s something up.

Harry drops off his things in his room and kicks off his shoes. He comes back to the living room and sits in the arm chair. “As much as I want to get up right now, I’m going to sit here,” he says. “I’m going to sit here and ask you for a favor.”

Liam mutes the television and turns his attention to Harry. “Okay, what is it?” Just from Harry’s face, Liam knows Harry wouldn’t be asking unless he absolutely needed to.

“I really don’t know just how to say it, so I’m probably going to ramble and not make any sense, but just hear me out, please?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “Tell me what you have to tell me.”

Harry takes a breath before he begins talking. He explains how his mother is going on an eight-month cruise and how his sister showed up out of the blue and told him her husband died. He explains how Gemma was in a dark place for a while and ended up getting addicted to cocaine and how she realized what she was doing was bad and is going to get help. He explains how she asked me for a favor and now, he’s asking Liam for a favor.

Liam is shocked by the time Harry is finished talking. What he tells him will change both of their lives and Harry just keeps apologizing. He takes in what he was just told. It is a huge load to be thrown in with everything that has been happened and he has half a mind to say no. But the other half knows that if he says no, their friendship will end over a silly disagreement. And he doesn’t want that.

“I’m sorry,” Harry says once again. “You really don’t have to say yes. I can always move back home or something because I know it’s a lot and it’s not fair to throw you in the middle of all of this.” He wishes he didn’t have to ask Liam this favor, but he didn’t have a choice because Harry was taught that you don’t leave family behind.

“You’re right, this is a lot.”

Harry frowns. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I am only saying this because we have been friends for a long time now and I can see that you are desperate and I’m sure you would do this for me if I were in your position,” Liam acknowledges. “But, yes,” he decides. “And please, stop apologizing, okay? We’ll figure it out and I’ll even try to help when I can.”

“Thank you.” Harry launches himself at Liam and gives him a bear hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He kisses Liam’s forehead.

“Okay, ew.” He wipes his forehead. “But what about Louis?”

Harry sits next to Liam on the couch. “What about him?”

“You’re not going to tell him?”

“What does it matter?” Harry asks.

Liam raises his brow. “You’re not going to answer any of these questions, are you?

“You’re not going to let this drop, are you?”

 

 


	18. 3x04: A Twist In My Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, we're following louis for the better part of this episode  
> but there is a scene is someone else's POV  
> because this someone else has been keeping a secret

**MARCH 2015**

Who do you trust with your secrets?

Like, how is it that we just pick someone and tell them something that we have been keeping to ourselves? There are reasons why whatever we tell them is not common knowledge and those reasons are why we hesitate before saying anything.

These secrets can either make or break us, and if the wrong person finds out, nothing good can come of it. So who do you trust? You can’t always go to your family. You can’t always go to your best friend. Then who do you go to?

It’s not an easy decision and it’s hard to choose, so it is not uncommon for us to keep our secrets private. We don’t want the people around us to look at us differently after they find out. We don’t want to always talk about it or relive it. We don’t want our friends and/or family to be mad at us for keeping it from them.

So again, who do you trust with your secrets? And when do you tell them?

**

Louis may or may not be freaking out about his future. His head is spinning with the fact that by the end of the year, he is going to graduate university and have a legit degree. He cannot believe how fast time is flying and he honestly wishes it would slow down a bit because the thought of actually growing up in terrifying.

He is walking past a group of people who are talking about GRE prep courses and when they are signed up to take the exam, and Louis’ throat goes dry because he hasn’t even thought about grad school yet. Does he even want to go to grad school? Where will he go for grad school? Somewhere in England or somewhere in America? Does the international program extend to grad school? Should Louis just move to America?

Without checking, Louis steps off the sidewalk to cross the road, but someone pulls him back in a second. He turns around, confused and awestruck to find Niall giving him a worried expression.

“Are you alright, Lou?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

Niall turns him around. “Oh, maybe because you were about to walk into traffic?”

“Oh.” Louis clears his throat for no apparent reason. “I just wasn’t paying attention.” He watches the cars drive past and shit, that could have been bad.

His roommate shakes his head. “Seriously, I am going to buy you a helmet if you keep this up.”

“You make it sound like I’m accident-prone,” Louis retorts.

“At the rate you’re going, you are,” Niall shoots back. “Now, come on. Liam’s waiting for us at the dorm.”

Louis raises his brow. “Liam, huh?”

“I don’t like what you’re insinuating.”

“Aw, look who swallowed a dictionary!”

“I don’t like you, Tommo. Not one bit,” Niall mutters as he pulls Louis through the crosswalk.

When they get to the eighth floor, they find Liam casually leaning against the wall as he messes with his phone. Louis – because he is Louis – takes the phone right out of Liam’s hands. “Let’s see what Liam Payne is up to, shall we?” He smirks. “Texting Zayn, hmm?”

Liam tries to get his phone back, but Louis is too quick for him. “First my cheesecake, and now my phone. I believe you have a problem, Louis.”

“Hey, the cheesecake was Niall! Did everyone forget that?” Louis is offended. “Rude.”

“How am I rude? You’re the one who stole my phone!” Liam tries to get his phone again, but Louis hides it behind his back. “You’re being childish.”

Louis gasps. “How very dare you!”

Niall grabs the phone and throws it over Louis’ head to Liam. “I dunno why I’m friends with you people,” he says as he opens the door and walks in the room.

“Because I am the best person ever,” Louis answers. “But Liam? Eh,” he shrugs.

Liam shoves his phone in his pocket before Louis can get it again. “You’re mean.”

“What’re you gonna do, tell on me?”

Niall snorts. “I take it back. I’m friends with you because you keep me entertained.”

Louis takes the baseball cap off of Niall’s head as he passes him. “Only because I can take a joke and someone can’t, but I won’t name any names.” He places the cap on his head and goes to the bathroom.

He doesn’t know why, but it’s fun to pick on Liam because he’s like an easy target. Of course, Louis will never take it too far because really, he doesn’t know Liam all that well and he doesn’t want to completely upset Harry’s roommate. That could put a damper in his friendship with Harry and no one wants that. It’s not like Louis hates Liam or anything; he just enjoys poking fun at him.

When he comes out of the bathroom, Louis sees Niall and Liam huddled around his laptop and they are whispering to each other. “If you lads are looking at porn, you could have at least of had the courtesy to wait for me.”

Liam looks scandalized. “We’re not looking at . . . _that_.”

Louis laughs. “You are far too easy, Payne.” He jumps onto his bed and sits down. When he sees that neither Niall nor Liam move or speak, Louis feels like he is unwanted (which is ridiculous because half of this room is his). “Y’know, if you want to do whatever it is that you two do, I can just go over to the apartment.”

“What? No,” Liam says far too quickly. He clears his throat. “I mean, there’s no point in you going to the apartment because Harry’s not there.”

“Give me your key. I can wait for him like I’ve done before.”

Liam shakes his head. “He’s not going to be back until later. And really, I should get going soon.”

That unwanted feeling gets a little stronger. “Oh.”

It’s quiet for a good minute before Niall speaks up. “I emailed you the um  . . . yeah. It should all be there and if you need help or anything, just lemme know.”

“Yeah,” Liam nods. “I will.” He picks up his book bag. “I’ll see you guys around.”

“Bye,” Niall calls as Liam exits the room. He hands Louis his laptop back. “Everything alright with you?”

Louis blinks and takes the laptop. “Yeah. ‘m fine.”

But he’s not actually fine because that very short conversation with Liam made Louis realize that he hasn’t been over at the apartment since the very beginning of the semester. He feels like he has barely seen Harry in that time and something just doesn’t sit right with him. Before he can freak himself out, Louis picks up his phone and sends a simple text to Harry, hoping it will spark a conversation to assure Louis that everything is okay.

**_From: Louis_ **

_Where have you been all my life, Harold?! =)_

Five hours later when Louis is calling it a night, he checks his phone to see that he still does not have a reply from Harry. He tries not to wonder why Harry hasn’t responded, but he can’t help it and no, he doesn’t get much sleep that night.

**

There are two text messages in his inbox when he checks his phone after class. He finds an area with shade before the opens the texts.

**_From: Niall_ **

_trouble in paradise_

The second text is a picture of Harry with the caption ‘do u kno where this pic was taken?’ He studies the background and he can see that Harry was standing in a park, but he can’t tell which one. His first thought is Piedmont Park, but he’s not too sure.

“Zayn?”

He curses himself before pocketing his phone and turning around. “Harry, hey!”

Harry runs a hand through his hair. “What are you doing here? Did Liam ditch you for class again or something?”

 _Truth or lie_ , Zayn asks himself. _Truth or lie_. “Liam doesn’t know that I’m here, actually.” He settles with partial truth.

“Then what brings you to campus?” Harry asks. “Surprise visit? Planning to kidnap Liam and sweep him off his feet?”

“Why – Why would I do that?” Zayn’s nervous because Harry can’t know about . . . He shakes the thought away. “And no, not a surprise visit.”

The curly-haired boy checks the time and sees that he has about twenty minutes before his next class. “Well, how have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Zayn is grateful for the subject change. “Well, that’s on you, Harry. You haven’t invited me over.”

Harry scoffs. “Like you ever need an invitation to show up.”

“So,” Zayn crosses his arms. “If I showed up at your doorstep tonight, you’d let me in with no problem?” Harry hesitates and Zayn points it out. “See. I’m not the only one who doesn’t like being questioned.”

“I wasn’t questioning you,” Harry defends. “I was just wondering what you were doing here. And for the record, the apartment right now isn’t really guest friendly.”

“Why is that?”

“Why are you here?”

“Touché, Harry, touché.”

Harry sighs. “It’s not that I don’t want you at the apartment or anything like that, it’s just that it’s complicated.”

Zayn nods in understanding. “Yeah, I get that. I just . . . Can you keep a secret, Harry?”

“Oh yes, I definitely can,” he says. “Trust me,” Harry adds, quietly. He takes a seat next to Zayn and smiles. “Whatever you have to tell me, go right ahead. I’ll take it to the grave if you want me to.”

“You definitely picked up on Louis’ dramatics, you know that, right?”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Don’t change the subject before you even tell me anything.”

“Please, don’t tell Liam.”

“I won’t, but, like, you’re not dying or anything like that, right? I don’t think I’d be able to keep that secret to be honest,” Harry tells him.

Zayn shakes his head. “No, it’s not that. Far from it, actually.” He pauses. “I’m here because I go here.”

“Go here like you’re a student here?”

“Yeah.” Zayn pulls his student I.D. out of his wallet and shows it to Harry. “I’ve been a student here since January.”

“What? I’m offended that you haven’t told me and I am impressed that you have been hiding from us for months now,” Harry comments. “Why haven’t you said anything?”

“I dunno,” he shrugs. “When I told Liam I quit the Art Institute, I didn’t tell him that I was planning on finishing up my core classes at community college and then come here. I should be graduating the same time as all of you since I have AP credits and all that.”

Harry smiles. “That is pretty awesome, Zayn. I wish you would have told me. No, scratch that. I wish you would have told Liam. He’s gonna be pissed when he finds out.”

“I find it amusing how both of you just assume that one of you will be mad when you find out. Like, okay yeah, you two are good friends and all, but you can’t possibly know how each other will react.”

“Wait, is Liam keeping something from me?”

Shit. “Now look who’s trying to change the subject.” Shitshitshit. Zayn did not mean to say something like that because it’s not just Liam keeping something from Harry; it’s Liam, Zayn, and Niall keeping something from Harry and Louis.

“So, why don’t you want Liam to know? Why keep it a secret?”

Zayn sighs. “Because he’s my best friend,” he answers simply.

“Fair enough,” Harry says. “Are you still majoring in art?”

“No, English Education, actually.”

“Wow,” Harry smiles. “That’s a huge leap and I completely support you. I’m sure you’ll be great as a teacher.”

Zayn looks down at the ground because it’s weird to have attention on him, especially after what he just told Harry. “Thanks.”

**

Louis signs onto his email and types up the same email he has been writing for almost three years now. Of course, it’s not exactly the same email, but it always has basically the same idea. He edits the email obsessively because he wants it to be perfect and he wants his point to be strong and meaningful, but before he can click send, he ends up discarding the email.

He hopes that there will be one day that he will be able to actually send the email, so the recipient can know that Louis regrets everything that happened that year and he’s sorry – so, so sorry. Louis doesn’t expect to be forgiven for everything by just one email, but he knows it wouldn’t hurt to send it; however, he has no idea if the email will even be read when he sends it.

With a sigh, Louis shuts the top of his laptop and lies back on his bed. He does this almost every night and he doesn’t know why he keeps putting himself through this. It’s his fault that everything happened how they happened. He fucked up – he knows he did – and he’s been paying for it.

Although he knows there’s nothing there, Louis checks his phone, hoping to see a text, or a missed call, or a voicemail. Louis is really starting to think that Harry is avoiding him and he feels awful because he thinks that he did something to upset Harry. He’s not completely surprised that Harry is shunning Louis because Louis probably fucked up once again. And this time it’s worse because he doesn’t even know what he did.

Maybe it’s because he had to go to California again and couldn’t spend the holidays with Harry and his family. That would make sense because Harry was upset last year and with everything that they’ve been doing, Louis can imagine Harry being even more upset. But. But that doesn’t actually make sense because when they got back from break, everything was okay. Harry was fine and happy.

Louis pulls his comforter over his head because he is giving himself a headache by thinking about how horrible of a person he is. He never meant his life to turn out this way, but who can ever predict how they turn out, right?

**

**_From: Louis_ **

_Hey, wanna grab lunch during your break?_

**_From: Harry_ **

_Sorry, I can’t._

**

**_From: Louis_ **

_Fancy a movie? :)_

**_From: Harry_ **

_I have to work._

**

**_From: Louis_ **

_I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, Haz. Where r u?_

**_From: Harry_ **

_Sorry. I’ve been really busy._

**

Louis gives up after a week of “I’m sorry, I can’t” as replies from Harry (when he replies that is). He finds is ridiculous that Harry really is avoiding him because Louis cannot find one thing that he has done wrong to make Harry suddenly turn away from him. It’s ridiculous and stupid and Louis demands to know what the hell is going on.

So, Louis finds himself in Harry’s building, ready to bombard him with questions on what he did and why Harry is mad at him. But first, he paces the hall a few times before he gets the nerve to actually knock on the door. Louis doesn’t know why he is so nervous because he really has no reason to be. It’s not like he’s done something wrong. At least he hopes he hasn’t. The door opens and Louis is faced with air.

“Down here, silly.”

He drops his gaze down. “Oh.” Louis takes in the dark hair and the green eyes of the little girl in front of him and he doesn’t know what to say.

“Rachel, what did I tell you about opening the door?” Harry asks in a very parental voice that makes Louis lose his voice even more. When he notices Louis at the door, his eyes go wide. “Louis, oh, my god, what are you doing here?”

“I—” Louis clears his throat, hoping to regain his voice. And when he does, he doesn’t shut up. “I’m sorry for just showing up like this, but I haven’t seen you in forever and I thought I did something wrong, but I get now why you have been distant these days. And god, it’s definitely not what I had thought and I’m sorry. It’s fine, it really is and I just, I’m so sorry for intruding and—”

Harry cuts him off. “Marry me.”

“Wh-what?” Louis sputters.

“If you’re done rambling, then come in.” Harry places a hand on Rachel’s shoulder to guide her away from the door, so Louis can walk in.

He blinks. “Did you just propose to me?” Louis asks as he steps over the threshold.

“Yes and no.” Harry shuts the door. “I only said it to shut you up.”

Louis huffs. “That is mean.”

Harry squats down so he is at eyelevel with Rachel. He has a smile on his face as he whispers something to her. “You got it?” he asks her.

She nods before stepping forward and tugging on Louis’ jeans to make him squat down. “I’m Rachel,” she introduces herself.

He extends his hand. “I’m Louis.” They shake hands. “It’s nice to meet you Rachel.” Louis is really freaked out at how much she looks like Harry. He wants to ask why Harry never told him he had a kid, but he keeps it to himself.

“You talk funny,” she giggles.

Louis frowns. “Mean runs in the family, doesn’t it?”

Rachel shakes her head. “I’m not mean.” She leans in and cups her hands around Louis’ ear. “He says you look beautiful.”

“He who?”

She points to Harry. “He.”

Louis tries to keep the smile off of his face, but he can’t. “Did he really?”

Rachel nods eagerly. “He did.”

Harry scoops her up in his arms, causing her to fall into a fit of laughter. “This four-year-old ball of energy is Rachel, my niece.”

Louis stands up straight. “Niece?” Well, he feels even more stupid for his rambling now. “Are you babysitting right now?”

“Not quite.” Harry walks over to the living room and places Rachel by the coffee table where she happily sits down, picks up a crayon, and starts drawing. He gestures for Louis to come join him on the couch. “Rachel has been living here for the past couple of months,” Harry explains. “Her mom got into some bad things and asked for my help, and I couldn’t exactly turn down my sister.”

“What happened to her dad?”

Harry frowns. “He was in the army and he . . . you know.”

“I’m so sorry.” Louis stands up. “I really shouldn’t have just showed up here. You kept saying you were busy and now I get it and I’m sorry. I’ll get out of your hair.” He turns, but Harry grabs his arm and pulls him back down on the couch.

“Stop apologizing,” Harry commands. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I should be apologizing because I can only imagine what you must’ve been thinking. I just got really busy with classes and work and taking care of Rachel.”

“I didn’t think anything bad of you,” Louis assures him. “I thought I did something wrong and you were mad at me.”

He shakes his head. “You have done nothing wrong. And honestly, you should be the one mad at me. I mean, I could have just told you that my niece moved in and all my time is spent with her.”

“I get it. I really do. I have four younger sisters, so I’ve had to take care of them sometimes instead of going out with my friends,” Louis expresses. “It’s understandable and noble.” He really feels like shit for getting angry because Harry is this wonderful person and Louis is not.

Harry watches Rachel draw with a fond look on his face. “I just want her to know that she’s loved and that just because her mom is not up to her health right now, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love her and that she’s alone.” He brushes the hair out of his face. “I missed a lot of her life because my sister’s life got crazy.”

Louis grabs Harry’s hand and intertwines their fingers. “Like I said, it’s understandable and noble. You have such a huge, kind heart and I’m glad I know you, Harry Styles.”

He smiles. “I’m glad I know you, too, Louis Tomlinson.”

Just as Rachel puts the finishing touches of her drawing and is showing Harry and Louis her masterpiece, Liam walks in. At first, he is shocked to see Louis there, but he gets over it when he sees how cute they all look together. “Nobody move,” Liam demands as he pulls his phone out and takes a picture of the three of them. “That is adorable.”

“You are awful,” Harry states.

“You love me. And even if you don’t, Rachel loves Uncle Liam more, doesn’t she?” he asks the little girl.

She nods. “Uncle Liam!”

“See?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “That is rubbish.” Oh, look, he’s censoring his vocabulary. How cute. “Just wait until she gets to know me better. It’ll be Uncle Louis that she loves best. She already said I was beautiful.”

Liam snorts. “We’ll see about that.”

Harry laughs. “Alright, break it up you two. You’re giving Rachel a bad example.”

“Blame Louis,” Liam says before taking Rachel out of the room.

“This whole flat is mean, I swear.” Louis leans back on the couch and crosses his arms over his chest. A couple of minutes later, both of their phones beep with a picture message of the photo Liam just took. Louis studies it for a while before saying, “It’ll be nice one day, having a family and all.”

Harry stays silent.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> season three finale next episode  
> and for the first time  
> we'll see what everyone is up to during the summer months  
> yay


	19. 3x05: Homeless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating yesterday  
> fridays are always super busy for me

**MAY 2015**

We capture memories with photographs.

When we look through pictures that we have taken throughout the years, we can’t help but reminisce about our pasts. We think back to when a certain picture was taken. What was happening that day? What made someone pull out a camera and snap a photo? Was it a good day or a bad day?

Of course, we might not remember everything perfectly, but photographs are good reminders of certain moments in our lives. They’re not always something we want to remember, but it’s good to know that there’s some record of it happening and that it wasn’t just your imagination making things up.

Photographs are good. They’re nice. But they can also haunt you.

**

With a kiss on the cheek, Louis says, “Be good, alright?” He tries to walk away, but he is pulled back.

“What, I don’t get a kiss?” Harry pouts.

Rachel giggles from where she is sitting on Harry’s shoulders. She gently pulls his hair. “But Uncle Louis has to goooooooo.”

Louis’ heart feels like it is being pulled in all directions because he has to leave these two people for an entire summer. “She’s right, but,” he gives Harry a quick kiss on the lips, “there you go.”

“That’s it?”

“There is a child present, Harold.”

“She can cover her eyes. Can’t you, Rach?” Harry asks and Rachel brings her hands up to her eyes to shield them. “See?”

Louis chuckles. “You are mental,” he says, but he gives Harry a real kiss anyways. “Are you satisfied now?”

Harry gasps. “There is a child present, Lou!”

“Rachel, tell your uncle that he is crazy,” he laughs. “And I better get going before I miss my flight. I don’t want to spend any more time in this airport than I need to.”

The soon-to-be five year old uncovers her eyes. “You’re crazy, Uncle Harry.”

Harry shakes his head. “I’ll see you at the end of the summer?”

“Of course,” Louis smiles. “I’ll be back in no time.” It takes just about all of his might, but Louis gets his feet to move. He tries not to think about how the next time he leaves, it is not going to be in a year, but in half a year.

**

When the plane lands in England, Louis is tired from the flight. He turns his phone on and sees that it is nearly eleven o’clock at night. With a very boring trip to collect his luggage, Louis heads out to grab a taxi to the train station; however, he stops walking when he hears someone calls his name.

He looks around and then he spots them, all huddled up together with a sign that reads Welcome Home, Louis! He runs over to them, leaves his carryon to the side, and tries to hug as many of them as he can at once.

Louis’ eyes are watering and once again, he feels like his heart is being pulled at in many directions. He can’t even describe how he feels because he was not expecting this. He doesn’t want to let go because he feels like if he does, he’ll realize he was dreaming or something, and god, does he want this to be real.

“Girls, let Louis breathe.”

Slowly, Louis’ sisters back off. One of the twins runs back, though, for another hug. Louis hugs her back tightly, trying to let her know that he missed her so, so much. Instead of letting her go, Louis stands up while keeping her in his arms. “I missed you,” she says.

“I missed you, too, love.”

He takes a few more steps until he is facing his mother. “This was a really nice surprise.”

She shrugs. “It was long overdue. Now, let your sister down so you can give you mum a hug.” Louis does what he is told, and when he has the familiarity of his mother’s embrace, he gets the sense of home that he hasn’t had in years.

“Does this mean you’re not mad anymore?” he whispers.

“We’ll talk later, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Louis’ family helps him with his luggage before heading over to the train station. He feels extremely loved being surrounded by his family and there’s no way he is complaining, but he can’t help but wonder what changed his mum’s mind.

By the time the train stops at the station closest to their house, they are all falling sleep because it is well past one in the morning. Louis’ mum drives the van with all of her children in it home and orders everyone to bed once they are inside. The girls pout, but Louis assures them that they can catch up in the morning.

As water is being boiled in a kettle, Louis takes a seat at the counter. He has always loved coming home after going on a trip because no matter what, this is where home is for him and nothing can beat that. There are memories all around and it is the one place where he always feels safe. “Mum?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

She smiles. “I love you, too. And I’m glad you’re home.”

“I’m glad to be home,” he agrees. Then, “Are you – are – Is everything okay?”

His mum looks at him. “I feel like that is a question I should be asking you, Lou. You’ve spent the better part of the past three years in America and,” she pauses. “How is everything?”

Louis knows that she wants to know if he’s fucked up in the States like he did here. He wants to get angry because it seems as though his mother has lowered her expectations for him so low that she is just waiting for more disappointment. He wants to get angry, but he doesn’t because this is his fault and he knows it. “America’s been good,” Louis replies. “I’m even graduating in December.”

“Really?” Her face lights up. “That’s good news, darling.”

He nods. “Yeah. I found out just last September that I wasn’t as behind with everything as I thought.” Then Louis remembers that he hasn’t told Harry the news yet and the guilt bubbles in his stomach.

After the tea is made and both mother and son are sitting down in the living room, Louis’ mom comments, “You look good. Happy.” When a slight red tint hits Louis’ cheeks, she takes a sip of her tea and asks, “What’s his name?”

Louis hides his face in the cushions. “Am I that obvious?”

“You are,” she laughs. “But even if you weren’t, I’m your mum and I know these things.” She taps his knee. “Now, start explaining and please tell me you have pictures.”

“Okay,” Louis brings his face back out. “But it’s long and complicated and will probably sound incredibly stupid.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

With a deep breath, Louis tells his mum about Harry starting from the day they met on the first day of precalc to Harry and Rachel dropping him off at the airport. He tells her how they spent nearly nine months dancing around each other before they admitted how they felt. She agrees on the bad timing since it was the day before Louis had to leave. He tells her how their first date was wonderful and Harry is amazing. He tells her how they unfortunately broke up because they had too many other commitments and it became awkward for them for months. Then, one of their friends birthdays brought them together and everything was alright. And last, he explains this past, eventful year (leaving out the super juicy details about the sex).

“So, you two are together now?”

Louis shakes his head. “Not exactly. We haven’t talked about it and I kinda feel like Harry’s avoiding talking about it. Like, anytime I brought it up, he’d change the subject. I stopped bringing it up after a while.”

“That’s not good,” she says. “You’re going to have to talk about it eventually.”

“I know,” he agrees. “But I can tell that Harry’s scared and I don’t – I don’t want to push him, y’know?”

She smiles. “You really like him, don’t you?”

“I do,” Louis smiles. “More than I thought was possible.”

His mum places both of their cups on the table. “Well, then show me a picture of the boy,” she grins. “I want to see who has my baby enamored like there’s no tomorrow.”

“Oh dear.” Louis scrolls through his phone until he finds his favorite picture of Harry. It was taken during Thanksgiving break and Harry is wearing this ridiculous oversized, red flannel button-up. Louis took the picture while Harry was laughing at something Niall had said and really, the picture is just perfect.

“Is that him?” She takes the phone from Louis’ hand to get a better look. Her expression turns from curious to weary within a second. “Loui—”

“Please,” he interrupts. “Don’t say anything. I know what you want to say, and trust me, I know. That picture is of Harry with his curly hair, green eyes, and stupid dimples.”

She nods. “We should head up to bed. It is way later than I thought it was,” she yawns.

They stand up and while they are walking up the stairs, Louis asks, “Is my room still my room?”

“Of course it is, baby.” She kisses his cheek before going up the remaining steps and disappearing into her own room.

Louis sighs in relief. When he got off that airplane, Louis had no idea where he would settle in for the night. This house hasn’t been an option for years and he doesn’t know what it was that made his mum suddenly welcome him back in, but he’s not going to question it. Well, not right now, anyways. He is grateful to be here because just like Dorothy said, there’s no place like home.

**

A week after Louis comes home, he realizes that he hasn’t done the one thing he always does when he gets back to England. He feels horrible for forgetting, but he’s been spending time with his sisters and his mum that he doesn’t feel too horrible. Louis enjoys listening to his sisters ramble on about their lives and what’s going on with them. Sure, their stories may seem pedestrian, but Louis loves it.

On his way out of the house, his mum stops him. “Do you have a couple of minutes?”

He turns around. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Do you have any plans this summer?” she asks.

Louis shakes his head. “Other than playing catch-up with you all, nope.”

She hands him a post-it note. “Do you remember Val? My friend from Uni and the editor of that online magazine?” Louis nods. “Well, she’s in need of an intern. Preferably someone who is studying print journalism.”

“Really? That is awesome.”

“Don’t get too excited,” his mum chuckles. “You’re going to have to apply like everyone else.”

Louis scoffs. “Like one of your best friends is going to say no to me. Mum, look at me.” He smiles. “See, anyone would want this face in their office.”

She laughs. “Yes, your face is beautiful. Now go on to whatever it is that you were doing.”

He kisses her on the cheek. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” he tells her before walking towards the front door. Right before he twists the knob, his mum calls his name. “Yeah?”

“Don’t forget flowers,” she reminds him.

“Of course not.”

With a bouquet of flowers in his hand, Louis takes his usual seat. He places the flowers in a way that they will be seen, so people know that there’s someone who cares.

“You have the right to be pissed,” Louis begins. “I’ve been back for a week and it isn’t until now that I come see you. Before you go off on me, I want to let you know that I made up with both my mum and Harry. Isn’t that great?”

**

**JULY 2015**

“I swear, the two of you are hopeless.”

Liam looks up from his iPad. “Hey, we are trying here and you’re the one who’s just sitting at your computer.”

“I’m all the way in Ireland, you wanker!”

Zayn chuckles. “He’s got a point, Li.”

“Ugh,” Liam groans. “You guys are mean.”

“But we still love you.”

He shoves Zayn’s shoulder and rolls his eyes. “Niall, since you are an international student, you don’t recognize the background of that picture in any of the tourist-y places you went to?”

Niall gives Liam a blank stare. “Oh, damn. Why didn’t I think to use my photographic memory and look back on all the places I was dragged to? Hmm…”

Zayn laughs at Niall’s sarcasm and Liam shoves him again. “You two are the worst.” He glances at the picture of Harry that Niall got off of Louis’ laptop and sighs. “How are we supposed to be the best friends ever if we can’t even figure out where the hell this picture was taken?”

“Why don’t we just think of a new idea?” Zayn suggests.

“That’s what we may have to do,” Niall agrees. “We were supposed to have everything together before Louis left and now it’s the middle of summer and we haven’t made any progress.”

Liam puts down his iPad. “I don’t want to say that we’ve been wasting our time, but . . .”

“We’ve been wasting our time,” Zayn finishes.

The three of them have wanted to throw a date for Harry and Louis ever since they’ve been more than friendly to each other. They have come up with a handful of ideas, but none of them seemed good enough for the pair. Niall remembered the pictures he found on Louis’ laptop and suggested that they make a picnic and set it up around the area where the picture was taken; however, their biggest problem is finding the location.

Zayn went around Piedmont Park with the picture in hopes of matching the background with some part of the park, but after hours of wandering around, he came back with nothing. While Harry was showering one day, Liam snuck onto his computer and searched through his online photo albums for similar pictures because he knows Harry labels and tags all of his photos, but he came back with nothing. Niall tried indirectly asking about the date Louis went on with Harry, but Louis always ended up talking about pretty and wonderful Harry is instead of talking about the dates, so he came back with nothing.

“It just seemed like such a good idea,” Liam sighs. “We’d be recreating a date or whatever. They looked so happy in those pictures and I’m sure Harry would finally feel comfortable enough to talk to Louis.”

“Wait,” Zayn says. “Have they not reestablished their relationship yet?”

“Nope,” Niall answers. “Basically, they’ve been fuck buddies all year which is dumb as shit since they both are in love with each other. At least, I think they are.”

“They are,” Zayn and Liam say together.

Liam rubs his eyes and then picks his iPad back up. “Alright boys, back to work. We have a little less than a month before classes start up for the Fall and we are going to make this happen.”

Zayn nods. “We’re going to make this happen.”

Niall raises the beer that he has conveniently sitting next to him. “Cheers!”

**

Harry sits Rachel down at the kitchen table of his mother’s house before he unloads the groceries they just bought. She looks around the kitchen like she’s expecting someone to pop in out of nowhere.

“What’re you looking for, goof?” he asks, pulling cherry tomatoes out of a bag.

Rachel brings his gaze to her uncle. “Is Uncle Louis here?”

He stops what he is doing. “Why would he be here?”

“You said Uncle Louis went home. This is home,” she answers like he just asked the simplest question on this earth.

“This is home, yes, but it’s not Uncle Louis’ home,” Harry says. “His home is far away.”

She frowns. “Can we go visit him?”

“I’m sorry, we can’t. He lives too far away for us to visit him.”

Rachel pouts for a total of four seconds before it turns into a full-blown smile. Harry is instantly confused because he is sad as well that Louis is on a different continent right now, so he understands why Rachel was sad (she did take a liking to the Brit), but why is she smiling now?

Harry’s question is answered when someone pokes his side and makes him jump. He turns and his eyes go wide in surprise. “Gemma! What are you doing here?”

She scoffs. “Well, that’s nice. I spend over six months in recovery and that’s the greeting I get? I thought mom taught you better than that, Haz.”

He pulls her into a hug. “Good to know that your charm hasn’t worn off after all of these years.”

“Never.” Gemma lets go and turns to face her daughter. “Is that my little girl? Oh, look how big you’ve gotten.” Rachel hops off the chair and runs into her mother’s arms. “I missed you so much, baby.”

Rachel holds on as tightly as she can. “I missed you, too!”

Harry can’t help but snap a picture of the two of them. Gemma glares at him when the flash goes off. “What?” he asks innocently. “Don’t act like you don’t want to remember this moment.”

She holds her glare for a few more seconds before asking, “Did it at least come out nice?”

He shows her the photo. “Of course. I took it, didn’t I?”

Gemma rolls her eyes. “Rachel, tell your uncle he has a big head.”

“You have a big head!” Rachel exclaims.

“That’s my girl.” Gemma puts her daughter down and tells her to go play. “I – I’m really grateful for you, I hope you know that. I don’t know what I would have done without you and just. Thank you, Harry. Thank you so much.”

He shakes his head. “You have nothing to thank me for, Gemma. You wanted to get better and you needed help.” Harry smiles. “It was no problem.”

She hugs her brother. “I don’t know how to thank you for taking care of Rachel.”

“You don’t need to.”

“But still. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I always have your back, big sis.”

**

With the familiar sound of a skype call, Louis runs into his room. He smiles when he sees that it’s Harry calling him and immediately hits answer.

“Uncle Louis!”

“Rachel,” Louis gasps. “How’d you get into my computer?”

She giggles. “You’re silly!”

He realizes that the smile is probably not going to drop from his face anytime soon, so Louis rests his chin in the palm of his hand. “Am I really?”

“Yes.” Rachel nods with conviction. “I miss you, Uncle Louis.”

“Aw, I miss you, too.”

Harry pops his head in front of his laptop. “What about me? Do you miss me?”

“Excuse me, Harold,” Louis grins. “Rachel and I were having a conversation that you so rudely interrupted.”

He laughs. “Did I? Whoops. My sincerest apologies.” Harry picks Rachel up and sits down where she was sitting, placing her on his lap. “How’ve you been?”

Louis nods. “Pretty good. It’s nice being home, y’know? I didn’t realize how much I missed my mum and sisters until I saw them.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Harry says. “My mom should be home from her cruise next week and my sister got back today. It’s weird being away from the people you grew up with for long periods of time.” He pauses. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“I don’t, either.”

“Come home,” Rachel blurts out. “Uncle Harry misses you!”

“Rachel,” Harry uses his “dad” voice. “Louis is at home. This house isn’t his home.”

She frowns. “But it should be. His home is too far away. You said it.”

And once again, Louis’ heart is being pulled. He doesn’t understand how these people have such an effect on him, but he doesn’t mind it. “Don’t worry, Rachel. I’ll be back very soon, I promise.”

“Yay,” she cheers.

Harry laughs. “I am starting to think she likes you more than me, Lou.”

Louis smiles with great triumph. “I told you this would happen the first day I met Rachel.” He leans in closer to the camera. “Now Rachel, who do you like more, me or Uncle Liam?” He makes a face when he says Liam’s name.

“Uncle Louis!”

“Ha!” Louis leans back, satisfied. “Uncle Louis for the win.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “I’ll be sure to tell Liam that.”

“You better.”

**

**AUGUST 2015**

Traveling is supposed to be fun, right?

Louis used to think so until he began to fly from one country to another twice a year. He’s not complaining about being part of the international program because he really has enjoyed it, but he wishes he didn’t always have to fly back to England every summer. Well, this past summer wasn’t so bad because he was actually able to spend it at his house.

Walking outside into the humid, summer weather that is Georgia in August, Louis takes in his surroundings. This is the last time he will be arriving at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport. This is his last semester as an undergraduate student. This is his last time in Atlanta.

Before Louis freaks himself out from being so close to ending this chapter of his life, he fishes his phone out of his book bag, so he can call a cab to take him to campus. Right as he is trying to find the number for the cab service, Louis is startled by his phone ringing.

“Hello?”

“Words cannot describe how much I missed you.”

Louis smiles. “Well, I landed not all that long ago. Maybe we can meet up later and do something.”

“Or,” Harry draws out the word. “We can do something now.” Before Louis can say anything, Harry tells him to turn around.

“Why?” Louis asks, but he turns around anyways. His eyes instantly find Harry, who is standing there with a bouquet of red roses in his hand and a huge smile on his face. He walks over to Harry and eyes the flowers. “Are those for me?”

“From Rachel.”

“Ah,” Louis smiles. “Really now?”

“Mhm,” Harry nods. He places his free hand on Louis waist and pulls him closer. “But this. This is from me.” He leans down and kisses Louis. The older boy lets go of his luggage and places his hands in Harry’s hair, pulling their bodies even closer to each other.

Louis decides that traveling isn’t so bad if this is what he lands to every time.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are much appreciated  
> y'all are wonderful people, remember that xx


	20. 4x01: All Of This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare yourself, kiddos

**SEPTEMBER 2015**

Classes have been in session for only a week, but for Harry, it feels like so much more time has passed than seven days. He believes he feels this way because he is slowly grasping the concept that he is in his senior year of college. In May, he will be in a cap and gown, and Harry will have the world at his feet. Okay, not really, but you get the point.

Harry is going to be an actual adult in a mere eight months. He’s going to set out in a career that he hopes to enjoy, and get to New York like he’s always wanted to be. He knows it’s not going to be easy and that he’s going to work hard for it, but Harry doesn’t plan on letting his fear of failure get in the way. His fear won’t stop him from having a future. His fear won’t stop him from making it. His fear won’t stop him.

For so many years now, Harry has let his fears lead his life and he’s done letting them. It angers him when he thinks back to everything he didn’t do because he was scared. It angers him even more when he thinks back to the times when he would go do something, but come back in a horrible state because people suck. He wants to be able to go out and have fun, and not worry about what can go wrong. He wants to have enough memories that he can look back and not be angry anymore. He wants to not be scared anymore.

The first item on Harry’s list is to have that damn conversation with Louis that he has been avoiding. With everything that has happened in the past year with his sister and how he has let himself be with Louis in the most intimate way possible, Harry is done wasting time. In the past three years, Louis has yet to do anything to hurt Harry and that is a big deal.

It’s a big deal because so many people in Harry’s life have hurt him one way or another. Those who he considered friends until they kicked him to the curb. Those who he would never forget that forgot about him. Those who he would make time for, but never had time for him. Those who he cared for until they showed their true colors.

With how many times Harry has been let down is as many times as he wanted to give up on people, but he has to remind himself that he has Liam. Liam, the one friend who has yet to leave him behind and Harry could not be more grateful to have him and he’s not willing to let Liam forget about him. This is why Harry was a bit skeptical when Zayn came into the picture, but it turns out that Zayn is an actual friend to Harry. Then there’s Niall whose happy demeanor reminds Harry that not all people are shit and not everything in the world is horrible. And of course, there’s Louis – the person who came into Harry’s life out of nowhere and made him feel things that he thought were just a myth.

Harry feels silly for putting off that conversation for as long as he has. But now that he’s in his last year of college, he’s not going to put it off. He’s going to tell Louis how he feels – how he really feels – and they’ll be back together. Everyone will be happy and Harry will finally restore his faith in people completely.

**

The moment the door opens, Zayn bustles through. “Did I miss it?”

Liam whacks him on the arm. “Would you keep your voice down?” he hisses. “Do you want months of planning to go down the damn toilet?”

Zayn smiles sheepishly. “Sorry. I’m just excited, ‘s all.”

“Keep your excitement to yourself,” Liam orders. “This has to go perfectly.”

“I know,” Zayn stresses as he takes a seat at the counter.

Liam places a can of soda in front of Zayn before walking around and sitting next to him. “I’m excited, too, for the record. I just don’t want all of our hard work to blow up in our faces because someone doesn’t know how to be quiet.”

“Damn, who pissed in your Raisin Bran this morning?”

“I don’t even like Raisin Bran,” Liam retorts. “Now shut up and drink your soda. Niall should be bringing Louis by very soon.”

The dark-haired boy opens his soda and takes a sip. “This is why you are pegged as the mother.”

Liam turns his head and quirks an eyebrow. “And how would you know that?” he asks in a voice that is challenging.

Zayn chokes on his soda, the bubbles rushing up into his nose.

Harry decides to come out to the kitchen in that moment. He takes one look at Zayn who is wiping his face with a napkin and asks, “What happened here?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Liam answers.

The younger boy gets himself a bottle of water from the fridge. When he turns around, he finds Liam and Zayn staring at him. “What?” he asks, uncapping the bottle and taking a swig. Neither of the boys respond, so Harry lowers his water. “Did I interrupt you guys or something?”

Liam shakes his head and Zayn says, “Nope.”

“Hmm . . .” Harry feels like he definitely interrupted the two of them or that he is unwanted in the room. No, not or. And, definitely and. He awkwardly coughs before shuffling his feet and moving forward; however, he only makes it three steps before there is a knock at the door.

“Oh, I wonder who that could be,” Zayn comments. Liam kicks him from where Harry can’t see which makes Zayn let out an, “Ow!”

Harry has known that Liam and Zayn can get weird at times and he’s always figured it had something to do with them being childhood friends, but they are on a completely different level of weird this afternoon. He tries his best to not think about their strange behavior and goes to answer the door.

“Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” Niall walks in, Louis in tow.

“Nialler!” Zayn smiles.

“Zayn!”

“Niall!”

“Liam!”

“What,” Harry asks, “is even going on with you guys?”

Liam hops off the stool and goes over the closet slash pantry they have just off the kitchen. He pulls out basket with a red checkered blanket folded on top of it. “Take this,” he hands it to Harry. “And this,” he joins Harry and Louis’ hands. “And go have a late lunch at the park.”

Harry looks at the basket before looking up at Liam. “What?”

Zayn walks over to them and taps Harry’s head. “Are you hard of hearing today or something?”

Louis laughs while Harry looks offended. “Hey. That’s not nice.”

“Jesus,” Niall exclaims. “What Liam is too nice to say and what Zayn is too Zayn to say is take this fucking basket, get in our car with Louis next to you, and go eat and do all the cute stuff that none of us want to witness.”

“Are you guys kicking me out of the apartment again?” Harry asks.

“Yes,” Liam, Zayn, and Niall answer.

“Well.”

Louis pulls Harry’s hand. “C’mon darling. Obviously we are not wanted here and plus, once we’re alone, I have a present for you,” he winks and Harry blushes. “Farewell lads, thanks for the food.”

The two lovers leave the apartment and get into Harry’s car. The drive to the park isn’t long, but finding a quiet place to have their picnic in the shade takes some time. Once they finally find a spot and settle down, Harry smiles. “As weird as our friends are, it was nice of them to pack us a picnic.”

“Yeah,” Louis nods. “Or they just wanted the apartment to themselves for whatever it is that they do.”

“I thought the three-way relationship was my theory?” Harry pulls out the sandwiches from the basket.

“It was and is, but those three are just so damn suspicious.”

“They are!”

Once all of the food is out of the picnic basket, neither of the boys waste time in digging in and falling into conversation. “So,” Louis starts, “what’s going on with your week?” He can’t help but get a sense of familiarity of being in the park and having a picnic; however, no matter how déjà vu-y it feels, Louis is not going to let his mind get distracted.

Harry smiles. “Remember Professor Robbins?”

Louis nods. “Ah, the professor that you totally have a man crush on. Yes.”

“I do not have a man crush on him!”

The older boy laughs. “Just tell me what happened.” He pauses and then, “But if that man put any sexual advances on you, I’m going to have to get involved.”

“Oh, my god,” Harry blushes.

Louis throws a grape at him. “You are far too easy to embarrass, Harold.”

“Anyways, like I was saying,” he grins. “Professor Robbins passed along an internship to me and told me to apply and see what happens. This was like, months ago. And then a few days ago, I get a call from the company about a skype interview for the following day. It happened, they liked me, and well, I got it.”

“And you wait to tell me now?” Louis asks, slightly offended.

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “I really wanted to tell you in person. If the boys didn’t plan this picnic for us, I probably would have kidnapped you from your dorm to tell you today.” The internship is not the only thing Harry wants to talk to Louis about, but he has to wait for the right moment to bring it up.

Louis quirks his brow. “Kidnap, eh?”

Harry’s face is blank. “Don’t get any ideas, mister.”

“Fine, I won’t,” Louis laughs. “But I’ll have you know that internships can be fun, but also very stressful. Over the summer, I felt like I was always running around.”

“They did let you go home and spend time with your family, right?” Harry asks, genuinely concerned.

“Of course they did.” Louis pops a grape in his mouth. “And even if they didn’t, I wouldn’t let them keep me away from my sisters. There’s four of them, so together we make up the Tomlinson clan.”

Harry sits up because this has to be the first time Louis has mentioned anything about his family. “You have four sisters?”

“Yeah, have I not mentioned that before?” Louis questions and Harry shakes his head. “I meant to,” he mumbles more to himself. “Anyways, does this internship mean that you’re going to get extremely busy with balancing it with your classes and job?”

“Actually, Monday is my last day at the daycare,” Harry announces. “I start the internship on Tuesday and fortunately, it’s a paid internship, so yeah.” He steals a grape from Louis’ hand. “And it’d be a lot if I was juggling all of that on my plate.”

Louis finishes off the grapes in his hand before crossing his legs in front of him. “D’you think you’re going to like it there? Like, enough to seek an actual job there?”

Harry shrugs. “I dunno. Right now, it’s just something to add to my resume and put on grad school applications. We’ll see what happens.” He takes a sip of his water. “What about you with the internship over the summer? Is it some place you see yourself writing for?”

He lies back on the blanket and looks up at the sky. “It’s possible,” Louis replies. “The lady who is the editor of the magazine is friends with my mum and that’s how I found out about the internship. And when I applied, she hired me and we got on really well from the beginning. She’s a good boss and she knows what she’s doing and she even offered me a full time position when I get back in December.”

“You’re going back home for winter break?”

Louis sits up, eyes wide. He hadn’t meant to say that. He hadn’t meant for it to slip that he’s leaving in December. He hadn’t meant to tell Harry this way. _Shit_. “Winter break for you,” he says slowly, “but not for me.”

“Because you have to work during the break?” Harry questions, not really understanding what Louis means.

“No,” he shakes his head. “Because I’m graduating in December.”

Harry sucks in his breath as his brain processes what Louis just told him. The person who he was about to completely hand his heart to is leaving at the end of the year. The person who he just about trusted completely kept this from him. The person who he just might be in love with is moving back to England. And the worst part of everything is that Louis didn’t even mean to tell Harry this afternoon; it was an accident that it came out.

“Oh,” Harry responds, because really, what else is he supposed to say?

**

On the last Friday of September, the five boys gather at the apartment for one of their infamous movie nights. This gathering is a bit different because this night, they have alcohol present because four out of five of them are legally old enough to drink in America. Anytime Harry tries to pick up a drink that has any bit of alcohol in it, Liam slaps his hand and this is the first time Harry has ever cursed himself for skipping the second grade in elementary school.

About halfway through the movie, there is a knock at the door. Harry and Liam exchange a look because anyone who would show up at their apartment on a Friday night in already sitting in their living room. It could always be one or more of their family members, but that seems highly unlikely.

“I’ll get it,” Harry offers since everyone else is a bit tipsy. He hands his bowl of popcorn to Niall who graciously accepts it before standing up and walking to the front door. “Hey,” he greets the person at the door. “What’re you doing here?”

There’s nervous laughter. “I’m uh, I’m sorry to show up like this especially when it’s obvious that you are busy.”

Harry shakes his head. “No, it’s fine. Do you – do you want to come in?”

“Oh, no, I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“You won’t be intruding, Nick.”

From behind Harry, Louis scoffs. “What a knob. Just look at that hairstyle!” he comments in a harsh tone which sends Niall into a fit of laughter. Harry hears it, so he knows that Nick heard it, too.

Nick pulls something out of his sweater pocket and hands it to Harry. “I just wanted to drop this off. You forgot it yesterday.”

“Oh, thank you,” Harry smiles. Louis says something else and Harry’s smile drops. “I—” He cuts himself off because what is he supposed to say to Nick? Sorry about the obnoxious British boy in my living room and his comments?

“I should get going.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I’ll um, I’ll see you in class, Harry.” Nick doesn’t give himself or Harry a chance to make the conversation any longer because he turns and walks away.

Instead of sitting back down, Harry stands in the area between the living room and kitchen. “Lou, can we talk in my room please?”

Louis places his cup on the table before getting up and following Harry into his room. “What’s on your mind?”

Harry shuts the door and spins around. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t act like I couldn’t hear your rude comments when Nick was here,” Harry states. “I don’t understand why you’re being like this.”

Louis scoffs. “Being like what? You’re the one who’s mad!”

“Only because you were being an ass. Nick was just dropping off my earphones that I left in his car yesterday, that’s it.”

“Oh, so that’s why you blew me off. To go hang out with _Nick_.” There is so much malice in Louis’ voice when he says Nick’s name. “Wait no, to fuck Nick. You blew me off to fuck Nick. Now, everything makes much more sense.”

“Nick is my TA!” The two of them were supposed to hang out the day before, but Professor Robbins offered an extra tutoring session that he only gives out to selected students. Nick was there to help out and gave Harry a ride home after. That was it.

“Ah, I see your tactic, Harold. Fucking your TA to get your place in this world. Wow,” Louis claps. “Bravo. Good for you.”

Harry pulls at his curls. “Why are you being like this?” He saw how much Louis has had to drink and it is definitely not enough for his behavior to be excused because he’s not drunk. “If anyone should be pissed, it should be me.”

“Oh, and why is that?”

“Because you’re fucking leaving!” Harry shouts. “And you didn’t tell me until it accidently slipped out!”

Louis rolls his eyes. “That’s nothing to be angry about. You’re overreacting.”

“Overreacting,” Harry repeats in disbelief. “No, I’m not. You’re the one who is keeping secrets and not telling me shit! I feel like I know nothing about you! I didn’t even know you had four sisters until two weeks ago when we’ve known each other for three years!”

“I’m not the only one keeping secrets,” Louis throws back.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You didn’t exactly tell me when Rachel came to live with you! You avoided me and ignored my calls and texts for months. And the only reason I found out is because I came over here!”

Harry huffs. “The reason I didn’t tell you is because I didn’t know how you would react,” he retorts. “For all I knew, you hated kids and the moment you found out, you’d run for the door! Like I said already, I know nothing about you!”

Louis gasps. “That’s not true! You know lots about me.”

“Really?” Harry raises his brow. “If that’s true, how come I know nothing about why you joined the international program? You’ve never told me and you never talk about home or your family or anything of the sort. And don’t give you some bullshit about how you always wanted to come to America because that is a lie!”

“I never talk about it because none of that shit matters here,” Louis yells. “I rather not waste time with you about that when we can have a good time together.”

“What, good time like now?”

“Oh, yeah, definitely,” Louis says sarcastically. “I’m having a fucking ball!”

Harry takes a breath. “Do you not know how much it kills me to know that you don’t trust me enough to tell me about yourself? Do you not know how much it took me to have sex with you? Do you not know how much it took me to give you my heart?

“I’ve been fucked over so many times, Louis, that I was scared. That I didn’t want to risk getting hurt again. But you made it seem like everything would be okay with you, that you’d never hurt me.” Harry laughs humorlessly. “I was so fucking wrong because here you are, hurting me.”

“I’m not hurting you!”

“By not trusting me you are!” Harry runs his hands through his hair, so he doesn’t end up punching a wall. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because it is none of your business,” Louis screams. “God, Harry. Just let it go!”

“No!” Harry squelches. “How would you feel if the person you loved wasn’t telling you everything?”

“That’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair is this.” He points in between them. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this if there’s so many blanks in our relationship!”

Louis crosses his arms over his chest. “There are only blanks because you’re making it that way! If you just let it go and moved on, we’d be fine!”

Harry shakes his head. “No, we wouldn’t! You obviously don’t trust me. You proved that by accusing me of fucking Nick, which I’m not, just for the record. And it’s not like we’re together or anything. I didn’t get a chance to say anything because you dropped the bomb that you’re leaving in December!”

“Why are you making it seem like I’m the bad guy?”

“Because it feels like you are!”

Louis slams his hand down on Harry’s dresser. “You need to fucking grow up, Harry! You’re in your last fucking year on Uni and this is how you’re acting?”

“Don’t even try that. Don’t even try to change the fucking subject! Just,” Harry pauses. “Just tell me why you won’t me tell me. Or better yet, tell me something, anything I don’t know about you.”

“Harry—”

“Tell me.”

Louis looks at Harry and doesn’t say anything for the longest two minutes known to man. He just stares, but when he finally opens his mouth, it’s nothing that helps the situation.

“Well?” Harry taps his foot impatiently.

“For the record, Harold, I prefer to be called Lewis!” he shouts. “Not fucking Louis!”

Harry wants to scream. Oh man, he wants to scream so badly and so loudly. He wants to scream so much that he loses his voice. He wants to scream, but he doesn’t; instead, he storms out of his room, grabs his keys from the counter, and leaves the apartment, slamming the door shut. He can’t do this anymore.

The three boys in the living room are stunned at what they just heard. They knew that everything was not perfect for Harry and Louis, but none of them knew what was actually going on in their heads. They didn’t know that Louis was leaving in December. They didn’t know that Harry didn’t know.

It takes Louis twenty minutes to come out of Harry’s room. His eyes are red from crying, but none of the boys mention it. He puts on his shoes. “You can stay here if you want,” he tells Niall.

“Where are you going?” Niall asks.

“To get pissed,” Louis answers with a sigh. He waves to the group before leaving.

Niall hops up and grabs his own shoes. “Sorry lads. Can’t let a man drink alone, y’know?” Liam and Zayn nod in understanding and Niall runs after Louis.

They end up in a bar that’s not too far away from campus. Louis comments of how having bars and clubs at close distances is one of the perks of attending a university in the middle of the city. Niall tries to get Louis to talk about his argument with Harry, but Louis doesn’t say anything. He just downs drink after drink. The Irish man stops drinking after his first beer because he knows he’s going to have to get them back to their room and won’t be able to if they’re both pissed out of their minds.

After a while, Niall has to drag Louis away not because the bartender has been giving Louis a concerned look for ten minutes, but because Louis grabbed a random guy and started making out with him. Niall gives the guy his apologies before pulling his roommate out of the bar and pushing him towards campus.

It takes them way longer than it should to get back to their building and since it is really obvious that both of them have been drinking, the security guard sitting at the front desk tries to stop them. Niall somehow manages to get Louis in an elevator and when he tries to get in himself, the security guard pulls him back.

Louis shoots Niall a look that can only be described as frightened. Niall waves at Louis, telling him to go on. He knows that there’s no point in both of them getting in trouble for being blatantly drunk on school grounds when they’re not supposed to be.

By the time Niall is able to go up to the room, he finds Louis pacing and staring at his phone like it is about to burn him. When Louis notices Niall, he says, “I have to call him.”

Niall sighs and takes the phone out of his hands. “No, you don’t. You need to let Harry cool off. Both of you were seriously angry and it won’t help to call him right now.”

“But I have to call him.”

“Later, okay?” Niall throws the phone on his own bed. “Right now, we’re going to get you to drink some water and then go to sleep.”

Louis sits down at the edge of his bed. “I have to call him.”

The blond-haired boy grabs a water bottle from their mini fridge and hands it to Louis. “Drink this. We’ll call Harry later.”

“Harry?” Louis’ voice is so hopeful that it breaks Niall’s heart.

“Drink the water, Lou. You’ll be okay tomorrow,” he says. “But I won’t,” Niall whispers to himself.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes...


	21. 4x02: Sad

_Ida Scott Taylor once wrote: “Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.”_

 

**SEPTEMBER 2015**

Louis wakes up with a killer headache when he hears a loud shuffle in the room. He doesn’t bother sitting up because he knows that it won’t help with his hangover. He tries to remember why he drank so much last night in the first place. There was a movie night, there was a visitor, and there was a – _shit_.

“Please tell me that the argument Harry and I had last night was just a stupid dream I had.”

Niall stops what he’s doing and looks over at his roommate. He didn’t think Louis would wake up for at least another hour. “Do you want me to tell you the truth or a lie?”

He groans. “This is not how everything was supposed to go.” Louis feels around under his pillow for his phone because he needs to call Harry, he needs to apologize, he needs to fix things. “God dammit, where is my phone?”

“Calm down,” Niall orders.

Louis sits up. “Do not tell me t—” He takes a look at the room. “Why are you packing?”

Niall ignores the question and hands Louis three items – ibuprofen, a bottle of water, and his cell phone. “What do you remember from last night after we left the apartment?”

He rubs his temples as he thinks back to the night before. This makes Louis’ head pound harder, so he uncaps the medicine and swallows two pills with a chug of water. “We went to a bar and I assuming that’s where I got drunk?” Niall nods in affirmation. “And that’s all I remember.”

The Irishman sighs. He opens his mouth, but shakes his head. “Just . . . when you’re ready, get up and shower. You smell horrible, mate.”

“I do not.” Louis takes a whiff of himself. “Okay, maybe I do. But I – I need to call Harry.”

“No,” Niall says sternly. “Maybe you don’t remember right now, but Harry was unbelievably angry last night. You two were at each other’s throats and I think you need to let him breathe for a while before you call.”

“I need to apologize.”

Niall gives him a soft smile. “I know you do, but let Harry cool off a little longer. You don’t want to piss him off any more.”

Louis lies back down. He feels awful and the rotten taste in his mouth or the throbbing in his head just adds on to it. This is not what he wanted his last semester in college to be like. This is not what he wanted his relationship with Harry to result in.

This is the punishment he deserves because he is the horrible person he didn’t want to believe he is.

**

**OCTOBER 2015**

Five days later, Liam gathers the group in the apartment. He pins up a banner above the window in the living room and bought a cake. While he is pulling plates out of the cabinet, Zayn asks, “Is this a good idea? I mean, with everything that’s happened.”

Liam turns around. “If you were forced to leave the country about seven months early, wouldn’t you want some sort of farewell? Wouldn’t you want to know that you actually made friends here and that you are cared for?”

“Point made,” Zayn says. “D’you need help with anything?”

He sighs. “Yeah, actually. Louis’ gonna be here and I need you to make sure Harry is okay. They haven’t spoken since the argument and I don’t want him to run out of here alone.”

Zayn nods. “If he goes, I’ll go with him.”

“And if he stays, distract him from Louis. Don’t let him get lost in his thoughts because I know he’s going to go down the list of people who’ve fucked him over and there’s no doubt in my mind that Louis isn’t on that list.”

“Damn,” Zayn breathes. “I never thought it’d be this fucked up.”

Liam frowns. “Me either.” He pulls out one last plate before walking over to Harry’s room. He knocks on the door before twisting the knob and taking one step inside. “Are you ready?”

Harry looks up from his laptop. “Why wouldn’t I be?” his tone is laced with anger.

“Harry.”

“What?” he asks. “You’re not pissed that Niall got kicked out of the international program because of Louis? You’re not pissed that Niall took the fall when Louis should have been the one in trouble? You’re not pissed that Niall is leaving back to Ireland tomorrow while Louis just gets to stay?”

Liam bites the inside of his cheek. “It’s a fucked up situation, Harry, but everything happens for a reason.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Harry raises his voice slightly. “The only reason I can think of for all of this to happen is that the world is telling me once again that people suck.”

“Not all people,” Liam offers.

“Yes, Li, not _all_ people.”

Liam doesn’t know what to do or what to say to make Harry feel better, to make this entire circumstance okay. “I just – they should be here soon, so be sure to tell Niall your farewells. I know you liked him,” he says quietly before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him. He leans against the wall and takes a breath. It kills him of how much Harry is hurting right now.

Zayn pulls Liam into the kitchen and into a hug. He can see how much Liam in torn up about Harry being torn up. He knows that when someone around Liam is sad, Liam will be sad right there with them. It sucks how one argument between two people has affected an entire group of people. It sucks how they are all hurting one way or another. It sucks how none of them can do anything to make it better. “I’m sorry.”

“ ‘s not your fault, Z. How were we supposed to know that this would happen?” Liam sniffles. “Life sucks.”

“I know,” Zayn whispers. He rubs Liam’s back to comfort him, but Liam pulls away slightly after a few seconds. He doesn’t move away, though and Zayn feels warm from where Liam’s arms are around him. Their eyes are locked on each other and it seems like they are both inching towards one another. Just as they are tilting their heads, a loud knock comes from the door which startles them enough to make them separate.

Liam clears his throat. “That um, that must be Niall,” he says while rubbing the back of his neck.

“Must be.” Zayn drops the hand that he has in midair and sighs. Before he can ponder what could have just happened, Liam opens the door and Niall and Louis walk in.

The four boys sit in the living room where Zayn and Niall end up playing a game of FIFA, Louis cheers on whoever seems to be winning, and Liam watching over everyone. Part of Liam wants to go drag Harry out of his room, but he knows that that’s not a good idea. Instead, he gets up and makes sure all of the food is in order.

Niall wins the game and Zayn lets him gloat because it is his last day and all. He looks around and sees that Liam is standing in the kitchen, staring at a bag of pretzels like it has the answers to life. Zayn hands his controller to Louis before walking to the kitchen.

“Are you alright?”

Liam blinks and glances up at Zayn. “Yeah. Just zoned out for a minute there.”

Around the kitchen and down a short hall, Harry sits in his room and sulks. He can hear the TV going in the living room and he can pick out everyone’s voices as they talk to each other. He knows he should go out there and spend some time with Niall, but Harry doesn’t know if he can go out there. Everything is messed up right now and he knows that the second he steps into the living room, it will turn awkward and quiet, and he doesn’t want Niall’s last memories of them to be like that.

While in his thoughts, someone knocks on Harry’s door. He figures it’s probably Liam again, or maybe even Zayn. “I’m fine,” he calls out, hoping they’ll leave him alone.

It doesn’t work because the door opens, but it is neither Liam nor Zayn. “Hi,” he says quietly.

Harry jumps up from his sitting position on his bed, feeling like he shouldn’t look comfortable because it might make it seem like he’s okay with guests. “What do you want?” He mentally pats himself on the back for not hesitating.

“To apologize,” Louis answers.

“It only took you a week,” Harry says, bitterly.

The older boy sighs. “I know and I’m sorry for that. I thought you’d want some space after everything.”

“Actually,” Harry crosses his arms over his chest. “What I want are answers, but I know you’re not going to give them to me.”

“I’m sorry for that, too.”

He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter, Louis. Wait no, Lewis, was it? My apologies.”

Louis takes a step forward and Harry takes a step back. “I really am sorry for everything I said last week. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I just – what you are asking me to tell you is nothing you want to know.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m not that person anymore,” Louis replies. “I haven’t been him since I came to America three years ago.”

“Like I said, it doesn’t matter anymore,” Harry states. “There’s no point in apologies or even talking to try to fix things.”

Louis frowns. “Why are you saying that?”

“Because, in two months, you’re leaving and that’s not going to fix anything.” Harry turns away from Louis and stares out of his window. He turns around because he doesn’t want Louis to see the tears that are forming in his eyes. He turns around because he doesn’t want Louis to see how much this is hurting him. He turns around because he doesn’t want Louis to see how much he actually means to him.

“I’m sorry,” Louis says one last time before leaving Harry’s room.

Right before Niall and Louis are about to head back to the dorms, Niall marches right into Harry’s room without knocking. Harry doesn’t have the heart to scold him, though.

“Aw, you don’t have to cry for me, Harry,” Niall tells him. “I’m never too far away,” he sings.

Harry cracks a small smile. “ ‘m sorry I didn’t come out there.”

Niall shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. I am a bit offended you didn’t make my goodbye cake, but I’ll get over it.”

“Maybe next time.” Harry wipes his face with the back of his hands.

“Definitely.” Niall contemplates what he’s about to say for a moment. “Harry, don’t blame Louis for me getting kicked out of the program.” Harry tries to speak, but Niall shushes him. “I knew what would happen if I got caught drunk again while on campus.”

“But why?” Harry asks. “Louis was the one who was actually drunk. You had a few drinks, but you weren’t drunk.”

Niall shrugs. “One, both you and Louis had a hard night and I knew Louis would say somethin’ stupid to the hall director while drunk. Two, I,” he pauses. “I needed a way to get home anyways.”

Harry furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”

“My mum’s sick,” Niall answers. “She has been since the beginning of the year and I wanted to stay with her, but she told me to come back to America and get my degree. To not worry about her.” He shakes his head. “Like I can’t worry about my mum, y’know?”

He nods. “So you took the fall, so you had to go home?”

“Yeah.” Niall laughs softly. “She didn’t want me to quit, so when I found an out, I took it. Sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”

“No,” Harry says honestly. “It makes sense and I would want to be with my mom, too, but you shouldn’t have taken all the blame. You should have let Louis get in trouble, too.”

Niall shakes his head. “I couldn’t do that to you lads. I figured that if Louis stayed here, you’ll make up and be okay.”

Harry takes a breath. “I’m not too sure about that.”

“Don’t lose hope, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now,” Niall smiles. “Give me a hug.”

Harry chuckles. “Of course.” He pulls Niall into a hug. “I’m going to miss you and I hope you know that no one will take the title of my ‘crazy, Irish friend’ from you.”

When they let go of each other, Niall says, “Even if you don’t completely agree for why I hit my three strikes or whatever the fuck the hall director said, same goes to you with the title of ‘curly-haired weirdo’ and I’ll miss you, too.”

“Hey,” Harry fakes his offense. “And I think your hall director was referring to baseball. Y’know, three strikes and you’re out?”

“Shitty America sports,” Niall shakes his head.

“Hey,” Harry repeats, still not actually offended.

With one quick hug, Niall pats Harry on the back. “You’ll be okay, Harry. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t give up. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

“Thanks,” Harry smiles. “You’ll be okay, too. Best wishes with everything and your mom especially.”

Niall nods. “Bye Harry.”

“Farewell, Niall.”

**

**NOVEMBER 2015**

Liam is packing his bag when Harry steps into his room to tell him he’s off to go home for Thanksgiving. He wishes Harry a safe drive and to tell his family that he says hello. Harry tells Liam the same thing, and then he’s on his way.

Harry stops by the Publix that is next to his house to pick up some roses for his mom for no reason in particular. He just feels like flowers will be a nice surprise for her and with everything she has done for him for the past twenty years, it’s the least he can do.

As he is examining the flowers, Harry hears a familiar laugh. He turns his head and sees Seth down the aisle with a shopping cart in front of him and a guy next to him. Seeing Seth doesn’t bother Harry. Seeing Seth happily kissing the guy he’s with is what bothers Harry. He forgets about the flowers and leaves the store, hopping into his car and driving.

Harry drives through holiday traffic for quite some time until he finally parks his car. He grabs his bag from the backseat and heads inside, but once he walks through the threshold, Harry realizes that he is not at his mother’s house.

“Harry?” Liam questions as he walks into the kitchen. “Did you forget something?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think I can go home.”

“What happened?” Liam is immediately concerned by Harry’s voice.

“I saw Seth,” Harry replies. “I saw Seth and he was happy, so happy. He was with some guy that I’m assuming he lives with because they were shopping together. I saw Seth and as much of an asshole that he is, he has someone and he’s happy and I’m. I’m not.”

Liam steps forward, but Harry shakes his head. “But why can’t you go home? This is the first time in years that you, your mom and sister will be together for Thanksgiving.”

“I can’t.” Harry pauses. Then, “Louis was there last year and I. I can’t.”

“Oh, Harry,” Liam frowns.

He shakes his head once again. “Don’t,” Harry takes a breath. “Don’t do that. Don’t use that voice. I can imagine what I probably look like right now and just. Don’t.”

Liam nods. “Okay. Do you want to come to my house then? I’m sure my family won’t mind.”

“I can’t,” Harry repeats.

“But what about Rachel?” he tries. “You love that little girl and it is guaranteed that spending some time with her will cheer you up.”

Harry shakes his head for a fourth time. “She’ll be the first one to ask about Louis and I can’t.”

“Okay,” Liam says. “Okay.” He takes the bag out of Harry’s hand and places it on one of the stools at the counter. Then he takes Harry’s arm and pulls him towards the couch, sitting him down and handing him the remote. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?”

“I can’t.”

He sighs. Liam is not happy about leaving Harry alone in the apartment in the state that he’s in. Maybe Liam can hold off another day before going home and come back right after Thanksgiving dinner. Maybe he can convince Harry to come with him or to go to his own house. Maybe Harry will snap out of it and be okay.

“You should go,” Harry tells Liam after a minute. “The traffic is horrible and your family is probably waiting for you.”

“But–”

“I’ll be fine,” he interrupts Liam.

Hesitantly, Liam gets up and retrieves his own bag from his room. When he comes back to the living room, he offers to come back a day earlier, but Harry says no. “Or I can call Zayn and ask him to stop by. His family has never been big on Thanksgiving, so I’m sure it’d be okay.”

Harry’s stomach hurts when he thinks about the secret Zayn has been keeping from Liam. It’s not even a bad secret, but he still feels horrible for knowing when Liam doesn’t. Why does everyone have secrets? “No, don’t do that. I’ll be fine. It’s okay. You don’t have to worry about me.”

Liam nods. “Okay, but don’t think you can’t call me if you need me. I’ll drive back here even if you call in the middle of dinner tomorrow.”

“Go,” Harry instructs.

It takes another five minutes, but Liam finally leaves the apartment. Harry pulls his legs up and rests his chin on his knees. How is it that someone who has a record of treating people horribly has someone to love that loves them back? How is it that someone who has such a big heart gets treated horribly and doesn’t have anyone to love?

Harry finds it unfair. He doesn’t understand why someone like Seth can be happy and someone like him is miserable. He doesn’t understand why he had to get hurt again. He doesn’t understand what he did for his life to turn out this way.

**

**DECEMBER 2015**

The ceremony just ended and Louis looks around at his fellow graduates. They are all so happy and excited to embark on their journeys into the world. They all have friends and family waiting for them to take hundreds of pictures and to celebrate them getting their college degree. They are all smiles, but Louis, he’s not smiling.

It saddens him to think that in this huge stadium, there is not one person who is there for Louis. There is not one person congratulating him for graduating. There is not one person here to find him and hug him. There is not one person here to tell him how proud of him they are.

Louis pulls the cap off of his head and starts towards the exit, walking around people posing for pictures. He should be at least a little bit happy to know that when he gets home in a couple of days that he has somewhere to go and a job waiting for him. He should be, but he’s not. This last semester has been anything but happy. Louis messed up, he knows he did, but he couldn’t fix it. After Niall left in the beginning of October, Louis wasn’t invited back to the apartment. He hasn’t seen any of the boys since Niall’s farewell gathering and now, walking out of graduation alone, Louis doubts he’ll see any of them ever again.

**

“I could get arrested for this.”

“Shut up and pass me that shot,” Harry orders.

Zayn shakes his head, but passes it over anyways. “You’re going to regret all of this in the morning.”

“I don’t care.” Harry tilts his head back and takes the shot. “Gimme another.” A couple of hours ago, Harry called Zayn and asked him to take him out and get him drunk. Zayn was timid at first, but then he remembered that tonight was the Fall graduation, so he agreed.

The older boy sighs. It has been months, but Harry is still hurting about the whole Louis situation. Zayn knows he can’t expect Harry to get over it any time soon, but he wishes he wouldn’t be so hard on himself. “How ‘bout some water instead?”

Harry pouts. “But Zayn! Did you know that I could have had like two fucking blissful years with Louis? It could have happened if I wasn’t such a damn scaredy cat.” He hiccups. “It could have been a great two years Zayn, it really could have.”

“I bet,” Zayn nods. “Is that why you wanted to get drunk?”

“What? No.”

“Mhm.” He flags down the bartender for another round. “This is the last one, Harry.”

The curly-haired boy takes the drink from the bartender greedily. He wastes no time in swallowing the liquid because after a while, he stopped feeling the burn in his throat. “One more?”

Zayn shakes his head. “I don’t think so, buddy.”

“Please,” Harry begs.

“No.”

“Zayn.”

“Harry.”

“Zaynie.”

He sighs and tries to change Harry’s thoughts from Louis to something else. “Harry, remember our plans for moving to New York? Where we can start over and no one will know us there? Remember how we’ll live together and have shitty jobs and live in a crappy one bedroom apartment somewhere in Brooklyn until we find stable ground?”

Harry nods. “New York is where I will end up and I’m not scared.” Oh, but he is. He really is. And he’s going to need another drink.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone's such a mess right now   
> sorry


	22. 4x03: What Are You Afraid Of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we went from five to three  
> and now we're at a birthday
> 
> p.s. everyone's ages are so wonky in this fic so please just go with the flow and everything will be alright

_Charles Bukowski once wrote, ‘There will always be something to ruin our lives. It all depends on what or which finds us first. You’re always ripe and ready to be taken."_

 

**JANUARY 2016**

No one expected it to turn out this way simply because everyone thought that nothing like this could happen. So many factors – Louis keeping his past from Harry, Niall keeping his mother’s health from everyone, Zayn keeping his place of education from Liam, and Liam, Niall, and Zayn keeping their schemes from Harry and Louis – played a part into where they are all now.

Niall is in his hometown of Mullingar where he has been taking care of his mother. She scolded him for getting kicked out of the International program, but he told her that she’s more important to him than his education these days. He can always go back to Uni later because he knows that he won’t always be able to go back to his mother. Niall tries his best to focus on helping his mom get better and not wonder what he’s going to do when she’s gone.

The offices where Louis works are moved from Doncaster to Manchester, so he has no choice but to pack up his things and move away from home; however, this move feels more permanent than it did when we went off to America. Four years ago, he wasn’t in good standing with his family, but his mom forgave him when she saw that he was actually getting his life on track. Louis tries his best to stay on track because he’s in a good place right now, but sometimes he wishes he could change things.

Liam knew it was risky to change his major at the end of his sophomore year of college, but with courses taken during summer semester for the past two years, he made up for it. He had an epiphany sometime in March two years ago while he was sitting in a Chemistry class that he didn’t want to be a nurse. In fact, he hated science and he’s had enough of the damn subject. Liam went over to the student advisement center and changed his major from nursing to Computer Tech. Now, he tries his best to learn the knowledge about something he loves and not something that he feels like he has to learn to be practical.

Zayn absolutely loves student teaching, even though he’s only been doing it for a week so far. He enjoys sharing his knowledge and passion with students and most of all, he loves helping them understand the concepts used in the greatest works of literature. He knows he should tell Liam what he’s doing before they get into a huge argument and have a falling out like Harry and Louis. Zayn tries his best to get himself to talk to Liam, but he keeps chickening out.

And Harry, he’s proving to himself and everyone around him that he is rather great with coming up with unique ideas for various marketing campaigns within the company he is interning for. Along with the internship, he has been throwing himself into his coursework for two reasons: one, to finish out strong and two, to keep his mind from wandering off. Classes and work don’t always keep Harry busy, though; there have been times when everything will get so quiet that he can feel the ache in his chest. Harry tries his best to move forward in life and be happy, but it’s more difficult than he thought.

**

Liam bites his thumbnail. “We need to do something.”

“Why?” Zayn asks, spinning around on Liam’s desk chair. “Harry says he’s fine.”

“Just because he says it doesn’t mean it’s true,” Liam retorts. “You’ve seen him yourself and can you honestly say that Harry is fine?”

Zayn stops spinning. “I can’t.”

“See?”

“So you want to do something to cheer him up?”

Liam nods. “Yeah. I just. I’m not sure what we can do for him.”

“Hmm . . .” Zayn taps his fingers against the desk. It’s near the end of January and it is still rather cold outside, but since it’s Georgia and there’s global warming or whatever, it’s not as cold as it usually is this time of year. They could do something outside. Maybe go ice skating at Centennial Olympic Park? Nah, ice skating is lame. Maybe go somewhere with fake snow and have a snowball fight? Nah, that can turn violent. And then, Zayn gets an idea. “What about a birthday adventure?”

“Your birthday passed a couple of weeks ago.”

“Not mine, you idiot,” Zayn huffs, throwing a water bottle at Liam. “Harry’s.”

Liam catches the bottle before it hits him. “No need to throw things. But. Yeah, that could work. I mean, I dunno if Harry’ll be up for wandering around Atlanta again. It might make him remember what happened last time.”

“Last time was two years ago.”

“Yeah, but knowing Harry, he remembers it,” Liam says. Then, “We can do a birthday adventure, but it has to be different and it should be an all-day thing.”

Zayn quirks his brow. “All-day? What if Harry wants out?”

Liam shrugs. “We let him go. We can’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do.”

“Okay, yeah,” Zayn smiles. “This could actually work, but it can’t be on his actual birthday, which sucks, but we’ll work around that fact.”

He turns around to look at the calendar on the wall and sees that Harry’s birthday is on Monday. “We’ll do it the Friday after his birthday. No, wait, Saturday. He works a half-shift on Friday’s and we should let him rest before Saturday.”

Zayn stands up. “You have ideas forming already, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Liam smiles. “I’m sure you do, too.” He grabs his laptop and turns it on as he sits back against his headboard. Zayn sits next to him and the two friends begin planning out the events for the next Saturday. Phone calls and favors need to be made, but by the end of the night, it all looks like it will work out.

Emailing the Word document with all the details to himself, Zayn is proud of the two of them. “I’m proud of us.”

“Me, too,” Liam agrees. “We tend to come up with some great things when we’re together.” Something about that statement makes Zayn freeze and Liam notices. “You okay?”

He shakes his head. “I – I need to tell you something.” _It’s now or never,_ Zayn tells himself.

Seeing that this is probably a bit serious, Liam closes the lid of his laptop and moves it away. “What is it?”

Before thinking out his words, Zayn starts talking. “Part of the reason why Harry got so pissed at Louis is because he kept a huge part of himself from Harry and it makes sense for him to be mad. I understand it and I feel bad that their relationship or whatever ended because of it and it sucks how they were both sad and hurt and I—”

“Zayn,” Liam interrupts. “You’re rambling. Are you – Do you know what Louis kept from Harry? Is that what you have to tell me?”

“Oh, god, no.” Zayn takes a breath. “I have no idea what Louis’ secret was – is – whatever.”

“Just spit it out. Did you kill someone? Do you need my help hiding the body?” Liam jokes, but Zayn isn’t amused. “Hey,” Liam knocks his shoulder into Zayn’s, “what’s going on?”

Because he is completely failing at words, Zayn goes with the ‘seeing is believing’ concept, and pulls out his student I.D. card from his wallet. He shows it to Liam. “Tada?”

“Did you just go to orientation?” Liam takes the card from Zayn’s hands and sees that it has the design from the year before. “No, you went last year.” There is faint betrayal within his voice that can be undetected by most, but Zayn knows it’s there.

He bites his lip. “Are you going to break up with me?” Zayn asks in hopes of easing the situation a bit.

Liam rolls his eyes. “No, I am not going to break up with you. But I am pissed that didn’t tell me. What the hell, Zayn?”

“I know, I know,” Zayn frowns. “When I told you I was dropping out of college, I really thought I was. The Art Institute wasn’t for me and I didn’t even think I’d get in here.”

“What? That’s insane. You’re one of the smartest people I know.”

Zayn ducks his head, so Liam doesn’t see the slight blush on his cheeks. When he feels the heat fall from his face, he looks up and says, “I meant to tell you earlier. Just. I didn’t know how.”

“I honestly don’t know why I’m friends with you. Keeping secrets from me,” he tuts. “I thought we were best friends.”

“We are.” Zayn frowns again. “Are – you’re mad.”

Liam shakes his head. “I’m actually not. I’m,” he pauses. “Glad. Yeah, that’s the word. I’m glad that you didn’t actually quit college. I’m glad for you.”

“Oh.” Zayn is relieved. “Sorry for not telling you earlier.”

“It’s okay,” Liam shrugs. “Your secret could have been worse, so I’m not mad. I wish you would have told me sooner, but at least you didn’t wait until you sent out graduation invitations.”

Zayn chuckles. “That’d be kinda stupid, though, since I graduate the same day you do.”

Liam smiles, eyes crinkling in and everything. “Carpool to the Dome together in a couple of months?”

“It’s a date.”

**

**FEBRUARY 2016**

Harry wakes up on Saturday afternoon to a weight on his chest and hands pinching his cheeks. “Rachel, what’re you doing?” he sounds funny because of his niece playing with his face.

She taps his nose. “Wake up, Uncle Harry!” Rachel shouts.

He flinches slightly at the loud noise just moments after he woke up. “I am awake, doofus.” Harry takes a hold on her hands, so she can’t pinch his cheeks anymore. “Did your mom drop you off here?” Rachel nods. “Not that I mind, but any reason why?”

“I’m supposed to take you out today.”

Harry chuckles. “Really now?” She nods. “Out where?”

She hops off her uncle and slides down the bed. “Get up and find out,” she challenges.

“You are your mother’s daughter.”

“Duh, she’s my mom.” Rachel pulls Harry’s hand even though they both know that it won’t move him a centimeter. “Now come on!”

“Okay, okay. I’m getting up.” Harry throws his comforter off his body, and stands up and stretches. He goes to his dresser and pulls out an outfit for the day and when goes to leave to the bathroom, he finds Rachel following him. He turns around and squats, so he’s at eye level with her. “You don’t have to follow me, Rach. I’m a big kid, so that means I can get dressed by myself.”

“You’re not a big kid. You’re _old_.”

Harry gasps. “How does being twenty-one make me old?”

Rachel looks horrified at hearing the actual age of her uncle. “Twenty-one?” She shudders. “Old.”

“You keep thinking that.” He ruffles her hair before standing up straight and going to the bathroom. Harry emerges fifteen minutes later in clean clothes with product in his hair and minty fresh breath. He throws his PJ’s into the hamper and motions for Rachel to follow him into the kitchen. “Did you eat breakfast yet?”

“Yes.”

Harry glances at the time on the microwave and sees that it’s half past one. “How about lunch, then?”

“Nope.”

“Would you like a sandwich?’ he asks, pulling the bread down from on top of the fridge.

“No.”

He turns around. “No?” She nods in confirmation. “And why is that?”

“Because we’re going to be late, duh.”

“Late to where you’re supposed to take me, right?” Harry doesn’t wait for Rachel to say anything before placing the bread back on the fridge. “Okay, put on your jacket and we’ll go.” While Rachel runs into the living room to retrieve her coat, Harry goes back to his room and puts on a pair of shoes and his own coat. He places the first beanie he finds on his head and goes back out to the living room. “You ready?”

Rachel runs to him. “Yes, let’s go!” She grabs his hand and tries to pull him to the door.

Harry makes sure he has his wallet, phone, and keys before locking the door and letting himself be pulled by his five-year-old niece. Rachel pulls Harry out of his building, down the road, across the street, and into a neighborhood. He has no idea what’s going on, but when she tries to pull him towards a house with a ‘for sale’ sign in the lawn, he has to stop.

Rachel turns around when she can’t pull Harry anymore. “Why’d you stop?”

“Is this the place you’re supposed to take me?” he asks and she nods. “Are you sure?” She nods again. “But isn’t this trespassing?”

“What’s that?”

He sighs. There’s no point in arguing with Rachel and he knows it, so he says, “Lead the way.” She happily pulls him around the house to the backyard where a loud _surprise!_ comes. “Oh, my god,” Harry’s eyes are wide.

Between two trees, there is a _Happy Birthday, Harry_ banner hanging. Below that, there is food and drinks on a picnic table. In front of that is his friends and family (with a couple unfamiliar faces). And all around are balloons. Zayn and Liam step forward with smiles on their faces.

“Happy birthday,” Zayn grins.

“What did you guys do?” Harry asks, completely shocked.

Liam shrugs. “A little bit of this. A little bit of that.”

Harry shakes his head. “But can’t we get in trouble for being here?”

“That would be a negative, little brother,” Gemma answers as he pulls Harry into a hug. “Remember my friend, Brooke from high school?”

“The one I dated when I was fifteen and didn’t quite figure out that I liked boys yet?” he asks in a whisper.

There’s a snort. “Briefly dated would be correct,” says a familiar voice. Harry looks past his sister and sees Brooke standing a couple of feet away. “Happy birthday, Harry,” she smiles. “And don’t say I didn’t get you anything. I’m risking my real estate license by letting you have your party here.”

“Thanks, Brooke. It’s good to see you,” he says and it’s genuine.

Brooke nods. “Anything for the first younger guy I ever dated.”

Harry laughs. “There’s been more?”

“Oh, don’t get me started,” she grins.

He nods. Harry spots his mom, so he excuses himself and walks over to her. He lets himself fall into his mother’s arms and tells her he misses her.

After they let go of each other, Anne crosses her arms over her chest. “Y’know, I almost didn’t come today since someone didn’t show up for Thanksgiving last year.”

He smiles sheepishly. “Sorry. I was – I wasn’t feeling well then. But I came for Christmas.”

“Only because Liam dragged you to the house.” She frowns, “Is everything alright with you, H? You’ve been off for a while now.”

Harry nods. “Yeah, I just . . . It’s the last year of college, y’know? There’s just a lot of stress to do well if I want a stable future or whatever.”

“I understand that, but I’m your mother, Harry. I know there’s more to it than that. But,” she looks at him and tucks a lock of his hair under his beanie. “Know that you can talk to me or to Gemma or to Liam or really, anyone here. Well, maybe not Brooke, but.”

“I know. Thanks, mom.”

About an hour after the sun sets, Brooke begins yelling at everyone to clean up and get out before she loses her job. Harry tries to help out, but either Liam or Zayn will stop him and tell him to wait until they’re done. While watching everyone working together to clean up the yard, Harry can’t but smile. Everyone that is here on this cool February night is someone who Harry is sure cares for him in one way or another. These people are proof that he’s not alone and that he is loved and that maybe – just maybe – he can actually find happiness with them.

It is obvious that this group of people came together today for Harry and he is grateful for them. An afternoon filled with food, family, and friends is just what Harry needed and he really doesn’t know how to thank Liam and Zayn for it. He knows he hasn’t put off the best performance for every time he says he’s fine, but he didn’t expect his friends to put this together for him.

Once the yard is clean enough for Brooke’s standards, she orders everyone off the property before someone calls the cops. There are many eyes rolled towards the real estate agent, but twice as many hugs thrown at Harry. He is showered with love for a good ten minutes before everyone is off.

Zayn drives Liam and Harry back to the apartment and when they’re inside, Harry keeps thanking them. “I just – really, thank you. I dunno how you knew I needed that, but I did and I’m forever grateful. And thank you so much. I—”

Liam covers Harry’s mouth. “Shut up, would you?” Harry licks his hand, so he lowers it. “Okay, ew!” He wipes his hand on Harry’s coat. “That was uncalled for.”

“You should have seen it coming.”

Zayn chuckles. “You really should have.” He ignores the glare Liam shoots him and pulls Harry over to the couch. “Get comfortable,” he tells the birthday boy, “but not too comfortable.”

“Why?” Harry asks as he unbuttons his coat.

“Because,” Zayn starts.

“We’re pre-gaming,” Liam finishes, placing a large, brown paper bag on the coffee table.

Harry eyes the bag. “Ah, gotcha.” Liam and Zayn exchange glances of victory. “So, are you gonna take it out of the bag or what?”

Liam chuckles. “You’re an eager one, aren’t you?”

He shrugs. “It’s my birthday, I can drink if I want to,” he sings.

“Alright then,” Zayn says. “Let’s get this party started.”

The three friends end up watching a sappy movie (picked by Harry) while taking shots of various liquor. They don’t drink too much because they still want to have their senses and make it to the last part of the evening; however, it is only a matter of time before they’re all giggling like idiots.

Once the movie ends, the soberest person in the group (Liam) tells the other two to put on their coats so they can head out. The club they go to is loud, but thankfully not so crowded that it’s suffocating. The trio decides to start off with a drink and to see what happens.

They sip their drinks while at the bar and make small talk. Harry ends up thanking Liam and Zayn all over again, but neither of the boys are really listening to him. They get it, Harry’s thankful and they’re the best friends in the world. In the middle of Harry’s repeated speech, someone catches Liam’s eye.

Liam orders another drink and when the bartender hands it to him, he turns towards the boys and announces, “I’ll be back.” He picks up his own drink and goes into the crowd.

Zayn watches Liam like a hawk and when he sees him stop to talk to a girl with big, curly hair, he is not happy. He sees Liam hand the girl the second drink which she accepts with a giggle and a smile. Zayn downs the rest of his rum and coke and excuses himself from the bar.

Harry stops talking midsentence because he has no one to talk to anymore. Honestly, he doesn’t know what he was really saying anyways, so he doesn’t mind shutting up. The bartender hands him a drink, so Harry says, “I didn’t order this.”

The bartender nods and points to the other side of the bar. “Yeah, but he did.”

“Um, thanks.” Harry looks to where the bartender pointed and he’s surprised to see who is sitting there. Leaving both of his drinks on the bar because he should probably stop drinking before he gets horribly drunk, he walks over. “I guess a thank you is in order?”

Nick chuckles. “Don’t worry about it.” He takes a sip of what looks like an apple martini. “Did your friends ditch you?”

“It seems that way. But,” Harry shrugs. “It’s okay. They’ll come back.”

“Pull up a stool then,” Nick gestures towards the seat next to him. “I’ll keep you properly entertained until they come back.”

There is a double meaning behind his words and Harry isn’t drunk enough to let it go. “Nick, you know we can’t do anything. You’re like my teacher.”

“First, I was your TA. And second, that was last semester. I’m not your TA anymore.” He pulls the olive out of his drink and puts it in his mouth.

Harry’s eyes go wide in realization that Nick is actually hitting on him. “You’re hitting on me.”

“It’s not a crime, Harry,” Nick says simply. “I bought you a drink, you came over here, and if we leave together, we leave together.”

“I don’t think I can.” He is awkwardly standing there as he former TA is kind of propositioning him for possible sex. Maybe. Harry’s not sure. Maybe he is a little more drunk than he thought.

Nick tilts his head up to look at Harry. “Why, have a boyfriend or something? Oh!” He snaps his fingers. “It’s that British boy, isn’t it? He was awfully rude.”

Harry has to take a deep breath. “No boyfriend,” is what he mutters after a minute.

The older boy beams. “See, then there’s no problem.” He pulls the stool out and points to it. “Now, relax, would ya? I’m not going to bite you,” Nick says. Then, as an afterthought, “Unless you ask nicely.”

Hesitantly, Harry sits down. “I really don’t know about this.”

“What are you afraid of, Harry?” Nick asks and the list that pops up in Harry’s thoughts is longer than anyone could imagine.

By the end of the night, nothing is particularly happy. Zayn is driving because after his first drink, he stopped and sulked with water because he knew that if he got drunk, he’d end up saying some things he’s not ready to say. Liam keeps talking about the girl he was with all night and everything is fine until he and Zayn start bickering.

“Damn, why are you so pissed? Harry went off with someone, too!”

“Um,” Harry speaks up. “It was Nick and he is my TA. Or, was my TA.” He shakes his head. “Either way . . .”

“See!”

Zayn scoffs. “Harry could’ve had sex in the restroom for all I care because we were out for this birthday. It was hella inconsiderate of you to ditch him for some girl.”

Liam’s face dropped. “You know if you saw a hot guy in the crowd, you’d leave both of us and go up to him.”

“I wouldn’t if it was someone’s birthday!”

“Oh, please,” Liam rolls his eyes. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”

Harry presses his cheek to the window because it is cold and it temporary makes his head not hurt as much. He feels like he is in the car with parents (not his, just parents) who are fighting and he is the helpless child in the back who can’t do anything, but prays that it stops. It takes him a couple of minutes, but Harry remembers that he’s not a kid and Liam and Zayn aren’t parents. “Will you two quit it? You’re giving me a headache and really, it’s fine. I’m not mad at Liam for leaving.”

Liam makes a sound of victory. “See, he’s not mad. You shouldn’t be either.”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Zayn asks, shaking his head.

The remainder of the car ride is silent, and when they’re back at the apartment, Zayn and Liam are still angry at each other. Harry walks in first, shamelessly running away from the arguing friends. Liam goes in after him, but slams the door shut before Zayn can walk in.

“Nice one, Li!” Zayn shouts at the door before walking away, muttering to himself of how much of an asshole Liam has been.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe the alternate title is  
> 'breaking your heart: one otp at a time'  
> sorry  
> again


	23. 4x04: Do It Alone

_John Steinbeck once wrote, “Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtain at dawn, but it comes like the stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass.”_

 

**MAY 2016**

After Harry’s birthday, everything was a bit weird for the remaining three boys. Once sobered up, Liam realized how much of an ass he was to Zayn and instantly felt guilty. Zayn regretted saying anything close to what was on his mind; he was pissed that Liam would leave them to go talk to some girl. They two friends made up the next day with apologies and forgiveness because they were not willing to end their friendship on a stupid fight.

Harry, on the other hand, has had to dodge Nick for the rest of the term. It was a bit difficult seeing how Nick was still the TA for Professor Robbins’ classes and how he’d sometimes be in his office when Harry went to talk to the professor. It’s not that Harry doesn’t like Nick, he just doesn’t like him like that and if he’s honest with himself, he really didn’t want to risk his heart again. Twice was – and still is – enough for Harry.

**

MONDAY

Just like that, Harry is not only finished with this particular Marketing course or this semester, but his journey to earn his bachelor’s degree. He walks outside to the courtyard and stands around a bit, wondering how the hell the past four years went by so quickly. It doesn’t seem all that long ago that Harry was carpooling to campus with Liam with the excitement of being in college for the first time.

It is unknown to Harry of how long he’s been standing in the warm, Spring air because he’s lost in his thoughts, but he comes back when he hears someone call his name. He notices that he doesn’t have his earphones in which is the only reason why he heard his name being called, and he finds it odd. Four years ago, Harry wouldn’t be caught dead without at least one earphone in especially when he was alone, and now, it’s almost like he doesn’t need music to get him by as much anymore.

Liam makes a dramatic showing of dumping out his notes from a folder into one of the many trashcans stationed outside before walking over to Harry. “How was your final,” he asks.

“Surprisingly easy. Like I didn’t freak out like I always do when it comes to final exams,” Harry replies. “It was kinda weird.”

“In a sense, I felt that way, too.” Liam smiles, “Maybe this is life’s gift to us since we’re finally fucking done with college!”

Harry nods. “We are done, aren’t we?” He scans the courtyard and he always finds it wonderful how the entire campus will quiet down during the week and a half of finals. “I can’t believe it.”

Liam hooks an arm around Harry’s shoulders. “Believe it, Harry. If we didn’t fail any of our classes – which I’m sure we didn’t – we’ll be at The Dome on Saturday for graduation.”

“Graduation,” he repeats. “I never expected it to come so soon.”

“I know!” Liam exclaims. “Four years ago, we were sitting in a huge room taking AP Exams that we horribly failed, but only took to get out of finals and now, we are just days away from graduating college.”

Harry makes a face. “Don’t mention high school. Those were the most miserable years of my life.”

“And your college years are your best,” Liam adds. “At least, that’s what I’ve been told.”

“I guess we can’t actually decide that until like another four years from now,” Harry says, “when we’re different people.”

“Do you think so?” he asks. “That we’ll be different people, I mean?”

“Yes,” Harry answers. “Think about how you were at the beginning of high school and how you were at the end of high school. Think about how you were on your first day of college and think about how you are today. People change – it’s inevitable and it happens, and there’s nothing we can do about it because it happens without us noticing it.”

Liam nods in agreement. “You’re right, people do change and people grow up and have to face the real world.” As an afterthought, he says, “That’s kinda terrifying to think about. We’re supposed to be able to stand on our own feet now. Sure, we’re only early in our twenties, but we’re adults.”

Harry makes a face again. “Let’s not mention that either. Let’s just get out of here and not come back unless we have to.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

The two roommates begin walking towards the building that is closest to the MARTA station, so they can cut through it and save some time. It’s a bit odd to walk through campus for the last time because it doesn’t actually feel like it’s their last time. It doesn’t feel like the grand finale to this chapter of their lives. It doesn’t feel like they just finished college.

Before walking into the building, they have to pass the fountain and Harry doesn’t hesitate when running his hand along the edge where he has some of his best memories in his time at this university. That fountain just may be the number one thing Harry will miss.

**

SATURDAY

_before_

There are two graduation caps in his hand, but neither one belongs to him; however, he is proud of how the drawings on them came out, not that he wants to toot his own horn or anything. Before his smile turns smug, Zayn knocks on the door and is greeted with Harry a moment later.

“Hey,” Harry smiles. “You’re right on time.”

“Are you implying that I’m usually late or something?” Zayn questions with a grin, knowing that that was far from what Harry meant.

The younger boy rolls his eyes. “Just get in here, would you?”

Liam is adjusting his tie as he walks toward the kitchen. “I swear, this thing hates me.”

Zayn shakes his head. “Come here before you choke yourself.” He places the caps on the counter and meets Liam halfway before fixing his tie. He straightens out his collar before taking a step back to examine his work. “There you go.”

“Thanks,” Liam says as he runs his hands over his tie. He takes notice of the caps and picks them up. “Wow, these look amazing.”

Harry takes one from Liam and looks it over. “They really do.” He places it over his curls. “Job well done, Z. Thank you.”

Zayn shrugs nonchalantly. “It was really no problem.”

The cap falls off Harry’s head, but he is quick to catch it before it falls to the ground. “No need to modest.”

“Definite no need,” Liam agrees. “When you told us the idea, I knew it was going to be good, but this is – this is great.”

“Stop it,” Zayn says through his teeth, trying to stop himself from smiling. “You guys are awful.”

“You love us,” Harry states, trying to put his cap back on.

Zayn just shakes his head. “Let’s just go before we’re late.”

With their caps and gowns in their hands, Liam and Harry follow Zayn out to his car. Zayn had the idea to decorate the tops of their caps with the Three Musketeers because they will be sitting in three different sections for the ceremony. And since they’ll have a matching theme on their caps, their fellow graduates and their families will be able to know that they are the best of friends.

_during_

As the ceremony is coming to a close and confetti is falling from above, Harry can’t help but feel a wave of sadness go through him. Don’t get him wrong – he is happy to have graduated college, but he had high expectations for the actual ceremony. Harry blames the stupid dream he had two years ago of getting proposed to at graduation. Just think how great that moment would be. So many people would capture the moment with their cameras and it would just be beautiful and special and awesome and amazing.

Harry lets the thought float away and focuses on trying to locate Liam or Zayn, or even both of them. It is a relief to finally be done with college and with these four torturous years coming to a close, Harry will finally be able to move on and do something with his life. In fact, a couple of days ago when he was clearing off the desk of his cubicle at his internship, the head of the company (a man who Harry has yet to meet) sent his assistant to schedule an interview with Harry. It is a bold faced lie if the curly-haired graduate says he is not excited for it.

With a smile, Harry finds his friends and goes up to them. They end up in a group hug and for the first time, everything seems to be falling into place.

_after_

Liam’s parents host the after-graduation party at their house where Zayn’s and Harry’s families are happy to go to. The three families huddle together in the backyard to celebrate their boys’ making it one step farther to wherever it is they end up. It’s a happy ceremony, but there are also a lot of tears because wow, they really did it – they really graduated.

Toasts are being made and it takes Harry a while before he clinks his knife to his glass to get everyone’s attention. Once everyone quiet downs, he stands up. “Um, hi,” he smiles. “I just really want to thank all of you for always having so much faith in me as well as in Liam and Zayn. I am absolutely positive that I would not be standing here right now if it were not for all of you and I am grateful to have you in my life. It honestly feels unreal to have gone through college already. Like, wow, where did the past four years go?

“I just – thank you. All of you are lovely and amazing and I couldn’t have done this alone,” Harry looks around the table, meeting everyone’s eyes for just a second. “Thinking back to four years ago when I graduated high school, I felt a great deal of success, but now, as a college graduate, there aren’t even words to describe how great it feels.” He smiles a little bigger. “I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you so, very much and I love you.” He looks at the glass in his hand because right, he’s supposed to be making a toast. “And a toast to the three musketeers?”

Liam chuckles, but stands up, holding his glass up. “Still awkward as ever, H,” he shakes his head. “To the three musketeers.”

“I don’t actually associate with these people,” Zayn jokes as he stands. “To the three musketeers.”

Their families raise their glasses, repeat those four words, and take a sip of their drinks. There are ‘you’re welcome’s’ and ‘cheers’  and ‘I love you’s’ shouted amongst the mix, and Harry feels okay with whatever it is he said as he sits back down.

**

WEDNESDAY

“How about this shirt?”

Liam looks up from his laptop and over towards his roommate. “What’s this, shirt number six?”

“Seven, actually.” Harry looks down at the light blue material. “Does it look alright?”

“Honestly, Harry,” Liam says. “This shirt and all of the others looked great. It doesn’t matter which one you pick.”

He gasps. “What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Of course it matters. First impressions are everything!

Liam raises his hands in surrender. “Hey, calm down. I know you’re nervous, but there’s no reason to get angry.” He gets up from his bed and walks over to Harry. “Breathe, okay? You interned at this company for a long time, so the head honcho has to know how you work.”

“But what if he hates me?”

“Stop that right now,” Liam orders. “No negativity, alright? Be your usual charming self and everything will be okay.” He places his hands on Harry’s shoulders. “Whether you get this job or not, it doesn’t matter. You have worked far too hard to let one job knock you down.”

Harry nods. “I know, but I know of so many people who were in my classes that had offers even before we graduated where I haven’t heard back from anyone that I sent my resume out to and I just – what if I don’t make it, Li? What if I tried for nothing? What if I am destinied to fail?”

Liam slaps Harry across the face. “Would you shut up with that?”

His eyes are wide in shock. “Did you just slap me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because you were talking nonsense,” Liam answers. “Now, if I recall correctly from the Human Communication class I took back in freshman year, stick to neural, solid colors. White shirt and black slacks. There’s a different between red and blue ties that I can’t remember to save my life, so you should look that up if you’re thinking about a tie.”

Harry takes a breath. “What about a jacket?”

“In this heat, you’re going to sweat like there’s no tomorrow. So, have the jacket in your car, but don’t put it on until you get there,” Liam suggests.

“Okay. Thanks. I uh, I think I got it.”

“You really have nothing to be nervous about. I know you’re going to do great.”

Harry nods. “I sure hope so,” he says before turning to go back to his own room to finish getting ready for his interview.

For the next twenty minutes, Harry stresses over his appearance despite Liam guiding him on what to wear. He has to be perfect for this interview because this is his future and he’s trying not to be nervous, but this is his future.

He begins pestering Liam again, so Liam sends Harry on his way out. This isn’t a typical interview considering it is being held at a restaurant. Harry can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing and god, why is growing up so scary? It has never felt so terrifying until that very moment because this job is what will get Harry to stable ground. He won’t have to deal with student loans or asking his mother for money. He will be financially stable and on his own two feet and out in the real world. Shit.

When he gets to the restaurant, Harry tells the hostess the name of Anthony Ward and she takes him to a table that is on the quieter side of the place. He realizes he is a bit early, so Harry sits there patiently and tries his best to look put together and successful, and of course, the best person to hire. This means that Harry keeps checking his posture every other minute, making sure he is sitting up straight, and trying to keep himself busy without actually doing anything. He wants to check his phone just to do something, but he has to fight the urge because he doesn’t want to be on his phone when Mr. Ward shows up.

And oh god, he’s nervous.

“Harry Styles.”

He turns his head and his eyes go wide. He has been expecting an unfamiliar face who looks intimidating, but that is not who Harry is looking at. “Professor Robbins, what’re you doing here?”

The professor chuckles. “Same as you, I presume.” He sits across from Harry who looks dumbstruck. “You are here to eat, aren’t you?”

Harry shakes his head, but stops after the second shake. “Yes, but I’m also here for an interview.”

“Oh?” The professor’s eyes are glistening with interest. “Please, do tell me.”

“Um, it’s for the company – 48Squared – that I interned for,” Harry explains. “The um, Anthony Ward requested an interview with me and I – that’s why I’m here.”

He nods. “Did you like interning at 48?”

“Yes, definitely,” Harry answers honestly. “Everyone was kind and I learned a lot. Thank you once again for helping me with that.”

Professor Robbins waves his hand. “Nothing to thank me for. I just told you where to apply, the rest was all you.”

“But still, thank you.”

“The Anthony Ward, huh?”

Harry turns his head. “Oh.” Shitshitshitshit. Shit.

“Tony, I’m sitting in your seat, aren’t I?” Professor Robbins asks. “Want me to move over one.”

Mr. Ward shakes his head. “Like you would even if I asked, Alex.” He sits down next to Professor Robbins and turns his attention to Harry. “I’ve been called a lot of names, Harry, but I believe you are the first to call me the Anthony Ward.”

His cheeks burn from embarrassment. “I’m um, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean – I thought – I didn’t – I’m sorry,” he stumbles over his words. Harry already wants to kick himself in the ass because he probably looks like a stuttering idiot now. Great.

“No worries.” Mr. Ward waves over a waiter. “Now, let’s order some food and then we’ll talk. Sound good?”

“Yes, sir,” Harry nods.

The waiter writes down everyone’s order and leaves to place it in the kitchen. Professor Robbins and Mr. Ward have a whispered conversation which makes Harry squirm in his chair. He’s not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing for the second time that day.

Mr. Ward smiles and nods. “Okay, Harry. Alex here tells me you were one of his best students over the past couple of years and that you don’t scare easily.”

Harry almost laughs at that comment. Almost.

“He also tells me that you have goals of getting yourself to New York, is this true?”

“Yes, sir.”

Mr. Ward cringes. “Quit it with the ‘sir’ nonsense. This isn’t a formal interview and I already like you.”

“You do?” This is news to Harry.

“Of course, I do. D’you really think I’ve asked every intern – former or current – out to eat?”

“Oh, wow,” Harry smiles. “Thanks for asking and having me.”

The man sips his water and then turns to Professor Robbins. “You know who he reminds me of?” he asks and the professor nods. “You better be thinking Tom.”

“Excuse Tony here,” Professor Robbins tells Harry. “He gets distracted when he’s not buried in work.”

Mr. Ward snorts. “Excuse my idiot of a best friend here. He gets distracted at least once every twenty minutes.”

“You’re best friends?” Harry questions.

“Was it not obvious?”

Harry sits back a little because oh, that makes more sense. And oh, this interview non-interview thing is going okay. “I guess it was.”

“Before we all get distracted with food in front of us,” Mr. Ward says, “let’s talk business.” Harry nods. “I’ve looked over your work so far at 48 and you’ve done a helluva job, kid. The fact that all of your training has been at 48 means you know how this company works which is great. And the fact that you have Alex here who sent in a recommendation for you five different times means that you are a good person as well.

“I trust Alex and I know that if he didn’t see you fit for this job at the company that I have worked my ass off for, then we wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” Mr. Ward smiles. “Harry, do you know where the main offices are for 48?”

“New York, I believe,” Harry answers despite being overwhelmed by everything Mr. Ward has been saying.

His smile grows a bit. “That is correct and that is where this position will take you, if you’re interested that is.”

Harry is pretty sure his jaw just dropped. “Wait, really? I mean. Wow. That. New York. Wow.”

Professor Robbins shakes his head. “I told you to tell him straight up.”

“Shut up,” Mr. Ward tells him. To Harry, he says, “You don’t have to make a decision now because you won’t be set to work until halfway through June. I know you literally just graduated, so take some time to relax and not worry about anything. You’ll have to spend a little time in our offices here for about a week, but we’ll talk the details later.”

“Oh, my god,” is all Harry manages to say. Is this really happening? He remembers Liam’s dad telling him how the people you know can get you places, but Harry never thought this would happen.

Just as their food is being placed on a table, one more person joins them. Professor Robbins is the first to notice, so he says, “Ah, Nicholas, late as always.”

“My apologies.”

 _Oh, please god, no_ , Harry says to himself. This is supposed to be a happy, good meal. This is something Harry is supposed to want to remember forever.

He sits next to Harry. “Hello, Harry.”

“Hi Nick.” Harry plasters a fake smile on his face. “What brings you here?”

“Professor Robbins invited me since we’re all such good friends,” Nick answers, placing his hand over Harry’s thigh.

“How kind of him.” Harry shoves his hand off.

The son of a bitch places his hand right back. “So,” Nick says, looking over the menu. “What did I miss?”

Harry uses all of his strength not to bang his head on the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tidbit of life advice from avery:  
> when moving on from one chapter to another one in the book of your life, try your best not to burn bridges with people. you have no idea who will help you get to where you are meant to be, but once you figure it out, you'll be wonderful because there's at least one person who believes in you. personally, i didn't have this person until two years ago and I didn't realize it until last year. and man, has this person helped me grow as a leader and as a person.
> 
> keep your head up and don't you ever give up.   
> i believe in you.


	24. 4x05: Til Kingdom Come

_E. E. Cummings once wrote, “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle, which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.”_

 

**MAY 2016**

Harry sighs in relief when he sees both Liam and Zayn in the apartment when he returns from his interview with Mr. Ward. He climbs onto Liam’s bed and lies down in the center. “You know how you two enjoy pretending to be my parents? Yeah, well, pretend now, please.”

Liam gets up from his desk and Zayn gets up from the floor and they surround Harry on the bed with lying down on either side of him. Harry instantly feels comfort from his friends and he is grateful that he has them.

“How did it go?” Liam asks.

“Good,” Harry replies. “Apparently, the head of the company is best friends with Professor Robbins and he offered me a job position at 48.”

“That’s awesome,” Zayn comments.

The younger boy nods. “It is, but that’s not all. I have time to enjoy the fact that I just graduated college before I go in for training at the end of the month. But get this,” he pauses. “The position isn’t here in Atlanta, but in New York.”

“Holy shit, that’s even more awesome,” Zayn beams. “That works out great with your plans.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

“But if everything is going good,” Liam wonders, “then what is it that you needed to talk to us about? Are you having doubts of going?”

“Hell no, I’m not,” Harry responds. “I just – Professor Robbins also invited Nick today and he still hasn’t quite given up on me.”

He leans into his pillows. “Ah. Do you want us to tell him to back off or anything like that?”

Zayn cracks his knuckles. “These hands are mostly for writing and drawing, but if you need me to punch that son of a bitch, I will.”

“Good to know,” Harry chuckles. “But that won’t be necessary because I think I might give him a chance.”

“What?” Liam and Zayn say in unison.

“But you’ll be leaving soon,” Zayn adds.

“And he’s a bit creepy,” Liam says. “But with what Zayn said, what’s the point of starting something with Nick if you’re going to be moving up the coast in a matter of weeks?”

Harry sighs. “Not be in a relationship with him,” he clarifies. “Just . . . you know.”

“Harry.” Liam is momentarily at a loss for words.

Zayn can tell that there’s more that Harry wants to say. “Why? Why do you wanna do that? And why with Nick?”

He sits up a bit. “Nick because it’s not like there are a line of guys begging me for my number or anything.” Liam tries to speak, but Harry doesn’t let him. “I know what you’re about to say, so don’t bother. I’m not the kinda person that people want and I’ve come to accept that. It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not,” Liam sighs. “Harry, please don’t think so low of yourself. Just because people aren’t throwing themselves at you doesn’t mean you aren’t wanted. Nick may be the only one actively showing it, but of course there’s more. Not everyone is brave enough to speak up about how they feel.”

Zayn nods in agreement with what Liam said. “So that answers why Nick, but why in general?”

“Because maybe if I just go out and sleep with someone else,” Harry starts, but can’t bring himself to say the rest of the sentence.

“Then maybe your heart won’t shatter with the mere thought of a certain Brit?”

“Yeah,” Harry nods.

Both Liam and Zayn wrap their arms around Harry and squeeze him to let him know that it’s okay and that they’re there for him and that they’re sorry his heart still hurts and that they love him.

Liam throws a leg over Harry’s for good measure. He knows Harry enjoys  a good cuddle especially if he’s talking about his feelings (prime example would be after the Seth incident four years ago). “We can’t tell you what to do, but if you decide to go on with it, then you do. I can’t guarantee that it will help and I wish I could tell you how to mend your heart, but I have no idea what it would be.”

“It’s okay. I’ll,” Harry sighs again. “I’ll be okay. I just needed to say it out loud and I did and now, can we please talk about something else before I start crying or something?”

“I guess I’ll speak up, then,” Zayn says. “I don’t have to make a decision until sometime in July, but I got accepted two grad schools. One is here at State and the other is in New York at Columbia.”

Harry smiles. “Our plans to move to the Big Apple are really working out, aren’t they?”

“They are.”

Liam stays quiet because if he’s honest, he’s sad that his two best friends are moving on to another state while he’s not going anywhere. Yeah, he has a job in place for himself at The Dome, but he won’t have his friends for much longer. When he moved a couple hours away from Zayn before tenth grade, they barely kept in touch, so Liam fears that once Zayn and Harry move up to New York, their friendship won’t make it.

**

**OCTOBER 2001**

Seven-year-old Liam walks into his elementary school’s cafeteria and skips off to his class’s table because his mom packed him a lunch, so he wouldn’t have to wait through the lines. The school likes to make sure that their younger students get a good feel for diversity, so they let the students have a choice to sit at their class’s table at lunch or at the class they’re in a ‘team’ with.

Liam sits where he always sits and right when he is about to take a bite out of his peanut butter and banana sandwich, he notices a boy sitting alone at the end of the other table. The boy hasn’t touched his lunch and is hunched over the table. He figures that the boy doesn’t want to start eating without his friends, so he goes back to his sandwich; however, Liam can’t bring himself to take a bite. Packing his lunch back in his lunchbox, Liam gets up and walks over to the boy.

He places his lunchbox on the table and sits across from the boy. “Hi,” Liam greets, but he gets no response. He tries again because Liam recognizes the boy now that he’s close to him. “I like your lunchbox.”

The boy looks up at that. He looks at his lunchbox and when he glances across the table and sees that Liam has the same exact superhero lunchbox. “Thanks. I like yours, too.”

Liam smiles. “I’m Liam.”

“I’m Zayn.” His voice is quiet because he’s not used to someone talking to him so kindly. Since the attacks from the month before, Zayn has been kicked down and bullied because of his culture and religion. Whatever friends he had turned into little shits because their parents were bigger shits and taught them the wrong thing. Zayn and his family are harmless, but people only care that they’re Muslim.

Getting his sandwich out for the second time, Liam finally takes a bite. “Do you want to be my friend?”

Zayn’s face lights up. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Okay!”

Their classmates begin sitting down with their trays, but neither Liam nor Zayn pay attention to them because they are deep in conversation of how cool Batman is. They carry on the conversation as they sit together at lunch every day.

**

**MAY 2016**

Following the real estate agent into another apartment, Harry thinks that he may be in love. Part of his contract with 48Squared in the compensation clause is getting a rent allowance and Harry thinks that he found his new home.

“So this apartment has two bedrooms, a kitchen, living and dining room area,” the real estate agent, Steve says. “Down the hall there are the bedrooms and the bathroom.”

Harry looks around and he can definitely picture himself living there. “This place is great.”

Steve smiles. “Thinking about taking it?”

“Maybe.” He looks out of one of the windows and his heart melts at the part of the skyline he can see. “How far away is Columbia from here?”

The real estate agent goes off on a couple different ways of getting to that particular university and Harry smiles and nods. This apartment is definitely the one.

A couple of hours later after Harry has filled out some paperwork, he is in 49Squared’s headquarters. He thought the offices in Atlanta were nice, but the ones in New York are about a thousand times prettier.

“Harry Styles?”

He turns at the sound of his name. “Yes, that’s me,” Harry smiles at the man.

“And that would make me Tom Atkin,” the man says as he extends his hand to Harry. “I’ve been told a lot about you from Alex and Tony.”

Harry shakes his hand. “Those two talk a lot, don’t they?”

Tom shrugs. “They mean well. Now follow me and I’ll show you around.”

Walking around the office, Harry smiles at anyone and everyone he sees because these are his future coworkers and he’s excited and he can’t believe that in a couple of weeks, he’ll be calling these offices his place of work. He can’t believe that he is New York right now and that he just signed off on an apartment. He can’t believe that his dreams are coming true.

**

After throwing his suitcase into the trunk, Harry slides into the backseat. He leans forward and rests his forearms on the shoulders of both of the front seats. “Mom, Dad, you will not believe how amazing New York is.”

“I dunno if it’s a good thing that you’ve embraced us as mother and father,” Liam states, looking back at Harry.

Zayn shifts the car into drive. “It is. Now son, buckle that seatbelt.”

“Of course, Father,” Harry smirks as he sits back and pulls the seatbelt over his body. “Now, dearest parents, please tell me what I have missed in my weekend away.”

“Honey, you should tell him,” Liam encourages.

“But the boy just got back.” Zayn pulls onto the main road, heading towards the highway.

Harry raises his brow. “I am oddly intrigued now. And I’m also a bit freaked out. Maybe I haven’t embraced it yet.”

Zayn chuckles. “I made a decision on grad school and you should be used to it by now, H. It’s been going on for years now.”

“Perhaps it has, Father. But still, it’s weird.”

Liam digs through the glove compartment until he finds what he is looking for. “Peppermint, sweetie?” he offers to Harry.

“ _God_ ,” Harry rolls his eyes, but takes the mint.

“Good boy,” Liam smiles. “How was New York? And please say something other than ‘amazing’ because as your parents, we want details.”

“I regret my decision of playing along,” Harry admits. “But New York was great. I got to see the offices and meet some people. I also got to look around for apartments.”

Zayn stops at a red light. “Did you find one?” he asks, looking at Harry through the rearview mirror.

“I sure did,” Harry replies. “Mr. Ward referred me to a few places and I found one that I really liked.”

“Well, ‘m sorry, but looks like you’re going to have to give up your new place and trade it in for something that will fit both of us,” Zayn says. “Since I chose Columbia for grad school and all.”

The curly-haired boy smiles. “Actually, I had a feel you’d chose Columbia, so the apartment is a two-bedroom which should be just fine.”

“Damn, how much are they paying you?”

“Enough to be able to afford a two bedroom apartment in New York and have three square meals a day.”

“Well, shit.”

Liam bites the inside of his cheek. Harry and Zayn’s plans to move to New York together are just about finalized and he can’t help but feel like he’s being left behind. Part of him wants to say something, but he doesn’t want to make it seem like he’s not happy for his friends. He’s glad that everything’s working out for them – it is for him, too – but he’ll be alone in a matter of weeks.

**

**APRIL 2012**

Liam slumps down in his seat and groans. Harry pulls one of his earphones out and looks over at his friend. “Everything alright?”

“No. Everything sucks.”

“Ah,” Harry nods. “You sound a lot like me at the moment. What’s that shit you always give me? It’s only high school, H. It’ll be over soon, H. Hang in there, H.”

He groans again. “I made a grave mistaken choosing to be friends with you when I moved here two years ago.” To show that he means it, Liam steals Harry’s soda and takes a huge sip.

Harry takes it back. “What happened?’

“Another no.”

That is all Harry needs to know what Liam is talking about. Liam has been trying to find a prom date for weeks now, but every girl he asks turns him down some way or another. It is sad and horrible, and Harry doesn’t understand how every single girl has said no so far. “I know of one person who will say yes if you ask them,” Harry says, pushing his soda towards Liam.

Liam looks hopeful. “Who?” he asks, taking another sip.

“Me,” he answers and Liam spits the soda out of his mouth.

“What?”

Harry moves his iPod a bit to protect it from the spray on the table. “I know you want to go to prom and I know you don’t want to go alone. I wasn’t planning on going because high school can fucking suck it, but for you, I will go.”

“You want to be my date to our senior prom?” Liam questions, brow raised.

“If that’s how you’re going to ask me then I don’t think so.”

Liam stares at Harry for a long minute. “I hate you.”

“Sure you do,” Harry smiles smugly. “And I’d like the full prom experience, thank you.”

“I hate you,” he repeats, shaking his head. “And I’m not sleeping with you after it.”

Harry continues smiling because even though Liam isn’t voicing it right there, he knows that Liam is happy that he won’t be going alone. Honestly, Harry would have gone along with him if he asked because they are best friends and if Liam never moved, Harry wouldn’t even have any friends.

**

**JUNE 2016**

“Aw, my baby’s all grown up.”

Harry makes a face. “Mom, please.”

“What?” Anne asks innocently. “Can’t a mother have a moment since her youngest is moving away to a completely different state?”

“You can, but it’s only going to end up with you in tears.”

Gemma snorts, walking into the living room with a glass of sweet tea. “You mean it will end up with both of you in tears.” She sits down next to her brother. “Don’t pretend you aren’t a cry baby, little brother.”

He sticks his tongue out at her. “You’re going to miss me when I’m gone.”

“Or it’ll be a good riddance,” she says, taking a sip of her drink.

Anne taps her knee. “Don’t you two start. Both of you are grown adults now, so there’s no need to behave like children.”

Harry chuckles softly. “Mom always did like me best.”

“Shut it before my tea accidentally spills on your lap,” Gemma threatens.

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

Their mother sighs. “I raised a couple of idiots.”

“You love us,” brother and sister say at the same time, causing them to glare at each other.

Harry runs a hand through his hair. “You are so going to miss me when I’m gone. You can’t even deny it. C’mon Gem, you know I’m the best brother ever.”

She shoves his shoulder. “In your dreams you are.”

He doesn’t get a chance to reply because an outraged, “You’re leaving?” is yelled into the room before he hears the sound of feet scurrying away.

Gemma is about to get up, but Harry stops her. “I got this.” His mom pats his arms as he passes her to go see where Rachel ran off to. He finds her in the den where she is holding a picture of Gemma and Michael on their wedding day to her chest. Squatting down in front of her, he asks, “Are you upset with me?”

She nods. “You’re leaving. Everyone keeps leaving. Dad. Uncle Louis. Now you.” Tears are falling down her cheeks. “Why do you have to go?”

Harry sits down and pulls his niece so she is sitting on his lap. “I’m sorry, bud. I am leaving, but I’m not leaving you.”

“But you’re still going.”

He wraps his arms around Rachel. “Please don’t cry. Your dad, you know he didn’t have a choice and he’s up in heaven now. And Uncle Louis,” his breath hitches at just saying his name, “remember when I told you that his home is in England? Well, that’s where his life is.”

Rachel shakes her head. “No one stays here.”

“I know,” Harry whispers. He stands up, holding Rachel to his hip and walks over to the shelf that takes up the entire wall. He takes the photo out of Rachel’s hand and places it back in its place, and then moves over to the globe that’s all the way on the left. Harry spins it until he finds North America. “Here,” he points to the bottom, right corner of America, “is where we are now. Here,” he moves his finger up the coast, “is where I’m going. And here,” he moves his finger over the Atlantic ocean and to Europe, pointing at England, “is where Uncle Louis is.”

“Is that far?” she asks.

“England? Yeah,” Harry nods. “But where I’m going, it’s not all that far away. I won’t be gone forever and I’ll come back and visit. And we can talk to each other on the computer and you and your mom can come visit me, too.”

Rachel sniffles. “But when Uncle Louis left, he didn’t come visit.”

Harry feels his heart breaking in a hundred different ways. “I’m sure that if he could, he would. He’s just busy right now.”

“Are you going to get busy?”

He shakes his head. “I’ll never be too busy for you, bud. Never.”

Rachel wraps her arms around Harry’s neck and rests her head against his shoulder. Harry just holds her because he understands why she is upset. In her five years of life, there already have been people who she considered important walk out of her life, so Harry hopes he’s not one of them. He never wants to leave her permanently, or any of his family members, so he makes a vow right there that he’s going to come back as often as he can.

**

It is two days before Zayn and Harry are off to New York. They decided to make it a road trip to make the move more eventful (even though the drive will take them nearly an entire day) and because they need to get their car up there somehow. Zayn has been criticizing Harry for not taking pictures of the apartment because he wants to have an idea of how to arrange his new room. And Harry has been laughing at Zayn for it because they’ll figure all that stuff out once they get there.

As much as the duo want to talk about their move and how awesome it’s going to be to live in New York, they shut up about it as they spend a night with Liam. They both know Liam is secretly sad that his two best friends are leaving him, so they don’t want to rub it in any more than they already have.

A good amount of the apartment is packed up because both Harry and Liam will be leaving it. Since they won’t be renewing their lease, Liam decided that there’s no point in staying in a two-bedroom apartment in Atlanta when he’ll be living alone, so he’ll be moving to another apartment elsewhere at the end of the month.

Zayn trips on a box. “I swear this place is a danger hazard.”

“Maybe,” Harry says, “but I’ve considered it home for the past three years and I can honestly say I’m going to miss it.”

Liam sits down after putting a movie in. “Time really flew.”

“I know!”

“It makes no sense.” Zayn plops down next to Liam. “It doesn’t seem all that long ago that we rolled into second grade with the same lunchbox.”

Liam chuckles. “It seems even shorter from when I stopped Harry from burning down our high school.”

“Hey, if I did it, those fuckers deserved it.”

“Calm down, Harry,” Zayn says, picking up his beer. “It’s been a good amount of time since you’ve been in high school.”

Harry leans back against the arm chair. “I know. I just really hated high school.”

“We know.” Liam hits play. The movie plays for a while and no one really says anything until Liam pauses the movie about an hour into it. “I’m really happy for you guys, I hope you know that. I’m proud of you, H, for getting to where you always wanted to be. And I’m proud of you, Zayn, for not dropping out.”

Harry places his drink on the table. “And I’m glad that I have you as a friend, Li. Sure, we may be parting ways after six years, but we’ll always be friends. I’ll be popping back here so often that you’ll get sick of me.”

“I know you’re already sick of me,” Zayn muses, “But you can’t get rid of me so easily. I didn’t disappear when you moved away and I’m still not going to now. You’re our best friend, Li, and who knows, maybe one day you’ll find yourself in New York with us.”

Liam looks from Harry to Zayn and takes a sip of his beer. “I am so not drunk enough for this conversation. I just wanted to point out the irony of Zayn, who dropped out of college for a while, is going to grad school where me and Harry aren’t.”

Zayn throws a chip at him. “Hey.”

Harry laughs. “It is pretty ironic,” he agrees. He wants to add that he’s going to miss nights like this, but he keeps it to himself. He doesn’t want the night to get too sappy.

**

He’s not sure if it’s something he heard or something he read, but that something has sparked his mind. He should be heading home, but he is sitting at his computer and using the search engines available to the magazine. It’s a long shot and he’s not completely sure why he’s looking her up in the first place, but he has a feeling he has to.

“What are you still doing here? I told you to go home over an hour ago.”

He glances up from his computer with a sheepish look. “I know. I’m sorry. I just remembered I had to do something as I was leaving and I didn’t want to forget again.”

She shakes her head. “You work too hard and you spend too much time here. Leave before I unplug your computer.”

He gasps. “You wouldn’t!”

“I most definitely would,” she says, pulling her keys out of her purse. “Now come on, so we can both get the hell out of here and enjoy our Friday nights.”

“Okay, okay.” He logs out and stands. “I’m going.” Louis follows Val out of the magazine office, but he makes a mental note to pick up his research as soon as he gets home.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this concludes season four
> 
> tomorrow, we will be off to season five  
> y'know, the last season  
> :) x


	25. 5x01: I Lived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry and zayn are off to new york where they settle down and have an unexpected neighbor

_Henry James wrote, “Be not afraid of life, believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.”_

 

**JUNE 2016**

With their families standing like they are on the sidelines, cheering their boys on and having such faith that they will bring home the championship by winning the game, makes them feel like this is part two to their graduation party.

Liam steps forward and has an underlying sadness around him. “You are leaving me for my best friend,” he tells both Harry and Zayn. “I should have never introduced you.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Like I believe you mean that.”

“I do.” He crosses his arms over his chest.

Harry frowns. “You do?”

Liam tries to keep up his front, but he can’t with Harry giving him his sad eyes. “Ah,” he groans, dropping his arms to his side. “Stop looking at me like that.”

Zayn and Harry exchange a subtle look before lunging forward and pulling Liam into a hug. They know it’s not the most ideal situation for them to go off to New York and leave Liam behind, and they genuinely feel bad about it. Harry has always wanted to go to New York and live his life there, and as selfish as he wants to be after years and years of giving in to other’s wants, he does not feel good about it.

“You can come, too,” Harry offers. “Maybe I can find another apartment with three bedrooms, or two of us can share.”

“Harry,” Liam pats his back before stepping out of the hug. “You know I can’t. I’ve already started working at The Dome and it’s not likely that I will get a similar offer in New York.”

“D’you have to be so practical?” Zayn asks. “For once, what’s wrong with living for the moment and seeing how it goes?”

Liam shakes his head. “Because I am not like you, Zayn.” He looks at his two friends and shoves his hands into his front jean pockets. “Don’t do anything stupid up there, okay?” he tells both of them. “Zayn, don’t give up on becoming a teacher and Harry, don’t let Zayn drag you in his ways of stupidity.”

“Hey!” Zayn mocks offense. “That hurt.”

Harry chuckles. “I’ll try not to, but.” He sighs. “But are you sure you can’t come? Like, you don’t have to come with us today, but like, meet us there in a couple weeks or something.”

“As much as I want to keep the Three Musketeers together, I can’t,” he replies. “New York has always been your future, not mine.”

“I know,” Harry sighs again. His mother calls him over, so he tells the boys that he’ll be back.

As Harry walks away, Zayn pulls Liam into another hug. “New York can be your future, too, y’know. I’ll be there.”

Liam lets out a breath. “I’m really going to miss you.”

“You, too.”

It takes about ten minutes filled with hugs and farewells before Harry and Zayn are able to walk over to their car. The bulk of their belongings are in a moving truck that is already headed to their new home, and only their valuables (like Zayn’s comic book collection and Harry’s music hard drive) are in the car with them.

When Zayn and Harry are both standing outside of their respective doors, Zayn asks, “Before we get into this car and spend the entire day driving up the coast, I need to know one thing. Did you or did you not sleep with Nick?”

Harry chuckles. “I did not.”

“Good,” Zayn smiles. “Let’s go!”

With one last wave to their families and Liam, Zayn and Harry get in the car and drive off before anyone can stop them for another hug or something.

Their families watch them drive for a minute before slowly making their way to their own cars and leaving. Liam walks back inside to the apartment that feels extremely empty and lonely now that all of Harry’s things are gone and most of his things are packed.

Liam decides to keep himself busy to distract himself from thinking about how his two friends are a few hours away from no longer being in the same state as him. He tapes together a couple of boxes and begins sorting through his closet to figure out the best way to pack everything. But he doesn’t get very far before he hears his laptop ringing.

With a tumble roll over his bed, Liam ends up in front of his laptop and hits answer. “Hey,” he smiles.

“Stop fake-smiling at me,” is what he gets as a reply.

He sits at his desk and adjusts the computer, so his face is not all up in the camera. “I’m not fake-smiling.”

There’s a scoff. “Yeah, liked you’d be super happy when you’re the only one still in Atlanta.”

“Way to rub it in, Nialler.”

“Think of this way,” Niall says. “I left and you’re the only person who still bothers to keep in touch with me, and I was just some random person you met. Harry and Zayn are your best friends, so it’d be stupid to lose all contact.”

Liam nods. “True. I am friends with you even though you stole my cheesecake.”

Niall groans. “Would ya let it go?”

“Never,” he smirks. “At least I’m not still wrongfully blaming Louis.” Just mentioning his name makes Liam realize something. “Wait, you said I’m the only person to keep in touch. I know it’s none of my business, but Louis hasn’t?”

“In December,” Niall begins. “I sent him an email, y’know, to congratulate him on graduating and all that, but his reply was another apology for getting me kicked out of the program.” He runs a hand over his face and sighs. “Whatever Louis went through in the past is something he carries around with him every day, and he feels extremely bad about it.”

Liam taps his chin with his pointer finger. “I wish he told Harry then maybe they’d be alright right now.”

“Or maybe they’d be worst,” Niall adds after a moment.

**

In the car, Harry tries to sync his iPod with the car’s Bluetooth, but Zayn stops him. They both made playlists for the monumental occasion of their road trip and Harry was trying to sneak his music in first.

“Nope, when I’m driving, we listen to my music.”

“I – fine,” Harry says, sitting back. He knows that there’s no way he’ll be able to drive for that long on various highways because even though he’s not as scared as he was four years ago, he still has some fear of driving in him. In defeat, Harry finds Zayn’s road trip playlist and hits play. _Empire State Of Mind_ by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys starts playing and Harry tries his best not to groan.

Zayn turns the music up a bit. “Don’t pout, H. You’ll get your turn in a few states.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Because it is only a matter of time before they leave the South, Zayn and Harry are sure to spend a little time embracing where they spent the last twenty-two years of their lives. They stop at a Publix and buy a couple gallons of sweet tea. They stop at Waffle House for lunch. They stop at a little shop and have a chat with an elderly couple who remind them of their own grandparents.

Just as they cross the border into Virginia, Zayn pulls into a rest stop, so he and Harry can switch places. After a quick bathroom break, they are on the road again, but this time with Harry’s playlist. The first song to play is _Moving to New York_ by The Wombats and Zayn rolls his eyes.

“This is typical, I hope you know.”

Harry smiles. “I know.”

While he drives, Harry tries his best to keep his concentration on the road. It is idle to drive along a highway since there aren’t lights to stop at every so often, so it’s easy for his mind to drift off elsewhere. Harry knows that it’s dangerous to think about other things other than driving, so he tries not to, but it’s hard. He tries to pick up a conversation with Zayn, but he has fallen asleep.

“Focus,” he says to himself.

Harry adjusts his posture and lets his eyes wander around to the cars around him, making sure to know what they are doing, so he is prepared to slow down, speed up, or change lanes. With a strong hold on the steering wheel, he remembers why he has always been afraid of driving and he wishes he didn’t. His family and friends think it’s because of the accident with Seth that turned him away from driving, but that was actually the final straw for Harry.

Since he was a little kid, Harry feared of getting into a horrible car accident and dying, or even worse, causing someone else’s death. He never told this to anyone because he knows that they’re going to immediately analyze him and tell him that accidents happen. He tries to tell himself that, but why do they have to happen? Harry knows his life would have turned out much differently if accidents didn’t happen, and to this day, he is unsure if that would be a good thing or not.

The song changes to _Brooklyn_ by Wakey!Wakey! and Harry finds himself taking a deep breath. He tries not to think about what his life would have been like because there’s no way of knowing how it would have turned out. Regardless of all the shit Harry has had to deal with, he is mostly happy. Sure, it’d be nice to be able to change a few things, but doesn’t everyone think that way?

Turning out at the next exit, Harry pulls into the first gas station he sees. It takes him walking into the building to realize that he is in Maryland. He buys random snacks and a couple bottles of water, and just for the hell of it, a key chain that’s the shape of the state. When he goes back outside, he finds Zayn leaning against the car while gas is getting pumped into the car.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

Zayn yawns in response. “You do know that the sun is on its way of setting, right?” he asks, pointing at the sky.

Harry shrugs. “You ruin a perfectly good greeting and to think I got you powdered donuts.”

“You did?” Oh, how wide Zayn’s eyes just got.

“I did, but you’re not getting them now. And you’re driving,” Harry says, pulling open the door to the passenger seat and sliding in.

Once the gas tank is full, Zayn puts the pump back and twists the cap shut. With a stretch and another yawn, Zayn gets into the driver’s seat. He starts the car and turns the Bluetooth off of Harry’s iPod.

“Hey!”

“I know we’ve been driving all day and it’s been a long ass day, but I have confidence in your memory enough to know that you should remember that whoever drives has control of the music.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Shut up and drive.”

With a smirk, Zayn searches for a song on YouTube before shifting the car into drive. As soon as the song loads and starts playing, Harry groans and Zayn laughs. “It’s your fault for saying that, H. Now, quit your groaning and enjoy Rihanna.”

He reaches back into his messenger bag and pulls out his ear phones. “You enjoy Rihanna and I’ll be enjoying Band of Horses.” He smiles, “Ah, _No One’s Gonna Love You_ , how perfect.”

“Shut it.” Zayn switches over to his playlist at a red light, so he’s not tempted to mess with his phone while driving. “And if I were you, I’d take a nap if you want to be the one to drive into New York and all the way to the apartment.”

Harry frowns. “It’s going to be weird calling another place ‘the apartment’ if you think about it.”

“We’ve been on the road since – what – nine a.m.? You can’t possibly already be missing home.”

“But it’s _home_.”

Zayn nods. “And it always will be. Now seriously, nap. I’ll wake you up when we’re on the border for New York. Our new home.”

Harry doesn’t say anything else before closing his eyes. Zayn drives through the remainder of Maryland and all of Pennsylvania before pulling into a rest stop. He only had to stop once to eat something, so he wouldn’t pass out while driving. The sun set hours ago and Zayn is very happy that they are only a few miles away from New York, so Harry can take over.

With a slap to the shoulder, Harry is woken up. “Do you know how heavy of a sleeper you are? Like damn. If World War III went on right outside, you’d sleep right through it.”

He reaches into the shopping bag at his feet and pulls out powdered donuts. Harry drops them on Zayn’s lap. “I’m going to walk around a bit to wake up.” He’s still groggy, but manages to unbuckle his seatbelt and get out of the car. He looks up at the sky and is happy that he can actually see the stars. And although he doubts it actually works, Harry wishes on a star, but he doesn’t wish for himself –  he wishes for his family and Liam that are back in Georgia. He wishes that they’ll be okay. He wishes them the best.

“You okay?” Zayn asks, lips covered in powdered sugar.

Harry laughs at the sight of his friend. “Oh yeah, I’m great. I really like that shade of lipstick you have on. What’s it called? White Sugar?”

Zayn wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “You really suck.”

“Pretty well, actually.”

He glares at Harry. “Now that you’re awake, can we go now?”

“I dunno, can we?”

The older of the two groans. “You are awful.”

Harry shrugs. “I’m not the one trying to be an English teacher.”

Zayn shoves him lightly, but since Harry is Harry, he stumbles and nearly loses his balance. Zayn steadies him and shakes his head. “I’m not even going to say anything.”

The two friends pile back into the car and Harry switches the music back to his choices. The first song up is _Night Drive_ by Jimmy Eat World and Harry is content with that. He drives out of the rest stop and slowly enters into traffic, and soon, he gets on the highway. Harry can’t help but smile huge when they pass a ‘Welcome to New York’ sign because they are actually there.

He drives some more before he spots the skyline and _How Can You Swallow So Much Sleep_ starts playing and the opening notes work perfectly with the moment and Harry’s cheeks are starting to hurt from smiling so much. He tries to get Zayn up, but Zayn mumbles something that sounds like, “I’ve seen the skyline already, let me sleep, you shit,” so Harry leaves him alone.

It’s not until a couple of hours later that Harry pulls into the underground parking deck for their building. Newfound excitement rushes through his body because he is actually in New York with one of his best friends in the building where they will be living and it almost seems unreal.

Harry gets out of the car, making sure to slam the door shut, so Zayn wakes up and walks around to the trunk. He begins pulling various bags out and after a few minutes, Zayn comes and joins him.

“So this is the place?”

“Yeah,” Harry nods. “Just wait ‘til you see the apartment.”

Between the two of them, they have almost everything they had packed in the car in their arms and backs. They decide to leave their suitcases in the car because it’s not like they’re going to need a change of clothes since it is well past three in the morning.

After an elevator ride up to the lobby, they take another elevator to the eleventh floor. Harry leads the way and when he unlocks the door, he lets Zayn walk in first. “Holy shit, this place is nice.”

Harry smiles. “Told you.”

Zayn looks around the place, going from room to room and falling in love just like Harry did. When he comes back out to the living room, he finds Harry at the window, looking out at the skyline. “That’s a sick view!”

“Mhm.”

“But one question.”

“Yeah?”

“We have no furniture, so where are we sleeping?”

Harry turns away from the window. “I brought sleeping bags. The moving truck will be here in like six-ish hours? They’ll call when they get here.”

Zayn shakes his head. “I should be offended that you want me to sleep on the floor, but I’m so tired right now that I don’t care.” He walks over to the pile of their bags and things, finds one of the sleeping bags and unrolls it. Harry hands him a pillow and Zayn strips out of his jeans and calls it a night.

“Goodnight, New York,” Harry whispers quietly before pulling down the blinds (that are thankfully already there) and joining Zayn.

**

A few days later, Zayn comes back to the apartment with a smug grin on his mouth. Harry raises his brow at him as he continues unpacking his movie collection. “What’s got you so happy?”

“I got a job.”

Harry stands up. “Who’d you sleep with?”

Zayn fakes a scandalized look. “No one!”

“Who’d you give a blow job to?” He places his hands at his hips.

“No one!”

“Who gave you a blow job?” Harry smirks.

Zayn throws his hands up in exasperation. “For the love of god, there were no sexual acts for me to get this job.”

Harry laughs. “Please don’t tell me you’re a taxi driver.”

“Racist!” Zayn throws one of the pillows from the couch at Harry. “Just because all of my supposed ‘uncles’ work as taxi drivers in New York doesn’t mean I do. That was very stereotypical for you to say.”

“So sorry,” he apologizes, but he is still laughing because Zayn’s face was priceless. Harry knows that Zayn isn’t actually offended and he knows not to keep it going, so he clears his throat. “Where you working?”

“There’s a little coffee shop about a block away. The owner fell in love me or something when I commented on all the books she had on the shelf,” Zayn explains.

Harry tilts his head. “But you’re gay.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Okay, not fell in love me with like _that_. She’s an older lady and she liked me and she asked if I needed a job and I said yes and well, there we go.” That is pretty much how it went and Zayn was happy to accept the offer because it’s not like he can sit around New York without a job of some sort. Even with the grant he is getting for grad school, he will still need money for books and to help Harry pay the bills.

“There we go,” Harry repeats. “And we should go and get some groceries before we starve. C’mon.”

“I’m not even back for two minutes and you want me to go out again? Zayn sounds appalled. “Do you not know how hot it is out there?”

Harry throws his keys up in the air and catches them. “I can imagine, but we need food. Ordering pizza every day is not good.”

“Says who?”

“Says me,” he responds. “Now, let’s go.”

When they step out of the apartment, Zayn takes the initiative to lock the door. As he is pulling his key out of the lock, he feels Harry urgently tapping on his arm. “What?”

“Look,” he points his head across the hall and his eyes are wide.

Zayn looks, but he doesn’t know what he is looking at. “Who is that?”

Harry freezes. “That’s Ed Sheeran.”

“Who?”

“Ed Sheeran,” he repeats.

“Is he one of those indie artists you listen to that no ones ever heard of?” Zayn questions genuinely.

Harry slaps the back of his head. “Hey!”

Zayn gasps. “How dare you hit your father!”

Ed laughs from across the hall. “Y’know, they told me that the strangest people find themselves in New York, but I didn’t believe it until now.” He extends his hand. “I’m Ed.”

Zayn shakes. “I’m Zayn and that’s my roommate, Harry.”

“Harry’s a fan, eh?”

Harry just nods because he doesn’t trust his words. And yes, he is definitely fangirling on the inside and if he wanted to make a bigger fool of himself, he’d probably attack the singer-songwriter in a hug.

Ed smiles. “It’s nice to meet you. I guess we’ll be seeing each other around.” He waves and then disappears into his own apartment.

When the door is shut, Harry squeals. “Oh, my god!”

Zayn pulls Harry’s arm towards the elevators. “C’mon. Grocery shopping, remember?” He already knows that Harry is not going to shut up about Ed Sheeran for the rest of the day and he hopes that Harry doesn’t stalk the poor man.

**

Harry’s first day of work and it is nerve-racking. He doesn’t want to mess up or have a bad impression on anyone, so he makes sure to smile and say hello to everyone he passes. Since he graduated college, he has felt really good about most things and like he is almost complete as a person; however, nothing beats the feeling of seeing his name on the door to his own office. Sure, the space isn’t all that big and the window is located at eye level with the sun, so if Harry doesn’t close the blinds, he’ll get roasted at his desk, but it is okay.

It is okay because Harry Styles has made it.

There’s a knock at his door and Harry looks up to see Tom standing there. “Hey Tom!”

Tom smiles and nods. “Yeah, you’re going to do great here.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my apologies for not updating in two days  
> i've been a busy bee  
> so i'll update twice today :)
> 
>  
> 
> oh, and I definitely recommend the songs that are mentioned in this episode.


	26. 5x02: Empty Apartment

_ T. H. White once wrote, “Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think of us in return.” _

 

**AUGUST 2016**

In all honesty, Harry does not mind one bit of having to dress nicely every day for work. He knows he’s going to have to invest in some suits at some point, but he figures he’ll go on a shopping adventure when it starts getting cooler outside. For now, he is okay with a few pairs of slacks and multiple dress shirts.

What Harry minds is getting behind schedule in getting ready in the mornings when one of Zayn’s “buddies” is in the kitchen or in the bathroom or in Zayn’s room (and not having the courtesy to keep quiet). It’s not that Harry is against sex because he’s not, he’s just a bit concerned at how often Zayn has been bringing someone home. He knows it wouldn’t bother him as much if Zayn was just sleeping around for the hell of it, but it’s more than that.  

With a mug of coffee in his hand, Harry watches Zayn’s latest buddy leave the apartment. Zayn comes out of his room a couple of minutes later in a t-shirt and boxers, and when he sees the look Harry is giving him, he arches his brow. “What?”

“Nothing,” Harry shrugs, taking a sip of his coffee. “I just – I lost count of what number he was,” he says, gesturing towards the door the random just went through.

Zayn crosses his arms over his chest. “Are you judging me?”

“In the most non-judgmental way,” he replies. Harry puts down his mug and takes a few steps forward. “I’m not mad or anything like that. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

Harry gives him a look.

“Really, I’m fine. I figured that I shouldn’t waste my youth being bored and horny,” Zayn answers simply.

“God,” Harry sighs. “Are you sure everything is alright? You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“Aw,” Zayn smirks. “Is Son concerned for Father?”

“Not as much as Mother will be when she finds out.”

Zayn picks up Harry’s barely drunk coffee. “You’re right, it is really weird that we do that. We should stop.” He takes a small sip, makes a face, and adds in another sugar cube. “It doesn’t make half as much sense now that we’re not all in the same place.”

Harry shrugs. “ ‘s fine with me because it’s starting to feel like you guys got divorced or something,” he comments before glancing at the time and running to get his briefcase. He grabs a banana from the fruit bowl and steals the mug out of Zayn’s hands. “That is one sugar cube too many,” he says, giving the mug back.

“You’re one sugar cube too many.”

“Yeah. Keep thinking that. I’m off to work.” Harry makes sure he has everything before heading out and flagging down a taxi.

**

It is the first home game of the preseason and Liam has never been more excited. Although he has been training and has worked with the equipment for months now, he is still seen as a newbie and has a high possibility of messing up. Liam is okay with that because he knows he’s a hard worker and that once he is able to show off his skills, everyone will see him differently.

Liam’s job is to control the cameras at The Dome, so the viewers at home don’t miss a single play from their beloved football team. It’s a big deal because if he chooses the wrong camera to show the play, the men on the floor above him will have his head.

The only reason he is in control of this game is because it is a trial run for Liam. Someone who has been doing this job for years is supervising him and is ready to jump in if Liam needs help, but is also there to see how Liam does. If he does well, Liam will have more opportunities to control the cameras here at The Dome during the regular season and also at Phillips Arena for basketball games.

Let’s just say that by the end of the game with a win for Atlanta, the football players aren’t the only ones getting congratulated. Good job, Liam Payne.

**

In his short time in New York, Harry is proud to say that he has adapted pretty well. He fit right in with his colleagues and there isn’t anything really that he dislikes about his job. Harry has already been a part of a couple different projects where he was able to share his ideas and have them combined with other’s to produce a final product.

He was nervous when he first started, but with the guidance of Tom, Harry’s nerves ran away. Out of all the people Harry works with, he is glad to have met Tom from the beginning and even formed a friendship. Well, as much of a friendship you can possibly have in an office where everyone is constantly busy working on various marketing campaigns to keep their clients happy. Harry likes to think that he’s done well thus far and that yeah, he did chose the right career path for himself. Harry likes to think that he’s done well thus far, but those thoughts are shattered the moment his boss’s secretary calls Harry to his office.

The secretary sends Harry right in and he stands awkwardly at the door until he is sure that it’s okay to step forward. He thinks back to the past six weeks and picks his brain of him majorly messing up with something. He comes up blank and that worries Harry very much.

His boss – Charles Schneider – looks up from his desk when he feels Harry’s presence in his office. “Ah, Styles. Come in and have a seat.”

Hesitantly, Harry walks up to one of the two leather chairs in front of the desk and sits down. He knows he will be tempted to shake out his hair and mess with it, so he places his hands under his thighs and makes sure to sit up straight.

Mr. Schneider chuckles. “Loosen up a bit, would ya? This isn’t an interrogation room.”

“Sorry sir.” Harry moves his hands to his lap, but he is still very worried.

“Okay, I’m just going to cut to the punch line considering you and I are both very busy people,” Mr. Schneider says, giving Harry his full attention. “I know you’ve worked for this company for nearly a year now, internship included and I looked through all of the projects you’ve worked on. And Styles, I have to say, what Tony and Alex told me about you, they weren’t lying.”

Harry smiles. “That’s a good thing, right?” He has a feeling that his professor and his old boss talk about him quite a lot. Or is seems that way at least.

He nods. “Oh, yes. Absolutely.” Mr. Schneider picks up a folded piece of paper and just kind of holds it. “We have a new client coming in a couple of weeks and all we need to do now is make sure the contract meets everyone’s standards and then get a couple signatures, and we’re good to go,” he explains. “However, since I can’t go myself, I need to send someone who I know will seal the deal.”

“Tom’s really good,” Harry suggests. He honestly doesn’t know where Mr. Schneider is going with this conversation and he it feels like he wants Harry’s opinion which doesn’t really make sense. Harry is just really confused and worried and nervous.

“Atkin is,” Mr. Schneider agrees. “But I was thinking of you, actually.”

His jaw drops. “Me?”

The man chuckles. “Yes, you, Styles. You have a fresh face, a sharp mind, and a big heart. Who would back out of a contract when they are with one of the very best agents at 48?”

“That’s very kind of you to say, sir.” Harry blushes because wow, that is a kind statement. “But I’ve only been really working here for about six weeks and shouldn’t someone with more experience go? I wouldn’t want to do something wrong and have the client fall through.”

“I have confidence in you, Styles.” He hands Harry the paper he’s been holding. “Here’s the information about the time and location and who the client is and all of that good stuff. Be sure to look it over and Hilary should send over the final contract when it gets closer to the date.”

Harry is surprised and he really doesn’t know what to say, so he takes the paper and reads it over. “There are two client names here, so am I working with anyone?”

“Nope, just you.”

“Oh.”

“You’re going to do great.” The phone on Mr. Schneider’s desk starts ringing. “Ah, perfect timing. We’ll talk later, Styles. I know you won’t let me down.”

Harry stands up. “I won’t, sir. Thank you for this opportunity.”

He nods before answering the phone and Harry walks out of the office, shutting the door behind him. He is completely shocked that out of everyone who works at 48Squared, he is the one to get this assignment. Harry knows that if the client has any doubts or tries to back out, he’ll have to negotiate and compromise and figure out a way to keep the client from running away. This is big and Harry can’t afford to mess it up and he’s not sure why his boss is so confident in him, but he’s going to rely on it.

When he returns to his own office, Harry finds a little girl standing by his desk. She has blonde hair and blue eyes, and looks to be about four. Harry turns his head to look out in the hallway in hopes of running into someone looking for a small child, but there’s no one around.

He is unsure of what to do, but then the girl raises her arms up like she wants to be picked up and who is Harry to deny a cute kid? Harry picks her up and gives her a lopsided grin. “Hi there. I’m Harry. What’s your name?”

She observes him for a moment before yanking on a lock of his hair.

“Okay, ow.” He pulls her hand away from his hair and holds it instead. “I know there has to be someone looking for you, so any way you can tell me how you got here or who you belong to?” She just stares at Harry. “Okay, that was a try. Will you say something for me, please? Anything at all.” Harry figures that if she is four, then she should be able to talk by now. Unless, she is actually younger and is just tall for her age.

Harry walks around his office with her and keeps talking to her in hopes that she’ll say something, so he knows who she is. This goes on for a few minutes and since she still hasn’t said a word, he goes over to the phone on his desk. Harry is about to call the lobby when the little girl finally says something, but he didn’t quite catch it.

“Say it again, sweetie.”

“Lou!”

He runs his free hand through his hair. “Of course,” he sighs, closing his eyes. “I knew a Lou once,” Harry tells her. “But he didn’t trust me.” She places her palm on his cheek and Harry takes that as a slap of sense. “I know, I know, I shouldn’t let it bother me still and maybe I should find someone that does trust me. It’s just complicated, y’know?”

“Lou!” she shouts once more, this time with determination.

“Is than an actual person, kid? Or are you just making sounds?”

She doesn’t say anything in return which Harry expected, so he adjusts his hold on her and continues pacing around his office. Of course, there isn’t much room, but somehow, it still works. He knows he should find out whose kid this is, so he can get back to work, but he actually likes this little girl’s company – it makes Harry feel like maybe he’s not as alone as he thinks he is.

There is a single knock at his open door followed by a “Hey, Harry, what’re you plan—that’s a kid in your arms.”

Harry turns to find Tom standing in his doorway. “Yeah, there is. She was just like, chilling in my office then wanted me to pick her up.” He pauses. “Should I not have picked her up?”

Tom walks in and shakes his head. “Nah, I think you’re good. She seems to like you.”

“How do you know that?”

“For one,” Tom answers, “she is moments away from falling asleep in your arms. And for two, that is my kid.”

Harry freezes. “Really? Do you, uh, do you want her back?”

He laughs. “I don’t want to wake her up, so you can hold on to her for a bit. But I didn’t know she was here. Lou must’ve dropped her off or something.”

 _So Lou is a person_ , Harry thinks to himself. “Your kid got dropped off in the wrong office unless she likes to wander.”

“Oh yeah, she _loves_ to wander.” Tom pulls his phone out of his pocket, but before he can call Lou, Lou ends up calling him. “Please tell me you did not leave our child randomly in the office,” he answers. “No, she’s fine.” Pause. “Where are you?” Pause. “I’m down the hall from my office. Like, four or five doors down.” Pause. “Yeah, see you soon.”

“So, you gonna tell me the name of this little girl I’ve been keeping company for the past twenty minutes?” Harry asks after Tom ends the call.

He smiles. “This is Lux.”

“Oh, thank god,” a woman walks in and takes Lux from Harry. “I put her down and she just ran off.” She extends her hand to Harry. “I’m Lou.”

“And I’m Harry,” he shakes her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Lou looks at her child’s content face and then looks Harry over. “I think you just got placed on the babysitter list.”

Harry chuckles and Tom shakes his head. “He’s busy, Lou. We all are and as much as I love Lux, she’s the world’s greatest distraction.”

“Oh, shove it,” she rolls her eyes. “We just stopped by to ask you to a family lunch, but if you’re so busy, we’ll make it a girl’s day.”

“I was just going to ask Harry here, so a family lunch works perfectly,” Tom responds. “And Harry, you are welcome to come.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I wouldn’t want to intrude on family time,” he says.

Lou gives Lux back to Harry. “Well, Lux says otherwise. Let’s go!”

Harry can’t argue with that, so he nods. “Okay. Yeah.”

The little family including Harry leave the office, and as nice as it is to spend time with this family, Harry has a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach that he doesn’t quite understand.

**

Later that day when Harry gets home, Zayn isn’t there which is nothing out of the ordinary with his strange shifts at the coffee shop and with going out with his strange buddies. He drops his keys on the little table by the door and goes to his room, kicking off his shoes and placing his briefcase on his dresser. With the door closed, Harry leans against it and slides down until he is sitting on the floor, and that is when he breaks.

So much has happened in the past year and so much has happened in just the past day that he just needs some time to catch up to it all. How is it that he is in New York with one of his best friends and he has a job and he's doing what he wanted to do and he loves his job and everything is going okay? His boss is trusting him with something seriously important and it’s a good thing, but how is everything falling into place for him? Is this life’s way of cutting Harry a break after all the shit he’s had to deal with?

Moving to NY should have been really scary, but it wasn't at all. He got the chance to move to where he wanted to live and he did it without a second guess. He left everything that was familiar to him and he doesn’t understand how he was so calm about everything. This makes Harry wonder if he has finally stopped living his life in fear. He got past his fear of driving. He got past not taking chances. Maybe he'll be able to past his fear of love, too.

Today, Harry realized that he shouldn’t just let a couple of bad relationships stop him from being loved. He knows he has a lot of love to give, so there has to be someone who wants that love and will give him love back. There has to be someone and that thought makes Harry’s sick because what if he’s wrong? What if there isn’t actually someone for him? What if he wasn’t meant to be in love? What if he wasn’t meant to be happy? What if he was meant to be alone?

**

People get lonely and people get drunk. And people get drunk when they are lonely, so there must be some sort of correlation between the two. Or Harry and Zayn are just lonely.

“Y’know what’s messed up, Zayn?”

“What?” He takes another shot. “Tell me.”

“My love life.” Harry breaks into a fit of giggles because to him at the moment, his love life is so horrible that it’s so funny.

Zayn shakes his head. “No, my love life is messed up.”

“Oh?” The giggles stop. “Did the guy you thought you loved and lost your virginity to not trust you and then just leave like your whole relationship meant nothing?” Even while drunk, Harry still has his sarcasm. Or maybe it’s just the painful truth.

“No.” Zayn sputters a little. “But my guy, I’ve been in love with him forever now, but he never realized it because he’s straight and that’s just that.”

Harry sits back against the couch and stares at the various bottles and glasses that are on the coffee table. “That is messed up.” His head is swimming a bit, but he kind of likes it.

Zayn rests his feet on Harry’s lap. “What are you thinking?”

“I feel bad.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Harry emphasizes. “I have been sulking over my own failure at love – which really is my own fault – when one of my best friends has been hurting for much longer and its must worse.”

Zayn’s face lights up. “I’m one of your best friends?”

He nods. “Of course you are.”

“Good. You’re one of mine, too.” Then, “It’s okay if you miss Louis. I get it.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“I get that, too.” Zayn sits up a bit and stares at Harry’s profile. “You know what I think?”

“What?”

He leans forward and grins. “We should have sex.”

Harry turns his head and tilts it as he looks at Zayn. “You do have nice cheekbones.”

“And you have nice hair.”

No more is said because the two friends are leaning forward until their lips touch. It’s extremely weird at first, but with both of them out of their drunk minds, they don’t care. Zayn sits up and pulls his shirt over his head and Harry follows suit, and their lips are back together. Harry moves over and straddles Zayn’s waist and before he has a chance to do anything, Zayn rocks his hips up and Harry has to bite his tongue because _wow, okay_.

Maybe it is because they are lonely or maybe it is because they are both trying to silence the pain in their hearts or maybe it is their way of just dealing with everything – but whatever it is, there is a sense of urgency that spreads through them as they become a mess of limbs with moans of pleasure.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *taps finger on chin* well, this changes things


	27. 5x03: Begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is one of my favorite chapters

**SEPTEMBER 2016**

Regret and guilt.

Two different concepts that come at similar times. Most people feel only one of the two because of the situation they are in, and that’s why these two concepts get overlooked as having commonalities. Think about the times when you felt regretful or guilty – what happened to make you feel that way? Who did it involve? And could you have done anything different to avoid that regret or guilt?

The thing about these two concepts is that they come in all shapes and sizes, and that they can come anywhere at any time. Sometimes it’s small like when you tell a white lie to a loved one to protect them. Sometimes it’s big like when you keep quiet when you know you should scream loud.

There are times when you can run away from it and that maybe, you are past it and that everything will be okay. These times you feel free and relief washes over you because somehow, you finally changed your ways. But these times only last a moment or two because your pasts, the decisions you made, and everything you did has a way of catching up to you.

Most of the time, the regret and guilt don’t come from what we did, but from what we didn’t do and from what we didn’t say. This is what haunts us when we try to fall asleep at night, knowing that there was a possibility of things turning out differently. We try to be good people and we hope for the best for the people around us. We try and we hope, but what does it matter at the end of the day when we can’t change anything?

**

_present time_

Before calling it a day at the office, Harry heads down to Tom’s office to drop off a few papers about the project they are soon to work on. Since the door is open, he walks right in and places the papers on Tom’s desk.

Tom chuckles. “You in a hurry or something, Harry?”

“Yeah,” Harry smiles sheepishly. “I should have knocked, shouldn’t I have? Sorry, I just – I don’t want to be late.”

“It’s fine,” Tom assures him. “If the door’s open, it’s okay. And judging from the twinkle in your eye, you don’t want to be late to meeting with a special somebody?”

Harry blushes. “Damn, am I that obvious?”

“Just a little bit.”

He sighs. “Well, I guess it isn’t a horrible thing.”

“It’s not,” Tom agrees. “It means you care about him a lot and that’s good. I would say that I’m jealous, but I’m almost positive that I have a similar twinkle when my mind’s on Lou or Lux.”

Harry smiles. “Things were weird at first, but it worked out. Sometimes you don’t realize what you have even when it’s right in front of your face.”

“Yes, just like the huge ass clock behind me that tells you that time is ticking.”

“Oh right,” Harry chuckles. “I better get going.”

Tom nods. “Yeah, have a good Labor day weekend.”

He winks. “Oh, you bet!”

Harry runs back to his own office to grab his briefcase and then speeds out of the building because it would be rather rude of him to keep his lover waiting.

**

**AUGUST 2016**

_two weeks ago_

As Harry is getting ready to head towards Times Square to meet with the new clients, Mr. Schneider stops by. “Styles,” he calls.

Harry turns his head, hands freezing on the file that he is holding. “Sir, hello.”

“Do you have everything?”

“Yes, sir,” Harry smiles. “Hilary dropped off the final contract this morning and now I’m just about to head out.”

Mr. Schneider nods. “Love the punctuality, Styles.” He gives Harry an encouraging pat on the shoulder. “You are going to kick ass today.”

“Um . . . yeah.”

“I’m going to need you to be a little more excited than that!” Mr. Schneider urges. “C’mon now, Styles. New clients. Excitement. Yeah!”

“Woo,” Harry cheers, but it’s a bit weak.

His boss shakes his head. “You’re going to have to do better than that. Look, I know you’re nervous, but you have no reason to be. I told you before and I’ll tell you again, you have this one in the bag. If I didn’t think you could handle this, I wouldn’t have asked you.”

Harry takes a breath. “I know, I know. I’m sure everything will be fine.”

“It’ll be more than fine, Styles,” Mr. Schneider grins. “In a couple weeks, you’ll be one of the heads to the campaign for these very clients.”

“What?” he asks, shocked. “Really? Wow. Thank you, sir.”

“Hard work pays off in the end, and don’t let anyone tell you any different.”

Harry nods. “I won’t, sir.” He places the file in his briefcase and shuts it with a click. It almost feels like his future is in a file folder and that it is up to a couple of signatures to decide if he makes it or not. “I better get going if I want to stay punctual.”

Mr. Schneider places his hands in his pockets. “You make me look bad, Styles. I’m about a minute away from being late to my own meeting and here you are, trying your best to be early.”

“It’s not intentional, sir.”

“Oh, just get out of here, would you?” he muses.

Harry picks up his briefcase and smiles. “Consider me already gone, sir.” He nods before going through a mental checklist and leaving.

A few stops on the subway and a ride on a free shuttle to Times Square, Harry sets off on foot to the meeting place. He wonders what is up with this company and having meetings in restaurants, but he doubts he’ll ever ask anyone about it. Maybe it’s just how 48 does things or maybe restaurants are like a safe zone for both parties. Whatever the reason, Harry is fine with it because he doesn’t mind having a meal at a fancy restaurant that he doesn’t have to pay for.

Just as he walks into the restaurant, he runs into the clients that he’s supposed to meet. Harry quickly introduces himself and prays that his introduction wasn’t too rushed. They are seated at a table a moment later and the clients are quick to get to business.

“So,” the client – Mr. Nichols – begins, “let’s see the contract.”

“Of course.” Harry pulls the file out of his briefcase and hands Mr. Nichols and his business partner a copy of the contract each. “It has everything that was discussed between you and Mr. Schneider in the past weeks. If anything seems off or wrong, please let me know and we’ll get it straightened out.”

Mr. Nichols laughs. “Harry, right? Calm down. I’m sure everything is where it should be.”

“And it looks like it is,” the other client – Mr. Davis – comments. “But that’s just a skim.”

Harry takes a sip of water. “Please, take your time.”

Mr. Davis eyes Harry. “I like him,” he tells his partner.

“I do, too.”

The two clients look over the contract and everything is in order. Once the contract is signed, Harry lets out a sigh of relief which both Mr. Nichols and Mr. Davis laugh at. They tell Harry that he is much too tense and that he should loosen up, so they order him a glass of wine.

They chat over food and Harry asks subtle questions of what they would like to see in a future marketing campaign for their company. He takes mental notes because he’s going to need to know these things when 48 gets a team together and starts working. By the end of the meal, Harry is positive that he did everything well (because the clients tell him so). He is proud of himself because he did this on his own and he didn’t fuck up. It’s still early on in his career, but Harry sees a bright future for himself if things keep going like they are.

With a shake of hands, Mr. Nichols, Mr. Davis, and Harry part ways and Harry walks away with a smile on his face.

**

**SEPTEMBER 2016**

_present time_

There is a little café, located a couple of blocks from 48Squared’s headquarters, that Harry has come to love in his short time in New York. He can tell that this café is run by a family and he loves how they all work together. Yes, it makes him miss his own family, but it’s okay because it’s nice to know that not every family is broken in some way.

“Hey, darling,” someone whispers in his ear from behind him, and then moves his head to kiss his cheek.

Harry smiles big. “Hey yourself.”

He takes a seat across from Harry. “I don’t think I will ever get over you having to dress like that every day.”

“Why?” Harry feels a bit self-conscious now. “Do I look bad?”

“No, no,” he shakes his head. “You look exceptionally beautiful and sexy that I just want to knock this table out of the way and—”

Harry interrupts him. “I – I get the point. No need to get into graphic detail in a public place where there are ears everywhere.”

“But just think of how fun that could be,” he winks.

“Oh, my god.” Harry looks down at the table, but he is smiling. He really cannot believe him at the moment, but at the same time, he can. “Words can’t describe how much I love you.”

“Love you, too, babe. But.”

“But?” Harry looks up. “But what?”

“Your tiny little butt is cute,” he smirks.

Harry gives him a blank stare. “Really?”

“But,” he continues, “I think I love food more right now. Let’s get some food to eat.”

“First, you insult my butt, and now, you say you love food more than me,” Harry gasps. “Get your own food then.” He crosses his arms over his chest in fake anger. “I see how it is.”

He leans over the table and pecks Harry’s lips. “You know there’s nothing I love more than you. I know it took me a while to get my priorities in order and I was a huge idiot, but believe me when I say that there is not one person or thing that can take your place in my heart.”

“You really mean that?”

“Of course I do,” he replies with such sincerity. He stands up and holds his hand out to Harry, “Now, c’mon, you curly-haired wonderful person.”

Harry takes his hand and gets up. “Curly-haired wonderful person? You are getting cheesier by the day, I swear.”

“Shut up and buy me a sandwich.”

“Way to ruin the moment.” Harry shakes his head.

He gasps. “You ruined the moment first!”

Harry pulls him towards the counter. “Let’s get you that sandwich. You get cranky when you’re hungry.”

“You don’t know me.”

Harry gives him a short kiss once they get to the line. “But I do,” he smiles. “I do.”

**

**AUGUST 2016**

_three weeks ago_

Waking up with a huge headache and on something warm is nothing what Harry considers normal. He slowly opens his eyes to see that he is on the couch and when he tries to snuggle into the cushions to get some more sleep, he realizes that the warm surface is a person.

He looks up and takes in the familiar features of his roommate, and when he tries to move, Harry ends up falling off the couch and hitting his head against the side of the table (which doesn’t help his headache one bit). “Ow,” he squeaks, rubbing his head.

Zayn groans and moves his arm to shield his eyes. “Keep it down,” he mutters.

This is when Harry notices that neither of them are wearing a shirt. His eyes go wide in alarm because did he and Zayn have sex last night? “Zayn,” he says, trying to wake him up. “Zayn, get up. Come on.” He shakes his arm. “You can sleep later. Just. Get up, please.”

“What?” he doesn’t sound happy.

“My memory’s a bit groggy since this headache’s taken over, but what do you remember from last night?”

Zayn sighs because he finds it to be a stupid question. “We sat here and drank all night, talked about shit.”

“But what else?’ Harry asks. “There was more, I know there was.”

He sits up and leans against the arm of the couch. Zayn rubs his temple with the palms of his hands. “I am pretty sure you vented about Louis and I told you – shit.” He lowers his hands. “I told you about my guy.”

Harry nods. “I remember that.” He also remembers figuring out who Zayn was talking about, but he didn’t mention it last night and he sure as hell wasn’t mentioning it now. “But did we, y’know?”

“Have sex?” Zayn asks and Harry nods.

_When Harry’s hands move to the front of Zayn’s jeans, he grabs a hold on both of Harry’s hands and sits up. “You know what I think now?” he asks, pushing Harry’s shoulders back, so he is the lying down._

_“What?” Harry’s eyes seem to have gotten bigger with the more he drank. “What’re you thinking?”_

_“I think we shouldn’t have sex.”_

_Harry nods. “Oh. Yeah. Me, too.” They stare at each other for minute, not moving or saying anything, and the longer they stay like that, the weirder each of them feels. “But you do have nice cheekbones,” he assures Zayn._

_“And you do have nice hair,” Zayn does the same thing. “But this isn’t working.”_

_“It’s not,” Harry agrees, ending in a hiccup. “Whoops,” he covers his mouth._

_The two friends disentangle themselves from each other and sit side-by-side on the couch with their hands in their laps. “So, what now?”_

_“Sleep?”_

_Zayn blinks. “Sleep.”_

_“Can we cuddle?” Harry asks._

_He shrugs. “Why the hell not?”_

Harry stands up from his place on the floor and rubs his head from where he hit it. “I feel like I should swear off of alcohol for the rest of my life, but that would be a lie.”

“Are you alright?” Zayn questions.

“I just hit my head,” he replies.

“No,” Zayn shakes his head. “Are you okay with what almost happened last night? Like, I know we weren’t thinking the most greatest or smartest things, but we stopped ourselves from doing anything stupid.”

Harry sighs. “It’s weird to think about, if I’m honest.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Zayn nods.

“I just wish our hearts were in better conditions, y’know? Like, it’s not like we’re horrible people or anything,” Harry says. “It’s not fair that we’re here, getting drunk off our asses and almost having sex, when the people we gave our hearts to are free doing whatever.”

His roommate takes a breath. “Life isn’t fair and there’s nothing we can do about it. We have no idea what will happen and who we’ll end up with and when in our lives that we’ll finally start being happy. It could be tomorrow, next week, next month, next year – who knows?” Zayn runs a hand through his hair and frowns when he realizes what it must look like. “We just have to keep going and see what happens.”

“Life sucks,” Harry states before walking into the kitchen, heading straight for the medicine cabinet. When he returns to the living room, he hands Zayn a bottle of water and two Advils. “Just to make sure, everything is okay between us, right?”

“Yeah, of course.” Zayn swallows the pills with a huge gulp of water. “Whatever did or didn’t happen last night doesn’t matter. What does matter is that we have each other’s backs.”

“Definitely.” He is relieved to know that they’re okay and that there’s not an awkward tension between them. Harry is glad to know that even in their drunken minds, they at least have a little bit of sense.

“Good,” Zayn smiles. “Now, I’m gonna try to get some more sleep before my stomach catches up to my brain in knowing that I’m awake.”

Harry sniffs himself and winces. “Yeah, I need a shower. Sleep tight, roomie.”

“Thanks,” Zayn yawns. “Happy shower.”

He laughs as he leaves Zayn on the couch and goes to the bathroom. Before Harry steps under the spray, he places a bucket next to the couch just in case Zayn’s stomach does catch up to him any time soon.

**

**SEPTEMBER 2016**

_present time_

With one look at her son, she arches her brow. “It looks like you’re more nervous than I am.”

He realizes he has been biting his thumb and staring at his phone for the better part of the last ten minutes. “Sorry,” he apologizes. “I am nervous – for you and for me – and I just,” he sighs. “I’m worried.”

His mum shakes her head. “Quit worrying before you make me worry. And really, is my doctor going to text you my test results or something?”

Niall puts his phone down. “I don’t think I can ever stop worrying about you, mum. And no, I’m just waiting for an email.”

“From the international program?” she asks.

He nods. “Yup.” Niall stands up from the plastic chair and begins pacing the small, patient room. His mum encouraged him to email the director of the program and explain the situation and why he did what he did and if there was a way for him to come back to finish his last year. The director emailed him back and told Niall she understood, but she still has to speak to many people on his behalf in order to let him back in. She said she’ll get back to him by the end of the week and well, it’s the end of the week.

“You’re still worrying,” his mother states. “Come over here.” She pats the space next to her on the bed and Niall sits down. “I know you want to stay here with me, but I am positive that when the doctor comes through that door, it will be with good news. And even if it’s not, I don’t want you to put your life on hold for me.”

“Mum—”

“No, let me finish,” she cuts him off. “I want to thank you for taking care of me this past year even if it makes me feel old that my child is taking care of me when I should be taking care of him.”

“I’m about to turn twenty-three,” he says. “You don’t need to take care of me anymore.”

She shakes her head. “That’s where you’re wrong, love. As your mum, I’ll always take care of you because you are my baby and I love you.”

“I love you, too, mum.”

The moment the doctor walks in the room is the same moment that Niall’s phone beeps with an email. He listens to the doctor explain what’s going on with his mum and when he finally hears that his mum is okay and that she should stay okay, Niall smiles. While the doctor goes over some information with his mum, Niall checks his phone and smiles even wider.

His mum catches his eye and smiles back at him because she knows that Niall will be heading back to America in January.

**

**AUGUST 2016**

_two weeks ago_

On his way to the free shuttle, Harry stops himself because when he moved to New York, he just about jumped right into work. He has barely spent any time wandering around, so since he’s already in Times Square, he decides to go explore. Maybe he'll go to the Macy's and visit all nine floors. Maybe he'll go to the wax museum. Maybe he'll go walk on Broadway.

Just walking amongst all these people, Harry realizes how there are so many people in the world and everyone is always going somewhere. He's in a city where people are constantly moving and if you are still for too long, you are missing out. And Harry is done missing out in life. He is done letting his fear ruin everything. He is done taking the backseat to everything.

As he is crossing a road, Harry thinks about how he just gained the company he works for another client and how he’s not a little kid anymore. In fact, he has never felt more like an adult than he does in that moment. Everything that has happened in his life before he moved to New York just feels stupid and pedestrian, and Harry wants to laugh at himself for letting everything get to him.

Harry is still in his thoughts as he rounds a corner, so he doesn’t see that he is in someone’s path until he literally runs into them. With a quick reflex, Harry steadies the person and apologizes, but the person shrugs him off and keeps walking. He feels silly for apologizing because people up north tend to be rude, but he can't help but cling on to his southern hospitality.

He pauses for a moment before taking a breath and continuing his walking, but he stops again when he feels a tap on his shoulder. Harry turns around and his green eyes go wide in shock at who is standing before him.

“L-Louis?” he stutters.

The older man nods. “Harry, I thought that was you. I just – I need to tell you something. No, not something. Everything. I need to tell you everything because if I don’t tell you now, I don’t think I’ll get another chance to.”

Harry doesn’t say anything in response because he feels like he is looking at a ghost.

Louis takes a deep breath and closes his eyes before choking out two words. “I’m Superman,” is what comes out and he feels like kicking himself in the arse.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and it looks like  
> three will turn back into five  
> :)


	28. 5x04: Be Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this episode is jam-packed with a blast from the past  
> or y'know  
> the episode you have all been waiting for  
> (and it's super long, too)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> side note:
> 
> one; everyone's ages are so wonky in this story, so please just go with for the sake of my sanity, please :)
> 
> two; remember how in the last episode, September was 'present time' and August was 'two weeks ago'? Well, that carries on into this episode.

**AUGUST 2016**

The past.

There is always something about our pasts that we prefer not to talk about. It is usually a time in our lives that has a huge helping of bad memories. Sure, there might be some good memories, too, but those are easily swarmed with the bad ones that we don’t care for them anymore.

These points in our pasts are times when we want to go back and have a do-over, or just completely erase the entire thing. For me, I don’t like talking about my senior year in high school because the year that should have been the best turned out to be the worst year of my life. Why? To keep it simple, it was the year where my depression reached an all-time high. I wouldn’t want a redo of that year; I much rather forget it in its entirety. For others, it could be when their parents got divorced or when a loved one passed away or even when he or she got stood up on a date.

We all want to change certain things in hopes of having a better today, but we all know that is impossible to do. Our pasts make us who we are, but they don’t have to be the barriers of who we will be. Although we can’t erase the past or change it, we shouldn’t let it define us for the rest of our lives because little bits and pieces of us are altered every day and soon, the past won’t matter as much as it used to.

At least, it shouldn’t.

**

_two weeks ago_

“What?” Harry doesn’t wait for answer; he just shakes his head and takes a step back because he doesn’t have time for this. “I don’t have time for this,” he tells Louis.

Louis sighs. “I – I didn’t mean that. I’m not Superman, that would be ridiculous, but I do need to talk to you.”

Harry feels stuck because he never thought that he would be in the situation he is in now. Louis is part of his old life – his life in Georgia – and this isn’t supposed to be happening. He’s supposed to be moving on and growing, but he feels a wave of fear rush through him. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” Louis asks. “This has to be the work of fate or destiny or whatever because what are the odds that we run into each here out of all places? You can’t deny that this doesn’t mean something.”

“I . . .” What is Harry supposed to say? What will make his stomach feel like it’s not about blow? While searching for the answers to these questions, Harry’s phone beeps and he sees it’s from the office. Hilary sent him a text asking if he has the contracts, and Harry wants to thank fate or destiny or whatever for giving him an out. “I need to get back to the office.”

“The office,” he repeats. “Right. I’ll um, I’ll come with you.”

Harry shakes his head. “Louis, that’s not a good idea, okay? Technically, I’m working right now and I have to turn in important documents as soon as possible before my boss thinks I screwed up. I can’t mess this up and I need to go.”

Without another word, Harry begins walking back to where the free shuttle stop is. He cannot believe that he just ran into Louis in the middle of Times Square. Like, how does that even happen? And what is Louis even doing in New York? Harry shakes his head and continues walking because the quicker he gets away from his past lover, the faster his insides will feel normal again. He can’t do this right now.

When Harry gets to the shuttle and sits down, the seat next to him is instantly taken. He has a pretty good feeling who is sitting next to him because of course, he still smells the same. “Are you following me?”

“Haz, there are over nineteen million people in New York, d’you really think I’m going to risk losing you in the crowd?”

“First, don’t call me that,” Harry starts. “And second, I told you I didn’t have time to talk.”

Louis frowns at the tone in Harry’s voice, but doesn’t give up. “I get that you’re still angry with me and that’s fine, but please, _please_ hear me out. I told myself that if I ever saw you again that I’d tell you everything.” He places his hand over Harry’s. “Please let me tell you everything.”

Ignoring the tingle Harry feels, he moves his hand away from Louis’. “What does it matter anymore? It’s nearly been a year and I’ve moved on if you haven’t noticed.”

“Really?” he raises his brow. “Then why are you angry right now? If you were over it, you’d be nicer to me right now.”

“No,” Harry retorts. “I’d be nicer to you if you just told me everything years ago.”

“I’m willing to tell you now.”

“It’s too late.”

“Harry—”

“No,” his voice is sharp. “Just stop. I have far bigger things to think about than this. You kept your life from me, and that’s fine. It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s done with and last time I checked, so are we.”

The shuttle comes to a stop and Harry is the first one off. He jogs down the steps and swipes his metro card into the subway station; however, he doesn’t get on a train. Harry walks to the other side of the station and goes up the stairs to the second entrance. He flags down a taxi and gives the driver directions to headquarters, hoping he lost Louis somewhere along the way.

While stuck in traffic, Harry pulls out his phone and sends two text messages – one to Hilary and one to Zayn.

**_From: Harry Styles_ **

_I have the contracts and I’m on my way back now. Just stuck in traffic._

**_From: Harry_ **

_SOS_

**_From: Zayn_ **

_Did something happen with the contracts? Do you need me to get you?_

**_From: Harry_ **

_Contracts are fine._

**_From: Zayn_ **

_Then what happened?_

**_From: Harry_ **

_Louis happened._

**_From: Zayn_ **

_What?!?!?!_

**_From: Harry_ **

_We ran into each other and he wants to talk but I ditched him._

**_From: Zayn_ **

_Oh shit. Are you sure you don’t want me to get you?_

**_From: Harry_ **

_I’m in a taxi so no._

**_From: Harry_ **

_What do I do, Z? He wants to talk._

**_From: Zayn_ **

_Do you want to talk?_

**_From: Harry_ **

_I dunno. I wasn’t prepared for this._

**_From: Zayn_ **

_No one ever is. Listen, just do what you feel is right. Don’t force yourself to talk to him if you don’t want to._

**_From: Harry_ **

_Ok. I’ll call you after work._

Harry puts his phone back in his pocket and closes his eyes. When he woke up this morning, Harry thought that all his worries would have been on the meeting and getting the contract signed and that’s it. If he knew what would have actually happened, he would have jumped on a shuttle right after the meeting. It’s not that he hates Louis, it’s just that neither his heart or head can take it right now. Maybe if he was expecting it, then it would be okay, but he wasn’t and now, Harry just doesn’t know what to do.

When the taxi finally pulls up outside of the building, Harry pays the driver and practically runs inside to the elevators. He waves to the receptionist as he passes and goes straight to Mr. Schneider’s office to drop off the contract.

“Harry,” Hilary smiles. “How’d it go?”

“Really well,” he answers. “Is Mr. Schneider in his office?”

She shakes her head. “Nope, he stepped out for a bit. But he did tell me to tell you to leave the contracts with me and for you to go home for the day.”

“He’s giving me the rest of the day off?”

“He is, indeed.”

“Wow.” Harry pulls the file out of his briefcase and gives it to Hilary. “Tell him I said ‘thank you’ please.”

She nods. “Will do. Have a good one.”

He smiles. “You, too. See you tomorrow.”

Before Harry leaves headquarters for the day, he stops by his office and drops off a few things before he is on his way out. He waves at Tom as he passes his office and then heads straight towards the elevators, so he can go home and relax. He even forgets about running into Louis over an hour ago. It’s almost as if it never happened. Almost.

Right when he steps foot in the lobby of the building, someone calls Harry’s name. He hesitates his footing which slows him down and within seconds, he is being pulled to a stop.

“This is very stalkerish of you, I have to say.”

Louis nods sheepishly. “I know, but I was serious when I said that I wasn’t going to let you get lost in the crowd. I really need to speak to you. Do you have time now?”

Harry sighs and rubs the side of his face. “Fine,” he says because he knows this is the only way he will be able to put this part of his life to rest. “C’mon.” He leads Louis down a couple of blocks until they are at a café. He sits down at a table in the back and looks at Louis expectantly. “You wanted to talk, so talk.”

“Are you really that mad at me still?”

He rests his arms on the table and leans over them. “Wouldn’t you be mad if one of the closest people in your life didn’t trust you? That they kept a huge chunk of their lives from you? That you – fuck it. Just talk.”

“First,” Louis begins. “I really want to apologize for everything. I never meant to hurt you and I never hoped that this would happen to us. You meant a lot to me last year and you still mean a lot to me now.” His hands want to reach over and hold Harry’s, but he knows that is not a good idea. “I just really hope that you don’t completely hate me after I tell you everything.”

Harry doesn’t say anything in return.

He clears his throat. “Well, let’s start from the beginning. It was 2010 and I was seventeen . . .”

**

**MARCH 2010**

Louis is waiting at the front of the school for his dad to pick him up. Part of him wishes that his parents would just get him a car already because he’s seventeen goddammit and the other part is grateful for the time he gets to spend with his dad. He honestly loves his dad and really, Louis doesn’t understand how a person can be so good. He hopes to be like him when he’s a bit older.

While he is looking through the messages on his phone, Louis hears a familiar laugh that makes a chill go down his spine. He looks down at what he is wearing and since he just got out of footie practice, he is wearing an old jumper and sweats, and _nononono_ , he can’t be seen by _him_ looking like this. Louis panics because this is not good, not good at all. He grabs his bag and moves away from where anyone can see him.

When his dad shows up to pick him up, he has no idea where his son is considering Louis is not standing in his usual spot. He parks the car and just as he pulls his phone out to call his son, Louis comes running out from behind a tree and quickly gets in.

“Dad, please drive,” Louis begs.

“What’s going on?” his dad asks, concerned. “Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine, but we should go home.”

His dad turns to looks his son over and notices the flush in his cheeks. Sure, it could be from running, but he doesn’t think so. “Oh,” he says in a knowing tone. “Who’s the special lad?”

“Dad!”

“What? Is he around here somewhere?” he starts scanning the grounds, wondering if any of these boys are the person his son has an eye on.

Louis is grateful that his father is supportive of him and all, but it is still embarrassing to talk about. “It’s just a stupid crush, okay? Nothing to talk about. Let’s just go home.”

“If you say so, Louis. But you know what I always say.”

He nods. “I know, I know. Can we please go now?” His dad always says things of how when you see your soul mate, you'll just know, and that’s a nice thought and all, but Louis just doesn’t want a ‘possible’ soul mate to see him right now.

 

**APRIL 2010**

It is really starting to get ridiculous. The crush Louis has on Tyler Walker that is. It has been months of silently squealing anytime Tyler would get in a close distance of Louis and usually, Louis is a pretty confident person. He has never had a problem talking to anyone and he doesn’t mind having to give speeches or presentations in front of his classmates. Louis is not shy, but when it comes to Tyler, it is like he is a different person.

In addition to it being ridiculous, it is frustrating because Tyler is just a person like everyone else. Louis doesn’t understand why he’s being like this and it’s not like the one short conversation they had months ago has been replaying in his head multiple times every day. Louis shakes his head and takes a breath because he needs to get over himself and this situation and just do _something_ about it. So he comes up with a plan.

It’s not the greatest of plans, but it’s a plan and that’s all Louis has at the moment.

Standing behind one of the pillars to the side of the courtyard, Louis waits for the perfect moment. He really hopes no one is watching him because he is sure he looks rather odd and a bit suspicious. Every ten seconds or so, Louis will peek out from behind the pillar, so he can time himself accordingly because after all this planning, he doesn’t want it to go wrong.

Louis only has to wait a few minutes before his plan springs into action. He clutches the strap of his backpack and takes a deep breath before stepping out and bumping right into Tyler. Although this bump-in was planned, Louis didn’t take into account that Tyler had a drink in his hand.

“Oh, my god, I’m so sorry,” he apologizes when he sees that the drink had spilled all over Tyler’s shirt.

Tyler shakes some of the soda off his hand. “Nah, it was my fault. I should pay more attention to where I’m going.”

Louis wants to scream at that moment because this wonderful boy thinks it is his fault and he’s kind and his voice is beautiful. “I wasn’t paying attention either, so . . .”

“Shit, I even got some on your shirt,” he points at the wet patch over Louis’ abdomen. “I should be the one apologizing.”

“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that,” Louis says, nonchalantly. “It was an accident.”

“But at least let me make it up to you, then,” Tyler offers.

He looks up into Tyler’s eyes and his heart swells at how brown they are. Louis really wants to scream now because _hello_ , actual, non-stalkerish time to spend with Tyler asked by Tyler himself? Hell yes. Mission accomplished. Alert the presses. Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus. “Yeah,” Louis nods. “That’d be good.” He’s attempting to stay cool, but he has no idea if it’s working.

Tyler smiles at him. “Very good,” he agrees and Louis nearly passes out from happiness.

 

**JANUARY 2011**

Tyler is great. He’s smart and wonderful and kind and amazing and an all-around good person. He is also very beautiful with his brown eyes and curly hair, and the slight dimple that appears on his right cheek. It is no mystery as to why Louis was smitten with Tyler from the first time he saw him, and together, they were pretty great.

It wasn’t even a week after the infamous bump-in that Louis and Tyler began dating. It was almost like they connected immediately, and everything has been good and happy. Louis feels grateful to have found someone like Tyler and some days, he can’t even believe that they have been in a relationship for nearly nine months with each other.

Everything is going good, but something doesn’t feel right to Louis. He knows he loves Tyler (c’mon, who wouldn’t love him?), but he has doubts if he is actually in love with him. Tyler is probably the kindest person Louis has ever met, and he is conflicted on what to do. Until—

Until he finally gains enough courage to tell Tyler how he’s feeling. There’s nothing particularly wrong with their relationship, but Louis feels like they’d be better off as friends. He wishes he felt different, but he doesn’t, so he plans on telling Tyler and ending it because it’s not fair to lead him on; however, when they meet up that day, Louis chickens out. Tyler just looks so happy and he can’t do that to him. Not that day.

So, Louis puts it off until next time, putting the thought to back of his mind and letting himself enjoy Tyler’s company.

 

**MAY 2011**

Today is the day.

It has been far too long that Louis has been putting this off. The main reason why Louis wants to break it off is because it is unfair to Tyler to stay with him when Tyler could have real love with someone else. They have been together for a little over a year now, and every time they hung out or went on dates or got intimate, Louis always felt guilty. He has been saying for months now that he will tell Tyler the truth, but he keeps backing out. But—

But not today. Louis refuses to be this person any longer. He needs to stop lying and he honestly hopes that Tyler doesn’t get too hurt or upset about everything. God, just thinking about Tyler’s reaction makes Louis want to rethink he decision once again, but he knows he shouldn’t. He needs to do this. He needs to man up, grow a pair, and just do it. It’s the right thing to do.

Grateful that his parents got him a used car for his birthday slash Christmas present last year, Louis drives over to the little restaurant that he’s supposed to meet Tyler at. He feels sick to his stomach because they _just_ finished sixth form and they’re set to go off to Uni together in the Fall and just – maybe he should try harder.

 _No_ , Louis shakes the thought from his head. He needs to do this, he reminds himself.

He gets seated at one of the tables on the patio and waits. And waits. And waits. Concern sweeps over Louis when Tyler is over an hour late. He begins to call, but after a certain amount of rings, it goes straight to voicemail; however, Louis doesn’t give up. Eventually, Louis goes back to his text messages to see if he’s at the right place and at the right time. His concern skyrockets when he sees that he is exactly where he should be.

Jumping up from his seat, Louis asks the first waitress he sees that if she has seen Tyler by showing her a picture of him on his phone. She says she hasn’t, so Louis calls Tyler once again. Louis is definitely worried and moments away from panicking, so he leaves a note with the waitress and tells her that if Tyler walks in, for him to call Louis.

While on his way to Tyler’s house, Louis gets a phone call. He assumes it is Tyler and lets relief wash over him.

“Oh thank god, where are you?”

There’s a sniffle. “It’s his mum, darling. I . . . I have some terrible news.”

Louis can feel his stomach getting even more woozy because that is not good. “What happened? Is Tyler okay? Where is he?”

“Tyler left this morning,” his mum responds. “He was really excited and said he had some things to do before he met with you for lunch. He was just walking and then – ” She chokes out into a sob. “It just . . .”

She doesn’t have to finish the sentence for Louis to forget how to breathe because he knows Tyler is hurt. He only snaps out of it when he drives into the car in front of him, and curses out loud. “Sorry, where is he? I – I need to see him.”

Another sniffle. “He’s at Westfield, but Louis, you have to understand. He’s in critical condition right now and they don’t know,” another sob, “they don’t know if he’s going to make it.”

Louis feels the tears in the corners of his eyes. “There’s still hope, right?” When Tyler’s mum doesn’t respond, he asks again. “Right?”

“I’m sorry, darling, but I need to go,” she tells him, voice filled with tears. “There’s a lot of people to call. I’ll see you soon.” And with that, she ends the call.

“No!” Louis yells into the receiver, slamming his hand against the steering wheel.

After having to deal with the driver of the car he hit, Louis drives his semi-totaled car to the hospital, feeling a mix of emotions that makes him want to throw up. Haphazardly parking his car, Louis runs in the hospital and asks where Tyler Walker is, and as soon as he’s told, he is sprinting off. But—

But he’s too late. Tyler’s already gone by the time Louis gets there. Tyler’s gone because he went to get Louis a bouquet of flowers and had to go a different way than he would have. Tyler’s gone because he wanted to surprise his boyfriend that he loved so much. Tyler’s gone because of a lady who unfortunately had a seizure in her car and drove right into the flower shop. Tyler’s gone and Louis doesn’t know what to feel. Tyler’s gone and he’s not coming back. Tyler is gone.

 

**FEBRUARY 2012**

Louis got really quiet after Tyler’s death. He didn’t leave his room the entire summer and he didn’t talk to anyone. When classes began, Louis went, but as soon as they were over, he’d go back to his room and stay there. He ended up going to his back up choice that wasn’t all too far away from home because it wouldn’t be right to go the university that he was supposed to go with Tyler to.

By the end of the term, Louis managed to pass all of his classes, but only with minimum effort. He knew he could have done better, but he found himself unable to concentrate on his studies when his mind kept drifiting off to Tyler.

Once the New Year comes, the guilt catches up to Louis and he handles it in the worst way. He ends up drinking constantly and causing trouble, and missing so many classes that he gets kicked out. Louis doesn’t find it in himself to care because Tyler’s death knocked him off of his knocker and it made him realize all of the craziness in his life, and he’s angry and pissed, and so, so guilty. He’s guilty because he feels like Tyler’s death is his fault.

Mr. Tomlinson is absolutely gutted at his son’s behavior. He understands that Louis is hurting, but he can’t stand to see him throw his life away. Mr. Tomlinson loves his son very much, so does everything he can to keep Louis in good standing. But—

But this is extremely difficult because he is out creating chaos for himself and Mr. Tomlinson is running out of options. He knows Louis is on the road to getting arrested one of these days and that is the last thing his son needs. In hopes of getting Louis back on the right track, Mr. Tomlinson goes to talk to the Dean of Students, but she tells him there’s not much she can do. He nods in understanding and when he leaves, Mr. Tomlinson has a heart attack.

Because life hates Louis, his father doesn’t make it through the night, and the doctor asked if Mr. Tomlinson was going through a lot of stress lately, and Louis feels about a million times more guilty.

The night after the funeral, Louis gets arrested for getting into a fight at a pub. His mother bails him out the next morning and she is not pleased. She gives him a huge lecture of how disappointed she is in him and how his father tried so hard to make him realize what he was doing and how this family is falling apart and how he is better than this.

“Mum, what are you saying?” Louis asks, frowning at the blood and dirt on his white dress shirt.

She sighs. “I’m saying that I lost my husband recently, but I lost my son a long time ago. And that he does not have a place in this house until he gets his life together.”

Louis’ jaw drops. “You’re kicking me out?”

“Yes,” she nods. “I have your sisters to look out for, Lou. I can’t do that if you keep doing this. Just–” she takes a breath. “Be gone by tonight.” His mother doesn’t say anything else to him before walking out of the front room.

 

**JUNE 2012**

Louis has been couch hopping since he left home. Getting kicked out was a big slap of reality to his face, and Louis knew from then that he needed help. He stops drinking and making a mess of himself, and gets a job at the market. He asks the Dean if there’s any way he can start over or try again, and she asks him to come to her office that Friday.

It’s the last Friday of the month and Louis is nervous about being back on campus because what if the Dean just wanted to tell him to his face that he’s a hopeless fuck up that won’t get anywhere in life, and should just stop wasting everyone’s time? But—

But Louis ends up on campus way earlier than expected, so he stops by the guidance office because he could definitely use some guidance these days. He talks to a counselor and explains what’s been going on and how he wants to fix everything and get back to what he should be doing. The counselor suggests that Louis gets a change in scenery to get away from everything for a little while. It’ll be good to get some fresh air in a new place with new people.

Right before he leaves the office, Louis notices the flyer for the international program, and when he turns back around, the counselor is grinning at him.

“Is this what you meant by a change in scenery?”

He shrugs. “Maybe yes. Maybe no. You should go find out what the Dean has to tell you before you get any funny ideas.”

“You’re the one with the funny ideas, sir.”

“Oh, god,” the counselor laughs. “I’m only like five years older than you. Please don’t call me sir.”

Louis nods. “Not denying it, I see. I’ll be back,” he promises.

During his meeting with the Dean, Louis finds out that he will be able to come back in September as a student, but on a probationary trial. If he misses any of his classes without a valid excuse, he’s out permanently. Louis thanks the Dean and asks her about the international program.

“It’s a really good program,” she tells him. “Our students go all over, but most of them end up in America.”

“It’s not too late to apply, is it?” he asks.

“I believe today is the last date,” she answers. After a brief moment of thought, she smiles. “The program might just be what you need, Louis. Sometimes a fresh start is what people need to get to where they need to go.”

Louis chuckles. “I feel like I’ve been told that before,” he says, thinking back to his conversation with the counselor.

“Well, that’s good then.” She hands Louis a letter of re-acceptance. “If you’re really interested, be sure to stop by the guidance office to fill out an application before it’s too late. If not, you should be able to register for classes as soon as you get home.”

 _Home_ , he repeats to himself. He doesn’t quite have a home these days, but he nods anyways. “Thank you so much, Miss. I am forever thankful.”

“Don’t make me regret my decision.”

“Never.”

Louis loops back around to the guidance office and fills out all of the necessary forms. The counselor sees that Louis wants to go to America, so he gives him the option of Georgia or Idaho. With one more form to fill out, Louis is set to go to Georgia in August for his first term in the international program. He just really hopes that everything goes alright.

 

**AUGUST 2012**

It is the Wednesday of the first week of classes and while Louis is sitting outside of his maths class, he sees a tall, curly-haired boy walking up the hallway. His heart stops beating because he feels like he’s just saw a ghost considering that boy looks so much like Tyler. Or maybe, Louis just thinks he looks like Tyler because he is crazy.

The boy stands next to him and when Louis looks up at him, he smiles because the boy is already looking at him. He takes the short moment to look at his eyes, and lets out a small sigh of relief when he sees that they’re green, not brown. And that his hair is much darker.

Louis tries not to pay attention to the boy sitting right in front of him when they’re in class, but he can’t help it. When he drops his pencil, Louis takes it as an opportunity and begins talking to the boy. Throughout the class, he thought out about a hundred different things to say to this boy, but all of it flies out of his head once he hands him back his pencil.

He doesn’t understand it, but he has some sort of pull to this boy and Louis is okay with it. Maybe everything will go alright while he’s in America.

 

**MAY 2013**

“I’m sorry for everything,” he apologizes. “I really am.” Louis reads over the words carved into the stone like he has so many times before and it just isn’t fair. “This shouldn’t have happened to you. You were such a good person and you had your entire life ahead of you. I’m so sorry.

“And I’m especially sorry for all the shit I did after you left.” Louis still has a hard time saying Tyler is dead out loud, so he chooses not to say it. “I should have found a different way to cope and I just – I felt so bad. I still do and I understand if you can’t forgive me.

“But if you’ve somehow already forgiven me like the angel that you are, I hope you don’t mind me telling you about Harry.” Louis can’t help but smile just by mentioning his name. “Like I said earlier, he reminded me of you, not just by your looks, but by how big his heart is, just like yours. Harry’s great – he really is – and I like him a lot. But. Is it okay to like him? If it isn’t, give me a sign of some sort and I’ll pretend that the conversation we had the night before I left never happened.”

There’s no sudden gush of wind. There are no leaves flying towards him. There are no birds chirping at him. Louis sighs because with some weird, twisted way, he didn’t get a sign, so maybe it is okay. At least, he hopes it is.

“Tyler, wherever you are, I genuinely hope that you are happy.” Louis stands up and places a hand over the tombstone. “I miss you every day and I can’t believe it has already been two years. I love you and I probably always will.” He rubs his hand over the top of the stone to clear off any dirt. “You were too good for me,” he says, much quieter. “I didn’t deserve you.”

 

**MAY 2015**

“You have the right to be pissed,” Louis begins. “I’ve been back for a week and it isn’t until now that I come see you. Before you go off on me, I want to let you know that I made up with both Mum and Harry. Isn’t that great?”

He adjusts his posture and smiles. “I bet you’re nodding, Dad. You were always the peacemaker in the house with all of us, so I bet you’re happy to know that I am completely back on track now. Mum found out and let me come back home and everything. I didn’t realize how much I missed home until I saw everyone. Well, almost everyone.” Louis’ smile drops, thinking back to why his dad is gone in the first place.

“You really were the best dad,” Louis tells him honestly. “Don’t let anyone tell you any differently up there. You have always loved me, even when I didn’t deserve all of your love and I just – God, I love you and I miss you and I’m so sorry that I caused you so much trouble. You supported me when I came out and you were always there for me, and I was such a shitty son.

“I wish I would have told you more often that I loved you and that I appreciated you and that you meant the world to me, because even now, you still do. Dad, I’m sorry for causing you stress and for your hair to turn grey and for everything.” Louis chuckles humorlessly. “It feels like whenever I visit you or Tyler, I spend the entire time apologizing for everything. I was such a screw up, wasn’t I? It’s okay, you don’t have to lie to me. I’m grown now.”

Louis messes with the flowers and pulls one out of the bundle. “You always told me that everything would be okay when the time was right, and I think the time is finally right. It may not be perfect, but it’s getting there. It is the greatest feeling to have fixed everything with Harry. And then coming home to have Mum and the girls waiting for me at the airport.” The smile is back. “It’s good.”

He talks to his father a bit more before taking the single flower and walking over to Tyler. Louis places the flower on top on the tombstone and tells Tyler how everything’s okay now with Harry and his mum and how he misses him and how he loves him and how he’ll be back tomorrow.

 

**JULY 2016**

Louis doesn’t know why he didn’t think to do this sooner, but he doesn’t dwell on it too long. He should have done it as soon as he relocated to Manchester. He should have done a lot of things, but he doesn’t dwell on that, either.

Adjusting his fringe, Louis rings the doorbell before he can run away. When the door opens, he puts on his best smile and hopes he looks alright.

“Well if it isn’t Louis Tomlinson. Come over here and give me a hug, young man.”

He obliges and when he pulls away, he’s glad to feel the smile still on his lips. “It’s good to see you, Mrs. Walker.”

“You, too,” she smiles. “Now come in and have some tea and biscuits.”

“Who can say no to that offer?” Louis steps over the threshold and follows Mrs. Walker to the kitchen. As he is walking through the house, he notices that it’s everything that was in her old house, but it feels different. “You have a really nice home.”

“Aw, thank you, darling.” She places the kettle on the stove and places a plate of biscuits in front of Louis. “Now tell me, what brings you all the way to Manchester?”

“Actually,” he picks up a biscuit. “I’m working at a magazine and we recently moved over here. I remembered that you were here and it’d only be right if I came and saw you.”

Mrs. Walker grins. “Damn right.” She pulls two cups down from a cabinet and places them next to the stove. “So, how’ve you been? Oh, you went to America! How was that?”

He nods. “It was definitely an experience. I met tons of people and made tons of memories. Most good, some bad.”

“Bad?” she frowns. “What happened?”

Louis hides his face with his hands. “There was a boy,” he mumbles, but Mrs. Walker catches it. “And I’m an idiot as always.” He drops his hands.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” She hands him a cup of tea. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Actually, yes.” Louis takes a sip of the tea to stall for a little bit longer. “Did Tyler have a brother?” he asks before he loses any courage that he has.

“Not that I’m aware of,” Mrs. Walker muses. “But,” she drops the jokes, “he has a couple of cousins. I think I have some pictures somewhere, hold on.” She disappears into a different room and when she emerges about ten minutes later, she has a photo album in her hand. She places it in front of Louis and turns the page. “That,” she points at a toddler, “is Tyler and next to him are his two cousins.”

Louis takes a closer look. One of the cousins is a girl and she’s a bit taller than Tyler, so he assumes she is older than him and the other cousin is a baby, so he can’t tell much. “Where are they now?”

Mrs. Walker frowns. “I’m honestly not sure. Their parents – my sister-in-law and her husband – lived in America.”

“Lived?” Louis can’t help but question the past tense.

“They passed away in a car accident a very long time ago,” she explains. “The kids were sent into a foster system because some paperwork fell through and the state didn’t realize that they had family here, in England.”

He looks back at the picture and frowns. “What happened to them?”

“A couple adopted them, y’know keep the family together. Unfortunately, we haven’t heard from them, but I’m sure they’re well off,” she says. “They must be well into their twenties by now.”

“What are their names?”

“Oh, this girl,” she points at the picture, “is Gemma, and the little cutie, is Harry.” She goes back a couple pages and points to another picture. “It was pretty insane how much Harry looked like Tyler as a baby.”

Louis stares down at the photo, completely in shock with this newfound information. “Oh, my god,” he whispers in disbelief. “No way.”

**

**AUGUST 2016**

_two weeks ago_

“ . . . and as soon as I left her house, I tried to call you,” Louis says, “but your phone was out of service.”

Harry is staring at Louis, unsure of what to think about everything Louis just told him. “I um, Zayn and I changed our numbers to New York numbers,” is what he chooses to respond with.

Louis nods. “That makes sense.” He moves his head slightly, and when Harry’s eyes don’t follow him or even blink, he asks, “Are you alright?”

He blinks. “I think so. I mean – this is just a lot of information.”

“I know and I’m sorry. Do you see why I don’t like talking about it?”

Harry nods. “Yeah, but you still should have told me. I get that you recently found out that your dead ex-boyfriend is also my cousin, but everything else? You should have told me.”

Louis sighs. He opens is mouth to say something, but he changes his mind and says something else. “Wait, please tell me that you knew you were adopted and that your parents were in a car crash. Tell me I did not just drop a huge bomb on you.”

“No, I knew. Mom told me and Gemma a long time ago,” Harry answers. “And do you get why I wasn’t too big of a fan of driving now?”

He nods. “Of course, I do. I just – not to sound like a complete arsehole, but why didn’t you tell me? You kept secrets just like me.”

Harry shakes his head. “It’s different. Mom never once made me feel like I wasn’t her own kid and I often forget that she’s not my biological mom. My real parents died when I was really little, so I don’t even remember them. You? You kept stuff that happened to you in recent years from me. It’s different.”

“I’m an arsehole.”

“You are,” Harry agrees. “And what are you even doing in New York?”

“The magazine I work at,” he starts and Harry nods. “It changed locations because we were getting bigger, and then, recently, we’re set to move again, but this time to London since some big, rich guy bought it. They are requiring all of their reporters to have master’s degrees and well, I went back to the international program’s roots and ended up here.”

The younger man looks Louis over. “Really? You just ended up here?”

Louis frowns because he can tell that Harry is not pleased. “I was gonna go back to State, but they don’t have a master’s program for journalism.”

Harry takes a deep breath. “This entire conversation has been insane. I just – I don’t even know anymore. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to do.”

“Does this mean that you still hate me?”

“For the record, I never hated you,” Harry states. “I was mad, still kinda am, but like I said, I don’t know anymore. This is all a lot to take in.”

“I know,” Louis sighs. “I am really, truly sorry. You know everything now, so you know I have a history of royally messing up.” He dares to reach over and place his hand over Harry’s, and smiles when Harry doesn’t move his hand away. “I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, but do you think it’s possible?”

Harry doesn’t speak for a long time because as mad as he’s been for the past year, he understands why Louis didn’t tell him at first, but not why he kept it from him the entire time they knew each other. It hurt him so bad to know that Louis didn’t trust him, but it’s different now. He told Harry. He told Harry everything. He told Harry about his past and about family he didn’t know he had. He told Harry about his faults. He told Harry how he feels.

“Harry?” he calls, snapping him out of his reverie.

“It’s possible,” Harry says simply, moving his hand away.

**

**SEPTEMBER 2016**

_present time_

Walking out of the café, hand-in-hand, Harry feels okay. It’s only been a couple of weeks that Louis has been back in his life, and he’s glad that they’re not jumping right back into things so quickly. They still have a few things to work out before they can get back to where they once were because everything is different now.

Neither Harry nor Louis are kids anymore and what they choose to do with their lives right now matters. They can’t pretend that what happened, didn’t happen. They can’t just start over. But they can be HarryandLouis again.

Maybe not all at once, but it’s possible because Mr. Tomlinson was right all those years ago – when you see your soul mate, you’ll know it – and they know it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and well, after 7300+ words, you finally have the truth. tadaaaaaaaa!  
> please let me know what you think
> 
>  
> 
> andddddd thank you all for reading! your comments and kudos bring a smile to my face :)
> 
>  
> 
> next episode is the series finale, oh boy


	29. 5x05: Final

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think y'all are ready for this finale

**DECEMBER 2017**

Stop what you’re doing for a moment.

Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Let whatever you have been thinking about slip out of your mind, close out of all of your social networks, put your phone on silent, and just breathe.

Now that you’re calm, think about a goal or a dream, or just something you are looking forward to. Maybe it’s your senior prom or your high school graduation. Maybe it’s finally getting out of your parents’ house. Maybe it’s getting the job you’ve worked so hard for. Maybe it’s getting married to the love of your life. Whatever it is, know that it is a reason to stick around and to not give up. It is a reason to keep going and to try your best to make it through the hard times. It is a reason to stay strong and keep living.

It won’t be easy, but once you cross that finish line, just think of how proud you will be of yourself. You’ll be smiling and even if it’s for a moment, you will believe that everything will be okay. It is essential to know that there is so much out there in the world and even when you are at your darkest, there will be some sort of light waiting for you.

Don’t give up on your hopes and dreams because you will want to look back on your life and know that you’ve made it to where you’re supposed to be. Remember that.

And remember that I love you.

**

“Don’t make me come back there.”

“But—”

“I swear I will park this car,” he threatens.

Everyone is silent for not even a minute before Liam falls into a fit of giggles from the passenger seat and Louis crosses his arms over his chest, muttering, “Jesus, Haz, your father has a stick up his arse.”

Harry has to clamp his hands over his mouth to contain his laughter. His eyes are watering and he can’t exactly breathe all that well, but he doesn’t care at the moment.

Zayn pulls the car onto the shoulder of the road and turns around. “What was that, Tomlinson? Steal someone’s cheesecake again?”

Louis lets out an exaggerated sigh. “Oh, my god, that wasn’t even me! Liam, tell him!”

“You shouldn’t have stolen my cheesecake,” Liam tells him, letting his giggles take over again.

“That was Niall,” Louis huffs. “Haz, your parents are horrible. I don’t know why I put up with this.”

“Hey,” somehow Zayn is able to keep his voice serious, “Are we going to have to ban Harry from seeing you?”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Louis challenges.

“I would.”

Harry leans over his lap, his laughs are silent now, but his body is still shaking from them. “Enough,” he chokes out between laughs, his voice breathless. “Can’t,” he wheezes. “Breathe.”

Concern goes through Louis and he pulls Harry up to find his red faced. “Hey,” he lightly taps Harry’s cheek. “Calm down and breathe, okay? I know I’m hilarious, but no need for all of this.”

“Funny,” Harry smiles, letting the last of his laughs come out. “But how am I supposed to breathe when you take my breath away?”

Zayn groans. “Nope, none of that.” He shifts the car into drive and gets back on the road.

Louis chuckles. “Someone doesn’t appreciate the beauty of love.” Then, turning towards Harry, he smirks, “You mean take your breath away like this?” and pulls him into a kiss.

“Absolutely,” Harry smiles, after they break the kiss.

Without having to stop the car again, Zayn gets the group to their destination in one piece. He makes faces at Harry and Louis for being all cute and in love. It’s not that he’s bitter, but he’s just . . . bitter.

“Today is a happy day, Z, so smile!” Liam nudges his should before looping their arms together and pulling them towards the entrance. “You two better keep up,” he tells Harry and Louis, hoping they are walking behind him and Zayn, so they don’t get separated.

Regardless of the fact that all four of them have done this before, they are shocked at how crowded the place is. There are people everywhere and if they weren’t walking so close to each other, it is guaranteed that they wouldn’t make it to the other side together.

Since Liam is in front of the other three, he finds a good row to sit in and turns into it, stopping hallway and sitting down. Zayn, Harry, and Louis follow, and it honestly feels good to have everyone back in the same place after such a long time.

It isn’t long before someone takes the stand and announces, “And here’s the class of 2017,” as the graduates start walking out. Although none of them can find Niall in the crowd, they still cheer his name and wave their arms for when Niall looks into the stands. It is virtually impossible for Niall to find them, but it’s the thought that counts.

Once the graduates are seated, Zayn says, “Look for the cap with the Irish flag on it.” As a graduation gift, Zayn offered to decorate Niall’s cap for him and Niall was happy to accept. He asked for the flag and that is what he got.

Louis snorts. “Of course.” But he nods and looks anyways.

Harry finds Niall by zooming in with his camera and ends up taking at least a hundred photos of the back of Niall’s head throughout the entire ceremony. Of course, he also takes photos of Louis, Liam, and Zayn (and they’re all silly, or horrible enough to threaten Harry’s life if he doesn’t delete them), but the main focus is on Niall because it is his day and all.

The graduation goes how all graduations go, but once the confetti begins falling down, Harry ends up in a trance. Louis notices the blank expression on his boyfriend’s face, so he snaps him out of it. “Are you alright?”

Harry nods. “Yeah, I just really like the confetti. It’s pretty.”

Louis watches the colorful flakes fall for a moment before agreeing. “It is, but it gets everywhere. I don’t know how, but when I graduated, I ended up with it in my shoes.”

“It’s a bit romantic, too, don’t ya think?” Harry thinks about that dream he had almost four years ago. He feels silly since it is still something he thinks about, but really, he can’t help it. He thinks of how two great events would happen in the same day within moments of each other, and that thought makes his heart flutter.

“In its own way.”

“Niall just texted me,” Liam announces, preventing Harry from saying anything else about the romance he finds in the confetti. “He says to come down and meet him.”

Louis looks past Zayn towards Liam. “Are we allowed to do that?”

“Who cares?” Zayn answers, standing up. “Let’s go!”

They have to dodge people since just about everyone is on their feet, moving from one place to another, taking pictures, and celebrating with each other. Having to get past security is easier than they thought (which should worry them, but it doesn’t), but finding Niall is a bit more difficult. Liam calls him, but it’s too loud for either of them to hear one another.

“Excuse me,” someone taps the back of Louis’ shoulder. “Would you mind taking a photo of me and my roommate?”

Louis turns around. “Sur – you arsehole!” He shoves Niall’s shoulder.

Niall laughs. “What?” he asks, still talking in an American accent. “Angry that I tricked ya?”

“Shut up,” he yells, but Louis is laughing, too.

The other three have caught wind of Niall finding them, and they begin congratulating Niall in their own little ways. Niall is overwhelmed and just smiles at his friends. “Thanks lads. It means a lot to me that you came today, and I really wish my family was here.”

“We are here,” Harry says. “You have the parents,” he gestures towards Liam and Zayn.

“And the son,” Zayn points at Harry.

Liam throws an arm around Louis. “And his lover.”

“But who am I?” Niall questions. He’s knows about the weird relationship between Liam, Zayn, and Harry, but he never thought of them as his family before.

“The crazy uncle,” Louis answers. Nodding, he continues, “Yeah. You’re the crazy uncle that gets completely pissed at every family gathering and the kids always beg for stories about Uncle Nialler.”

Niall rolls his eyes. “Give me a hug, you crazy mofos.”

“Group hug!” Louis shouts before he and the boys take up Niall’s personal space and engulf him in a hug.

One of the paid photographers for the graduation snaps a picture of them and when the flash goes off, Zayn rolls his eyes. “Are you still talking pictures, H?”

“What? No.” Harry takes a step back from the group and sees the photographer. “Would you mind taking a photo of the five of us?” he asks her. “With my camera,” he adds after a moment.

“Yeah, no problem.” She lets her camera go, letting it hang around her neck, before taking Harry’s camera from him. “Okay, smile!”

They stand so Niall is in the center with Liam and Zayn to his right and Harry and Louis to his left. The photographer takes the picture and gives Harry the camera back. “Thank you,” he tells her.

She nods before moving on to take more pictures of the graduates.

“We better get going,” Niall proposes. “It’s getting too hot and crowded in here for me.” He pulls the cap off of his head and unzips his gown. “We can go to the apartment.”

Harry gasps and points a finger at Liam. “You replaced me!”

Liam’s eyes go wide. “Well, you replaced me with Zayn.”

“Oh, no,” Zayn shakes his head. “You replaced me with Harry, Li.”

Louis chuckles. “Looks like you got a bit of a problem there, mate.”

“At least I didn’t steal their cheesecake,” Liam retorts.

“Oh, my god,” he groans. “For the last time, that wasn’t me. It was Niall!”

Niall shrugs. “I have no record of that.”

Harry wraps an arm around Louis’ waist. “It’s okay, babe. I believe you.” He kisses his cheek.

“Nope!” Zayn shouts. “I have to deal with you two enough in New York. We are getting out of here now before I have to witness you sucking face in public.”

Louis rolls his eyes and Harry blushes. “We’re not that bad, are we?”

“You’re bad enough that I’m making Niall sit in between you two in the car,” Zayn answers. “Now, let’s go.”

When they all pile into the car, Niall is expecting to head back to the apartment he and Liam have been sharing for the past year, but that is not where they end up. If Niall wasn’t overwhelmed before, he is definitely overwhelmed now. “You lot didn’t have to do this.”

“We wanted to,” Harry smiles.

Getting out of the car, Niall is greeted with Harry’s, Liam’s, and Zayn’s families, all with big grins on their faces and with congratulations aimed at him. He tears up a bit because leave it to his friends to surround him by family when they know his own family couldn’t make it. Niall knows right then and there that there are no better friends than the four guys next to him.

**

After a few more days spent in Georgia, everyone but Liam (because there’s a game on Sunday and he has to work) heads back up to New York for a couple of weeks. Louis and Zayn are on winter break from grad school, so they only have to worry about catching up on their shifts at the coffee shop (Zayn used his boss’ love for him to his advantage and scored Louis a job for when he’s not working at the magazine). Niall spends time when the three of them, but he often finds himself across the hall at Ed’s apartment because apparently Ed found a job for Niall at the recording studio he uses.

Harry plumps himself on the couch next to Louis after hearing Niall’s good news. “That makes four out of five.”

“What’s that?” Louis turns his attention away from the television and towards Harry.

“Our group – four of us are in New York now,” he clarifies. “I never thought that would happen and since it has, I wish Liam were here, too.”

Louis snuggles into Harry’s side. “Well, maybe we can convince him when we go back to Atlanta at the end of the week.”

“Yeah,” Harry nods. “If it all works out, we’re going to need a bigger place. This apartment barely fits three of us.”

“It’s New York, love. You’re supposed to be cramped with people.”

“But I only want to be cramped with you.”

Zayn groans from the kitchen. “You guys are sickening!” he yells.

Louis pulls Harry’s face closer to him and kisses him, purposely making their lips smack together, so it makes enough noise for Zayn to know what they’re doing.

 

By the end of the week, their bags are packed once again and they are set to head back to Georgia. Niall stays with Liam’s family and Louis stays with Harry’s for the week. Rachel is ecstatic to spend more time with her beloved Uncle Louis and tells him all about her Christmas shopping adventures which he listens to animatedly.

Louis’ mum is not completely happy that her son won’t be home for the holidays once again, but he was for the past two years (last year was with Harry), so she lets it go with a promise of spending next Christmas with her and the girls. Harry was delighted when Louis asked him to come with him to England last year and even though they weren’t completely back to normal at the time, by the end of the trip, they were. Louis said it was the magic of Doncaster and Harry was in love enough to believe it.

For Louis’ birthday, Anne makes dinner upon Louis’ request. He tries to tell her it’s unnecessary, but she doesn’t listen and goes with it anyways. He tries to stop her, but Anne bans him from the kitchen and tells him to go have fun.

“Your mum is quite stubborn,” Louis says while he and Harry lounge on the couch in the living room.

Harry smiles. “Well, it’s not every day that someone turns twenty-five.”

“Just hearing that number makes me feel like I’m having a midlife crisis.” Louis makes a face.

“Nah, it just means that we’re not kids anymore.”

Louis shakes his head. “That’s not very comforting, Haz. But I get what you’re saying. It’s weird to think that I actually have a stable job and I’m in a stable relationship, and after everything that’s happened in my life, it feels weird to grow up.”

“We’ve already grown up,” Harry states. “We both permanently moved away from home and we’re on our own and I just – I agree that it’s weird, but it’s sorta amazing, too.”

“What d’you mean?” Louis asks.

“Like, how often do you hear someone say that just about all of their dreams come true? That they got past all the stupid obstacles thrown at them and they are finally where they always wanted to be?” Harry sits up a little, so he can look at Louis better. “It wasn’t all that long ago that I was this scared boy who lived his life in fear.”

“What changed?”

Harry shrugs. “I’m not all that sure, if I’m honest. I just woke up one day and everything didn’t feel as scary anymore.”

Louis pecks Harry’s lips. “ ‘m proud of you. You’ve come a long way.”

“You have, too,” Harry reminds him. They’re quiet for a little while, the only noise is the fire cracking from the fireplace. “I know it may not seem like it always, but you shouldn’t have to walk around with a chip on your shoulder. What happened to Tyler and to your dad, it wasn’t your fault.”

He sighs. “Maybe yes. Maybe no. But I wish they didn’t have to die,” Louis admits. “They were both such good people and just like that, they were gone. It’s not fair.”

Harry pulls Louis in as close as possible, resting his chin on Louis’ head. “No, life isn’t fair, but it’s okay because it makes us work harder for what we want. Sure, we get lost along the way at times, but some way, somehow, we’ll make it in the end.”

“I really love you.”

“I really love you, too.”

“As do I,” Anne says from the doorway, sporting a grin on her face. “Dinner’s ready.” She turns away to go back to the kitchen, leaving the two boys alone for a moment longer.

Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s middle. “As wonderful as food sounds right now, I kinda don’t want to get up. You’re really comfortable,” he says, closing his eyes.

Harry laughs. “Hey, don’t sleep.” He nudges Louis. “My mom will be very offended if you sleep through your birthday dinner.”

He pouts. “Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

Louis moves his arms up, so they’re now around Harry’s neck. “Well, you’re going to have to carry me, then.”

“That can be arranged,” Harry smirks, putting one arm around Louis’ waist and the other under his knees. He easily lifts Louis up and starts walking towards the dining room.

“You know, I was just kidding.”

Harry sits him down on one of the chairs. “Us Styles’ don’t kid,” he says seriously as he takes the seat next to Louis.

“I can see that,” Louis points to the food on the table. The ladies of the house join them and Louis begins thanking Anne. “You really didn’t have to do this. I didn’t really need an actual birthday dinner and this is all too much.”

“Louis,” Anne smiles. “I say this with a great deal of love: shut up and accept the food.”

He straightens his posture and sets his hands in his lap. “Well.”

Anne continues. “And really, you asked for breakfast-for-dinner, so it’s not like I slaved over the stove all day, making some five star meal.”

“But still, thank you.”

Gemma grabs the pitcher to fill her glass, but she makes a face when she picks it up. “Mom, is this coffee?”

“Yes and it’s decaf,” Anne answers. “I’m sure everyone wants to go to sleep tonight and wake up bright and early for presents, right?”

“Presents!” Rachel cheers.

She nods. “Alright everyone, dig in!”

Later that night when everyone retires to their respective rooms for the night, Louis is ready to curl up next to Harry and go to sleep; however, Harry has other plans. After Harry makes a trip to the bathroom, he comes back into the bedroom wearing nothing but a robe and a bow in his hair.

He stands at the end of the bed with a smirk on his lips. “I believe you have one more present to unwrap.”

“Do I, really?” Louis arches a brow, looking Harry over from head to toe.

Harry nods. “Yup, but you’re gonna have to be very quiet while you unwrap it. You don’t want everyone to be jealous of your present.”

Louis walks on his knees on the bed to get closer to Harry. “I’m sure I’ll be able to manage that.” He places a hand on the on the knot of the belt and pulls it, so the robe comes apart. “Best present ever,” he whispers before grabbing Harry and pulling Harry on top on him.

 

Christmas day goes well. It’s filled with ugly Christmas sweaters and hot chocolate and candy canes and plenty of presents for everyone. Towards the evening, Liam, Zayn, and Niall come over where they sit around the living room and watch Home Alone and The Santa Claus while reminiscing childhood Christmas memories. Overall, it’s a pretty good day, but there’s still one thing that Harry has to do.

The boys don’t stay too long after the second movie because as much as they love Harry and Louis, they love their own families as well and want to get back before the roads ice up. They’re gone right before it turns midnight and Harry makes a big show of how he and Louis should head to bed.

Louis gives Harry a look, but complies. “Whatever you say, babycakes.” He gets up from his spot and yawns. “It is getting late or maybe I’m just getting old.”

Harry kisses Louis’ forehead. “You’re not old.” He leads Louis up the stairs to his bedroom, making sure to close the door behind him. He has been thinking about doing this for weeks now and he was going to do it earlier this week, but he didn’t want to intrude on Louis’ birthday or Christmas, hence why he waited until December 26th.

As Louis turns down the bed, he sees Harry drop down to one knee. “Um, Haz? What’re you doing?”

“Can you come over here, please?”

Slowly, Louis walks towards him. “What’s going on?”

Harry takes a breath and puts all possible fear he has behind him. He’s not going to chicken out. He’s going to do this. “I know this isn’t the most romantic place I could do this, but I really couldn’t wait any longer. Louis, words cannot describe how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I know our relationship hasn’t been ideal and we’ve had some bumps, but know that there is no one else in this world that I can see my life with.”

“Ha—”

He shakes his head, stopping Louis from saying anything. “Please let me do this.” Harry takes another breath before pulling a small black box out of the pocket of his hoodie, opening it to reveal a ring. “Before I start rambling or stuttering, I’m just going to get to the point. I love you like there is no tomorrow and I doubt that will ever change. You have showed me what it’s like to be loved and it is the greatest feeling in the world. I just – what I’m trying to say is, Louis William Tomlinson, will you marry me?”

Louis looks at Harry, then at the ring in his hand, and then back at Harry. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “No.”

“N-no?” Harry stutters, feeling his heart fall down to his stomach.

“Sweet dreams, Harry,” Louis yawns before going to bed and leaving Harry kneeling on the ground with a ring in his hand.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> onward


	30. 5x06: Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have failed to mention it was a two-part finale. whoops ;)

“What d’you mean he said no? That doesn’t make any sense. You’re kidding, right? Like, what the fuck?”

Rachel laughs. “Will you calm down? Man, you’re acting like somebody died or something.”

Her best friend, Chloe scoffs. “Well, someone might as well have died. Everything was going so well and they were happy, and then he said no. If that isn’t heartbreaking, I don’t know what is.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “I don’t even know what just happened. Like, what kind of ending is that?”

“Not everyone has a happy ending,” she reminds her friend.

“But they should!” Chloe feels like she is in distress. “I’m just so sad right now.”

“Don’t be.”

“Why not?”

Rachel grins. “Because the story’s not over just yet. Let’s go back to ten years ago, shall we?”

**

**DECEMBER 2017**

When Harry wakes up in the morning, he feels restless, and to makes him feel even worse from last night’s events, Louis is not there. He shifts his position, so he is lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. This is the room where Harry has a countless number of memories because it has been his room since Anne adopted him and Gemma. He grew up in this room. He went through his angsty teen years in this room. He spent so much time in this room.

The worst memory Harry has in this house is when his dad walked out on their family when Harry was six. To this day, Harry still isn’t completely sure why his dad left, but he has his theories. Maybe he didn’t want kids as much as his mom did. Maybe he was part of the mafia and is on the run. Maybe he stopped believing in love.

There is a reason behind every one of Harry’s fear. When he was younger, he was scared of the dark because of the monsters that lurked in the shadows. As he grew older, his fears grew to different things. When Anne told him how his birth parents died, he was scared of driving because he didn’t want anyone to get hurt while he was behind the wheel. When he gave his heart to Seth and got it back in pieces, he was scared of love because of how it never turns out right.

Harry has been working to get over these fears because he knows he is not actually living life if he continues his life in fear. But there’s still a part of him that is scared – it’s a small part, but it’s still there. And Louis saying no to Harry’s proposal brought that part back.

With a sigh, he pulls the comforter over his head and tries to get some more sleep. Harry feels exhausted and he just wants to sleep (whether it is for a couple more hours or for the rest of eternity, he’s not sure). He tries to clear his mind because if he keeps thinking about last night, he’s not going to be able to fall asleep, but he can’t help it. He keeps remembering pouring his heart out to Louis and then getting turned down. Louis was so simple with it and that’s what is bothering Harry the most. How could he just say no like that? He didn’t even say sorry when he did it. Harry sighs again because he is an idiot.

Just as Harry is drifting off, someone jumps onto the bed, sitting on his legs. This person is too heavy to be Rachel and he doubts his mother or sister would do such a thing, so it can only be one other person. Harry moves the comforter off of his head and when he sees who it is, he puts it right back.

“Get out.”

“Aw, c’mon H, don’t be like that.”

Harry moves the blanket away from the top half of his body and shakes his head. “Liam, really, get out. I’m not in the mood for whatever this is.”

Liam frowns. “Why, what happened?”

“I made an idiot of myself, that’s what happened,” Harry replies.

“You have to give me more than that.” Liam moves off of Harry’s legs and lies down next to him. “Everything was fine when we left last night, so what could you have possibly done.”

The comforter makes it over Harry’s head once more. “I proposed,” he mumbles.

“What?” Liam clears his throat. “I mean, was it like a spur of the moment type of thing or um . . .?”

“I had a ring and I proposed and he said no, thus I made an idiot of myself.”

Liam pulls the comforter completely off of Harry. “That’s it. We’re going out. C’mon, get out of bed. And put on some clothes. Jesus, H, did you propose after sex or something?” With saying that, Liam jumps out of the bed.

Harry whines. “No, I didn’t and I don’t want to go out. Go away.”

“Don’t make me force you up,” Liam threatens.

“Aren’t mothers supposed to be kind?”

“Why, want me to call Zayn to haul your ass out of bed because I can do that without a problem.”

Harry groans. “You are absolutely horrible,” he says, but gets out of bed anyways because he knows that Liam will literally pick him up if he doesn’t get up himself.

“Love you, too, son,” Liam grins. “Now dress warm. It’s cold outside.”

“Horrible,” Harry mutters before picking out an outfit from his suitcase and leaving to the bathroom.

Gemma bumps into her brother in the hallway and rolls her eyes at him. “For the love of god, H, put on some clothes before you freeze your balls off.”

“You are more mature than ever, Gem.”

“Only the best for you, little brother.” She ruffles his hair before moving towards the stairs.

After Harry brushes his teeth and puts on his clothes, he goes back to his room to find an awaiting Liam holding his shoes and his coat out to him. Harry snatches the shoes from Liam’s hand. “You are horrible,” he states for the third time in ten minutes.

“You say this now, but you won’t later.” Liam smiles because even if his friend is in a cranky mood, he is not delaying the day any longer and he is definitely not letting Harry throw himself a pity-party.

“What is that – a song?” Harry asks, taking the coat (gentler this time) and slipping it on.

“Maybe. I dunno. Let’s go!”

Harry lets Liam drag him out of the house and into the car. He thinks about asking Liam where they are going, but he figures it’ll end up being an impromptu boys night, so he stays quiet. When Liam heads south on the highway, Harry confirms his theory because Liam is probably taking him downtown to his apartment.

“Shit,” Liam curses. “I forgot I have to stop by work today. Is that okay?”

“It’s fine. I really don’t mind,” Harry says honestly. It’s not like he has much say in over what happens today, especially if Liam is the one navigating their activities. Really, Harry is happy to get out of the house for a little bit because hanging out with Liam reminds him of old times when things were simpler.

Liam drives off the exit closest to The Dome. “I completely forgot that I had to go in.”

“You don’t have to explain, Li. Work pops in every once in a while when we’re out doing other things, so it’s okay,” Harry tells him. “I’ve had to come into the office a few times when we had an emergency meeting or they needed me to work a specific part in one of the campaigns.”

“Okay, that makes me feel better,” Liam smiles. He pulls into the employee parking lot which is a bit underground and a lot closer to one of the entrances. “C’mon.  You can walk around the field or something since you can’t come with me to the control room.”

Harry shakes his head once. “It’s fine, I can wait in the car.”

“Don’t make me force you,” he threatens for the second time today.

“Geez, Li, age has made you into a threat machine. Ease up some, will ya?” Harry unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the car. He follows Liam to a side entrance that he never knew existed and Liam takes him all the way to the field. “What if I get in trouble?”

“You won’t,” Liam assures him. “Nothing to worry about.” He checks the time on his watch. “Stay on the field and I’ll be back before you know it.” And with that, Liam leaves towards a door that Harry assumes leads to the control room.

Harry makes his way over to the 50-yard line and looks around. Sure, he’s been on this field twice for his and Niall’s graduations, but they cut off part of the field to put up a stage and there weren’t the yard lines marked on the grass. He really cannot believe how far he has come in life and even though not everything worked out for the better, Harry is mostly content with his life.

He is snapped out of his thoughts when someone taps his shoulder. Harry turns around to find a man wearing a black polo with The Dome’s logo on it. “These are for you,” the man holds out what looks like a graduation cap and gown to Harry.

“Are you sure?” Harry is a bit skeptical of this random man.

“Are you Harry Styles?”

“I am.”

“Then, yes,” the man nods. “I’m sure.” He passes the cap and gown over to Harry and smiles. “Be sure to put those on.”

Harry is thoroughly confused. “But why?”

“I don’t know, kid. Just wear it.” The man doesn’t say anything else before walking off of the field.

Looking down at the black polyester gown in his hands, Harry wonders why he has to wear it. From the corner of his eye, he sees something flicker and when he turns, he notices the jumbotrons are on and are following Harry. This makes Harry wonder what the hell is going on.

Then it hits him.

This is probably Liam attempting to cheer Harry up while he is busy doing whatever it is he does and while Harry is standing alone on the field. He is probably just trying to make Harry feel better after getting rejected the night before. Harry settles with this as he puts the gown over his coat and places the cap on his head. He feels ridiculous, but Liam is trying his best, so Harry is going with it.

For the hell of it, Harry begins making silly faces as he watches himself on the jumbotron. He has to admit, it is pretty entertaining and he does feel better. He makes a mental note to thank Liam when he comes back and continues making faces. But—

But then all of the color drains out of his face because he sees someone approaching from behind him, wearing all black. Before Harry can get a good enough look at the person on the screen, he turns around and sees Louis walking towards him wearing a cap and gown as well.

“Louis?”

“Hi, love.”

“What’s going on?” Harry questions. He hasn’t seen or spoken to Louis since last night and when Louis wasn’t in bed in the morning, he figured Louis didn’t want to be seen or spoken to.

Louis chuckles. “You sure do ask a lot of questions, Haz.”

“But seriously, what’s going on?” he asks again. “I thought you were avoiding me after last night.”

“I could never avoid you, Harry,” Louis says genuinely. Then, “After what happened with Tyler, I thought for the longest time that I didn’t deserve love, that it wasn’t meant for me. But then I came to America and met you, and I couldn’t help but fall in love with you. You are such a genuine person, Haz, that it blew me away. I kept quiet of how I felt because I didn’t think I deserved you because of how good you are.

“Then four years ago, you told me how you felt and I swear, my heart nearly burst with happiness that night.” Louis takes Harry’s hands in his own. “I love you with everything I have and I know I don’t have the best track record and I’m sorry for that. You just drive me crazy with your big hair and your big grin that I can clearly see myself with you when we’re well into our eighties.

“I love you and I know that I will never get tired of saying that. You, Harry Styles, are the only person for me. You, Harry Styles, are the love of my life. You, Harry Styles, are my soul mate.”

Before either of them can say anything else, Liam’s voice rings through the stadium over the announcer’s microphone. “I now present you with the class of 2016, congratulations!”

Harry doesn’t have time to question it because confetti starts falling down on him and Louis, and he stares up in awe. When Harry looks back at Louis, he is no longer in eyes length. He drops his gaze down and finds Louis on one knee, holding a ring out to him.

“Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

Harry is speechless because this was his dream. This is why Louis said no last night. And this is perfect. Harry pulls Louis up and kisses him, and when they part, Harry sees that they're on the jumbotron and everything is great. “Yes,” he breathes, his forehead touching Louis’. “But one question.”

“Anything.”

“How did you know?”

Louis smirks. “You talk in your sleep sometimes.”

Harry moves his head back a few inches, so he can look at Louis. “But it’s never actual sentences, is it? I thought I just randomly said words that make no sense.”

“One night, you said graduation, confetti, jumbotron, ring, and I do. It wasn’t hard to connect the dots,” Louis replies and Harry flicks his shoulder. It didn’t hurt, but Louis asks, “What was that for?”

“It was for making me feel like an idiot for proposing last night by saying no and going to sleep. And then making my proposal look like shit,” Harry answers, but he’s smiling because he is just so freaking happy right now. “You really didn’t have to do this.”

“But I really did. You will not believe how hard it was for me to say no last night. I almost didn’t,” Louis admits. “But all this planning would have went to waste.”

“I love you.” Harry leans down and captures Louis’ lips in a kiss. “It’s insane how we both decided to propose in the same twenty-four hour block.”

“Great minds think alike.”

“They sure do.” Harry goes in for another kiss, but he is interrupted by Liam clearing his throat over the mic.

“No hanky panky on the field,” Liam warns.

Louis flips him the bird before pulling Harry down for their third kiss. They are happy and in love and newly engaged, and if they want to participate in activities that Liam considers hanky panky, then they will. Not one person can burst the bubble they are in right now.

**

Later on that day, Zayn finds himself in Liam’s and Niall’s apartment. Niall is in the middle of packing his things for his move to New York.

“I believe we no longer need to join forces for the sake of Harry and Louis,” Niall says.

“Nah, there’s the wedding that’s going to drive everyone up a wall and whatever else life throws at those two,” Zayn responds, “that we’ll be joining forces plenty of more times.”

Liam tapes shut a cardboard box. “Let’s hope we’ll have simpler tasks than today’s. If only you all knew how many people were behind everything at The Dome. Like, you guys helped with taking pictures and stuff, but there was more going on than you know.”

“But it was perfect,” Zayn comments. “We all came together to make Harry’s dream come true. Are you saying that wasn’t worth it?”

“Of course it was worth it. I saw the look on Harry’s face when it happened.” Liam smiles, just thinking back on the day. “Harry and Louis are seriously in love. It must be nice.”

Niall gets up from his spot next to Zayn, looking down at his phone. “I’ll be back in a bit,” he tells them before grabbing his coat and leaving the apartment. Neither Liam nor Zayn pay much mind to his departure.

“It is nice,” Zayn says. “Being in love, I mean.” He bites his lip because is he really going to do this right now? Is he going to confess everything he has been holding in for like, the past eight years?

Liam can tell that Zayn is debating something in his head. “You alright?”

He nods. “I am.” Zayn stands up and repeats, “I am.” He walks over to Liam and looks him dead in the eye. “I am more than alright because I am done pretending that I don’t feel what I feel. Do you know how agonizing it is to watch the person you love give their time to someone else? Do you know how crazy it feels to be in love?

“I just – I can’t do this anymore, Li. I can’t pretend that my heart doesn’t speed up when you look at me and do that one smile of yours. I can’t pretend that my heart doesn’t stop every time you are near me. I can’t pretend that – fuck it,” Zayn sighs. “Liam Goddamn Payne, I’ve been in love with you for years and it’s been insane of just how much I love you.”

Liam quirks his brow. “Liam Goddamn Payne? Does this mean our kid’s name will be Liam Goddamn Payne, Jr.?”

“Liam, really? After everything I just said, that’s the onl—” Zayn cuts himself off. “Wait, our kid?”

He nods. “Our future kid, but yes.” Liam puts a hand on each of Zayn’s shoulders. “Yes because I have been in love with you, too.”

Zayn feels like he just died and he’s on his way up to heaven. “What?” he shoves Liam’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Liam answers by connecting their lips together and correction, now Zayn is on his way up to heaven.

“I didn’t realize it until recently,” Liam admits after he pulls back from the kiss.

“Oh.” Zayn licks his bottom lip, loving the fact that Liam just kissed him. “What made you realize?”

“Niall’s good company,” Liam smirks.

“What?”

“Kidding.”

Zayn doesn’t know if he wants to hit Liam or kiss him, so he settles on placing his hands on Liam’s waist and squeezing his hips. “I am really, completely in love with you.” Now that he’s said it once, he has no hesitation in saying it again and again.

Liam smiles. “You better be since I’ll be in New York with you in a couple of months.”

“Really?” Seriously, Zayn doesn’t know if he can take any more happiness. He is already over the moon because Liam returns his feelings.

“Yes.” Liam’s arms are now around Zayn’s neck. “I’m sick and tired and moving around so much, so I told myself that the next time I move, I’m sticking there for at least five years.”

“But why New York?” Zayn asks. “And how?”

“Why because someone once told me that my future could be in New York,” he winks. “And how because I was asked if I wanted to work with the Knicks, and how could I refuse when all of you are already there?” Liam answers.

Zayn pulls Liam closer to him and let’s their lips and tongues explore each other’s mouths. Even when he should break for air, Zayn doesn’t want to because he has waited so long for this and it is finally happening. He never wants this moment to end.

However, when they do pull apart, Zayn has a huge smile on his face. “To answer your very first question, yes, our kid will be named Liam Goddamn Payne unless Harry feels like changing his name, that is.”

Liam laughs. “I don’t think Louis will like that.”

From outside of the apartment, Niall has had his ear to the door the entire time. He smiles to himself as he buttons his coat. He has been trying to push Zayn and Liam together the whole time the three of them have been pushing Harry and Louis together. It’s about time that it finally worked. “Niall Horan’s work here is done,” he says out loud even though no one is around and walks away with a skip in his step.

FIN

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies to those who read 5x05 before I posted 5x06. I know, I'm horrible, but I am sorry. I hope you'll forgive me and I hope you liked the actual ending. It was all part of the plan, as I've said a few times before.
> 
> Massive thank you to ALL of you! I really mean that and I'm glad to have shared this story with you. (side note, please don't steal my story because that's just mean and illegal because I copyrighted it). I hope you're not too angry at me, but I understand if you are. I'm a big meanie when it comes to my stories. But Larry is happy and there's finally Ziam and Niall is awesome and yeah :)
> 
> Feel free to yell at me here or on tumblr (littlecutielouis.tumblr.com). I'm prepared!
> 
>  
> 
> Also, there may or may not be an entire encore season that is very ridiculous and falls under the category of a crack fic that I wasn't planning on posting, but if enough of you are interested, I could. So, if you're interested, let me know and we'll see what happens.
> 
> Andddd, I will be posting a brand new fic on Friday, titled "Boxes & Walls" and it will have weekly updates (I hope you aren't too spoiled with these daily updates). Look out for it and I'll catch you on the flipside! :) x


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